The Terrific Trio Is Dyin'

Batman struggles furiously to stay away from the spinning beater blades. Swimming through the batter, he finds an area that is, for the moment, relatively stable. He reaches into his utility belt and pulls out a Batarang with attached Bat-rope.

Batman: "My only chance."

Batman throws the Batarang up and into the gears of the giant beater. As he hoped, the Batarang lodges in the machinery, grinding it to a halt!

Batman: "Perfect! Now, up, over and out."

Batman pulls himself up by his Bat-rope to the lid of the giant mixing bowl, straddles the top and then swings down to the factory floor. Quickly locating Robin's death trap, he places the ladder back against the butter vat. Batman races up the ladder.

Inside the vat, Robin has sunk up to his waist in the softening butter. Batman lashes the Bat-rope around his legs and then hangs upside down so that he can reach his manacled partner.

Robin: "Batman! But how?"

Batman: "Later, chum. My Bat-skeleton key should open these."

Robin: "They've got Batgirl in the chocolate tank!"

Once Robin is freed, the Dynamic Duo slide down the ladder and begin a search for the chocolate tank. By following the sound of machinery pumping, the pair find Batgirl's trap in short order. As Batman turns off the pump, the Boy Wonder turns the large circular handle on the side of the tank that opens the drain.

Robin: "This'll empty the tank!"

Batman grabs a long hose running from a side of the tank.

Batman: ". . . and I know just where to pour it on."

Batman, carrying the hose spewing chocolate, races towards where the crooks are celebrating.

Simon: "Oh! Victory is sweet."

Simon and Charlotte are sprayed with a shower of chocolate syrup! Charlotte sticks one of her chocolate-covered fingers into her mouth.

Charlotte: "Too sweet!"

Simon: "Attack! Attack!"

Strudel, Cookie, Brownie and the others just stand there, looking at Simon questioningly.

Simon: "All right, Simon says, ‘Attack!'"

Batman directs the stream of syrup into the onrushing henchmen, sending them sprawling. The Boy Wonder follows up on their advantage by cold-cocking two of the bakers before they can get up.

Batman: "Keep going, Robin. The tank's emptying fast."

Inside the tank, Batgirl is relieved, but puzzled . . .

Batgirl: "I wonder why this is going down so fast?"

Seconds later, the door swings open . . .

Batgirl: "Robin!"

Robin: "We're having a little mixer out here, Batgirl. Care to join us?"

As the Dynamite Duo emerge from the tank, Robin sees Strudel rushing Batman from the side . . .

Robin: "Batman, baker-boy at three o'clock!"

Batman points the hose at the onrushing hoodlum, but now only dribbles come out . . .

Batman: "That's it for the chocolate."

Batman throws the hose aside and catches Strudel with a right cross.

Robin: "Plenty of ammunition here, Batman."

Batgirl finds a barrel full of eggs and begins firing them at the felons. Robin comes across a table loaded with cream pies. The Teen Titan re-creates an old-time pie fight as he tosses pastry after pastry towards the villains.

Batman locates a large metal milk can and hurls it at Cookie and another crook.

Batman: "Have some milk, on me!"

In moments, the gang is reduced to various states of consciousness on the factory floor.

Batman: "It's all over, Simon."

Just as Batman is about to lay his hands on Simon, however, the pudgy Pieman, with surprising quickness, leaps up and slams his hand on a red button on the side of what appears to be a giant cookie jar.

Simon: "Ho, ho, Batman! I've cooked up one last surprise for you! Look at that TV monitor!"

Simon points towards a nearby television screen. The picture shows two men and a woman, sweating profusely. It looks as though the three are beginning to suffer the effects of high temperature.

Robin: "I recognize them! They work for Penguin, Riddler and Catwoman!"

Simon: "Right, Robin! and not only is this giant cookie jar their prison, it is also a huge oven! Unless the three of you turn off the oven by simultaneously pressing the three green buttons, each inconveniently spaced ten feet apart along the outside of the jar, for one full minute, you'll share responsibility for my latest culinary creation: Cooked Crooks!"

Batgirl: "You monster! Have you no shame?"

Batman: "No time for that, Batgirl! Come on, press those buttons!"

Simon: "Simon says, ‘Let's flee!'
"Good-bye Terrific Trio! Until we meet again!"

Simon the Pieman, Charlotte, Strudel, Cookie, Brownie and the rest make their escape, while Batman, Robin and Batgirl save three lives, albeit criminal ones. After one full minute, as claimed, the oven does indeed kick off. Batman radios Commissioner Gordon to send a unit to pick up the three lieutenants of their arch foes.

While waiting for the police to arrive, Batman and Robin figure out that the "cookie jar" is opened from above. Batgirl has taken the opportunity to search the factory. She returns and declares . . .

Batgirl: "I found a room that seems to be some sort of treasury! There are a number of what looks to be ancient marble busts, money in bags marked ‘Graham Trust Company' and a quantity of English currency!"

Batman: "Good . . . and on our way here we told the police to search Mrs. Apple's farm. I hope they found the portrait of Napoleon."

Robin: "Holy Fortune 500, Batman! It seems Simon is the owner of one of the most successful baking companies in the country. He owns factories, a farm, a helicopter and gosh knows what else! Why would someone like that turn to crime?"

Batman: "I wish I knew, Robin. Ego, perhaps? Maybe the thrill of challenging us?"

Batgirl: "Just what Gotham City needs: another maniac with a gimmick.
"Do you ever worry, Batman, that we're the reason there are so many costumed villains?"

Batman: "No, Batgirl, not really. Most of the arch-criminals direct their violent tendencies solely against us. Who knows what they'd do if we weren't around to draw their attention? Besides, the one criminal who almost destroyed Gotham City these past five years just wanted us out of the way . . . and she didn't wear a costume."

At that moment, Chief O'Hara and the "boys in blue" arrive. Batman leads Robin, Batgirl and the Chief up a ladder to the top of the jar. The four look down at the three below.

Robin: "That cookie jar's full of goodies, Chief . . . or should I say, baddies?"

Batman: "I suggest you take ‘em out of the jar and put ‘em in the jug."

Chief O'Hara: "Right you are, Batman . . . but first, I'm goin' to send for the pie-wagon!"

A week passes . . .

Desmond Doomsday: "Back at the Gotham City Millennium Fairgrounds, Mother Goose's Park for Kiddies is preparing for its opening day . . . and Police Commissioner Gordon's daughter, librarian Barbara Gordon, at the request of Mayor Linseed, checks authenticity of the exhibits."

The woman in charge of this amusement area for young children, known as Mother Goose, is giving Barbara a tour. They stop at full-size recreation of the home of the old woman who lived in a shoe.

Barbara: "Ha, ha. Delightful, Mother Goose."

Barbara indicates a building in the shape of . . . a giant pie!

Barbara: "What's that?"

Mother Goose: "Umm, our refreshment stand: the Patty-Cake Baker's House. Come, I'll show you the kitchen."

Barbara is a bit suspicious due to her recent experience as Batgirl, but the idea of a giant pie in Mother Goose's Park does make sense. As Mother Goose holds open the swinging doors to the kitchen, Barbara looks through and . . .

Barbara: "Oh, no! Mother Goose. Those pastry chefs are criminals!"

Mother Goose: "You don't say!"

Barbara: "Yes! They work for . . . Simon the Pieman!"

At the mention of his name, Simon rips off yet another disguise, revealing Mother Goose to be, in actuality, Simon!

Simon: "Simon says, ‘Tie her up!'"

While Barbara is being bound, she overhears Strudel and Brownie discussing the fastest route to drive to the airport.

Simon: "Commissioner Gordon won't come near us while we're holding his daughter.

"Cookie, Simon says, ‘You stay here and guard her, while we perform Operation Turkish Delight.'

"Come, let's go."
Strudel and Brownie begin to depart . . .

Simon: "Come back, you crumb-bums! I didn't say, ‘Simon says!'
"Now, Simon says, ‘To the bakery truck.'"

Although Barbara is gagged and bound by the neck, arms and wrists, her legs are left free. In front of Barbara are tables packed with cream pies . . . and the pie closest to her, freshly removed from the oven, is still perched on a baker's paddle.

Cookie is leaning against the round wall, a bored look on his face. Barbara lines up her shot . . . and then slams her legs down on the handle of the paddle!

Cookie: "Hey! What?"

The pie flies through the air and catches Cookie full in the face! Barbara gets to her feet, with the chair still tied to her back, and makes her way quickly to where a sharp knife has been carelessly left on a table. With practiced moves, Barbara quickly cuts her hands free. In seconds, before the startled Cookie can react, she has made her escape and is out the door!

Desmond Doomsday: "A clever move . . . and Barbara Gordon is free to assume her secret identity as the courageous female counter-part of the Dynamic Duo,
Batgirl!"

In record time, Barbara makes her way to her apartment, transforms into Batgirl and is off through the late afternoon traffic. On her Batgirlcycle, she is able to weave in and out of the rush hour crush heading out of town.

Before long, Batgirl just about catches up with Simon's bakery truck. Seeing her approach, the Pieman takes an exit ramp into a deserted area near the airport's runways. Despite Simon's flooring of the truck's accelerator, the Batgirlcycle steadily closes the gap . . .

Simon: "Simon says, ‘Shoot the whipped cream!'"

Strudel throws open the doors at the back of the speeding truck. He holds a large nozzle as Brownie activates a pump. Whipped cream blasts out of the hose, onto the road.

Batgirl, on the lookout for another launched pie, is caught unprepared for this maneuver. Her tires slip on the sweet substance and her motorcycle slides out of control.

CRASH!

This time, Batgirl is knocked unconscious by the impact. She sprawls, arms spread to her sides, on the pavement. Simon turns the truck around and pulls to a stop next to the downed heroine.

Simon: "Simon says, ‘Put her in the truck! Hurry!'"

The crooks also collect the Batgirlcycle as a prize.

At that very moment, at stately Wayne Manor, Bruce Wayne is talking on Batman's Hotline to Police Headquarters . . .

Bruce: "Yes, Commissioner?"

Commissioner Gordon: "She should have been back hours ago! I'm terribly concerned."

Bruce: "The Mother Goose Park at the Fair, eh? We'll check it out, Commissioner."

Dick: "Barbara Gordon is missing?"

Bruce: "Right, Dick. To the Batmobile!"

Desmond Doomsday: "Meanwhile, at the airport, the Pieman collects the dough and makes a clean getaway - with sixteen and a half trillion piasters!"

The piasters were en route to the Turkish Pavilion as part of an exhibit demonstrating the effects of runaway inflation. Simon and his gang return to the Mother Goose Park at the Gotham City Millennium Fairgrounds, with their loot and their beautiful captive.

Simon: "Simon says, ‘Lock her up in the castle tower.'"

A short time later, the Batmobile arrives at the Mother Goose Park. Mother Goose emerges from the Park's castle. She crosses the drawbridge across the castle's moat to greet the Dynamic Duo. Batman questions the disguised villain . . .

Mother Goose: "I assure you, Batman and Robin, Miss Gordon left this park hours ago."

Mother Goose is relieved to learn that Barbara Gordon hasn't checked in with her father yet. Mother Goose's true identity is still safe.

Batman: "I see. Thank you, Mother Goose."

Robin: "Let's go, Bat-"

Mother Goose: "As long as you're here, would you be kind enough to pose for an advertising photo? The kiddies will love it."

Batman: "Certainly."

Mother Goose: "If you'll stand in front of those wax figures, I'll snap the picture."

In the yard in front of the castle stand giant wax figures of the Caped Crusaders. As they pose, Batman notices movement out of the corner of his eye . . .

Batman: "Watch it, Robin. Simon's men."

Robin: "I dig."

Mother Goose: "Watch the birdie. One . . . two . . . three!"

Two henchmen try to sneak up on Batman and Robin. At the very last moment, the Dynamic Duo duck so that two bakers club each other with rolling pins!

Batman: "So, you want to play patty-cake, eh, baker man?"

One goon is plastered by a pie while another is knocked head over heels into a large cake.

Robin: "How's that for upside-down cake, pie-face?"

Mother Goose waddles towards the castle. She turns at the far side of the drawbridge to reveal . . .

Robin: "Holy Switcheroo! She's The Pieman!"

The drawbridge raises. Then, from a window in the castle tower, is heard . . .

Batgirl: "Batman! Robin! Help!"

Batman: "It's Batgirl!"

The Dynamic Duo locate a catapult that is used in the Park to launch a stuffed cow over a paper moon. They test it out.

THWUMP!

"Moo!" goes a pre-recording, as the cow jumps over the moon.

Batman: "Now, aim it at the castle window!"

THWUMP!

Batgirl catches the grappling hook, secures it, and prepares to slide down the attached line.

Batman: "Careful, Batgirl. There are sharks in the moat!"

The draw bridge lowers.

Simon: "Simon says, ‘Attack!'"

Charlotte, Strudel, Cookie, Brownie and six other bakers pour out of the castle. They are joined by Simon and the two henchman who had just attacked the heroes.

Robin: "Here comes a baker's dozen!"

One of the thirteen detaches the Bat-line from the catapult. The line goes limp and Batgirl slams against the side of the castle tower.

Batgirl: "Ooooohh!"

Batman and Robin, severely out-numbered, battle furiously. Batman avoids flying rolling pins and knocks his closest opponent out with a hard right. He then picks up a huge metal pie plate . . .

Batman: "Robin needs help."

. . . and throws it into two bakers threatening the Boy Wonder, sending them flying.

The remaining thugs back Batman and Robin against a fence. Batman wields a crowbar, while Robin uses the pie plate as a shield. Suddenly, Simon pops up from behind the fence, holding an aerosol spray can in his right hand . . .

Simon: "Try a little slow-motion potion! A-ha!"

SQUIRT!

The thick frosting instantly covers the Dynamic Duo from head to toe, immobilizing them!

Simon: "Take them into the castle!"

The unholy thirteen carry their captives over the drawbridge. Once they've passed, the drawbridge slams shut behind them, leaving Batgirl hanging against the tower wall, clinging to the Bat-rope with hungry sharks swimming underneath her.

Soon thereafter, in the courtyard of the castle, Robin is hung by the arms over a large wheel with lighted candles spaced every few feet apart. Tied to the Boy Wonder's ankles are . . . sticks of TNT!

Strudel: "If those dynamite fuses touch the candle flames, Robin will be eatin' Angel's Food Cake!"

Simon pulls the switch to start the wheel in motion.

Charlotte: "Ha, ha, ha! Robin be nimble, Robin be quick, Robin jump over the candlestick!"

Simon then climbs to the bell tower of the castle. Batman is locked inside.

Simon: "Simon says, ‘Think fast, Batman!'"

Batman: "Bell tower? But why-
"Uh oh! Floor's moving!"

The floor opens up from underneath the Masked Manhunter!

Simon: "Pease porridge cold, pease porridge hot, you'll never grow old once you drop in the pot."

Directly beneath Batman is a bubbling cauldron of a thick, boiling pea soup!

Batman: "A trap!"

Batman leaps and grabs hold of the bell's clapper.

Batman: "Whew! Almost in the soup that time. Now what?"

Simon: "Ha, Ha! Brownie, Simon says, ‘Show Batman a swinging time!'"

Brownie pulls on the bell rope.

CLANG . . . CLANG

Batman must now hold on to the clapper with only one hand, to keep his other hand from being crushed by the bell. The Caped Crusader holds on first with his right, then the left, alternating, over and over as the bell continues to be rung.

CLANG . . . CLANG

Batman: "Can't . . . stand this . . . much longer."

Meanwhile, Batgirl has made a brave decision.

Batgirl: "Can't be a wallflower forever! Here goes!"

She swings back and forth, gathering momentum. Finally, she lets go!

The Dominoed Dare-Doll flies through the air, landing just on the far side of the moat! She decides to run for the Batmobile, to call for reinforcements, before attempting to regain access to the castle.

Simon: "Batgirl's running for help. Simon says, ‘Give me an apple turnover!"

Using a slingshot, Simon sends one of his apple turnover concussion-bombs through the air.

BOOM!

Simon, Charlotte and Cookie go out to collect their re-captured prize.

Simon: "Simon says, ‘Put her in Peter's Pumpkin Shell."

Charlotte: "And there we'll keep her, very well."

Simon: "Well! A brilliant suggestion! We'll throw the pumpkin down the well, on the Jack and Jill Hill."

Batman: "Those Perfidious Pie-rats! If only I could . . ."

Desmond Doomsday: "If only you could help her, Batman . . . but you can't. Nor can you help the Boy Wonder, who is tiring fast. Who is there now to save the Courageous Crime Crusaders? Can it be that the Dynamic Duo will finally be done in? Tune in, next week, for the thrilling conclusion of this Bat-tale."

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