Mondex is Dead! Long Live Dawson’s Creek!

EXACT CHANGE: So ends Mondex Internationals’ experiment in Guelph, Ont.

Seems the only people really upset about it leaving is Guelph City Council who pumped thousands of dollars into new Mondex-friendly parking meters. Are our council members so naive that they believe Mondex owes them something? As if this huge international organization gives a shit about little ’ole Guelph.

But you can’t be too hard on Council, Mondex certainly did their best hyping their electronic snake oil to the residents of the Royal City. Free cotton candy and ice cream, all those giveaways, balloons and those damned cute little characters in all their bus ads.

I must admit I was a little choked up at the sight of a giant piggy bank in the middle of the Stone Road Mall during the weekend of the cards’ launch (a giant pig is something everyone can enjoy-art students can bask in the irony, chronics can giggle about Pink Floyd).

But after seeing the Santa Claus parade last weekend it doesn’t look like the city has learned any lessons. The inclusion of Liquidation World, Royal Bank and McDonalds had me wondering if next year we might see a float of CEOs, international currency traders or collection agencies.

(The McDonald’s float was McCheap, consisting of Ronald in a car followed by a large truck with nary an ounce of tinsle. You know Ronald is just waiting for his chance to knock off jolly old St.Nick. That Christmas gig probably pays more than minimum wage.)

Back to Mondex-bashing, I found it a little odd that the Ontarion (the paper in your hands) which previously spent so much editorial space on the evils of Mondex, only had a couple of misleading paragraphs about the cards demise. The short piece seemed to imply that the card failed because of protests from various organizations.

My impression of the position of those who protested the card was something along the lines of "It’s bad because it’s not good why would you even ask why it’s bad are you one of THEM."

The few that choose to articulate their position a little further and not assume that everyone in Guelph used the same ideological decoder ring usually said something about the cards invasion of their privacy. The card kept a record of all the transactions, thus allowing the banks to track where people used money.

But I never got a clear answer from them as to how the Mondex card infringed on my privacy anymore than debit or credit cards.

The difference was clear to consumers—the ‘organization’ who actually lead to the end of Mondex. Why ‘load-up’ a card or use an awkward electronic wallet when that extra step is completely unnecessary with debit or credit cards?

Anyway, Mondex is packing up their three ring circus and leaving to try again in a town in Quebec. They’ve learned from their mistakes and this time the card will combine the electronic chip with a debit card. Expect global domination.

Now we’re left with the arduous task of explaining to tourists and first year students what ‘Mondex’ means.

Those Mondex parking meters can now take their place along with the forboding church and the royal crest in the square, as anachronistic symbols of obsolete eras.

GAYDAR: I’ve seen a few episodes of Dawson’s Creek and I think it’s great that closeted gay men now have a character they can relate to. Of course I’m talking about the lead character Dawson played by a walking chin named James Van Der Beek.

How do I know he’s gay? Well, it took him a year to kiss Joey (played with pedophilic ardor by 5-year old actress Katie Holmes) and his bedroom is plastered with Steven Spielberg posters that are obviously emblematic of his tormented libido.

The character of E.T. symbolizes his own ‘alien’ sexuality which he can’t escape, it will always "be right here." The Lost World posters (as if he or anyone actually liked this movie) represent his fear of other homosexuals which he sees as ferocious dinosaurs roaming the dense forest (read: park) which he is both horrified by and attracted to.

This is an example of Gaydar. One of the evolutionary embellishments endowed on homosexuals is the uncanny ability to sniff out our own kind. Kind of like vampires.

That said, I think it’s important to stress that in most cases it is wrong to ‘out’ someone (the one exception being homophobes).

Lately, there’s been a lot of press about Tom Cruise and which team he bats for (the guy sues people who say he’s gay but he admits to being a Scientologist - zoinks!). I personally don’t really give a toss if Cruise or baby dyke Dicaprio (or Lily Tomlin, Rosie O’Donnell, Jack Lemmon, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, Kenneth Branagh, etc.) swing for the pink team.

But some queers feel that by outing celebrities society will then be better able to empathize with gays and lesbians.

I have a big problem with that. If someone’s opinion about gays can change because they find out oily beau-hunk Tom Cruise is gay do I really care what that person thinks at all--about anything? Is it going to make stupid homophobic jocks stop projecting their inadequacies onto queers? ("Fags aren’t so bad. Some of them are fighter pilots and race car drivers")

I think there has to be a time when we stop making excuses for homophobes. Give everyone another 10-15 years then we start shooting.

It seems to have worked for the pro-life movement.