The REAL Tooth Fairy

by James C. McNeill
copyright © 2002

I think it all started with Sjana. She had told her kids that she had the phone number for Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and all the rest and was quite willing to call them and report any misbehavior.
"They give you these numbers at the hospital when you have a baby now, but you have to promise never to reveal them to anybody."

Caleb got a loose tooth and like most kids, he's terrified to have it pulled.
"It's either have your dad pull it or you have to go to the dentist. What's it going to be?"
"OK, I guess I'll have Dad do it." He consented, but he wasn't happy about it.
Shane knows his son, so he had Julie hold her hand over his eyes and with a quick pull of the pliers, he had the job done. Caleb cried a little, but the next day he had another one taken out.
One of the advantages of having a tooth gap is that you get a visit from the tooth fairy.

"I wanna talk to the tooth fairy."
Uh oh. It's put up or shut up time. Julie called Louise on the sly.
"Mom, would you consider being the Tooth Fairy for a while? Caleb had a loose tooth pulled and now he wants to talk to the Tooth Fairy."
"I guess I could do that."
"OK, I'll call back in a few minutes and you answer as the Tooth Fairy." Louise got a towel and put it over the phone. I didn't think it would do anything except muffle the sound. The phone rang. She used a high pitched voice, but it still sounded much like Grandma.
"Hello, is this the Tooth Fairy?"
"Yes, it is."
"Um, this is Caleb. I had a tooth pulled last night and so now you need to come to my house tonight."
"OK, what would you like me to bring you?"
"I don't know. Surprise me."
"Ok, see you tonight. 'Bye"
"Bye bye". He hung up the phone.
"Hey Mom, you know what? the Tooth Fairy sounds just like Grandma McNeill."
He's not so dumb.

Caleb is a Legos freak at the moment. That night Julie put a small box of Legos under his pillow. He was overjoyed. The news spread fast. Soon all the cousins knew that Caleb had talked to the Tooth Fairy. Teeth began loosening up all over.
Louise's friend Joy would call and ask, "Is this the Tooth Fairy?" We had a lot of fun with it.
Brittney's came next. If Caleb could talk to the Tooth Fairy, so could she. The tooth fairy had forgotten to come to Brittney that night.
The phone rang. Brittney had to tell Grandma all about it. "All Dad had to do was hook a fingernail on it and it flipped right out on the floor."
Later, Sjana and Louise conferred.
"Mom, would you be the Tooth Fairy again? Brittney's dying to talk to the Tooth Fairy."
"I don't know, I'm afraid she'll know it's me. I really didn't fool Caleb and I put a towel over the phone, too."
I took pity on the bunch of them. "I'll be the Tooth Fairy this time if you want."
"Dad says he'll do the Tooth Fairy this time. Would that be OK?"
"I don't care, just so she gets to talk to somebody."
The phone rang. I picked it up. I pitched my voice as high as I could and said, "Hello."
I sounded like Billy Crystal doing his old person schtick, croaking and rasping.
"Hello Grandma, this is Brittney."
"I'm sorry dear, you have the wrong number. I'm not Grandma. This is the Tooth Fairy."
"This isn't Grandma?"
"No, it isn't."
Ain't never been nobody's grandma, ain't never going to be anybody's grandma. I didn't sound much like Grandma, either.
"Who's this?"
"This is Brittney." The tone expressed doubt. Maybe it really WAS the Tooth Fairy.
"My Dad pulled out my loose tooth yesterday, but you forgot to come last night."
"I'm sorry dear. I had a flat tire. I'll make it tonight for sure."
"OK, thank you. Bye bye." She hung up the phone.
"I can't believe I called the Tooth Fairy 'Grandma'."

"The Tooth Fairy doesn't have tires, she flies," Louise told me.
"Well, this tire is on the truck I go to the store with. You don't expect me to fly home with all those groceries, do you? I'm the Tooth Fairy, not Superman."
We discussed why a fairy would even need groceries, they live on flower nectar and such. My fairy lore is a little rusty, perhaps. The subject never came up, but I wanted to be ready, just in case.
We called back after a while to confirm acceptance of the legend. Brittney had bought it.
So now I'm the official family Tooth Fairy. I work by appointment only, however. I find the voice is hard to do for very long.

 Return to The Greenhorn's Home Page


Copyright © 1998 by Greenhorn Publications