Hope, Bob

"They asked Jack Benny if he would do something for the actor's orphanage - so he shot both his parents and moved in."

"Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series."

"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."

"If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf."

"People who throw kisses are mighty hopelessly lazy."

"I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."

"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it." - quoted in Life in the Crystal Palace by Alan Harrington