The Knight in not-so-shining Armor

I started drilling the hole when the drill broke. "Damn, that's the only one I've got in that size. That means another trip to the hardware store."
I grabbed my checkbook and a pen and drove to the neighborhood hardware store. It was a large establishment and they sold everything from tools to tile, lumber to lawn mowers.
As I walked through the door, I noticed a large group gathered around the small stage in the demonstration area. Sometimes these demonstrations had cut-price sales associated with them. I was never one to resist a bargain.
Well, what's going on today? Better check it out.
An older man was addressing the crowd. He was dressed in Levi's, T-shirt and walking shoes. He had gray hair and not much of it, but the muscles of his chest and arms bulging through his tight T-shirt testified to his fitness.
"OK, folks. Today I'm going to show you some of the modern-day armor that you can use to protect yourselves. How many of you like to get freebies?"
The crowd indicated their pleasure at the thought of anything free. "At the end of the discussion I'll show you a freebie that some of you may qualify for."
That's for me. I'll take just about anything that's free.
He sat down on a chair and took off his shoes. " The first bit of our armor is steel-toed shoes." He tapped the toes of them with a hammer. "They won't help you if you drive over them with a truck, but they might help if you drop something that's not too heavy on your foot." He put on the boots and stood up.
"Almost as comfortable as my Reebok's," he claimed.
"Next, we have knee pads." He picked up the knee pads and strapped them on. The caps of the pads were deeply scratched. "These have hard plastic shells so you can kneel on hard surfaces like cement and not feel uncomfortable. As you can see, these have been used a bit."
He picked up a construction belt that looked like it had seen better days and strapped it on. "Next comes the corset." The crowd tittered a bit. "As you've all seen, the store requires the employees to wear one of these. It's not without reason."
He took a coin out of his pocket and dropped it on the floor. "Ever see an Olympic weight lifter pick up a barbell?" He knelt down using only his knees, his back as straight as a broomstick, and picked up the coin.
"Isn't that a wonderful thing? Here, I'll do it again." He did so. "I can do that all day long. Notice that I don't bend over. Use your legs to lift, never your back."
"Even if all you're picking up is a dime?" someone asked from the crowd.
"Even if it's just a dime. How many of you know John Hunter?" A few hands went up.
"John is one of the finest physical therapists in the United States. He taught me to pick up things that way. He charges $100 an hour for his services, you got it free today."
"Is that the freebie you mentioned earlier?" asked the same guy who had commented earlier.
"Nope, that's an extra." The crowed tittered again.
He picked up a pair of well worn gloves. "These are my gauntlets." He put them on and held up his hands, palms to the front. The fingers of the gloves were so worn that two fingers stuck out of one and one finger out of the other. "This damage is the result of a single day handling concrete block. Bricks, block and other masonry are on hard on gloves, but the alternative is to have the damage inflicted on your hands. Gloves are expendable. Hands are not."
"My helmet." He picked up a plastic hard hat. It had no insignia or company markings. A pair of plastic goggles rested on the bill. He put it on.
"Friends, unlike most of you, I have had my head examined. I can produce a doctor's statement saying that my brain is normal, despite what my wife may tell you." The crowd laughed. He was fun to watch and listen to. He patted the hard hat. "I intend to keep it that way. My skull may be thick and hard, but it won't stop a nail in a falling board. I hope the hard hat will"
Ouch! I thought. That would hurt.
"And last, my goggles, something that knights of old didn't have." He pulled the goggles down onto his face and adjusted them for a comfortable fit. He reached into a bag and pulled out a handful of brown powder and let it sift through his fingers. "Sand, ordinary sand. Surely something so small can't hurt you."
He leaned forward, brought his arms in a circle, fists together and flexed his pectoral muscles. It was an impressive sight. "Folks, you might be as tough as The Incredible Hulk, but all it takes is one grain of sand, a chip of concrete or a tiny sliver of wood to be flipped in your eye and you'd be transformed into quivering lime Jello."
He brushed off the sand. "Well, 'nuff said. That's concludes my presentation, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for your attention."
"Hey, what about the freebie you mentioned?"
"Thank you, I almost forgot about that." He took off his armor except for the shoes and piled it on the floor. "Folks, you'll notice that none of this has the company logo on it. I bought it all before I came to work here. I believe that we sell all of these things, except for the shoes. None of it, however, was free."
He picked up the gloves. "Some of it doesn't even last very long. Eventually everything here will wear out and have to be replaced."
He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a plastic card which he held over his head. "But this, this will last a lifetime ... and it's free. All you have to do is qualify for it. But I'm here to tell you that you don't want one."
It was a handicapped sticker, the type that I'd seen hanging from the rearview mirrors of cars and trucks. A tear glistened on the big man's cheek. He pointed to the pile of his 'armor'. His voice fell to not much above a whisper. "Please, wear these things because you want to, not because you have to. Don't be pound foolish. I'd gladly pay much more than all this cost me to be able to feel the toes of my left foot again. Thank you."
He limped off the stage and only then could I see that he dragged his left foot as he walked. The applause started small, but grew quickly to a roar.
I spent much more at the hardware store that day than I had intended when I entered. Every dime was worth it.

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