Preaching
One Sunday morning as people were coming out of church, a little boy came up to me and said "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."
"Well, thank you," I replied, "but why?"
"Because my dad says that you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."

Religious Philosophy - and Psalm 14:1
 A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion about God's existence.  The professor presented the following logic:
"Has anyone in this class heard God?"  Nobody spoke.
"Has anyone in this class touched God?"  Again, nobody spoke.
"Has anyone in this class seen God?"  When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, "Then there is no God."
 
 One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to reply.  Curious to hear this bold student's response, the professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:
 
 "Has anyone in this class heard our professor's brain?"  Silence.
 "Has anyone in this class touched our professor's brain?"  Absolute silence.
 "Has anyone in this class seen our professor's brain?"  When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, "Then, according to our professor's logic, it must be true that our professor has no brain!"

Saying Grace #1
My wife invited a group of people over to dinner. At the table, she turned to our four year old daughter and said, "Would you like to say grace for us please?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," she replied.
"Just say what you hear mum say," my wife said.
Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, who on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Saying Grace #2
There was a man running in a forest, being chased by a very hungry looking bear who was planning to eat him. The man ran as fast as he could, but he just couldn't shake the bear. He knew that his only hope was divine intervention. So exhausted, he fell on his knees and prayed 'Lord, please make this bear a Christian'. He turned around just in time to see the bear fall on his knees and pray. 'Lord, for what I am about to receive, make me truly thankful.

The little old lady There was a little old lady, who every morning, stepped onto her front porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD!"
One day an atheist moved into the house next door. He became irritated at the little old lady. Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her and yell: "THERE IS NO LORD!"
Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way every day. One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and houted: "PRAISE THE LORD! Please Lord, I have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord!
The next morning she stepped onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there.
"PRAISE THE LORD!" she cried out. "HE HAS PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR ME!" The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges and shouted: "THERE IS NO LORD! I BOUGHT THOSE GROCERIES!!"
The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD! HE HAS PROVIDED ME WITH GROCERIES AND MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM!

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