It is human nature, it seems, to wait for a crisis to arise before recognizing and solving a problem. This is as true of our government's economy as of most of our personal lives. You don't like your job - do you seek something else or do you "bear with it"? You're uncomfortable in a relationship - do you voice your discomfort and needs or do you guard your feelings, withdraw? You see your children making an error but it takes too much effort to really correct them properly-just ignore it, it will go away!?! Well, we all know that it really doesn't. In fact it will grow until it reaches epic proportions if we allow it!

We are taught self-responsibility by our metaphysics in many ways. One Is that we are frequently reminded that a reaction to something points to a crisis in our own selves. This is a very important clue, but for all too many of us it is missed when we then pretend that we don't experience a reaction to someone's actions (that would be 'bad' you know) and so ignore them. How often does someone annoy the hell out of you and you drift away, edge away from the uncomfortable feelings? Do you then avoid this person, even going to the point of giving up favorite activities and restrict social intercourse? If these are common responses, then the emotional lesson is wasted. The personal history of the Gwyddoniad Order is riddled with instances of individuals drifting away from Colleges. Three Cranes, Gwynvyd, One, Anu, Lord & Lady, Green Mare and countless others suffered from this attrition which at times is not slow and gradual but has often been dramatic. A steady trickle away of interested seekers, or qualified elders going their own way is natural, but this isn't always the case. We have experienced massive shakeups in our core priesthoods, even former High Priests and Priestesses completely leaving when they deserve our admiration and respect. Obviously there is a problem-but what?

Their responsibility for their own choice is apparent. They felt they could no longer live with the environment of our Order. Something made them so uncomfortable that it became more important than their religious zeal and dedication to the Priesthood. For those of us who continue this may seem unreasonable, untenable and it could appear weak when one considers that the more self-responsible thing to do is to face your reaction rather than escape it. But here is a question for us to face. Did they face their feelings for themselves, voice them and truly find no relief? Did we who remain care enough to listen to their feelings of discomfort and show our support? Did we discredit their complaints as weak and ego-self-important? Upon self-honest reflection, I think most of us will recognize that many of these former priests had valid cause to be displeased with either the College or individual members therein, and we have been lacking in a sufficient system for airing and solving these grievances. We need to give all our members not only the right to be offensive at meetings and make asses out of themselves, but be able to defend their right to personal enjoyment during our religious rites, and in their daily lives. "Enhance your arena" must not become synonymous with "leave the College". By taking this more active, disciplined role in our College interaction, we can not only benefit from a more effective, productive College, but we also show our students, by example, how to handle problems in their personal lives more effectively. The student whose mate beats him or her will make it stop permanently by action. The student who is unhappy at work will actively seek happiness if that means changing jobs rather than subconsciously causing himself or herself to be fired to escape an undesirable environment. They will see that making a positive change in one's own life is possible through discipline.

Discipline does not mean to punish, it means to teach. What a thought! Wessel as more than just a salutation.

Wisdom E Self-honesty Self-responsibility E Love

Ceyln Brie

I had been working two jobs to pay for a vacation (that would never come) and I got hurt on the 2^nd job. But as a kid I had been taught that you don't complain on the job (you could lose it), so I just went about my business until my body hurt so bad I sought out help. I had been going past a chiropractor's office on the way home from work, so I went there that same afternoon.

The answer to the questions I had about my pain, was words that you don't want to hear. I was dying. The 2^nd opinion was about the same - I needed surgery - exploratory surgery that had about a 70/30 chance against me of coming out well, even if it meant whether or not I could still put my own socks on. That was the worst week of my life. I have a rare form of the spinal disorder called double scoliosis, in one of its worst forms, indeed, life threatening. In one week I went from being indestructible to only having a couple of years to live. Needless to say, I'm still here, swept back from the jaws of death by luck and universal kindness, but just barely.

Just barely means that that same problem came back to haunt me, along with trying to find a new Dr. of Chiropractic Medicine (really stressful, along with dealing with student loan hassles). The last 60 days have been a nightmare, but you know? It all reminded me of my limitations because, just recently, I'd been feeling a little indestructible. Oops!

I'm starting a new phase in my life, soon. It's called "success". All in all, I have had to come to grips with my limitations. I still hurt, have to exercise and find ways around work problems, but I've just recently turned 37 and have once more wriggled free from death's grip. I'm still taking stock of the price of freedom and the business things that I will soon be engaged in; borrowed time is a term that comes to mind, and dealing with my stress problems may yet be a new chapter in my life. What do you think?

LaRodd