The Crime Is a Sensation

As you may recall, Batman and Robin were instructed by The Bookworm to appear as guests on the Allen Stevens Show to receiver further instructions as to the particulars of the ransom delivery for the Princess of Nimpah and Betty Kane. The show had just begun when the bogus Batgirl showed up on her Batgirlcycle and threatened to toss a hand grenade into the audience unless Batman and Robin unmasked.

Batman tries one more time to reason with the woman he takes to be Batgirl. "Batgirl, don't you remember all we've been through together? You've helped Robin and me more times than I can count."

"I remember, Batdude, but now it's my turn in the spotlight! Them naming that hotel the Batman Hilton was the last straw! I'm not some second-banana, like Robin."

"Holy Ego Trip, Batman!"

"All right, you two, I'm giving you the two minute warning. If your masks aren't off by then, we'll see how a Batgirl throws when I pitch this pineapple into the audience!"

Meanwhile, in the cellar of an innocent looking bookstore, The Bookworm and his ally from the country of Nimpah, Yashin, watch the proceedings on the Allen Stevens Show with keen interest.

"But Mr. Bookworm, if Batgirl blows all those people up, how will anyone know where to bring your ransom?"

"Don't worry, Yashin," The Bookworm replies. The eyes behind his glasses never leave the screen, as he is transfixed by what he sees. "I know Batman. He will never let innocent bystanders get hurt. Just watch."

At the same time, across town, Barbara Gordon, as previously instructed by her imposter, also watches the broadcast. Assessing the situation, Barbara makes an emergency phone call to the TV studio.

"Time's up, Caped Crusaders," Batgirl announces. "Time to take off those masks!"

"Batgirl, in the sake of all that is decent and pure, please do not throw that grenade," Batman pleads. "Don't become a murderer."

"You think I'm bluffing, Batman?" Regina asks incredulously. "Well, here I go into my windup . . . and here's the pitch . . ."

"Batgirl!" shouts Allen Stevens, just as she is ready to pull the pin on the grenade, "Telephone call for you! Line one."

"Thanks." Batgirl lowers her arm. "Stay put, Batman."

A stage hand brings her a phone with a long cord. Batgirl cradles the receiver on her right shoulder as she tosses the grenade back and forth between her hands. "Hello?"

"Batgirl - or whoever you are - this is Barbara Gordon."

"Hey! How've you been? Enjoying the show?"

"No. I hate it." Barbara then adopts a conciliatory tone, "Look, I bet you're in this just for the kicks. Please, don't ruin your life by killing someone." Resigned, she concludes, "I'll do whatever you want, just don't throw that grenade."

"You've got yourself a deal!" Batgirl answers with a smile. "You called me just in time, but next time, WE will call you, understand?"

"Sure," Barbara says, relieved that mayhem has, at least temporarily, been averted, "Just don't hurt anybody, please?"

"Relax," Regina replies. "You've got nothing to worry about. Talk to ‘ya later!" The new Batgirl slams the telephone down and jumps on her Batgirlcycle.

"Well, Batman and Bird-Boy, thanks to another woman, you're off the hook . . . but listen carefully. Bring the ransom to the downtown Gotham City Public Library tomorrow one half hour after closing. The Princess will be brought there . . . and don't worry about the prisoner we mentioned. We're making other arrangements."

She starts to kick-start the motorcycle, then stops, as if remembering something. "And, oh, by the way, the library is to be open for business as usual tomorrow . . . or the hostages die! Bye!" The criminal Batgirl speeds off out of the studio.

"Holy Last Chance, Batman! Let's go after Batgirl this time! We've got to catch her!"

"No, Robin. Batgirl still has that grenade. I don't want her setting it off." Batman turns thoughtful. "I can't help but feel we're missing something. Let's check in with Commissioner Gordon on the Batphone in the Batmobile."

Batman turns to a very shaken television host. "Maybe next time, Mr. Stevens, we can have that interview."

"Thank you, Batman."

"Let's go, Robin."

Unbeknownst to crimefighters and wrongdoers alike, however, a pair of eyes and ears belonging to another player in this drama was among the vast television audience that witnessed what had transpired this evening . . .

As the Dynamic Duo leave the studio, Robin makes an insightful guess, "Gosh, Batman, what woman do you think made that telephone call to Batgirl? Who might be working with The Bookworm? Marsha? Calamity Jan? The Siren? Minerva?

"Or maybe it was Batwoman!" Then Robin's face lights up, "Or maybe this Batgirl was a fake and the real one was on the phone!!"

"Speculation isn't fact, Robin." Reaching the Batmobile, Batman reaches in and picks up the Batphone. He remarks wistfully, "If only we could have gotten a closer look at this Batgirl, we might have been able to determine if she really was our old friend."

Commissioner Gordon picks up on the other end. "Yes, Batman?"

"Commissioner, we seemed to have run into a dead end. I assume you were watching the TV? After what you heard, is there anything else you can think of that might prove helpful?"

"Good Heaven's, Batman!" the Commissioner declares. "It didn't seem important at the time, but in light of the fact that the ransom is to be delivered at the library-!"

Batman holds the phone so that Robin can hear the Commissioner's words. "Last night a reading list was stolen from the offices of the Learning Olympiad at the Gotham City Public Library! A squad car pursued the thieves, but stopped at the city limits when Batgirl took over the chase!!"

"Thank you, Commissioner!" Batman replies gratefully. "That may be the break for which we've been waiting!" Batman tells the Commissioner he'll be in touch and hangs up the Batphone. The Dynamic Duo enter the Batmobile and pull away from the curb.

"To the library! Right, Batman?"

"No, Robin. Even crime fighters need their sleep . . . and new college students even more so. Dick Grayson only has morning classes tomorrow, correct?"

Disappointedly, Robin nods his head.

"I'll visit the library tomorrow first thing and then collect the ransom. Meet me in the Batcave as soon as you can after school."

Ms. Penny dal Canton, a pleasant woman in her late twenties, had seen many strange things take place in the Gotham City Public Library through the glass window of the door to her office. Today, however, the strangeness comes through that door and enters the office of the Learning Olympiad.

Her curly red-brown hair bounces off her shoulders as her alert eyes glimpse the silent visitor. "Batman!"

Spying her nameplate on the desk, the Caped Crusader replies pleasantly, but business-like, "Ms. dal Canton. I understand you had a robbery here two nights ago."

Momentarily flustered, she quickly composes herself. "Yes, that's right, Batman. The strange thing is, though, they didn't steal the reading list for this year's contest. That might have some value, as it hasn't been released yet. The reading list for last year's competition was taken."

Sensing the woman has more to tell, Batman says nothing.

"Stranger still is what I discovered yesterday. Just last month I had my intern make some copies of the 1999-2000 list, for distribution to the schools in this year's registration packet. Well, when I checked those copies, I discovered the list had been changed! Someone had substituted a different list for the one used last year! Why, I can't imagine!"

"Ms. dal Canton, may I have a copy of that changed list?"

"Why, certainly Batman." While she rummages around on her cluttered desk, she explains, "I was able to get a correct copy of last year's list from one of the participating schools. I thought, though, I should hang on to these substituted lists until I figured out what was going on . . ." Finally she finds the right file. "Ah! Here it is!" She opens up the file, takes out a copy and hands it to Batman.

"Thank you, Ms. dal Canton!" Batman responds. "You have just performed a vital service to the cause of law enforcement!" Batman gives her a sharp salute. "Good day."

"Any time!" she calls after the departing Dark Knight.

About three hours later, eerily similar scenes are played out in front of two pairs of people. In the basement of "Greenbacks on the Greenway," Yashin is beginning to loose his patience with his erstwhile partner.

"Why are we taking the Princess to the library?" he demands to know. "And when are you going to solve Rashun's clue?"

The Bookworm sighs deeply. "Yashin, Yashin, Yashin," he says patronizingly. "What could be a more appropriate venue for me than a library? and besides, where do you think the coin is hidden?"

With renewed hope, Yashin asks, "You've figured it out?"

"Just about. Here, let me show you . . ."

While, in the Batcave . . .

"Rather an eclectic list, Batman," Robin remarks. "Do you think it's some kind of code, either to or from The Bookworm?"

"Indeed I do, Robin. So far, though, I haven't been able to make head nor tails of it."

Not only does the Boy Wonder have a natural affinity for codes, but his mind has been honed by battles of wits with the likes of The Riddler and The Puzzler. "Say, Batman, this is a strange reading list."

"What do you mean, old chum?"

"Well, usually they at least give the authors of the books. Here, let's plug them in . . ."

*****

"This is quite a list, Yashin," remarks The Bookworm.

"As you discovered, Asli loved to read books - in English. Now I know why he said I might need your help. You know something about books, right?"

The Bookworm looks at the man from Nimpah sternly. "Yashin, I know everything about books. Let us begin with the first title, The Faerie Queen. It was written by Edmund Spenser, the British poet. Did you know Trust was by Cynthia Ozick?"

*****

"Taken by the Enemy. What an apt title, Batman."

"I know, Robin, and Oliver Optic was the writer."

The Boy Wonder continues, "The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro . . . and Silas Marner by Mary Ann Evans."

Batman thinks a moment and says, "Perhaps, Robin, but in her day she was known by her pen name of George Eliot. We'd better put that down, too."

*****

The Bookworm gives Yashin another answer, "Lying on the Couch was done by Irvin Yalom."

"How about the next one, Bookworm, American Psycho?"

"Brett Easton Ellis did that, Yashin."

Yashin finally gets an author on his own. "In Cold Blood. Everyone knows Truman Capote wrote that! Now, how about the next title on the list?

"The Jungle? That's by Upton Sinclair. He said he was aiming for readers' hearts," The Bookworm remarks drily, "but that he hit them in the stomach instead."

*****

"I know The Hunt for Red October was written by Tom Clancy," declares Robin, "and Luck and Pluck was a Horatio Alger story."

"Winesburg, Ohio, was written by Sherwood Anderson," contributes Batman, "while the author of Idylls of the King was Alfred Lord Tennyson."

*****

"The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe was done by C. S. Lewis," pronounces the Book Bandit, while James and the Giant Peach was written by Roald Dahl. Edgar Lee Masters wrote Spoon River Anthology about an area in rural Illinois."

"Who was the author of Sons and Lovers?" asks Yashin.

"Child's play!" blurts The Bookworm. "D. H. Lawrence. Not to be confused with his contemporary, T. E. Lawrence, Lawrence of Arabia."

"I wouldn't think of it," Yashin says solemnly.

*****

"Huh! I should know Irving Babbit wrote Literature and the American College, Robin announces. "The Horse Whisperer is by Nicholas Evans and . . ." Robin smiles, "although Superior Woman sounds like it might have been written by Nora Clavicle, Alice Adams was the author."

*****

Condescendingly, The Bookworm says, "Even you should know Brave New World was written by Aldous Huxley. The Woman Who Walked on Water was penned by Lily Tuck. A fine writer, Saul Bellow, created Henderson the Rain King.

The Bookworm frowns at the next title on the list. "Unsafe at Any Speed was Ralph Nader's diatribe against the Corvair." The super-criminal pauses and then discloses with a sigh, "That was my first car . . ."

*****

"Keep going, Robin."

"The next one on the list is Invisible Man by H. G. Wells -"

"Hold it," Batman interrupts. "The Invisible Man was by H. G. Wells, but Invisible Man was by Ralph Ellison."

"Holy Hollow Man! You're right, Batman! What a difference a "the" can make!" Robin's brow furrows behind his mask. "I can't come up with the author of Six Crises."

"That was written by Richard Nixon, before he became President. A bit self-serving, perhaps, but an interesting historical study. Now, let's see what we have."

The Boy Wonder studies the list for the moment, then suddenly realizes, "Look, Batman! The first letters of the first names of that group of six authors. They spell the word "sacred!"

"Well that's it, Robin! You've done it again! That may just be the key to solving this baffling book list, because what is the most important historical relic in the Princess' homeland?"

Robin comes up with the answer. "The Sacred Coin of Nimpah!"

*****

"Do you think you can make out what Asli was trying to tell us, Bookworm?"

"Yashin, through my superior powers of deduction along with my fantastic intellect, I have already deciphered the message! You see, you ignore any middle names and only use the first letters of the authors' first and last names. Taking into account the odd spacing, I see that you use both letters in order from the names in roughly the top third of the list, while-"

Yashin, totally lost and impatient to learn the whereabouts of the coin, orders, "Forget all that! Just tell me: what does it say?"

"THE SACRED COIN IS IN A BOOK CALLED THE STRANGER BY ALBERT CAMUS.

"Well, Yashin, there you have it. Asli left the coin in a book at the library. Now all we have to do is bring the Princess to him, you can get your coin and I can collect the ransom."

"Wait a minute, Bookworm. How do we get Rashun out and away from the Gotham City Police?"

"Batgirl and I have something planned that will take care of that. Don't worry."

Meanwhile, in the Batcave, Batman's face suddenly becomes ashen. "Robin, I just realized. This appears much more serious than we originally thought."

"Holy Disaster! You've got to be kidding, Batman! More serious than the abduction of a Princess, the kidnaping of Betty Kane, a five million dollar plus ransom and the fact that Batgirl has either turned criminal or has disappeared and is being impersonated by someone?"

Very grave, Batman looks into the eyes of his assistant. "The name of one of Albert Camus's plays . . .

"The Just Assassins!"

Barbara Gordon paces around her apartment, waiting for, yet dreading, the phone call promised by the fake Batgirl. As usual, without warning, the phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Oh, hi, Myrtle. How were things at the library today? Did the announcement on the Allen Stevens Show draw a big crowd?

"I thought it might.

"When am I coming back to work? Well, I have some things to sort out right now. I'll return to duty before long."

For no reason she could explain, Barbara is suddenly inspired to ask, "How's Regina?

"You haven't seen her in a few days?

"Myrtle, what's wrong? Please calm down. I'm sure Regina will turn up. She will be fine.

"I tell you what: If she doesn't contact you in the next day or two, I'll have my father look into it.

"No problem. Just don't worry. Everything will be fine, you'll see.

"Thanks for calling. Bye."

Seconds later, the phone rings again."Hello?"

"Gordon, it's me, Batgirl."

"What do you want?"

"Meet me in your father's office in half an hour or I feed Charlie to a hungry cat with an attitude called Heathcliff."

Barbara is momentarily struck speechless by this cruel threat to her pet. Regina asks, "Are you still there, ‘Batgirl'?"

"You don't have to tell me twice. I'll meet you."

As Barbara makes her way to police headquarters, it is almost closing time at the downtown Gotham City Public Library. Back in the stacks, Myrtle notices a book on the floor. It is The Stranger by Albert Camus. As she puts the book back on the shelf, a coin the size of a Sacagawea dollar falls to the floor. Sensing that the coin is unusual to the point of being unique, Myrtle picks it up and puts it in her blouse pocket for safekeeping.

Simultaneously, across the street in an upper story room, a cloaked figure opens a window facing the library just an inch or two. Bashee has successfully snuck unobserved through the police cordon surrounding the blocks around the library. In her hands she holds a sniper's rifle. Satisfied, she lines up the shot. She has a clear view into the main lobby of the library.

Moments later, Barbara Gordon walks into her father's office. "Hi, Daddy."

"Barbara, how have you been? I haven't seen you since that ugly business at Mayor Linseed's fundraiser. If I may say, you look a little peeked. Is anything wrong?"

"Nothing, Daddy, I'm fine."

"And I'm Batgirl!" Climbing into the office from an open window, carrying a gun, is the new Batgirl.

"Batgirl, what's gotten into you?"Commissioner Gordon asks incredulously," and now you're carrying a gun?"

Regina, surprised, looks at Barbara as if to say, ‘Keeping secrets from Daddy, eh?' Out loud she says, "There's a prisoner named Rashun in your jail about to be extradited. Have that fat Chief of Police of yours bring him up here."

Bearing the implied theat to his daughter in mind, the Commissioner presses the intercom and tells Bonnie to have Chief O'Hara do as Batgirl demands. They wait in silence until the Chief and Rashun arrive.

"Batgirl, please don't do this. Please don't," the Commissioner pleads.

"Begorra, Commissioner this a sad day indeed," Chief O'Hara observes, "to see Batgirl join the other side."

"It will be a sadder day if you don't stay out of our way, because I can't hold this friggin' trigger much longer!"

"Does this mean I'm free?" asks Rashun.

"Yes, and the Commissioner's daughter is going to come with us, just in case they try anything funny.

"Here. Take this," says the bogus Batgirl, as she flips the gun to Rashun.

Catching it in mid-air, Rashun says "Thanks."

"Now see here-!" the Commissioner objects.

"Daddy, it's all right. Just do as she says, please?"

Rashun, Barbara Gordon and "Batgirl" leave police headquarters. Waiting for them at the base of the steps is The Bookworm's bookmobile. The threesome climb in the back as one of the Bookends drives.

In minutes, they arrive at the Gotham City Public Library. There, a reunion takes place. Yashin embraces his brother.

Rashun cries, "Dear brother, I knew you wouldn't forget me!"

"Yes, and not only that, but I brought you something."

The Bookworm, holding his prisoner gently, but firmly, by the arm, escorts the Princess of Nimpah into the main library lobby. Yashin makes a brief introduction. "Rashun, this is The Bookworm. He helped me with all this."

"It is a pleasure, Mr. Bookworm. We both thank you very much."

"Oh, the pleasure is all mine, Rashun."

Rashun now turns his attention to the Princess. He reaches down and grabs her hand as if to kiss it. "Princess! Now we can make love forever, my darling. Nothing will stop me and my love for you."

The Princess jerks her hand away in disgust. "When we get to Nimpah, if you dare go back," the Princess intones, "the two of you shall be hung for your insolence. You are traitors and thieves!"

"Your Royal Highness will feel differently when I possess the Sacred Coin of Nimpah!"

"What!?" The Princess stammers, obviously shaken. She knows that the people of Nimpah will consider whoever has the coin as their rightful ruler.

At that moment, Batman and Robin enter. Batman carries two satchels. One contains five million dollars, while the other protects Romeo and Juliet, Planet of the Apes and the Gutenberg Bible. Robin carries Der Buecherwurm.

"Ah, Batman!" says The Bookworm with fake warmth. "Right on time . . . and Boy Wonder, too."

"Here's your ransom, Bookworm," Batman says coldly. "Although I don't understand how Planet of the Apes rates with the work of Shakespeare."

The Bookworm gets a far away look in his eyes, "I've always felt a special affinity for Boulle's characters."

"Never mind that," says Yashin. "Let's get what we came for."

Across the street, Bashee takes aim. She has the Princess in her sights. Suddenly, Myrtle walks into the room. "What is going on here?!" she asks.

BANG!

Myrtle falls to the floor as she takes the shot intended for the Princess.

"MOM!!!!"

Regina is in shock as she sees her mother on the ground. She pulls off the Batgirl cowl. "Mom! It's me. Regina. Mom. Mom! Please get up . . . get up. . . . get up. MOM!"

Barbara Gordon notices something very strange. Myrtle is not bleeding. Taking advantage of the confusion, she slips away into her private office . . .

Batman kneels down next to Regina. "Let me take a look," he says to her, not unkindly. The Caped Crusader examines Myrtle. He reaches into her blouse pocket and pulls out the dented, but intact, Sacred Coin!

"Your mother was very lucky, young lady. The Sacred Coin of Nimpah saved her life. The bullet hit the coin!"

Robin Bat-creeps to the library window and looks across the street. "The police have captured the sniper, Batman! It should be safe now."

"Well, Batman, I'm glad the woman will be all right," says The Bookworm. "Now, if you'll give Yashin the coin, I'll collect my ransom and we'll be on our way."

Rashun turns to the Princess, offers an arm and indicates his brother with his other hand. "If Your Highness would care to accompany the rightful ruler of Nimpah?"

"Hold it right there, Bookworm!" The real Batgirl, with hands on hips, makes her resplendent appearance!

"Two Batgirls?" questions The Bookworm.

"That's the real one!" exults Robin.

"So be it," sighs The Bookworm. "She changes nothing."

"And what makes you think we'll just let you walk out of here?" asks the Dark Knight Damsel.

"Because, dear lady," The Bookworm answers in a pedantic tone, "one of my trusty Bookends is still holding young Miss Kane hostage at another, separate, location. Once we are all free and clear, then she will be-"

Just then the inert body of one of The Bookworm's henchmen is tossed into the middle of the room! "Think again, little worm!" shouts Flamebird, the Girl Wonder.

"More female bats?" The Bookworm blubbers.

"I'm Batwoman and this is Flamebird. We rescued Betty Kane." Of course, Batwoman doesn't reveal she tracked Betty using the Flamebird ankle bracelet with built-in homing transmitter that Betty wears underneath her left sock during all her matches. "She's safe and sound. So there's no reason not to wrap this up right now . . ."

"Oh, I can think of a few!" The Bookworm shouts, "Yashin! Rashun! Octavian! Acres! Jonathan! Willaway! Peter! Vincent! Attack!

"But don't damage any of these books!" he calls.

From between the rows of books six more men appear to do battle with the five costumed crimefighters. The odds of eight against five, however, are not nearly enough to give the thugs a fighting chance.

The Bookworm, staying out of harm's way, sidles up to Regina. "Come on, Batgirl! Your Mom will be all right. My Bookends need your help!"

"Get away from me, you horrid little man!" Regina cries, cradling her mother's head in her arms.

The battle is over quickly. Commissioner Gordon and his men burst in to gather up the prisoners. The Bookworm glowers at the five costumed crimefighters and calls as he is led away, "‘In time we hate that which we often fear,' William Shakespeare, Antony and Cleopatra . . ."

Batman holds up his hand as an officer is leading Yashin towards the door. "I have sympathy for your cause," Batman preaches, "but the end of political reform does not justify the means of kidnaping or assassination."

Yashin nods sadly before he is removed. Then the Princess approaches Batman, Regina and Myrtle. Batman hands the coin to the Princess.

"The Sacred Coin of Nimpah will return for the good of my people. When lost, the finder of the Coin is granted immediate good luck," the Princess explains. She looks down at Regina. "Such was the case for your mother."

Myrtle suffered a concussion when, after being shot, she fell backwards and hit her head on the floor, but the doctors predict she will make a full recovery. Barbara Gordon visits the hospital often as Regina stays at her injured mother's bedside.

It is a few weeks later. Regina, her bags packed, waits at the bus station as she is ready to go to reform school, The Bruce Wayne Home for Wayward Girls. She is seen off by her mother. Myrtle gives her a big hug. "I'll be back, Mom. You'll see a changed person, I promise."

Regina then sees Barbara Gordon.

They come together and hug. "I'm sorry for everything, Ms. Gordon. I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry, Regina. Just take of yourself. I'll keep an eye on your mother. Everything will be fine."

"It was fun being Batgirl, even for a little while," Regina whispers to Barbara. "I won't tell a soul anything about your secret, I promise."

Regina came close to ending the career of Batgirl . . . but a twist of fate, caused, perhaps, by a lucky coin, and her new sense of gratitude allows the story of Batgirl to continue!

*****

By coincidence, at that same time, as the jet bearing Yashin, Rashun and Bashee back to Nimpah lifts from the runway, another visitor to our sunny shores has just arrived at Gotham City International Airport Passport Control . . .

"Are you visiting the United States on business or pleasure?" the customs agent asks as he finishes looking through the man's luggage.

"Dear sir!" he replies in a thick Eastern-European accent, "my business is my pleasure!"

The agent replies perfuntorily, "Well, your passport seems in order. You're cleared. Enjoy your visit to America."

"Oh, I will. I will!"

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