Eating's such a struggle to hold this shell together
pinning me down as I stretch for stars above
I don't want to mess with this
but I'm getting hungry again

I drop a half-baked theory in my thought processor
hating myself for staying too cool
but damn if I'll taste my shames
so I hit the button and run for some food

This time's too borrowed to housekeep
so I get frozen pizza; how original
The oven warms as I set up alarms
for this dullwitted fool embalming me

There's not much to do while waiting
if too pissed to deserve just to breathe
I find friends to hang on, forget my turmoil
and stir when the clock reminds me


Eating should be a celebration
shared with loved ones and slow sunsets
where we glorify transient mortal life
and dream to colonize worlds


but when you just want to die, and don't have the patience
eating's a pain in the stomach
reminding you how helpless you are
as you blame yourself, stupidly

I scrape the pizza onto a plate
sit at my desk and make myself eat
almost liking the warmth and fullness
binding deformities again
I put the plate in the sink to wash up
later, like I always do
swirling sh*t past my dark drain
to cold nameless entropy, leaving me
alone dully blinking
to come back to life.
There's nowhere really to run to.




© G.Cassel 2004