Here are my writings that were never posted to my refrigerator. This stuff all came straight out of my head. The first few are a little depressing they get a little more cheerful as you go down. My motto in life is "If you start off depressed everything comes as a pleasant surprise" and that is the way I arranged my stuff here. Many of these are not titled. I'm not good at giving things titles. I don't care much for labels. Most of my stuff remains untitled, unless it just came to me, then it has a title.br>
New, Pure, Clean, Special, Holy, Rare
There she was in her glass cage, staring out at the world around her.
Oh Yeah, she felt SO special, holy, rare.
She felt like a freak.
Untouched, unwanted, unloved, alone.
She never felt the warm caress of another human.
Only the icy cold flatness of the glass walls.
She wanted to be like everyone else.
Everyone she knew told her she was better off the way she was.
They couldn't know her pain
They couldn't understand the loneliness it made her feel, the intense fellings of isolation, hatred and despair.
It isn't a gift, it's a curse.
Some people have told me I've mastered the art of "self loathing", once I read this I realized what they meant. I'm still not exactly sure what part of me this came from. I'm also a little frightened that I am compelled to put it here on this page.
HATE
I hate what I am
I hate how I feel
I hate being alone
I hate my life
I hate what I do
I hate how things worked out
I hate who I am
I hate where I've been
I hate where I'm going
I hate how I act
I hate how I think
I hate hateing myself
I hate the guilt I feel
I hate the tears I shed
I hate the memories that flow through my brain
I hate the death that consumes me
I hate the life that surrounds me
I hate the air I breathe
I hate the world I see
This is the mind
These are the words created by the mind
This is the voice behind the words created by the mind
This is the face behind the voice behind the words created by the mind
This is the body that goes with the face behind the voice behind the words created by the mind
Whats wrong?
You like the words, you like the voice, why don't you like the face?
Why don't you like the body?
Isn't the mind good enough for you?
Here is another one with a title. This one is for all those people who wonder what is going through someone's head while they are talkinging to them.
In My Head
What is he thinking?
Is he as nervous and freaked out as I am?
My friend does that same thing. She drives me nuts with that, but he makes it seem kinda cute.
Why is he talking so loud?
I hope I don't say anything stupid.
Do I look OK?
Does he notice the cut on my face? It feels huge and it looks nasty. I'm sure he sees it and is so turned off.
Am I doing the nervous talking thing? I hope I'm not doing the nervous talking thing. I hate when I do that. I start to babble on and on and I'm not saying anything. I just go on and on, I hate when I do that.
Shut up-you aren't paying attention!
This music is pretty cool.
Why are my hands so slimy?
ARUGH! My glass is empty!
Is he staring at the cut on my face again?
Uh-Oh did I just say what I think I said? I didn't want to bring that up. Oh man.
Oh, look at that smile. He has such a cute smile.
OH MY GOD!! What is that thing on the wall?!? I hope it isn't alive!
I wonder why he feels the need to keep talking. He doesn't need to keep talking to me every second. He can quit for a while. It might give me a chance to say something.
He is staring at the cut on my face, I'm sure of it!
I feel like I'm sweating, did I remeber to put on deodorant? I'm sure I did, did I?
Yes! Yes I did! I remember now. Whew...
Listen to that laugh. I like the sound of his laugh.
This is so cool. He is so cute an he is talking to ME.
I wonder if he is allergic to cats.
Here is one I wrote just for fun.
ODE TO MY CAR
I love you, my car
I live to sit behind the wheel with my foot on the gas, open road before us
I exist to sit in that bucket seat that molds to every curve of my body
I love the fact that the seat is broken and wont move forward or back.
That way anyone taller or shorter than me can't drive you
YOU ARE MY CAR. You are fabulous.
You have better pickup than any other car on the road.
Yeah I know that Hyundai just passed you, but at speeds like that, rest assured, baby, he's going to explode in 3 seconds.
YOU ARE MY CAR. I will treat you with the utmost respect.
I'm sorry your windshield is cracked, but give me just one more payment and I own you, then I'll get it fixed.
I'm sorry that I hit te side of the garage and broke your mirror, I'm sorry that I backed into that Saturn and shattered your taillight, and I'm really sorry that STUPID MAN opened his door and dented you. Tha wasn't my fault.
You are still my baby and I love you.
Don't I get your oild changed every 3 months or 3 thousand miles?
Didn't I just get your radiator flushed?
And didn't I just spend WAY TOO MUCH money getting you new belts and gaskets and what not?
Why is that light coming on?
Maybe if I put my hand right here I won't be able to see it.
Uh-Oh What's that noise?
Oh man! If I turn up the radio I won't hear it.
Oh car, why are you doing this to me? I do so much for you!
I give you a good view at the parking garage every day and this is how you repay me?
By not accelerating?
By acting like you are going to die?
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE just ge me home
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't die til we get home
PLEASE just a little further, one more block
PLEASE DON'T DIE, DON'T DIE, DON'T DIE!
This one was written with the help of the Magnetic Poetry Kit but I couldn't find the word I wanted so I continued on paper.
Like me
Want me
Love me
Worship me
I am here for you
Moan to me
I want you to whisper to me
I want to feel your breath close to my face
I want to be with you
That is it for now. My fingers are getting numb, so I'm going to stop typing. I'll add more later once I've seen that everyone has recovered from this first experience.