"I saw a notice which said, 'Drink Canada Dry' and I've just started." - Brendan Behan

"Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." - George Burns

"No animal ever invented anything so bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink." - G. K. Chesterton

"I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." - Sir Winston Churchill, quoted in 'Quentin Reynolds' By Quentin Reynolds

"A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her." - W. C. Fields

"I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake-which I also keep handy." - W. C. Fields, quoted in Corey Ford's Time of Laughter

"YESTERDAY This Day's Madness did prepare;
TOMORROW'S Silence, Triumph, or Despair:
Drink! for you know not whence you came, nor why:
Drink! for you know not why you go, nor where."
- Edward Fitzgerald, The Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám

"It is better to hide ignorance, but it is hard to do this when we relax over wine." - Heraclitus, fragment

"If merely 'feeling good' could decide, drunkenness would be the supremely valid human experience." - William James, The Varieties of Religious Experience

"Claret is the liquor for boys; port for men; but he who aspires to be a hero must drink brandy." - Samuel Johnson, quoted in James Boswell's The Life of Samuel Johnson

"There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled." - Edward Lucas

"I've made it a rule never to drink by daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark." - Henry Louis Mencken

"Two great European narcotics, alcohol and Christianity." - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

"Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness." - Seneca, Epistulae ad Lucilium

"I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. I don't like beer." - George Bernard Shaw

"There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink." - Booth Tarkington, Penrod

"If all be true that I do think,
There are five reasons we should drink:
Good wine
a friend
or being dry
Or lest we should be by and by
Or any other reason why."
- HENRY ALDRICH, Five Reasons for Drinking

"No animal ever invented anything so bad as drunkenness
Nor so good as drink."
- G.K. CHESTERTON, All Things Considered

"Then trust me there's nothing like drinking,
So pleasant on this side of the grave:
It keeps the unhappy from thinking,
And makes e'en the valiant more brave."
- CHARLES DIBDIN, Nothing Like Grog

"Drink today, and drown all sorrow;
You shall perhaps not do it tomorrow;
Best, while you have it, use your breath;
There is no drinking after death."
- JOHN FLETCHER, PHILIP MASSINGER, BEN JONSON, AND GEORGE CHAPMAN, The Bloody Brother

"Long quaffing maketh a short life." - JOHN LYLY, Euphues

"Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker."
- OGDEN NASH, Reflections on Ice-breaking

"There are two reasons for drinking: one is, when you are thirsty, to cure it; the other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it." - THOMAS LOVE PEACOCK, Melincourt

"'Tis not the drinking that is to be blamed, but the excess." - JOHN SELDEN, Table Talk

"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even put." - Martin, Dean

"Coach: Can I draw you a beer, Norm? Norm: No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one." - Peterson, Norman [Norm!] in 'No Help Wanted', 'Cheers'

"Women. Can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts." - Peterson, Norman [Norm!] 'Cheers'

"Woody: Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson? Norm: A little early, isn't it Woody? Woody: For a beer? Norm: No, for stupid questions." - Peterson, Norman [Norm!] in 'Let Sleeping Drakes Lie', 'Cheers'

"One drink is just right, two are too many, three are too few." - Spanish Proverb

"College is a fountain of knowledge... and the students are there to drink." - Unknown