1) The emperor Magnentius, although a pagan, had reconciled himself to Christianity and outwardly tried to look like a pious leader. But he was ignorant of the basic beliefs of this religion and he had no idea what the rituals meant or how many there were to observe. In fact he was downright suspicious about the religion and believed every rumor he had ever heard about the "mysterious rites of the Christians." Still, if he wanted loyal Christian troops he had to know something about the religion. So, Magnentius summoned Bishop Jean of Lugdunum to instruct him in the beliefs and liturgy of Christianity.

Bishop Jean was a holy person, friend of Pope Liberius, and scholar of the Bible, a rare person of learning in this regard. The bishop had lived in Greece for many years studying and making pilgrimages to famous sites in Judea, Asia Minor, and Greece, especially those connected with the Apostle Paul, whose letters the bishop had memorized. Bishop Jean was a small man who dressed simply in a monk's robe; he was sober and ascetic in his ways and preferred study and contemplation to conversation. The emperor, when calling for a bishop, expected someone who was a Caesar of the church resplendent in costly robes. Such a rank called for a little luxury and extravagance; instead he was brought a little man wearing a ragged robe smelling of garlic. By the look of his hands and feet the bishop did not believe in bathing, which the emperor was fond of doing every afternoon. There was silence in the room; Magnentius, not a little disappointed, had no idea what to say.

Bishop Jean was given a bedroom in the palace second only to the emperor's in opulence. When the little man was ushered into this room he said nothing but later when a slave went to attend to his needs he found the bishop seated on the floor reading. The slave tried to make the bishop comfortable, fearing the wrath of the emperor, but was told to request a simpler room, without windows, and furnished with a straw mattress and one or two oil lamps. He further requested that his food be served to him in the bare room and that it be simple fare; he left instructions to be called at various hours to say his prayers because he had not brought his water clock.

2) The emperor turned a pale shade of red when his freedman informed him of the bishop's request. He ordered that the little man be shown to one of the cells in the prison level of the palace and that he be fed black bread and water. That should fix him! A few hours later Magnentius repented of his act and sent for the bishop to apologize. He was brought before the emperor still reeking of garlic and damp from the wet cell, and seemed to be upset that he was disturbed. Magnentius decided not to apologize.

"We would like to attend to your comforts Bishop Jean but not having a man of your rank in our company before we must ask what you desire," the emperor formally addressed the bishop.

"I am well pleased with the accommodations the emperor has so far given me," the bishop replied bowing.

"The chamber that you now have is one that a criminal would be kept in," the emperor responded, "It is dark and damp and all kinds of vermin have been encouraged to breed. Your mattress is filled with lice and if the rats are hungry enough they will take a nibble of you during the night!"

"Even so," the bishop said calmly, "we are all criminals in the sight of God. The chamber will do very well. I have liberty to attend my prayers, nothing else matters. As for the rats, I will preach to them."

Magnentius was dumbfounded. "How is it that you can live in such squalor? It is not natural!"

"I am closer to God when I live in the poverty of Christ."

"Do you mean to say that Christ was poor and enjoyed the company of rats? I cannot believe that! I have met enough Christian's in my time to know that! They have more money in their pockets than I do! And so, you are imitating Him! Did he refuse all hospitality!"

It took the emperor a few moments to calm himself. This bishop said nothing. "Very well," the emperor continued, "if the arrangements please you they shall not be changed. We request you to dine with us tonight and to enjoy the palace baths before eating."

"If it please your lordship, a bowl of water will suffice my needs."

"How can you take a bath in a bowl of water? Then, you do not bathe?" Magnentius shouted, turning red once more.

"Bathing is licentious activity that the devil has inspired. It is not holy to behold the sinful body, lest it cause lust and unnatural acts."

Being rather fond of lust, Magnentius was tempted to say he enjoyed beholding as many sinful bodies as possible but restrained himself. "We will allow you to have your bowl of water, a large one."

3) The audience ended; the bishop bowed three times, in honor of the Trinity, and left for his cell to resume his studies and prayers. Magnentius was impressed by the piety of the bishop, but was at a loss to understand how a bath would make him less holy. The emperor had felt himself close to anger because of the obstinacy of the little man, but, miraculously, had calmed himself into submission, an unusual act that his slaves took to be an act of great godliness influenced by Bishop Jean.

When evening came, the emperor and his retinue had their banquet. The bishop took a seat opposite Magnentius in a place of honor. The emperor noted that the bishop had washed his hands and face but his arms had rings of dirt around the wrists where the water had made no progress. The emperor indulged himself when eating and had ordered a wide variety of foods from fowl to fish, to meat, served with his best wine in honor of his guest. The fowl were doves baked in pastry that resembled the real bird down to the molding of the wings. When the crust was broken the cooked bird was revealed, smothered in spices, tender and succulent to the taste. The emperor was disconcerted when a slave brought a wooden bowl of brown broth for the bishop who sipped it slowly, but noisily. Bishop Jean had given his own orders to the cook.

Several mullets had been given to the emperor from the guild of fishermen in honor of Bishop Jean’s visit. They were now presented to the banquetters on silver platters, gently steamed with a sauce of olive oil, pine nuts, raisins, and rosemary. The bishop received another wooden bowl this time filled with cooked millet and barley, which he carried to his mouth with a wooden spoon and managed to spill much of his concoction on his couch. Finally, a pig was brought fresh from the spit decorated with vine leaves and paraded before all of the guests who responded with applause. A slave set to work carving the pig and the bishop was brought a small portion of gruel, which he dispatched in several gulps. Magnentius thought such conduct an insult. The bishop had only sipped from a single cup of wine, which sat before him, switching to tepid barley water. The emperor, meantime, had drunk so many cups of wine he could not count them, and because drinking made him brashly loud, he was unable to hold his tongue.

"Bishop!" Magnentius roared. "What do you mean refusing my food? Do you fear you will be poisoned? Or can it be that the Lord never ate well?"

"No, your Lordship. I have taken a solemn vow to eat plain meals and never take food that would stimulate my hunger."

"And what of this noxious brew you drink! The wine is not to your liking?"

"I drank a cup, Your Lordship, for your health. The wine is, indeed, the best I have tasted, but as with my food wine stimulates me into wantonness and I have vowed before God never to be so insatiable."

Magnentius took this to be a veiled criticism of himself. "How long have you obeyed this vow?"

"For twenty years, your Lordship."

Magnentius grimaced. "Then, I command you to break your vow for one time to have a proper meal."

"Alas, your Lordship, I have eaten my plain diet so long that I am unable to digest anything else, but I may have another cup of wine to drink your Lordship's health."

"Then also have one item of food from our table to prove you are sincere."

"I will have a portion of the roast pig, Your Lordship."

4) The bishop received the wine and a large portion of the pig cut into small squares. He chewed the meat slowly and drawn-out, as if counting each chew, attracting the attention of all the guests who began to wonder if he would ever swallow. The bishop finally did and proceeded to chew another piece of pork with such a blank stare he might have made if eating paper. One of the guests kept count of the chewing and claimed the bishop chewed his meat 100 times before swallowing. Magnentius was certain this was a Christian ritual, but was afraid to ask. As a consequence, the emperor was determined never to invite the bishop to another meal. In the days that followed Magnentius’ instruction began.

For two hours Bishop Jean taught him the creeds and prayers, which he forced the emperor to memorize. Following this, the bishop instructed the emperor in the sacraments including that of Holy Communion, during which the words spoken to consecrate the bread and wine were stressed. Magnentius was more curious about this sacrament than any other wondering how wine could change to blood. In his eyes, Jesus was a magician who brought off some conspicuously good tricks and he wanted to know how it all was done. The bishop also related to the emperor stories from the Bible, such as Samson, which greatly interested Magnentius. The emperor was interested in experiencing the Eucharist but the bishop was reluctant to go along with the idea because Magnentius had never been baptized. However, the bishop had not reckoned with the fury of the emperor when he was crossed, so he agreed, convinced that his life was in danger if he refused, but insisted Magnentius have several hours of instruction about the sacrement. This having been carried out, Bishop Jean thought he could give the emperor what he wanted.

The sacrament was carried out in the emperor's private rooms. The bishop wore his finest ceremonial robes of gold thread, which impressed Magnentius to such a degree that he felt he had, at last, penetrated the mystery. The emperor observed the bishop closely as he made what appeared to be significant gestures and spoke the words of the service. The ceremony lost him; nothing made much sense. Then, the consecration was completed and the moment arrived for the emperor to receive the bread and took a big swallow of the wine, running it across his teeth. He assumed a shocked expression.

"You have lied! This is not blood but wine!"

"Your Lordship, the wine is but a symbol of the sacrament, not real blood."

"But blood was promised. Does Jesus lie when he says he will give us blood? Or is this some trick?"

The bishop having had to deal with the obstinacy of the emperor gave up all thought of arguing with him. "It is blood to the soul, your Lordship, not to the body. The sacrament bears only on the soul, that part of man that is indestructible. This is something we spent hours in discussion about."

Magnentius thought for a moment. "You mean after you eat and drink it becomes body and blood?"

"Your Lordship has divined the truth."

5) Magnentius accepted what the bishop said thoughtfully, and seeing the emperor calmed, Bishop Jean, for a moment, almost believed he had the power to transform Magnentius from a brute into a turn-the-cheek Christian. He solemnly dedicated himself to that purpose. In the days and weeks that followed the emperor was taught how to be a Christian in careful stages. The bishop spoke of love of neighbors, of the miracles of Jesus, of the commandments. The emperor seemed eager to listen, especially when the miracles of Jesus were related. The bishop stressed the fact that Jesus was not a magician but that the miracles were undeniably phenomenon from God.

He also explained how the church had fractured into sects, such as the Arrians, who held different beliefs on the nature of God and had to be converted back to the true path. This was a subject the bishop became passionate about as he condemned the heathen Arrians to damnation. If these heretics did not convert they had to be punished. Magnentius was impressed by the bishop's passion. For a time, the emperor appeared to be a changed man. When a slave dropping a platter of meat (which was usually punished by death), the emperor rose from his place and helped the trembling man to his feet saying, "Go in peace."

Bishop Jean celebrated his apparent victory by promptly writing to the Pope that he had tamed the great barbarian-emperor and promised that he would soon be a model Christian, adding that he had heard unconfirmed reports that Magnentius had given money to a poor woman. There was hard work to do, however, and the bishop closed his later detailing his second phase of instruction: the history of the church from Saint Peter to His Holiness. The first lecture was one of great passion for Bishop Jean as he related the lives and sufferings of the Apostles laying emphasis of the persecution and murders. This was made so vivid that Magnentius asked why the bishop had not perished as well. The bishop drew from his great knowledge of his subject to impress Magnentius with the courage of the early Christians who kept their faith in spite of death. The bishop returned to speak of his contempt for the Arrians and how these misguided individuals had desecrated churches by their beliefs; they must be stopped from going further. He hurled fire and brimstone on Bishop Athanasius, author of the heresy, wishing all his adherents to be put to the sword.

6) Magnentius reacted with surprise finding the idea of groups of Christian heretics frightening. When he asked the bishop about the possibility of converting them back to the truth the emperor received a long sermon on the intractability of these people. To questions on how widespread the Arrians were Bishop Jean complained of several groups, including one in Lugdunum, in the very place where he had his pulpit. The next day the bishop was informed that the emperor would be away for a few days and he would be notified when he returned. Bishop Jean thought nothing of this and went on with his usual prayers and studies.

On the evening of the seventh day the bishop was summoned to the emperor's private chamber. When he entered the bishop was struck dumb; the emperor stood wearing his battle armor covered in road dirt from days of travel with traces of blood on his hands, arms, and breastplate.

"Your Lordship! You have been to war?" the bishop was very upset.

"I have done good work for God and Jesus!" Magnentius happily announced.

The bishop recovered himself slightly. "What work would that be your Lordship?"

"Vengeance is mine, so God had recommended. I have taken those words to heart; vengeance has become mine!"

The bishop asked what the emperor meant and Magnentius responded by relating the events of the past days. The emperor, leading a cohort, marched to Lugdunum where he located a group of Arrians and put all to the sword. This bishop was not sure what to say and began to question the emperor on how he had located the heretics.

"Ah! That was easy. I asked the nearest Holy Man!"

"Who might this be, Your Lordship?"

"We met a monk on the road, just outside the gates of Lugdunum. When I asked him where he was going, he told me that he was about to do his penance of fasting and prayer. He reminded me much of you, my dear bishop."

"What was the name of this monk?"

"Ah, yes. He told me you would know him. His name was Eusibius."

The bishop turned an even paler shade of white and looked as if he would fall down. "Oh, Your Lordship. If you are certain that was the man's name: What did he tell you?"

"He told me where the nearest Arrians were at a monastery to the south of the city dedicated to St. Peter."

A wail broke from the bishop and he fell to the floor. Magnentius thought Bishop Jean was having a fit and ordered his physician to tend to him. Soldiers carried the bishop away muttering "St. Peter forgive me" in barely audible tones.

7) Later, Magnentius learned of his mistake. He had wiped out Bishop Jean's own monastery. The victory celebrations had, unfortunately, commenced among the troops and Decentius recommended that they continue until everyone was drunk. Eusibius, of course, was an Arrian and had deliberately lead the emperor astray. Despite efforts to find the devious monk he had all but disappeared.

Magnentius was quite put out and complained: "How in the name of Zeus can you tell these Christians apart!"

A few days later, Bishop Jean, somewhat recovered, announced that he was departing from the emperor's court and he was going to journey to Africa, where, so he said, he hoped to wander for years in the desert to find wisdom. Magnentius far from being insulted happily allowed the bishop to leave, even though his religious education was quite rough.

In truth, the good bishop had been changed forever by his few weeks at Augustodunum. Years later, word came of Bishop Jean's death in the Sahara having founded a monastery where the monks brewed strong drink and ate all they desired. When the good bishop arrived in Africa he went to live in a cave. Here he attempted to live his usual ascetic life but it would not work as before. It seemed that Magnentius had converted the bishop to his way of living. Perhaps the shock of the loss of his monastery had something to do with it but Bishop Jean became Le Bon Jean. It was said the bishop had ballooned to gain three times the weight he had been. The bishop always claimed to have learned a thing or two from the example of Magnentius who showed him the necessity of having a full belly and a hot bath.

© David A. Wend 1998