ALL THE REST —  November 28
  

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Job Application

Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year.

That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired.

He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position.

Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me."

 

 

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Important Warnings

 
On a blanket from Taiwan -
   Not to Be Used as Protection from a Tornado.
 
On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
   Remember, Objects in the Mirror Are Actually Behind You.
 
On a Taiwanese shampoo -
   Use Repeatedly for Severe Damage.
 
In a US guide to setting up a new computer - (Inside the box.)
   To Avoid Condensation Forming, Allow the Boxes to Warm up to Room
Temperature Before Opening.
   
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles
   Open Other End.
 
On a packet of Sun-maid raisins -
   Why Not Try Tossing over Your Favorite Breakfast Cereal?
 
On a bar of Dial soap -
   Directions - Use like Regular Soap.
  
On a child's superman costume -
   Wearing of this Garment Does Not Enable You to Fly.
 
On some frozen dinners
   Serving Suggestion - Defrost.
 
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box
   Fits One Head.

Submitted by John L. Bechtel to WITandWISDOM(tm)

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Yes, I Know Her!

A lady tried to cash her check in the bank but had no identification on her.

Just then the security guard realized he knows her and confirmed her identity. After the lady is gone, the teller asked the guard how long he had known the lady. He replied, "Oh, maybe six seven months now. Ever since I caught her stealing in my other job at the department store."

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Good Dog 

A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. "Well," says the personnel director, "you'll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute."

Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute.

"Also," says the director, "you must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course."

This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time.

"There's one last requirement," the director continues; "you must be bilingual."

With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, "Meow!"

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"The Escaped Ape"

One day an ape escaped from the Bronx Zoo. They searched for him everywhere, in every
borough. They announced his disappearance on the radio and television as well as the
newspapers. But, no one reported seeing the ape.

At last, he was discovered in the New York Public Library. Officials of the zoo as well as the animal handlers were summoned to the library. They found the ape sitting at a desk in the reading room with two books spread out in front of him. The ape was reading with great concentration. One book was the Bible; the other written by Darwin.

The zoo keepers asked the ape what he was doing. The ape replied, "I'm trying to figure out
whether I am my brother's keeper or whether I am my keeper's brother."

 

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You May Enter

Three people present themselves at the pearly gates and St Peter is waiting for them. The first one is a nurse. "I've dedicated myself to helping others, I always worked night shifts and holidays because that was where I was needed". St. Peter lets him in.

The second person comes up and says, "I dedicated my life to research. I came very close to a cure for cancer but I died too soon. I know the next generation will be able to finish the work I started." St. Peter agrees and lets him in.

The third person presents to St. Peter. "I spent my life working in the health insurance industry." St. Peter tells him, "Please enter the gates and join us brother... but you can only stay four days."

I heard it at the hospital where I work

 

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TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University