THE REST –    December 8
  

TODAY'S QUESTION

What popular Christmas flower was named for an American ambassador to Mexico? 

Previous Question and Answer: 

Question: What state's official song was a favorite Confederate marching song in the Civil War (even though the state itself was not in the Confederacy)?

Answer: Maryland's; the song is "Maryland, My Maryland," sung to the same tune as "O Christmas Tree." 
 

Questions and answers from: J. Stephen Lang, The Big Book of American Trivia (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc, 1997).

Merry Christmas

Christmas Quotation, Fact and Inspiration.

Rookie Cop

The secretary picked up the phone and heard a very countryfied voice on the other end saying; "I want to talk to the head hog at the trough!"

Puzzled, the secretary said, "Excuse me sir?"

He repeated; "I want to talk to the head hog at the trough!"

She then realized the man wanted to talk to the pastor. Somewhat indignant she said, "Sir if you want to talk to our pastor, you will have to address him properly. You should call him Pastor, or Reverend, or Brother, but you certainly cannot refer to him as the Head Hog at the Trough!"

The man on the other end said in a country drawl, "Oh I just wanted to donate $10,000. to the church."

The secretary promptly replied, "Can you hold please, I think the big pig just walked through the door!"

From: Pastor Otis Nixdorf. found on the C. U. Page Maintained by Buzz

Rules for cats who have a house to run...


I.  DOORS:  Do not allow closed doors in any room.  To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws.  Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it.  After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things.  This is particularly important during very cold
weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

II.  CHAIRS AND RUGS:  If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug.  If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good.  When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

III.  BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom.  It is not necessary to do anything -- just sit and stare.

IV.  HAMPERING:  If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one.  This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering".  Following are the rules for "hampering":

a) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot    be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

b) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book,  nless you can lie across the book itself.

c) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part.  Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles.  The worker may try to distract you; ignore it.Remember, the aim is to hamper work.   Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you.

d) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim -- to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on.  When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table.  When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.

e) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper.  They love to jump.

V.  WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

VI.  BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so s/he cannot move around.

The ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic was built by  professionals!

zph

"I asked my girlfriend if she could learn to love me," said  the man.

"She asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education." 

zph

A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.

The lawyer stood before the judge only to hear that court would be adjourned for the day and he would have to return the next day.

"What for?" the lawyer yelled at the judge.

The judge, equally irked by a tedious day and the lawyer's rude treatment, roared, "Fifty dollars....contempt of court. That's why!"

Upon noticing the lawyer was checking his wallet, the judge relented. That's all right. You don't have to pay the fine right now."

The lawyer replied, "I'm just seeing if I have enough to say three more words."

IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions while a woman rushed to help him. When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right honey,
I've had a course in first aid."

The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said,

"When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here."

Daily Miscellany Comics

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Soul Food December 8

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