THE REST –    December 18
  

TODAY'S QUESTION

If you see "putzes" while visiting Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, at Christmas, what are you seeing? 

Previous Question and Answer: 

Question:  Wooster, Ohio, saw the introduction of a familiar Christmas item in 1847. What was it? 

 Answer: The Christmas tree, introduced by the town's German immigrants
 

Questions and answers from: J. Stephen Lang, The Big Book of American Trivia (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc, 1997).

Merry Christmas

Christmas Quotation, Fact and Inspiration.

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints. Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together that wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2pm. They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them.

The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies
did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean. The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long brush on a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.

That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror!

Shared by Just 4 Laughs! E-mail list

 

A sloth was walking through the jungle one day when he was set upon by a gang of vicious snails. The snails left him bleeding and confused at the bottom of a tree where several hours later he summoned the strength to go to the police station and report the assault. He was asked by the desk sergeant to describe his attackers. He replied, "I don't know what they looked like, it all happened so fast."

From: David A. Rinke II -- Funny Pages Mailing List

---

---

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?" 

"It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

QUESTIONS:     

          1. Bleached Yule
          2. Castaneous-colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration
          3. Singular Yearning for the Twin Anterior Incisors
          4. Righteous Darkness
          5. Arrival Time: 2400 hrs - Weather: Cloudless
          6. Loyal Followers Advance
          7. Far Off in a Feeder
          8. Array the Corridor
          9. Bantam Male Percussionist
          10. Monarchial Triad
          11. Nocturnal Noiselessness
          12. Jehovah Deactivate Blithe Chevaliers
          13. Red Man En Route to Borough
          14. Frozen Precipitation Commence
          15. Proceed and Enlighten on the Pinnacle
          16. The Quadruped with the Vermillion Probiscis
          17. Query Regarding Identity of Descendant
          18. Delight for this Planet
          19. Give Attention to the Melodious Celestial Beings
          20. The Dozen Festive 24 Hour Intervals

Answers:

          1.  White Christmas
          2.  Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire
          3.  All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth
          4.  O Holy Night
          5.  It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
          6.  O Come, All Ye Faithful
          7.  Away in a Manger
          8.  Deck the Hall
          9.  Little Drummer Boy
          10. We Three Kings
          11. Silent Night
          12. God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen
          13. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
          14. Let it Snow
          15. Go, Tell It on the Mountain
          16. Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer
          17. What Child is This?
          18. Joy to the World
          19. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
          20. The Twelve Days of Christmas

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS - Internet Style
A festive holiday poem
Hugh Drumm & Vincent Ambrose

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker's a surfing. Geeks? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa and me with a snack,
We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac).
When out in the Web there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site to see what was the matter.
To a new page my Mac flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash!!
I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
My Mac jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear.
When the image resolved, so bright and so quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick!
More rapid than mainframes, more graphics they came,
Then Nick glanced toward my screen,
my Mac called them by name;
"Now Compaq! Now Acer!", my speaker did reel;
"On Apple! On Gateway!" Santa started to squeal!
"Jump onto the circuits! And into the chip!
Now speed it up! Speed it up! Make this thing hip!"
The screen gave a flicker, he was into my RAM,
Then into my room rose a full hologram!
He was dressed in all red, from his head to his shoes,
Which were black (the white socks he really should lose).
He pulled out some discs he had stored in his backpack.
Santa looked like a dude who was rarin' to hack!
His eyes, how they twinkled! His glasses, how techno!
This ain't the same Santa that I used to know!
With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
Santa soon let me know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, gave my Mac a quick poke,
And accessed my C drive with only a stroke.
He defragged my hard drive, and added a SIMM,
Then threw in some cool games, just on a whim!
He worked without noise, his fingers they flew!
He distorted some pictures with Kai's Power Goo!
He updated Office, Excel and Quicken,
Then added a screensaver with a red clucking chicken!
My eyes widened a bit, my mouth stood agape,
As he added the latest version of Netscape.
The drive gave a whirl, as if it were pleased,
St. Nick coyly smiled, the computer appeased.
Then placing his finger on the bridge of his nose,
Santa turned into nothing but ones and zeros!
He flew back into my screen and through my uplink,
Back into the net with barely a blink.
But I heard his sweet voice as he flew from my sight,
"Happy surfing to all, and to all a good byte!"

Have you heard that all Santa's elves are in therapy this season?

It seems they're suffering from Low Elf Esteem.

Daily Miscellany Comics

Phill Bower

Soul Food December 18

Today in History December 18