These are my ponderings, thoughts about life in graduate school, based on Aaron Karo's Ruminations. They're fictional entertainment and not criticism so don't sue me. - rani
Ponderings #8.75 - June
Aah summer.
It's the time of the year when the birds are singing and the grass is
sparkling and nature is at its best. This time it really is summer.
How to tell it's summer in San Francisco: the fog lifts between noon and
1pm. oh and it's light out until 9pm.
But the real benefit of summer is one thing: NO CLASSES.
That's gotta be the best thing of all.
Think about it: in grade school, you had summer, when you lazed
around or went to camp or (unlucky you) went to summer
school. In college, you were waiting for summer because you could go home
and chill and maybe get a job at the nearest Six Flags handing out tickets
to people who came there for fun. Now, summers are a time when you have no
classes, no TAing, no unnecessary early mornings, and time to accomplish
what you came here to do, dream.
Yes, dream. You dream of someday being a famous lecturer, world renowned
for your speaking skills and your keen insight into both scientific and
NONscientific problems. You dream of having your OWN lab when one day you
can wield your own whip and tie up your own grad students in your personal
dungeon. You dream of a time when grants will be as easy to get as a
toothbrush (as opposed to a root canal) and you will be hailed as the
all-powerful, start-up company-creating, technologically advanced,
intellectually gifted Einstein of the new era.
And then you wake up over page 343 of the biography of Bill Gates.
While you're awake, it's in your best interests to think of a good project
to pick up. There are some very important guidelines for a good project,
however, and you must follow these to ensure your Einsteinesque infamy and
Bill Gates-like financial freedom:
1) Pick something no one's ever done before and that no one knows
anything about. This is particularly useful for exams, because when you
have to explain, you simply speak, and they nod their heads in utter
confusion and rapt attention. It's also great if you realize the formula
for success: SUCCESS = (your contribution to a field) divided by
(contributions of others). Given contributions of others amounting to
ZILCH, your SUCCESS = any positive rational number / 0 = infinite!
2) Think of something cool. You can only be famous if you have cool
ideas. What do people think is cool: curing incurable diseases, finding
new and better video games, and coming up with any new fat free
product. That's the way to go.
3) Be wise. Well, you only need to SEEM so. You can talk to people, say
you've read such and such book (when you've only read the Cliff Notes) and
rub your chin, wrinkle your brow, and nod whenever anyone says
anything. Say, "hmm..." in a low, deep voice, and it's in the bag!
4) Finally, and most importantly, you must do one thing that will truly
help you scientifically: invest in some great stocks.
These tips will surely save you from the drudgery of whatever it is that
academics go through in the future.