These are my ponderings, thoughts about life in graduate school, based on Aaron Karo's Ruminations. They're fictional entertainment and not criticism so don't sue me. - rani
Ponderings #1 - thoughts on the first year
It's the first year. Only the first year. This ain't Kansas no more. i mean, we've been through college right? after four years, we know how to do laundry, we know all about hangovers and we know just how to get by, going to class as little as possible.
but let's start with the basics: you don't live in a dorm no more. you live in an apartment! that means you gotta learn how to cook. did i say cook? i mean, i scrounge up all my pocket change (NOT the quarters) and head for fast food. the food may be fast, but who's in a rush to get back to work?
i figured out how the stove works. you push the button in, and turn it to the right (or is it left?) and the thing starts getting hot. who designed this? it doesn't have a warning: don't touch! no, you put your pot on it, you wait, and when you smell smoke, you know it's hot enough. of course by then, you know because the fire alarm roars in your ears.
discovery: tortillas and ramen and soup can be pretty bearable as sustenance. pasta is better but then, you have to actually cook.
corollary: plastic spoons and stoves don't mix.
what is with these fire alarms? there's a barbecue outside and someone's making burgers at 3 am saturday night and they expect the fire alarms to shut up? this ain't undergrad either - you wake up, stand outside waiting for the alarm to shut off and everyone's walking around like it's nothing. guess they're already deaf. of course in about 10 hours when the
sun's starting to come up, they shut it off and you don't notice. my ears are still ringing from last week.
also, the apartment is designed all wrong. if the fire alarm goes off (every 10 seconds or so), the one in the room goes off, the one in the bathroom goes off. you gotta close all the doors, open the windows, and wave like a maniac at the alarm to shut it off. why don't we just broadcast on the radio that i'm cooking dinner right now?
the interesting thing about profs in grad school is that they try
to pretend they're on the level with you - but they know your knees are shaking. i bet they derive some sort of pleasure from that. like, "look, his knees are shaking, wonder what'll happen if i ask him about his intro physics material that he took 4 years ago and doesn't even remember?" then the custodian has to sweep you off the floor.
i don't understand how people can be so fanatical that they work 24 hours straight. i mean, they work 24 hours straight because they WANT to, not because they HAVE to. it's like, you're either psycho, or any moment you'll be transported to the Mother Ship.
how do people live without eating food? you get up super early in the morning (i.e. 12:30) and eat cereal. two bowls because you're starved from last night. another meal before dinner because you missed lunch, of course, and then real dinner. a full meal. we actually skip meals here. breakfast - "no time." lunch - "i forgot."
no one cares about beer anymore. all the undergrads are like, oh, cool, beer! and the grads are like, who gives? it's just beer.
remember when we used to lose sleep over homework? not anymore man. whip it off in a couple of hours and if not, hey, who cares, you just have to pass anyway. nothing matters as long as you keep your advisor smiling.
discovery: faculty are people, too. it's weird to see them with kids and husbands and wives - and when they start showing up in your classes, not just as teachers but as students! aah!! creepy!
you dream about your own apartment for so long - living on your own, meeting new people (i mean, potential mates), freedom from parents - and what happens? you spend your nights in the basement peering at minuscule things you don't understand and staring at computers. hooray for grad school.
Life as a Graduate Student