Feelings revived part 3

Series: Memories of Old

Author: Saskia Mae

Rating: NC-17

Pairings: Willow / Tara to start with… the rest would be giving it away.

Spoilers: Set druing Primeval (season 4) but changes arise season 3

Summary: Willows new relationship brings up memories, what is the secret she has kept.

Feedback: Hell yeah, anything… please feed me.aussieslayerette@yahoo.com

Note:Thoughts are in {{ }} Flash backs are in # # # # # # #

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, Joss Whedon has that lovely. I just borrow.

Dedication: This is for Wlfgrrl, Nina, Alex, Mac, and everyone else who has sent me feedback on this story (sorry if I forgot your name, my memory isn’t that good these days) … THANK YOU GUYS.. Big hug for Wlfgrrl for reading through and fishing out my booboos

Feelings Revived Part Three

 

"This is stupid." Willow turned away from the laptop and shook her hands. "I just can’t get it, I've lost it."

"No, don’t say that. You're a whiz, you know so much. Would you have been able to decrypt it right away before?" Tara moved to sit down next to Willow on the bed.

"I guess not." Willow shook her head "But he’s still kinda right. I’m not doing as much on the computer now. I'm into the new thing."

"Willow, I know what you're really worried about. Why don’t you go and find Buffy?"

Willow moved her laptop onto the floor and lay down on the bed, covering her face with her arms.

{{I just knew she wasn’t cool with me. What does she think? I mean, it's not like it should be any great surprise to her. She saw what my evil self was like. Oh god, does that mean I’m gonna really like…? Oh...I don’t think Tara would be into that. Anyway, that’s bad. Ew, no, not good thoughts.}} Willow shook her head to try and clear it but only succeeded in making herself dizzy.

"Why would they say such mean things? I’m still me, it’s not like I’m some totally different Willow person."

"Willow, calm down, I can’t answer any questions. Maybe Xander was just a little shocked, I mean he has known you for most of your life. It's them not you, please don’t think it's you."

Willow lowered her arms and smiled at the blond witch.

"I know Tar’...it just hurts, you know? That my friends think that I’m just playing around or something. It's like they think I don’t know what I want, and I know I want you."

"Give them time. Talk to Buffy and Xander when you get a chance, I’m sure you'll find that they've gotten over it already."

"I just knew Buffy would be like this, she was all funny around the time…" {{What are you saying, Will? Why do you seem to spill everything when you’re with Tara? You may as well tell her, she's told you that she'll listen. She said she knows it, but how much does she really know? I guess there's only one way to find out.}}

Tara was absently playing with Willow's hair whilst she waited for her girlfriend to continue.

"Tar’ I wanna tell you stuff, but I’m scared. No, don’t say anything. I know I can trust you, but it's still hard, I'll try my best though."

Tara nodded

"I kinda knew that Buffy would have the wiggens about us because, when we were at school I once told her that I thought I liked a girl. I never told her any more 'cos she just kinda flipped. She was all strange around me for a while. It really hurt, you know? I wanted to talk to her about it and I couldn’t. I didn’t know who else to tell about it, so, I kinda started talking to Faith. That's when we became friends. I couldn’t tell anyone that we were being friends 'cos, at first Buffy would've been all about how I was bumping her as a best friend and stuff. And then they were kinda not on the best of terms with Faith."

"So you kept Faith a secret? Did you ever tell them that you were friends, ever?"

"No, and then there were all those fights, and Faith swapped sides. That was so hard, she just swapped. Never talked to me about anything. I saw her less after she was working for the Mayor."

Tara’s eyes widened but she didn’t say anything. Willow leaned forward and gave her a quick hug before continuing.

"Yeah, I still saw her when she worked for the Mayor. We never talked about any of the major things that were going on, we kinda dropped the ‘I hate you’ thing when we were together, just hung out and stuff."

"I guess I see why you never told Buffy about that. She would have wanted you to get information, or would've thought you were giving it yourself."

"Bingo. But by that stage I couldn’t have told them that I was seeing Faith no matter what they would've done; I’d kept her a secret for way too long."

"So, did Faith...um. What happened with Faith?"

Tara wasn’t sure she wanted Willow to continue but she knew that she must. {{ It hurts her to tell me this. If only I could tell her that I know...that she let me see when she let me inside. She needs to tell someone though...me knowing won't help as much if she doesn’t tell me herself.}}

"Yeah, Faith helped. She answered my questions. Sometimes giving me way more information then I would ever need. I mean, some of the things she knew I don’t ever wanna know how she found them out 'cos...no, never wanna know. Nobody would believe it but she can be really nice, kinda protective in her own way. She used to take me places, show me around and stuff. Tell me things Buffy had said I was better off not knowing."

"She answered questions you didn’t want to ask; she answered questions you didn’t know you wanted to ask." Tara added quietly.

Willow nodded and continued.

"Anyway, then things got majorly confusing. Like, I mean on the biggest Sunnydale confusing scale you could find. I, I kinda..." {{Just say it Willow, she knows it's her you want to be with now}} "I kinda found that I was attracted to Faith. I was going out with Oz and I couldn’t do anything when I was with him. I was so in love with Oz, but there was something about Faith that made me wanna know what it would be like to be with her."

"That’s understandable. I mean, if she wasn’t so, so...well she did come across kinda...psychotic, I mean...if she wasn’t so messed in the head and all... I’m not helping, am I?" Tara chuckled to herself. "What I meant was, she seemed kinda nice, as in attractive and you know...?" {{Oh my, I’m blushing.}}

"Tara" Willow grinned "I didn’t know you liked girls like Faith. It's the leather isn’t it" she teased "'cos if it is my evil self had much more, well...she liked leather let's put it that way."

{{Tara’s blushing, oh she looks so sweet when she blushes. Okay, officially sappy moment there}}

"So?" Tara managed to ask.

"Nothing happened between us. Just friends, friendly friends, the kind you talk to and stuff, you know?"

"So, nothing like what we are. You wouldn’t have ever done this with her?" Tara kissed Willow deeply.

"Oh no, never did that with her." Willow giggled.

 

 

# # # # # # #

(BETWEEN ENEMIES AND EARSHOT)

"Faith?"

Willow had made her way to their meeting place. She was sure that she'd heard the dark slayer. Then again, if Faith didn’t want to be heard she wouldn’t be. Sneaking up on Willow had become one of her favourite things to do.

"Here." came the voice Willow had been waiting for.

"Got your message, what did you wanna see me for?" Willow asked, moving slowly in the direction of the voice.

"Wanted to take you out. I mean...I wanted to go out and I get really bored without someone to go with."

{{ I know that's a lie, she's told me many times that she likes it alone, you don’t have to worry about anyone but yourself, why is she lying?}} Willow raised her eyebrows at the dark slayer when she made her way out of the bush.

"Yeah, okay. So I can’t lie to you. Sux. I just... After what happened today, with Angel and Buffy and stuff. I know you probably don’t wanna go with me. I mean, you got more info now. Best thing would be to avoid me, huh."

Willow shook her head and reached out to Faith, but the dark slayer moved easily out of the way.

"Look, you know that what happens between us when we go out has nothing to do with our 'sides.' Granted, it makes it really hard when we have a meeting and I have to lie about where I was. And Oz, he's wondering where I disappear to and he's in the band. Anyway, you wanted to go out. We stick to our deal?"

"We don’t know one another apart from now. Nothing happened today. We aren’t on opposite sides. You're not freaked that my boss is gonna have the town killed soon and we never had a history together." Faith said, as if she was reading from a book.

"Hey, where did that extra one come from? Yeah I’m freaked, I mean, I could be dead, or we may work it all out and you'll be dead. I don’t wanna think about that kinda stuff when I’m with you...I think about it when I’m with them. Let’s just go out."

# # # # # # #

 

 

"You sure you didn’t mind me saying that you were here? I didn’t even think of it until...I’m sorry. Not the best at things like that."

"It’s cool. They just want to talk. Buffy said she has some news she really needs to tell me. I guess it’s important enough to talk to me."

"When do you have to go?"

"Soon. I mean, I decrypted the disks and all, I should really tell them the information on them. But, it feels strange going out there after the things they said."

"You’ll be okay. I’m sure they've had time to think things over and will be cool with us. And you really should show them those disks, they need that information."

"Yeah, but my head is all muddled now. I mean, telling you about Faith and stuff. I don’t know if I could handle it if they're going to be all…"

"You still have time, if you need to clear your head, I mean."

"Thanks Tar’...don’t know what I did before I told you some of that stuff."

 

 

# # # # # # #

(BETWEEN ENEMIES AND EARSHOT cont.)

"This is where we're going?" Willow asked, looking towards the club.

"Sure thing Red, that is if you want to join me. Like I said, gets real dull without someone with me."

"But you know, I don’t go to places like that."

"Yeah, that’s kinda the point. If Buffy decides she needs you where is the last place she's gonna look? Plus they got these real comfy booth things...thought we could hang out, ya know, not get noticed."

{{She's thinking, that’s a start. She doesn’t wanna get me caught with her, is that for her or for me? Not worth thinking about right now. Why does she want me here? After all that's happened in the last few days I would've thought she wouldn’t want to be around any of us again. I mean, I know I didn’t play any part in the whole messing with her mind for info thing, but I’m still part of the group that did it. And she's meant to be my enemy... Who am I kidding, I can’t think of her like that, not even if she is on the other side. }}

Faith gestured to some seats "This is just for us, got 'em to save it for me. Boss knows some people in this town...um, anyway."

Faith waved to someone walking past.

"Who was that?"

"Dunno, but they'll get us somethin' to drink. You do want a drink, don’t ya?"

Willow nodded.

"So, you guys came up with a good thing there this time. Gotta put it to you, sure do know some people the Mayor thought you wouldn’t."

"Faith, you know we don’t talk about that kinda stuff together."

"Yeah I know. Ya know I was almost gonna break that little pact we have the other day."

Puzzlement crossed Willow’s face. The pact had been for each of their safety. "Why would you do that, and, how?"

"My Boss, he sent vamps out to get you, I mean, he said my friends and somehow I knew he was gonna try and kill you first. I followed the guys he sent so I could stop 'em before they did real damage but I didn’t have to."

"Vamps after me, now there's something different. I never saw any vamps the other day. What do you mean you didn’t have to?"

Faith laughed softly, something she did more of when she was with Willow. Taking one of the drinks that had just been placed on the end of the table she slid it carefully in front of Willow. "Here, try that. I meant I didn’t have to do anything 'cos it wasn’t you they found. Well, not the you you."

Willow's face paled noticeably, even in the dim lighting. "Oh, you saw her, the other me, the vamp me?"

"Yeah, and gotta say, like the look Red. Real nice in leather, though the whole undead thing could be a bummer."

{{Why is she bringing this up? Why is she telling me about that? She has something in mind, I just know it. If only I could tell what she's thinking.}}

"Also noticed her taste in partners was somewhat more open than yours." Faith continued, staring at her own glass as if it had become the center of the universe.

# # # # # # #  

 

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End part three

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