MEDIA NEWS
MARCH 98
AN APOLOGY
Last year we printed the following story: The BBC was said to be outraged today as it came to light that BBC2, BBC1's daughter, had been seen stepping out with C4. C4 is the son of ITV and is seen by many as from a common background.
We now acknowledge that this story was inaccurate. In fact BBC2 is dating Discovery, a wealthy American businessman, so there's nothing to worry about, although we feel we should express our doubt as to the quality of the university he attended. He has, however, coughed up the readies, with an engagement ring worth £338m.
Contrary to recent press reports, The Independent currently has no plans to launch a new supplement dedicated to gay issues. A spokesperson for the paper stated plainly that "The Independent is straight. It has always been straight and will go straight to it's grave."
The creation of the supplement, which was reported to be called either Pink or Gay Thursday, was probably the insane ramblings of an Independent journalist who 'was fucked out of his mind on GHB and Ecstasy ', said the spokesperson
BBC Inc. has announced its sure fire money pot of a schedule for the Spring and Summer season. Significant events include another flimsy sci-fi thriller called Day Of Independence; a ludicrously expensive orgy of computer graphics entitled The Human Body; and a new, innovative, hard hitting series for Ben Elton entitled simply 'TWAT'.
BBC One Inc. controller Pet Salmon elucidated: "There's, er, exciting, er, div... div... what's this word? Oh, uh, diversity this season." He added: "I am, um, confident that the, er, Eurovision Song Contest will be a, hem hem, irresistible attraction on home turf. Can I go home now?"