These are my ponderings, thoughts about life in graduate school, based on Aaron Karo's Ruminations. They're fictional entertainment and not criticism so don't sue me. - rani
Ponderings #13 - Changing Direction
Changing projects is among the worst things that can happen to a graduate
student. Compare the following problems (with their respective
inappropriate Monopoly analogies):
Your professor died? No worries, you get to graduate early (sort of like a
get-out-of-jail-free card!)
You got scooped? No problem, you get to write up what you did as a thesis
anyway! (sort of like passing go, collecting $200)
You have to change projects? You're doomed. Go to jail. Do not pass go. Do
not collect $200.
There can be many reasons for having to change projects. You could have a
project that's not working. You could mess up and screw up everything. You
could have all your data burn to the ground. In short, you're screwed.
If your data burned to the ground, you could at least live on the
insurance money. But if your project isn't working or you made some
...ahem... "errors," you need serious assistance.
The problem is really not that I did anything wrong. I mean you. It's not
that YOU did anything wrong. It's just that I (YOU) couldn't manage to get
any work done because of all the interesting things going on in the world
of television, comic strips, parties, and Solitaire. That on top of
stuff just not working the way I want to, despite all attempts to cook
data.
That said, what should I/You do? The simple answer is just to cut your
losses and work on something else, then continue with your life and tell
people you're actually a first year graduate student. Again. If they beg
to differ, punch them in the nose.
But as brilliant graduate students, we cannot allow ourselves to be run
over by people who think they know better than us. I mean, why should we
have to change projects just for a simple reason like things not working?
Why can't we just plug away at the same old project and hope that things
will work out one long faraway day away? Why can't we just luxuriate in
the lack of responsibility we love to have?
And it is for that reason that I created the to-do list for those who
cling to hope against hope. Read, and learn, young grasshopper:
1. Work on your old project as much as possible. When your boss sees how
little work is getting done on the new stuff, she might reconsider and
switch you back. Of course, you could also get kicked out altogether, but
that would be good, right?
2. When you find something mildly interesting in your old work, slily
mention it to your advisor. He will love that you actually accomplished
something and encourage you to continue to work on it, guilt-free.
3. Pretend you didn't even know about the new project. When confronted,
feign ignorance, using technical jargon like "Which one?" "What project?"
and "Huh?"
4. When asked to present your data, present only the old project work.
Present it as if it's something brand new that no one has ever heard
before. Preface with LOTS of background information and a few jokes here
and there.
These tips will help you gain a little ground and will allow you to work
on whatever you want, basically. It helps to have an advisor who travels a
lot, too.
If you have to face your committee, just remember, blame it all on your
thesis advisor. After that, there are two possibilities: either he'll be
working for you, or you'll be released from the dungeon of grad school,
permanently.