Tonight's Special Guest

Barbara Gordon eyed the clock on the wall with barely concealed eagerness as it slowly made its way toward 5 o’clock. Ordinarily, she was not one to be first out the door and often found herself heading for home much later, but today she had a big reason to leave work promptly. “After all,” she thought, “tonight’s the big night.”

At 5 o’clock on the dot, Barbara collected her coat and purse and strode out the door, heading for the bus stop down the street. Luck was with her as she reached the bus stop. The early bus, the one she usually missed, was just arriving and Barbara quickly boarded it and found a seat in the rear. As the bus sped through town toward her apartment building, Barbara idly stared out the window at the sights of Gotham City, her thoughts drifting back in time to the incident as Batgirl that had such bearing on tonight.

Barbara remembered foiling an attempted burglary at the home of the famous TV producer, Howie Horwitz. After defeating the gang of criminals in a quick fight and tying them up for the police, Batgirl had been about to leave when Mr. Horwitz had rushed up to her, gushing with thanks.

“Oh! Miss Batgirl, thank you, thank you for stopping them! Who knows what they would have done if you hadn’t come in when you did! As a personal reward from me, how would you like to make a guest appearance on the Gotham City Tonight Show with Marv Phoenix next month as Gotham City’s first costumed crimefightress?”

Batgirl had been speechless. Appearing on a live late night TV talk show with a famous show host like Marv Phoenix was certainly nothing she had ever thought of doing when she had begun her crime fighting career. Initially, Batgirl had politely turned Mr. Horwitz down on his generous offer but Howie hadn’t gotten to be the top TV producer in Gotham City by backing down easily. He had argued persuasively with Batgirl, pointing out her celebrity status and the positive role model she was as a Caped Crimefightress and protector, for all of Gotham’s citizens. In the end, Batgirl had relented and agreed to appear on the show as long as the questions didn’t get too personal. Now, for various reasons, Barbara was actually eager to go through with her guest appearance on the show tonight.

Barbara’s mind sprang back to the present as the bus reached her stop. She quickly got off the bus and walked the final block to her apartment building, taking the elevator to her floor and locking the door behind her as she entered her apartment.

“Yes, Charlie,” she said as she dropped her coat and purse on the couch and strode to Charlie’s birdcage, “tonight’s the night for Batgirl to step into the limelight for a bit and out from under the shadow of the Caped Crusaders.”

Not that Barbara was jealous of the Dynamic Duo's fame or anything, but it could certainly be very annoying and frustrating to be constantly overlooked as an effective crimefighter whenever Batman and Robin were around. Also, now that Batwoman and Flamebird had appeared on the scene, she felt that it was time that Batgirl asserted herself a little more.

Additionally, Barbara constantly marveled at how the chauvinistic and condescending attitude of Batman and Robin found such popular appeal with the Gotham City press corps “The Caped Crusaders are such 60’s throwbacks sometimes,” Barbara thought.

With that, Barbara quickly stepped into her bedroom and pressed the hidden button on her dresser that rotated the wall and brought her Batgirl costume and accessories into view.

Half an hour later, the transformation was complete as Barbara slid her cowl down over her eyes and adjusted it slightly to center in her dresser mirror. While dressing, Batgirl had also taken extra time and care on her makeup and lipstick to look her very best for tonight’s activities.

“I have a few minutes before I need to leave,” Batgirl thought, “just enough time to catch the evening news."

With that, Batgirl walked back into Barbara Gordon’s living room, turned on the television, and laid back to relax on her couch.

The top item of local news was the fourth mysterious break-in at a fitness club. The thieves had made off with all the exercise machines in the place. This was particularly interesting because the equipment in question weighed hundreds of pounds and had originally been positioned in the building with a mini-forklift.

“Hmmmm," thought Batgirl, “strange, but not the usual supervillain sort of crime that will normally bring Batman and Robin into the investigation. I think Batgirl should drop by the fitness club after the show tonight to look for some clues.”

Rising from her couch after the news was over, Batgirl started to head for the bedroom when a loud screeching from behind her startled her so badly she jumped up onto her couch.

After feeding her pet, Batgirl stepped into the bedroom and behind the wall to her secret closet. She mounted her Batgirlcycle and activated the elevator. A moment later, Batgirl was zooming out the alleyway and heading for the TV studio.

As she rode to the studio, Batgirl thought of how perfect the timing actually was for her to appear on the show. The Penguin, Riddler, Joker, Catwoman, and that slimy creep Egghead were all soundly locked away at Gotham State Penitentiary.

Arriving at the studio, a security guard eagerly ushered her into the building where a junior executive escorted her to a dressing room reserved for her use. “You’ll be the first guest after the monologue,” the man gushed, hardly able to keep his wide-eyed stare off Batgirl’s shapely figure. “Mr. Phoenix will be by to meet you shortly.” As if on cue, Marv Phoenix himself strode around the corner followed by an entourage of arguing scriptwriters.

“Batgirl, Batgirl, how good to finally meet you,” Marv said as he walked right up to her and pulled the startled heroine into a hug as if they were long-lost friends. That quickly, the hug was finished and Marv had stepped back slightly and was vigorously pumping her hand in a strong handshake. “And of course you know Yuki here,” he said as he stepped back further and ushered an attractive young woman with vaguely Asian features toward her.

To be honest, Batgirl had never watched the show much, but seemed to remember that Yuki Yamamoto, or Yuki Friday as she was know on the show, was Marv’s partner and comic sidekick to play his monologue comedy routines off on.

“Batgirl, I am so glad to meet you,” Yuki said as she carefully shook Batgirl’s gloved hand. “Since my daughter found out you were going to be on the show, she’s made me buy her a Batgirl costume and has been running around the house practicing those famous Batgirl kicks of yours. I’m afraid she’s going to break something and she’s got half the boys in the neighborhood terrified of her now. She’s coming by for the show tonight. May I please bring her to meet you here afterward?” Yuki asked.

While Marv’s overly familiar attitude upon greeting her had been a definite turn-off, Yuki’s own calm and caring manner, plus her willingness to share a personal story about her own daughter reinforced Batgirl’s decision to appear on the show as a positive role model. Her attention was drawn back onto Marv as he spoke to her again.

“Here’s a list of questions I’m going to be asking you, Batgirl,” he said as he slipped a piece of paper into her hand, “nothing too tough or personal…we are trying for a light tone with your interview tonight.”

Batgirl quickly scanned the list of questions. “These will be fine, Mr. Phoenix,” she replied.

“Call me Marv, Batgirl, call me Marv…especially on the show.” With that, Marv turned and headed toward the studio. “The show starts in 20 minutes, Batgirl,” he called over his shoulder.

“Don’t mind Marv, Batgirl,” Yuki said. “He’s really quite sweet and bearable once you get to know him,” she added as she cast a sly wink at Batgirl before heading down the hall for the studio herself.

Batgirl went back into her dressing room to lounge on the sofa. Occasionally, she also rechecked her appearance in the mirror; she wanted to look her best. Soon, Batgirl could hear the crowd filling into the studio outside and then a TV monitor on the dressing room table clicked on. Batgirl got off the couch and sat down on a chair next to the monitor and watched as Marv came on stage to start his monologue.

As the comedy monologue proceeded, Batgirl had to admit that Marv was certainly good at captivating an audience. The witty repartee between himself and Yuki kept the audience howling as Marv was often the victim of some snappy comeback from Yuki.

Eventually, the monologue ended and Batgirl left her dressing room to follow her waiting escort to stand just off stage behind the curtain, waiting for her introduction after the commercial break. “Break a leg, Batgirl,” the man said as Marv started his intro.

“And now, ladies and gentlemen, while our first guest is a partner in crime-fighting with Batman and Robin, she’s also quite a performer on her own against Gotham’s criminal underworld. Let’s have a big round of applause for Gotham City’s very own costumed crimefightress…the one…the only…Batgirl!”

The crowd broke into wild cheering as Batgirl made her way on stage. She shook Marv’s hand before sitting down between Marv at his desk and Yuki sitting on her other side on a couch.

Just as Marv had predicted, the tone of the conversation was light…general questions about herself…about Batman and Robin…and also some questions about some of Gotham’s more notorious arch-criminals like Joker and Penguin. Batgirl had found herself laughing through much of it.

The interview had then briefly strayed into a slightly darker, more serious area when Marv had asked her to describe some of the demented Bat-traps she had been caught in like the Cossack Sabre Dance and the Siamese Human Knot. These two traps seemed to be of particular interest to Marv and the audience because criminals had used these traps on her more than once. Batgirl related part of her most recent hair-raising experience, trapped dancing in Egghead’s mechanical dancing death trap and then talked of her and Robin’s rescue from a recent Siamese Human Knot ordeal, by British secret agent James Bond.

Before she realized it, they were cutting to a commercial break and the interview was over. “Move over next to me once the next guest comes in,” Yuki whispered to her.

“And now, ladies and gentlemen,” Marv said as they came back from the commercial break, “it’s time to welcome our next special guest. She’s recently established a fine string of health and fitness spas in Gotham City…please welcome Minerva, fitness guru to the stars!"

Minerva??!? Batgirl was on her feet in an instant as Minerva strode onto the stage. She was dressed in a sleeveless black mini-dress, dark stockings, and black patent high-heeled pumps. She also had a long black filmy scarf wrapped around her neck with the ends trailing down her back.

Minerva strode right past Batgirl to get a friendly hug and peck on the cheek from Marv and then shook hands with both Yuki and a startled Batgirl. As she turned to take the seat that Batgirl had just vacated, the trailing wispy scarf Minerva wore around her neck flicked across Batgirl’s face and from the knowing look that Minerva gave her, Batgirl knew it was intentional on her part.

“It says in my notes here that you just recently were released from Gotham State Penitentiary, Minerva. How did you end up there?” Marv asked.

"Was all a simple misunderstanding, Marv dahling,” Minerva purred in her heavily Hungarian accented English. "The case against me was all based on my patented Eggplant Vitamin Jelly Scalp Massage and Parfume Pressurizer machines. Once they actually examined the devices at my appeal hearings and realized they could not get them to work the way they had said they worked, they realized that I could not have been the culprit they were looking for and had to let me free. In the meantime, I spent my time in prison creating a state of the art fitness center for all the prisoners and the prison officials too.”

Batgirl fairly simmered at this twisting of facts. She had remained standing in shock as Minerva had begun her interview and Yuki had had to tug hard on Batgirl’s cape to get her to sit down next to her. Now Batgirl was on her feet again.

“That’s not true!” Batgirl exploded. "I was there when you tried to use one of those machines on Lord Easystreet and you almost cooked me alive with Lord Easystreet, and Batman and Robin, too, in your Persimmon Pressurizer!”

“Yes, Batgirl dahling,” Minerva said as she suddenly sprang to her feet to face Batgirl. “And once I was out and knew you would be on this show, I set up my appearance here just to meet you. This is all a trap, set up just for you. Get her dahlings!” Minerva barked suddenly toward the live studio audience.

Instantly, five men sitting together in the front row all suddenly jumped up onto the stage in a loose semi-circle and prepared to charge at Batgirl. Batgirl gulped slightly at the huge men surrounding her. With well-sculpted physiques, each of them had to be nearly seven-foot tall and the smallest of them had to weigh at least 250 pounds.

As the battle began, Marv crouched behind his desk looking furious. Someone was going to pay hell for not informing him about this stunt they had cooked up. Well, Marv had not gotten to the top of his profession without learning how to adlib on the spot. Snatching his microphone off the desk, Marv began to give color commentary like a sportscaster at an athletic event. Marv had to give whomever had dreamed up this act some serious credit though…it looked like they were actually fighting.

POW!!! "Ouch! Looks like she really rang his bells folks!” he said.

BAM!!! "Guess we’ll have to fix that hole in the wall before the next show!”

CRACK!!! "Looks like those two will have a headache for a while!”

THUD!!! "Guess he’ll be singing higher for a week or so!”

CRUNCH!!! "Ooooooh, that has just got to hurt!”

In less than a minute, the fight was over with all the men on the floor moaning and groaning as Batgirl spun to confront Minerva.

“Looks like your game is up, Minerva . . . dahling,” Batgirl chuckled slightly at her own pun. However her self-congratulations were totally premature.

“Batgirl! Look out! Behind you!” Yuki suddenly cried as a huge hulking shape stepped from behind the stage curtains and loomed up behind Batgirl.

“Huh, what…?” Batgirl said as she turned to look behind her and stopped short, stunned by what she saw.

She had thought the men she had just beaten were huge but they were totally dwarfed by this newcomer. Easily standing almost eight feet tall, this man fairly bulged with tremendous muscles all over his well tanned body and had to weigh over 400 pounds. Stripped to the waist and wearing tight black pants tucked into heavy knee-length black boots and wearing black finger-less gloves, the man had on a skin-tight black leather mask that completely covered his head and face except for the eyes and mouth. Strapped on his forearm was a strange contraption with several tubes running up the arm to the back of his mask.

“Get her, Bane dahling,” Minerva purred from behind Batgirl.

Instantly, Batgirl took a step toward Bane and launched one of her patented Batgirl ballet kicks at him. To her total surprise, Bane did something that no one had ever done before…his hand flashed out and easily caught the oncoming leg in a powerful grip. Before she could even realize what was happening, Batgirl was effortlessly jerked off her feet and being held upside-down by her leg in Bane’s grasp.

Bane wasted no time…before Batgirl could try to do anything to get free, he swung her by her leg in an arch, up over his head and down to smash into Marv’s desk. The desk splintered to pieces, as Batgirl was instantly slammed unconscious from the powerful blow. Stepping into the wreckage, Bane crouched down and easily flipped the unconscious heroine over onto her back by her cape and drew back a mammoth fist…preparing to finish off Batgirl.

“No Bane dahling! Remember our agreement,” Minerva cried as she suddenly appeared before him and blocked his blow with her own body, “Batgirl is for me to take care of. Batman and Robin are yours to deal with.”

With a visible effort, Bane regained his composure from the battle. Next, he easily scooped up Batgirl and cradled her unconscious form into his massive arms. Around them now, Minerva’s henchmen were helping themselves to their feet. In less than a minute, Minerva and her gang were gone with Batgirl as their captive.

At Commissioner Gordon’s office, a quick call from the show’s staff sent the Commissioner scrambling for the Bat phone for Batman and Robin. Unfortunately, the electronically disguised voice on the other end said that they were not in at the moment and to try the Bat Signal. In minutes, the Commissioner and Chief O’Hara were on the roof and shining the signal into the night sky.

At Wayne Manor after the call, Alfred immediately picked up another phone to call the special cell phone that Bruce and Dick always took with them away from the Manor. This time, they had taken advantage of the lull in criminal activity to get outside of Gotham for a few days of relaxation, doing some backpacking and camping. Unfortunately, they had camped in a null zone and the call could not get through. Oblivious to Batgirl’s plight, Bruce and Dick sat in front of their tent before a campfire…singing songs and toasting marshmallows. Behind them, a steep hill masked Gotham City and the Bat Signal in the night sky from view.

Next, Commissioner Gordon tried the Batwoman cellular phone. All he got for his trouble was a recording telling him that Batwoman would be unavailable for several days and to please leave a message.

The Commissioner had no way of knowing that Katherine Kane was in California's Silicon Valley, trying to close another software deal for her company, Networld. Betty Kane didn't have access to the special line. Kathy had no intention of letting her young niece go out alone as Flamebird.

Batgirl groaned slightly as she regained consciousness. Her body felt like it had just gone 12 rounds with a freight train and lost. “God! I’m lucky to be alive with nothing broken after such a blow. What a body ache,” she thought numbly as she took in her surroundings.

She was lying on her side on a small cot. Her hands were tightly bound behind her back and her feet were bound tightly together as well. She still had her mask on and, of course, her utility belt was gone. A loose noose around her neck and a rope running from her bound feet ran to opposite corners of the bed and insured she could not get up. Surveying the drab room itself, Batgirl saw that four of the five normal goons were sitting at a table where they could watch her while playing cards. The game had stopped when she came around and the fifth goon had left the room to tell Minerva of Batgirl’s recovery. One of the goons got up and walked over to her.

“Untie me! You’re all under arrest,” Batgirl barked out in her most authoritative voice as she wiggled and worked at her bonds. The goon sat down on the bed beside her, laughing at Batgirl’s ludicrous demand along with his friends.

“That’s pretty funny, Batgirl, especially coming from someone in your predicament. I think I’ll cuff you around some to pay you back for that beating you gave us back at the show. Then we'll see just how tough you really are.”

“Careful,” another warned. “Minerva ordered us not to touch her. She has something special planned for Batgirl.” With that, the crook sitting on the bed next to her got up and resumed his seat at the table. The hoodlums then began to talk and joke among themselves in low voices, occasionally glancing in Batgirl's direction and laughing.

After several minutes, the fifth henchman returned. “Untie her and bring her into the other room,” he said.

Immediately, the noose and rope at her ankles, binding her to the bed, were removed. Batgirl was picked up in the grasp of two henchmen and quickly carried out the door and down the hall to another larger room. As they carried her, Batgirl observed that she was in the upper offices of a small empty warehouse.

Arriving in the room, Batgirl could see that it was completely empty except for a sophisticated reclining exercise bicycle of the latest design. Setting her bound feet down on the floor, the two men continued to hold Batgirl by her upper arms as she was stood up to face Minerva with Bane standing behind her.

“Minerva!” Batgirl exclaimed. “What’s going on here and what are you going to do with me?” She could see that Minerva had changed from the clothes she had worn on the show and was now wearing a matching cream colored long sleeved blouse and skin-tight slacks tucked into a pair of knee-high stiletto heeled boots. In her arms, Minerva cradled a small Yorkshire Terrier.

"Oh! Batgirl dahling,” Minerva replied. “Don’t be in such a hurry to find out what I have planned for you. I’ll reveal all to you in good time,” she said as she gently stroked the dog in her arms. With that, Minerva explained her plan to Batgirl.

She told Batgirl of the time she had spent in prison. Since her crimes had not been on the level of the normal (?) Gotham Super Villains, she had not been kept in the special Arch-Criminal wing of the prison. Having more freedom, Minerva had gotten permission to upgrade the fitness centers of the facility. Slowly, she had enticed Warden Crichton into using them and had eventually gotten him into the special hairdryer she had tinkered into a mind control device. With the Warden now unconsciously under her spell, on her instructions, he had tampered with the evidence stored at the prison, converting the incriminating items back to their original usage. On the day of her release, Minerva had given him one final instruction not to inform Commissioner Gordon or the Caped Crusaders about it.

After her release, Minerva had gathered her gang and prepared her revenge. She had then made a bold move by hiring Bane and bringing him to Gotham City. Bane was known in the shadowy criminal underworld as a special high-priced mercenary henchman for hire. He was also was known to use a synthetic hormone called Venom to boost his body size, strength, and speed . . . far above that of normal men.

Together, Minerva and her gang had been the ones responsible for the thefts of the missing fitness equipment as she used the stolen goods to furnish her own fitness spas. It had been rather easy to do too since Bane had simply picked up much of the equipment and lifted it into waiting trucks.

“I used this empty warehouse to store my stolen goods, Batgirl dahling, until I could get it all installed at my new spas. Now I have no more use for this building but it’s simply a perfect place to take care of you…permanently!” she purred in her accented English. “Untie her ankles and set her into the bicycle,” Minerva ordered.

Quickly, one of the waiting henchmen dropped to his knees to untie Batgirl’s ankles while the men on either side continued to hold her still. Batgirl knew that whatever Minerva had planned, it wouldn’t be good for her. As soon as her feet were free, she made her bid for freedom.

Batgirl suddenly drove her right knee up into the face of the felon that had just untied her feet and then immediately drove the short stiletto heel of that boot down into the foot of the goon on her right. As the two men fell away from her crying out in pain, Batgirl suddenly jerked hard away from the grasp of the man on her left. She spun hard toward him and delivered a sharp kick to his right knee with her left leg. Now as the third villain fell to the floor clutching his knee and howling in pain, Batgirl spun to face the two remaining henchmen with her hands still bound behind her back, but she had reckoned again without considering Bane.

A pair of huge hands suddenly gripped both her upper arms and Batgirl was suddenly jerked into the air. Before she could react, Batgirl was being slammed firmly down into the chair-like seat of the bicycle. A massive forearm suddenly pressed across her upper chest and neck, pinning her into the seat as she recovered her wits and prepared to launch a kick in Bane’s direction.

“Don’t!” Bane warned as his huge fist cocked back, ready to drive into her face. It was the first time Batgirl had heard him speak and his accent seemed vaguely Hispanic to her.

Batgirl gulped hard and then relaxed in the seat. After experiencing how Bane had effortlessly dealt with her before, there was no doubt in her mind that Bane could seriously injure or even kill her with that waiting blow.

In no time at all, the recovered villains retied Batgirl’s hands tightly around the back of the reclining seat. Additionally, several wraps of strong thick rope were wrapped tightly around her torso and seat back and tied securely in place. As she was tied into place on the bike, Batgirl spied her missing utility belt. It was lying on the floor several feet away…totally out of her reach.

“Put your feet into the stirruped pedals and start pedaling, Batgirl, dahling!” Minerva ordered.

Batgirl’s first inclination was to refuse, but as the moments passed and Bane started cracking his knuckles, Batgirl decided that Minerva and Bane probably had something painful planned for her if she didn’t cooperate. With resignation, Batgirl slid her feet into the stirrups and started pedaling.

“Faster, Batgirl! Faster!” Minerva ordered as she watched the indicators spring to life and show the revolutions per minute of Batgirl’s faster and faster pedaling until it reached 60 rpm’s. “Excellent, dahling, excellent. There is a pound and a quarter of military grade C-4 explosive rigged under your bicycle as a bomb. Is now armed. In ten minutes, the bomb will be activated and after that, the instant you drop below 100 rpm’s, you’ll be completely blown to bits! But, of course, we’ll be long gone by then,” Minerva joked. With that, Minerva explained more about the powerful bomb-bike device that Batgirl was trapped on.

The bike was locked into a continuous cycle with a profile of extremely difficult terrain programmed into it. Additionally, the level of difficulty would progressively increase…higher and higher, going far beyond the normal levels of programming. The controls on the panel to shut down the bike or change any of the settings had also been deactivated.

“The explosives are built right into the bike itself, Batgirl dahling, and the only way out of this room is through this door we are going to lock and bar behind us when we leave. I believe this means your criminal crime-fighting career is about to be, how you say? blown right out of water,” Minerva joked as she turned toward the door with a chorus of chuckles coming from her men over the bad pun. Only Bane remained silent. “Come dahlings! We have a wonderful night of crime ahead of us. This warehouse is well isolated but we still not want to be too close to it when Batgirl blows herself to bits."

Minerva turned and faced Batgirl once more from the door as her men filed out. “Look on the bright side, dahling. You’ll undoubtedly be in the best shape of your life when you blow yourself out of existence and into that great big Batcave in the sky,” she said as she tickled her dog under his chin. With that, Minerva turned and walked out. Batgirl heard the locks and bars being put into place after the door closed. Already, she could feel a light sheen of sweat on her face and the panel showed she had six minutes left in the countdown until the bomb activated…!

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