The Return of the Naval Academy Dragon
New and Improved!
The names have been changed to protect the innocent.....namely the author......
One happy and sunny day the Naval Academy Dragon arose and stretched his moldy, gold plaited wings to the singing sun and yawned greatly. He sensed pure evil at work and was looking forward to a good day full of killing. Or maybe just one hour of killing. Or just one minute. Heck he was desperate - maiming would have suited him at that point in time. When you live next to a campus full of philosophers one doesn't have a lot of evil to sense out and kill - they're all to busy thinking and reading to be truly evil. However, that sunny day he felt evil.
Lumbering over to the St. John's campus he sniffed this way and that, searching out the evil. He located it in the coffee shop, in a booth, next to the northeastern window in a brown suit reading Plato.
Reaching in through the window, he grabbed the evil thing in the suit by the scruff of it's filthy neck and pulled it out into the fresh sunny, happy spring day. Screaming and kicking, Mr. Smith swung through the lovely air in increasingly dangerous circles. Stupefied students stood shocked in silence. Mr. Smith lost his grasp on The Complete Works of Plato as he swung over the quad and it flew through the air, hitting Alfred McDonald who, stupidly, thought it was Jasper Harvey. Alfred hit Jasper, and Jasper punched Alfred. They rolled around in the grass for a long time, before Ms. Blizet, who was randomly slashing things with her double-bladed fiery sword, sliced them neatly into two Alfreds and two Jaspers.
With all the blood on the grass, from Ms. Blizet over zealous slashing, the Melee people were drawn out of hiding and started yelling, "Blood makes the grass grow, blood makes the grass grow!" While jumping wildly around in circles, Kelly Neppart managed to whack Martha Tiggerhouse in the face. This spawned a full on, violent, and slippery Melee People vs. The Epicureans battle in the quad. As they fought, arms and legs flew out and landed on benches, stairs, and in trees. Screaming Epicureans were chased by the Melee people, down the stairs and into back campus. The Epicureans began to frolic, naked, on back campus and the police arrested them. Unfortunately, or fortunately, while the naked Epicureans were being led away in handcuffs, the Melee People, while celebrating their pointless victory, tripped on their ridiculous foam weapons and ended up with their heads stuck in the ground. They looked really funny kicking and trying to free their heads from the dirt.
Meanwhile, Mr. Smith's arm had ripped off from the pressure of the swinging, and was spurting blood on the ground, while Mr. Krescent bent over it tying a turniqen on and off the arm. As he did this, he exclaimed excitedly, "LOOK, LOOK! Look what I'M doing! This is so COOL!"
The Naval Academy Dragon, Melvin, leaned over and picked Mr. Smith up by his tie and bounced him up and down with it. As Mr. Smith turned an ugly shade of purple and blue, an insane and adventurous Janet Pindolfo ran at Melvin screaming Celtic curses, which translated to "I am going to eat you ugly warthog!". (I don't know why they were Celtic, so back off.) With a fork and a knife she attempted to eat him. With a look of amusement, he kicked her in the stomach. She flew through the air at 20 mph, only to be brutally stopped by a giant ceramic cat, holding a rose. As it ate her, with a knife and fork incidentally, Mr. Smith went swinging through the air, sailing over and through the trees, and into the window of McDowell. With a crash he flew straight through McDowell and landed on the ground with a CRUNCH!
Melvin lumbered over to the other side of the building, stepped on Mr. Smith by accident, saw what he had done, burst out laughing, and left. The amazed students stood over the crushed and flattened body of Mr. Smith and began to scream with laughter. They laughed so hard they all fell over.
Melvin, meanwhile, returned to the Academy completely satisfied.
