THE REST –    December 23 & 24
  

TODAY'S QUESTION

What northwestern metropolis has a stunning Christmas Boat Parade on the Willamette and Columbia Rivers? 

Previous Question and Answer: 

Question:  If you see a Nacimiento around Christmas in the U.S. Southwest, what are you looking at? 


 Answer: A Nativity scene 

 

Questions and answers from: J. Stephen Lang, The Big Book of American Trivia (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc, 1997).

Merry Christmas

Christmas Quotation, Fact and Inspiration.

RIDDLES

1. Why it is impossible to send a telegram to Washington today?

2. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?

3. What is it that no man ever saw and which never was but always will be?

4. Why does a dog bite its tail?

5. What looks like half an apple?

6. What 3 letters change a girl into a woman?

7. What happened when the wheel was invented?

8. Why is it easy to weigh a fish?

9. Why does a bike rest on its leg?

10. Why is the letter E like Death?

11. What goes up but never comes down?

RIDDLES with answers:

1. Why it is impossible to send a telegram to Washington today? Ans :
Because he is dead.

2. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? Ans :
Wet.

3. What is it that no man ever saw and which never was but always will
be? Ans : TOMORROW

4. Why does a dog bite its tail? Ans : To make both ends meet.

5. What looks like half an apple? Ans : The other half.

6. What 3 letters change a girl into a woman? Ans : AGE.

7. What happened when the wheel was invented? Ans : It caused a
revolution.

8. Why is it easy to weigh a fish? Ans : Because it has its own scales.

9. Why does a bike rest on its leg? Ans : Because it is too tyred.

10. Why is the letter E like Death? Ans : Because it is the end of
'LIFE'

11. What goes up but never comes down? Ans : Age."

Source: Shared by Juggy via HUMOR Digest

The auditor had requested the 67-year-old woman to appear because she claimed seven dependents. He noted last year, she had claimed only two.

"It's quite simple," explained the matron. "The cat had kittens."

The auditor explained that while kittens may indeed be expensive, they cannot be claimed as dependents.

"Why surely you must be mistaken young man," she replied. "I've been claiming their parents for a good number of years now."

Source: wit-wisdom@xc.org (RichardWimer@xc.org)

A burglar, needing money to pay his income taxes, decided to burgle the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading: "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked.  Just turn the knob."

He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning: "My confidence in human nature has been rudely shaken."

(Shared by Nancy Carson via Keith's
Mostly Clean Humor & Weird List)

  
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed   midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a
consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:

TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,

ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing
of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),

TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,

NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,

SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,

SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,

FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration, (NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)

FOUR hours of recorded whale songs

THREE deconstructionist poets

TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses and...

ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

Merry Christmas  Happy Chanukah. Good Kwanzaa. Blessed Yule. Oh, heck! Happy Holidays!!!!  (unless otherwise prohibited by law) *

*Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.

FROM: Catherine L. Weeks

ZONDERVAN PUBLISHING HOUSE E-MAIL ALERT SERVICE

  
Twas the night before Christmas,
when all through the ship
Not a circuit was buzzing,
not one microchip;
The phasers were hung
in the armoury securely,
In hope that no alien
would get up that early.

The crewmen were nestled
all snug in their bunks
(Except for the few
who were partying drunks);
And Picard in his nightshirt,
and Bev in her lace,
Had just settled down
for a neat face to face.

When out in the hall
there arose such a racket,
That we leapt from our beds,
pulling on pant and jacket.
Away to the lifts
we all shot like a gun,
Leapt into the cars
and yelled loudly "Deck One!"

The bridge red-alert lights,
which flashed through the din,
Gave a lustre of Hades
to objects within.
When, what on the viewscreen,
our eyes should behold,
But a weird kind of sleigh,
and some guy who looked old.

But the glint in his eyes
was so strange and askew,
That we knew in a moment
it had to be Q.
His sleigh grew much larger
as closer he came.
Then he zapped on the bridge
and addressed us by name:

"It's Riker, It's Data,
It's Worf and Jean-Luc!
It's Geordi, And Wesley,
the genetic fluke!
To the top of the bridge,
to the top of the hall!
Now float away! Float away!
Float away all!"

As leaves in the autumn
are whisked off the street,
So the floor of the bridge
came away from our feet,
And up to the ceiling,
our bodies they flew,
As the captain called out,
"What the Hell is this, Q?!"

The prankster just laughed
and expanded his grin,
And, snapping his fingers,
he vanished again.
As we took in our plight,
and were looking around,
The spell was removed,
and we crashed to the ground.

Then Q, dressed in fur
from his head to his toe,
Appeared once again,
to continue the show.
"That's enough!" cried the captain,
"You'll stop this at once!"
And Riker said, "Worf,
take aim at this dunce!"

"I'm deeply offended,
Jean-Luc" replied Q,
"I just wanted to celebrate
Christmas with you."
As we scoffed at his words,
he produced a large sack.
He dumped out the contents
and took a step back.

"I've brought gifts," he said,
"just to show I'm sincere.
There's something delightful
for everyone here."
He sat on the floor,
and dug into his pile,
And handed out gifts
with his most charming smile:

"For Counselor Troi,
there's no need to explain.
Here's Tylenol-Beta
for all of your pain.
For Worf I've some mints,
as his breath's not too great,
And for Geordi LaForge,
an inflatable date."

For Wesley, some hormones,
and Clearasil-plus;
For Data, a joke book,
For Riker a truss.
For Beverly Crusher,
there's sleek lingerie,
And for Jean-Luc, the thrill
of just seeing her that way."

And he sprang to his feet
with that grin on his face
And, clapping his hands,
disappeared into space.
But we heard him exclaim
as he dwindled from sight,
"Merry Christmas to all,
and to all a good flight!"

Daily Miscellany Comics

Phill Bower

Soul Food December 23 & 24

Today in History December 23 
Today in History December 24