Humour

  Horror Movie Humour

The Top 18 Least Popular Horror Movies

18. Tapeworm!
17. The Texas Chainsaw Macarena
16. Dorf on Beating Someone to Death With a Golf Club
15. Invasion of the Potty Snatchers
14. Iraqnophobia
13. Mittens Visits the Asthma Ward
12. Mr. Dole Goes to Washington
11. 101 Mutilations
10. Attack of the Receding Hairline
9. The Island of Dr. Perot
8. An American Werewolf in Therapy
7. Winnie The Pooh In Tigger's Stew
6. First Wives Clubbed
5. The Miami Beach Chainsaw Massacre: "That shrub's gotta go!"
4. You're an Axe Murderer, Charlie Brown
3. The Methane Monsters of Fraternity Row
2. April The 15th - Jason's Audit

and the Number 1 Least Popular Horror Movie...

1. She's Wearing White After Labor Day!

[ This list copyright 1996 by Chris White and Ziff-Davis ]
 
 

• When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see  if it's really dead.
• If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who  went  mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or  had  inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house -- move away immediately.
• Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
• Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
• If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run.  NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.
• When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone.
• As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
• Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave,  tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.
• If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, *leave the room immediately if you value your life.*
• If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
• Do not take *anything* from the dead.
• If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason.  Take the hint and stay away.
• Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
• If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite  the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
• If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such  as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, it's time to find new friends.
• Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are  listed here:  Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
• If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
• Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns,  hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.