Marx, Groucho

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."

"A child of five would understand this. Send somebody to fetch a child of five!"

"Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know."

"I never forget a face, but I'll make an exception in your case."

"I've had a wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."

"Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member."

"Send two dozen roses to Room 4 and put 'Emily, I love you' on the back of the bill."

"She got her good looks from her father - he's a plastic surgeon."

"Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse."