Gilbert, W. S.

"Things are seldom what they seem,
Skim milk masquerades as cream."
- H.M.S. Pinafore

"I see no objection to stoutness - in moderation." - Iolanthe

"Darwinian Man, though well-behaved,
At best is only a monkey shaved!"
- Princess Ida

"You've no idea what a poor opinion I have of myself - and how little I deserve it." - Ruddigore

"In enterprise of martial kind
When there was any fighting,
He led his reg'ment from behind
He found it less exciting."
- The Gondoliers

"As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list, I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground
And who never would be missed, who never would be missed!"
- The Mikado

"The idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,
All centuries but this and every country but his own."
- The Mikado

"My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time -
To let the punishment fit the crime -
The punishment fit the crime."
- The Mikado

"I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family pride is something in-conceivable. I can't help it. I was born sneering." - The Mikado

"I am the very model of a modern Major-General;
I've information vegetable, animal and mineral;
I know the Kings of England, and I quote the fights historical,
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical."
- The Pirates of Penzance