CONSUMER REPORT #1

NEW WAVE ERYSICHTHON

 

I

              They have finally announced the revolution,
                                                          thirty years after the fact.
              They held back the announcement
                                                          to avoid crowds
                       and give the producers a chance
               to ready their revolutionary products
               for the eager, gluttonous, revolutionary market.
                            All hail Erysichthon!
              They have muzzled the revolution,
                                                          extracted its fangs and declawed it,
                   and then offered it for sale
              on national TV.
              They have extracted its bones
                     and given us a gelatinous substitute.
 

              The punkers died;
                               they were mortified
                                         by the Good Humor man
                                                       with the safety pin in his nose
              who hunted us down into the suburbs
                                                        to cram capitalism down our throats.
                                         We choke,
                                     but we swallow
              because we are junkies,
                                     sweating for our sweets.
 

              Gi’me, Gi’me, Gi’me.
              Let us consume until our stomachs rot
                                                          and our colons collapse.
                            All hail Erysichthon!
              Puree the punk rocker into palatable pap
                                                          innocuous in effect;
              strain it through a Star Wars outtake
                   and sip it through a silly straw;
              sugar it into submission
                       so the only danger
                                    is of tooth decay.
 

              Cream puffs filled with mousse styling cream.
              Black leather jogging suits.
              Introduce it to capitalism
                   and pimp it to mass production.
              Ignore those provocateurs whom you can’t buy,
                   or addict them on cheap drugs.
              Turn freedom into a board game
                                                              from Parker Brothers,
                   with an alternative version
                   to come in the fall from
                   Milton Bradley (Hasbro and
                   Kenner will have children’s
                   sets by Christmas).
 

              You better get with it;
                           it’s new wave,
                                           it’s the latest fad,
                                                     it’s society’s way
                                                                  of digesting the antisocial.
 

              Capitalism is a great chef
                                         who can transform
              raw meats like beatniks, heads and punk
                                                            into savory soufflés
              of boppers, hippies and new wave.
              Next time we must use enough spices
                                                              to induce indigestion.
                                Erysichthon was anorexic.
 
 

II

              We cannot sell them death;
              death is the greatest sales’ tool since sex.
              Death is sold in whiskey ads,
                                                 and cigarette ads,
                                         and television commercials.
 

              We must sell them life;
              that will stick in their throats
                   and choke their senses.
              Life is not a commercially viable product.
              Life is unsanitary, indigestible, and unwholesome.
                                       Undesirable,
              lacking the appeal of death and sex.
              Life is a swamp which belches methane and mosquitoes.
              Drink swamp water and swim in algae green slime.
                                       Attractive, is it not?
 

              Insect repellent pollutes the skin.
              Get used to the mosquitoes,
                     they are not the only bloodsuckers
                                                          in the bog.
              Beware the quicksand,
                       it will suck you under.
              Watch out for the wild dogs and bobcats.
              Sample the skunk cabbage,
                       it makes a most noxious salad.
              Here is a patch of ivy to roll in;
              itching ivy, adverse to civilized skin.
              A mudhole full of leeches and planarian worms.
              Incubator of impetigo.
 

              Suck it in, take it in,
                                        dizzily reeling.
              This will stave the appetite
              and cure the gross consumptive.
              Nature runs amok,
              life grows in an uncontrollable cancer.
              A movement is afoot:
                                        the stagnant pool belies its current,
              the desert teems with life.
 

             How can it be sold in New York
             when it can’t be assembled in Detroit?
 
 

III

              Oh, they’ll find a way to bottle it and sell it.
 

              When you have a society of consumers
              eagerly waiting to test their lives
                                                      on new products,
              you can reduce any movement into a fad.
 

              With a tried and true movement
                                                              you needn’t any test market.
              The tests are taken, the results are all in,
              and the smart investor knows where to place his bet.
 

                                    And we will choke
                                    but we will drink,
              feverous for our malarial swamp water fix.
 

              Quinine, iodine, atropine,
              three delicious flavors:
              illness, injury and death.
 

              And the great society thrives
              filling the swamps
              and swilling in cheap garbage.
 

              Erysichthon needs a staple in his belly
              to pursue a staple diet.
 

              Beat me baby, we like pain.
              It sells and swells;
              the body bloats with bile.
 

              Let’s set them to feed on themselves.
              They will eat so much and then collapse.
              Poor Erysichthon, lament his death.
              Plant on his grave Ceres’ sacred grove,
              that he might nourish trees
              who never nourished himself.
 
 

IV

 
              Erysichthon is dead, who lived too long;
              unnatural was his reign.
 

              And now that the king is dead,
              we, subject to he, are free.
              Freed from his spell, we can see
                                                       that the emperor unclothed
                                                                was an ogre
              who kept us from crossing the bridge
                                                       that he might fatten us
                                                                     to feed his hunger.
 

              Erysichthon is dead, but
                            Erysichthon bore a son
                                            to follow in his footsteps
              and we are much too humane to murder a child.
 
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