Pottiness was the order of the day as the Mad March Media went wee wee crazy as a pup · Grandad yesterday announced that the sale of his reclusive hotel is still on track, reports the Daily Telegraph. Grandad, who acquired an infection of the urinary tract last year, has sold three of his whippets to pay for medical bills. The Sunday Business says Grandad is close to death. He is expected to fetch a record-breaking £3 for his corpse.
· One of the best known names in the world, Bobby Davro, is to disappear after 15 years of entertaining the nation, reports The Observer. The new owner of the Midlands station, Carlton Communications, wants to rename him Shittyknickered Undertramp.
· A heavy bottomed frying pan is the ideal utensil for frying sauages, claims a report published in today’s Times.
· Hundreds of people ‘went haywire’ yesterday when Channel 5 beamed mind altering images into almost a million Scottish homes. Interference from the new channel, coupled with supplies of haggis contaminated with LSD, scrambled minds accross the land.
· Marjorie Scardino, the US ’businesswoman’ who takes over as Chief Executive of the Pearson media group this week, has emerged a scarlet jezebel of dubious morality. She has been spotted on the Old Kent Road offering sordid sexual thrills for knock-down prices. She will make a last-minute bid for the Nottingham Forest football team today, says The Independent, and the players are reported to ‘be tempted’.