Once I was lost, yea
adrift on a sea of binary data
newbie of the day
caught on the Web and holding my bladder
heedless of hunger, ignoring RL
I was scarcely aware of my plight
my laundry piled up, I started to smell
and began to shun all sunlight

during this early obsession
all friends (with bodies) disowned me
the electric company sent a gold pen
but others wanted to stone me
they didn't think it was wise to retreat
from everyday life and all humans
admittedly, sometimes I wanted to eat
but other than that, I thought, screw them!

and so I began to see the light
yes, the Internet gave me goose shivers
a world where everyone was "out of sight" (dynamite!)
but my stomach was eating my liver
I could live with the filth, disorder and gloom
and overlook others' derision
hell, I'd pee in a jar just to stay in the room
but I did need some sort of nutrition

it isn't so easy to cook with a mouse
at least, not the one plugged in this Pentium
and it's tricky to type while you're munching some chow
get it sticky, your keyboard's all messy then
every hacker and every hackee
ought to purchase some nice basic food
and we'd better find it at the Acme
(if we could buy any better, we would)

as I pondered the problem, I happened to see
the answer to my darkest worry
'twas a coupon for the local grocery
where I rushed in my hungriest hurry
there She lay, glistening, in the discount aisle
what a rack! overflowing with sweetness
I salivated as I reached for the pile
and clutched her 'pon my heaving chest

oh Reduced Fat Chips Ahoy, Queen of my World
how may I express all my gratitude?
you caress my tongue like sugary pearls
but you're good for me, unlike those fatty foods
you require the most meager financial outlay
yet you're always ready to fuel me
you never demand special treatment or praise
but you always make me feel full

oh my Cookie, the one who saved me from doom
please allow me to speak of your goodness!
however I hunger for smarter chat rooms
I no longer suffer nights foodless
others may yearn for meat and potatoes
but my cybering self craves your sugar
if all other lovers should fail you, still know--
I will eat you like no ICQer...





© G.Cassel 2004