"Did you wanna, you know, talk about this?" Tara said as she sat down on the bed next to Willow.

"Nope, don’t really want to talk right now. I've done a lot of thinking, and my head is in a jumble, I might say something I shouldn’t"

"Oh, alright." Tara said, looking down at her hands.

"That isn’t what I meant. I didn’t say that right. I want to be with you, I really do. I just, there are things I want to tell you, but I...I guess I’m just being a chicken and not telling you. I want to, though. I don’t want secrets between us. I just need more time. It’s nothing to do with you, it’s about my past."

Tara smiled again, leaning forward to gently kiss Willow.

{{ I can’t believe she chose me, Oz came back, but she chose me}} Tara lay down on the bed, pulling Willow down with her. {{She has been hurt badly, I can feel it better now, I could always feel something.}}

" I will be here when you want to talk about it, that’s what friends are for"

"What about girlfriends?" Willow asked, eyebrows raised, "Because I think some time tonight we made that upgrade."

Tara rolled her eyes at Willow. "Don’t you ever get your head out of computers?" She asked, continuing a long standing discussion they were having about Willow's love for anything "whiz like" as they had started to call it.

"I would say yes to that one, but I can think of much more interesting things to be thinking about right now." Willow giggled, her hand moving to tickle Tara.

{{Goddess, I haven’t felt this good since…. divert. I love Tara, she’s so cute when she giggles.}}

# # # # # # #

(IN THE LIBRARY AFTER ‘THE TRADE’ IN CHOICES)

"What do you mean 'leave her be' Giles, can't you see that Faith has done something to her?" Buffy whined.

"Yes, I can see that, but if Willow doesn’t feel she can tell us yet, then we shouldn't push her." Giles shook his head as Buffy stomped back to the table in the library. Willow had just given him what he hoped would be useful information about the Mayor's upcoming ascension.

{{ Something most definitely happened tonight, but it won't help having Buffy try and dig it out of her. The way she is going Willow won't ever tell us what really happened.}}

"Nothing bad happened Buffy, really I’m fine. Faith just got a little happy with her 'friend.'" Willow said, trying to stop the blond slayer's questions.

Buffy pouted but let her be; until she thought of another way to question her friend.

"I’ll walk you home Will" Buffy jumped in.

"Um, don’t you think the car would be safer?" Giles asked, rubbing his temples.

"It’s okay Giles, your slayer can get me home." Willow said, smiling at the old watcher.

"Must I always remind you lot, I am the watcher around here now. Mr. Giles is retired. Therefor Buffy would be my slayer."

"Whatever Wes. Come on Will, let’s get you home. We have some serious talking to do."

# # # # # # #

"What was that for?" Tara asked.

"Huh? Did I miss something again?" Willow frowned, lifting her head to look at Tara’s face.

"You sighed."

"Just thinking about Buffy, nothing to worry about." Willow put her head back down and cuddled closer, absently drawing little stars on Tara’s stomach.

"Oh, alright." {{What is she thinking about Buffy?}}

"Not in any of those ways." Willow teased, lightly hitting Tara’s arm. "I've got you, and that is more than enough for this little witch. Besides, why would I want her when I've got you? I think you would both be the jealous kind, and where would I be then? And who knows, you may like her more than me, and then I'd be left all alone and would have to go find another perfect girl, who I wouldn’t find because I’m sure you're her…. What are you grinning about?"

"I love you Willow, just the way you are, don’t let anyone change you." Tara said quietly.

# # # # # # #

(IN THE HOSPITAL SOME TIME AFTER HUSH)

Willow walked into the room silently. She had been here so often that all of the nurses knew her, though they hadn't liked letting her in at first.

"I’m here again." Willow started. "Oh look, aren’t they sweet. I've come so often that they've left me out a drink and cookies. I guess I do come around a lot." Willow picked up the cup and took a sip, then moved over to the bed and sat down on its edge.

"How are you doing?" She asked the silent form "I know, you're sick of me asking that. Predictable, aren’t I? I walk in, get my drink and then ask how you are; like you're different from the day before."

"Are you okay in there Willow?" A nurse asked through the door, "Can I get you anything?"

"No thanks Lara, someone left me a drink already. You guys must have me on your schedule or something."

"Always happy to see you, you're one of the few who comes to see her." Lara said, gesturing toward the bed. "I’ll let you be, just thought I’d ask."

"We're alone again, though, if you can hear me you must know that. I miss you. Everything is so strange. Everything is different now. I don’t know how, it just is. You changed something in me. I’m not the innocent girl they all think me to be, and part of that is because of you. I don’t regret it, though there was a time when I did. Anyway, enough about the past, you were there, you know what happened. The present, oh yeah, you know how Buffy and I are at college? Well, I met this girl in my Wicca group. She seems really nice and the other day, you know the one where we couldn’t talk? I told you about that right? Well, we kinda ran into each other, then we used our magick to block the door, it was so intense, I can’t describe it. I never thought I would feel like that again, but….I miss you. " Willow gently lifted the hand and kissed it lightly before laying it back down.

" I just thought you’d like to know. Nothing has happened yet, I’m just so confused. I wish you were here to help me, you’d know what to do and say. Anyway I gotta go, meeting Buffy after patrol, can't be late." Willow got up and walked to the door, then stopped and sighed quietly.

"See you soon. I'll be back in a day or two, when I can get away from them. Get well Faith, I really do miss you."

# # # # # #

"Have you ever liked another girl?" Tara asked, casually slipping the question into their conversation.

Willow froze, her eyes darting around the room. {{What do I say? What do I tell her?}}

"I have." Tara continued, seeing Willow's panic. "I didn’t know until later, but I must have had the biggest crush on her during high school."

{{Is that what she wants to know? She thinks I might like Buffy that way.}} Willow calmed down.

"I don’t feel that way for Buffy." Willow said, sure that this was what Tara had been wanting to ask. But the blond witch only smiled.

"She knows how I feel about you. I told her."

"She didn’t know?" Tara asked, surprised.

"I was with the ‘right team’ in high school...spent all of it lusting over Xander, and I never really dated until Oz."

Tara’s eyes darkened at the name.

"He, he was your first, I-I guess." She said sadly.

"In a way he was, but it was right then, it isn’t now. I had to choose, and I chose you. It doesn’t matter who my first was, does it?"

Tara shook her head

"I've only ever been with one person before." Tara said shyly.

"Well, we can just be us; whoever we’ve been with, it doesn’t matter." Willow said finally.

# # # # # # #

(Around the time Buffy and Faith swapped bodies)

Willow walked into her room, a note was sitting on the end of the bed, waiting for her. "Wonder who sent that, looks like Buffy’s writing, but why would Buffy write me a letter?" Willow sat down to read it.

{{She must have come back after they swapped bodies again. }}

"Shit. Where would she be? I have to find her before she skips town, I have to talk to her."

# # # # # # #

End Part 1

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