Disclaimer:
The two unconspicuous characters (which own the wierd fork thingy(TM)
and the halo(TM) are mine (mua haha ha). Then again, they are stereotypical
characters seen everywhere from time to time (sigh). Fine I don't own them,
they own themselves! Please don't hurt me! As for Granny and Andre and the
glutenous horde of Jarjayes girls (how many are there anyway, I forgot!)
Ikeda owns them.
Be charitable:
Feed-a-back
(crune@coqui.net)
where the feedback monster waits anxiously.
Matters of the Soul. . .
or not
by Aria(crune@coqui.net)
A young Andre sat patiently in the Jarjayes enormous kitchen watching
his grandmother prepare cookies. The boy looked at the cookies with an eager
(and definetly coveting) gaze, not devoid of disppointment, for he knew that
he'd never get any. The Jarjayes family had assembled, which meant all of
the girls, which in turn meant that he'd be lucky if he got the crumbs.
Then out of nowhere (and blocking his view of the delicious cookies)
appeared two manifestations, or at least we will refer to *them* as such.
Both were incredibly tiny, the size of Andre's index finger. One had a
dark red cloak, black hair, horns and a wierd looking fork thingy(TM), the
other had a blueish white cloak, blonde hair and a halo(TM).
Andre, like any other normal creature in this situation, did a double
take.
Whoa, I'm *way* too hungry, I'm starting to see things, he thought.
An observant (and incidentally wisecracking) person would note that being
hungry and seeing the two manifestations really did not make sense, unless
he was planning to eat the two manifestations. Yet if that were the case,
he'd have problems swallowing down the wierd looking fork thingy(TM).
Young Andre did not pause to consider this, however, since one of the
manifestations talked.
In a harsh voice the red cloaked one said, "Look at the poor kid, he's so
hungry. If I were him I'd steal a cookie".
"Oh shush you!", replied the blueish-white cloaked one, "stealing is
bad!"
"Going hungry is bad!"
"Going to hell is bad"
"Hey! I live there!"
"So!"
"Don't dis other people's homes!"
"Ah, get off it! Hell is bad, everyone knows that!"
"Yeah? Well heaven's not so great when goody-two-shoes like you are
there!"
"Oh be quiet!"
"Shut up!"
By this time the bickering was getting into Andre's nerves. Using the
"mediator voice" that he had acquired when dealing with the Jarjayes he
spoke:
"Why don't you two just calm down a bit".
Both manifestations turned towards him angrily and said simultaneausly:
"Shut up!"
The angelic one was the first to realize his mistake.
"Oh I am so sorry", he said in a honeyed voice, "I always tend to get
carried away when dealing with antidiluvian asinines like him".
"SAT vocabulary for insults-- no fair, you jerk!" replied the devilish
one.
Andre had taken to watching the scene with a confused look on his
face, eyes glaced, mouth slightly open. He was *really* hungry, by the looks
of it, he thought.
The angelic manifestation turned to Andre once again. "As I was saying
before I was RUDELY interrupted, I come here for the sake of your immortal
soul--"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever", the devilish one interrupted with a bored
tone.
"Would you be quiet!" the angelic one snapped, "Anyway as I was saying,
you are very hungry and considering stealing a cookie. Stealing is wrong,
Andre, if you steal, Andre", he said solemnly, "you can go to hell".
With a groan of exasperation the devilish one spoke, "Don't listen to all
the crap this stupid jerk dishes out. You're hungry, take the damn cookie!
It won't kill ya! And as for going to hell--c'mon for a COOKIE? Besides it
ain't that bad, I should know. If you don't take that cookie, chances are
you won't have one--I mean the Jarjayes chicks never leave anything behind,
think about it Andre, you'd be doing them a favor. Think of what a hard time
they'd have fitting into their pretty corsettes after eating all those
cookies."
The angelic one was positively fumming.
"Andre the truth of the matter is that stealing is wrong, he is decieving
you--your soul lies on the thread between salvation and eternal damnation all
depending on the path you take".
In that moment the Grandmother absentmindedly placed a cookie within his
reach. Her back was turned to him.
"You can take it and she'd never know, you know how forgetful Granny is"
he heard a harsh voice say in his ear.
"Don't listen to him--your soul is at sta--"
"Would you cut that out! It's only a cookie".
"The cookie hides a moral code to be follow--"
"You are really full of crap, you know that?"
"Such language!"
"Ah, bite me!"
"Do not take the cookie, Andre!"
"Take the cookie, Andre!"
Andre was starting to get one *big* headache. His eyes hungrily looked
at the cookie--
"Take it!"
"Don't take it!"
"Take it!"
"Don't take it!"
"Ta--"
"Would you like a cookie, Andre?"
"Whaa, what?"
His grandmother stared at him for a second. "The Jarjayes girls have
such healthy apetites that I figured I should make two batches of cookies".
She put the cookie in his hand, "besides I know how hungry you were".
Gobbling down the cookie, Andre looked around for the manifestations.
They were gone.
He smiled, "Granny you have no idea how hungry I was. I was so hungry
that I began seeing things..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From a dimension, away from all human considerations of time and space.
A great moaning, gripping and complaining could be heard, despite the angry
yell of neighbors to "Keep it down!"
"Great just wonderful, you have a knack for making me waste my time".
"Who the hell invited you!"
"You were going to curse that boy, subject him for etermal damnation".
"So! That's my job".
"Well it's *my* job to stop you and congrats, you know, for choosing a
circumnstance which did *not* require our intervention--you really *are* a
loser!
The devilish manifestation angrily swung his wierd looking fork
thingy(TM), catching the angelic one smack! on the head.
"Why you little--"
*Smack!*
Using the halo(TM) as a boomerang, the angelic manifestation had
reciprocated the attack.
"Jerk!"
"Loser!"
And so the manifestations engaged yet another discussion (yet this one
included several more smacks! in the head by halos(TM) and wierd looking
fork thingies(TM) )
From somewhere indistinct the neighbors groaned pitifully--
"Damn it Marge, here they go again".
"God help us, Tony".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
End
My first try at funny fanfic if it made you so much as smile, let
me know
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