SANTA EXPOSED!!!
For years now, this Santa character has been living isolated at the
North Pole in international territory, beyond the jurisdiction of Canada,
Russia, Sweden, the United States and other nearby nations where this slavery
can go on unhindered. It is alleged that Santa kidnaps midgets from
around the world in order to enslave them into making Christmas gifts.
At the remote North Pole, the midgets have nowhere to escape to and no
contact with the outside world. They are forced to work under harsh conditions
all year long in order to make sufficient gifts for Santa's international
illegal operations. Santa waits until Christmas time, when he travels around
the world with a group of animals, disregarding quarantine regulations
throughout the world, invading international airspace and endangering air
traffic, in order to distribute these gifts.
Some people believe Santa is some selfless old soul who goes around making children's lives brighter. Don't be fooled. Our reporter at the North Pole reports that Santa has a severe weight problem brought on by gluttony and excessive drinking during the long polar nights. In order to support his habit, Santa uses his illusional image of generosity and cheer to land roles in the many high paying TV commercials he's in during the holiday season. With the proceeds from these commercial ads, Santa lives, eats and drinks in comfort and excess while the midget slaves who manufacture the gifts that make him so popular toil in agony under deplorable conditions.
With all the changes in the world economy, Santa has also taken to exploiting the people of the Pacific rim in his manufacturing cheaper clothes and electronics, perennial favourite gifts at Christmas, for pennies an hour. Thanks to the "Santa Clause," a free trade provision buried in the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade (GATT), Santa gets the goods without even paying export duties.
Santa's exploitation doesn't stop with midgets and the Third World. His co-dependent wife, the prime enabler of his addictive behaviours, toils to feed and take care of Santa with little or no credit from the outside world. Santa never gives this hard-working woman the credit she, like any homemaker, fully deserves.
The
Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (The RSPCA) is currently
searching for a way to prosecute Santa for his cruel and inhumane treatment
of animals. He forces a breed of virtually extinct northern reindeer to
carry his ill-gotten gifts around the world to children. Underfed and neglected
in below freezing conditions, these reindeer are said to be able to fly
carrying this man's payload.. The sad truth of the matter is however, that
after carrying all the gifts and Santa's weight, they can barely even walk.
It would seem that the saddest part about Santa's international operation is his racist and classist choices in gift distribution. While children of colour from the inner cities and poor rural children receive little if anything from him, Santa always seems to load middle and upper class white children down with a disproportionate number of gifts. Of course, it is these classes that ultimately patronize the sponsors of the commercials which keep Santa's overindulgent lifestyle. It would appear that, in these days of equal rights for all, this so called 'generous' man is content to kiss the hand that overfeeds him. Do not be fooled by this man. If you see him, do not approach as his personality renders him a highly volatile character. Ring the federal authorities, and they will organise to have him apprehended.
