"A computer terminal is not some clunky old television with a typewriter in front of it. It is an interface where the mind and body can connect with the universe and move bits of it about." - Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless, 1992

"There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's being off the network." - Guy Almes

"If you put a billion monkeys in front of a billion typewriters typing at random, they would reproduce the entire collected works of Usenet in about...five minutes." - Anonymous

"Want to make your computer go really fast? Throw it out the window!" - Anonymous

"The real question is not whether machines think but whether men do. The mystery which surrounds a thinking machine already surrounds a thinking man." - B. F. Skinner, Contingencies of Reinforcement

"They [Computers] can rattle off the Manhattan telephone directory unerringly time after time, which no human can do, but they cannot begin to distinguish one face from another, as babies can do." - LEE DEMBART, in New York Times

"Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all." - JOHN F. KENNEDY, speech (1963)

"A computer does not substitute for judgment any more than a pencil substitutes for literacy. But writing without a pencil is no particular advantage." - ROBERT S. MCNAMARA, The Essence of Security

"All a computer does is tell a consistent story: a consistent truth or, if the programmer's guesses are unlikely, a consistent fiction." - PAUL A. SAMUELSON, in Newsweek

"A computer will do what you tell it to do, but that may be much different from what you had in mind." - JOSEPH WEIZENBAUM, quoted in Time

"If you put a billion monkeys in front of a billion typewriters typing at random, they would reproduce the entire collected works of Usenet in about...five minutes." - Anonymous

"To err is human but to really foul things up requires a computer." - Anonymous in 'Farmer's Almanac for 1978' 1977

"Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute for life." - Brown, Andrew

"Everybody thinks I'm Fruit Loops Because I post on newsgroups Instead of doing work. If I don't finish my degree Then I probably will be an overeducated clerk." - Brown, Thomas Ford

"Usenet is like Tetris for people who still remember how to read." - Button from the Computer Museum, Boston, MA

"Usenet isn't a right. It's a right, a left, and a swift uppercut to the jaw." - Button from the Computer Museum, Boston, MA

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." - Cook. Rich

"I had to quit my job to have time to read my email." - Curry, Adam [MTV Host and net.legend] his occasional signature quote

"The best way to accelerate a Macintosh is at 9.8 m/sec/sec." - Dolengo, Marcus

"Usenet is distributed network anarchy at its best--or worst, depending on what is posted on any particular day." - Fiedler, David in 'Byte'

"My suggestion for an Official Usenet Motto: 'If you have nothing to say, then come on in, this is the place for you, tell us all about it!'" - Fosseng, Hevard [quotation collector]

"Crossposting isn't inherently evil, in the same sense that necrophilia doesn't really hurt anybody. One wonders only whether it's appropriate to the occasion." - Gordon, Rick

"Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare." - Houghton, Blair in response to anonymous network monkey quote

"I must've seen it in a USENET posting; that's sort of like hearsay evidence from Richard Nixon..." - Houghton, Blair

"*However*, one thing on the Net is certain: there is someone willing to argue about any point." - I don't know but I'll dispute any attribution taken from quote collection by Hevard Fosseng

"The first step is to decide what Internet services users need to access and limit their access to those services." - Jesson, Joseph [a senior analyst at Chevron Corp] as quoted in ComputerWorld 6/28/93

"Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature." - Kulawiec, Rich

"A distributed system is one in which the failure of a computer you didn't even know existed can render your own computer unusable." - Lamport, Leslie as quoted in CACM, June 1992

"That's what's cool about working with computers. They don't argue, they remember everything and they don't drink all your beer." - Leary, Paul [lead guitarist, The Butthole Surfers] in Guitar World, September 1991, p70

"'Uncle Cosmo, why do they call this a word processor?' 'It's simple, Skyler. You've seen what food processors do to food, right?'" - MacNelley in 'Shoe'

"Usenet is not a right." - news.newusers.questions FAQ

"On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog." - New Yorker cartoon

"Hardware : The parts of a computer system that can be kicked." - Pesis, Jeff

"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers." - Picasso, Pablo (1881-1973)

"In computer science, we stand on each other's feet." - Reid, Brian K.

"The IBM compatible sector has not yet recognized that 95% of computer usage is devoted to experimenting with different fonts and character styles in documents." - Reiner, Ron

"Imminent Death of the Net Predicted. GIFs at 11." - Rigney, Carl

"Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done." - Rooney, Andy

"The basic notion underlying USENET is the flame." - Rospach, Chuq von

"Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea-- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it." - Spafford, Gene

"Go not to Usenet for counsel, for it will say both no, and yes, and no, and yes...." - Unknown

"Guide to understanding a net.addict's day: Slow day: didn't have much to do, so spent three hours on usenet. Busy day: managed to work in three hours of usenet. Bad day: barely squeezed in three hours of usenet." - Unknown

"I'd love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code!" - Unknown

"I know your little 4th grade teacher said there are not stupid questions. She was wrong. This is Usenet." - Unknown

"It can be shown that for any nutty theory, beyond-the-fringe political view or strange religion there exists a proponent on the Net. The proof is left as an exercise for your kill-file." - Unknown found in a .signature

"My company doesn't know Usenet exists, and my boss would have kittens if he thought I spoke for them. My opinions are better than theirs anyway." - Unknown found in a .signature

"PROGRAM - n. A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one's input into error messages. v. tr.- To engage in a pastime similar to banging one's head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward." - Unknown

"REAL PROGRAMMERS don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand." - Unknown

"Real Programmers use C since it's the easiest language to spell." - Unknown