Feelings revived part 2

Series: Memories of Old

Author: Saskia Mae

Rating: NC-17

Pairings: Willow / Tara to start with… the rest would be giving it away.

Spoilers: Set after New Moon Rising but changes arise from

Summary: Willows new relationship brings up memories, what is the secret she has kept.

Feedback: Hell yeah, anything… please feed me. aussieslayerette@yahoo.com

Note: Lots of this story is gonna be in flash backs… hope you don’t mind, was the only way it would come to me. :-) Thoughts are in {{ }} Flash backs are in # # # # # # #

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, Joss Whedon has that lovely. I just borrow.

Dedication: the biggest hug goes to the lovely Wlfgrrl who did a wonderful job of going through this for me. You are just the best to me.

 

Feelings Revived Part Two

 

"Hey." Tara said, eyes bright, a smile spreading across her face "How are you sleepy head?" she teased gently.

"Good, I like waking up here." Willow started to smile but it slipped into a frown.

"What time is it? I hope I wasn’t too sleepy, I have class today and I can't really miss it."

"It’s still early." Tara said simply.

"Oh, that’s good. What are you doing awake then? I thought you liked to sleep."

Tara blushed slightly before answering.

"I, I was watching you. You had a bit of a nightmare this morning."

"Oh, did I wake you?...I’m sorry." {{Goddess, I hope I didn’t say anything. I can't tell her about those things yet, and if I said anything... Worry about that later Willow, she looks worried enough about you now. It's not like she would understand anyway. Nobody could understand.}}

Willow leaned forward and kissed Tara, her hands creeping their way into the blond witch's hair.

Tara finally broke the kiss, reminding Willow, "Time, don’t forget the time." she said, with brooding eyes.

"Hey, don’t you start looking at me like that. It was bad enough with Angel, goddess help me if you start."

Tara giggled, a smile returning to her face. "Well, you're the one that taught me the look." She pointed out.

"Mm, must remember that. But you're right, I don’t have much time." Willow got out of bed slowly and pulled on her clothes. "I'll come by after class, okay?"

"Sure, then we can go and get something to eat. And Willow?"

Willow stopped in the doorway and turned to look back at Tara. "Yeah?"

"I’m here for you, remember that. You can tell me anything." Willow just nodded and walked out the door.

{{You wouldn’t be there if you knew, Tara. It would only hurt you. You wouldn’t understand. Buffy didn’t understand and she doesn’t even know the whole of it.}} Willow thought sadly as she walked from the dorm.

 

 

# # # # # # #

"Buffy, what are you doing here?" Willow asked as her friend walked through the door.

"Well, I kinda live here Will. What’s up with you? What are you packing?" Buffy made her way over to Willow.

"Nothing, um, just a bag."

"Right, nothing. That would be why you have a bag with stakes, holy water and crosses in it. Come on Will, you know you can tell me anything."

{{Can I tell her? Would she understand? }} Willow's face showed her inner conflict.

"Come on Will, it can't be that bad." Buffy smiled and sat down next to Willow on the floor.

"Look, I can’t talk right now. I have to go find some-... something. I have to be somewhere."

Buffy shook her head sadly.

"But thanks Buff, I will talk to you about it soon, I just...I have to go now."

Willow got up and ran out the door.

{{What is she hiding? Guess there's only one way to find out: follow her. That’s kinda mean though, if Willow doesn’t want me to know about something it’s her business. But, I am the Slayer, it is night, and she is going out alone. Now it’s not my fault if I just happen to be close by, and if something happens I can help her. Yeah, that sounds good.}} With her thoughts in order Buffy got changed and headed out on her nightly patrol.

# # # # # # #

 

 

Willow walked outside after her class and sat under a tree.

{{I don’t believe I just ran out on her like that.}} She thought, leaning back on the tree so she could see the door, just in case Tara did come looking for her. {{ It's not like I don’t want to be there. I’m just so messed up. Who would've thought that having two people want me could make me so mixed up inside? What are you thinking Willow, you know you wouldn’t have wanted to get back with Oz, even if you hadn’t met Tara. It had been over long before he...before he left you. I should be going to see her right now, but how can I do that and not tell her how I’m feeling? It's not fair to her, I can tell she knows I’m keeping something from her. Why did Cordelia have to call anyway, it's not like she has any interest in me? I bet she couldn’t help herself, getting a chance to disrupt my life. I wonder if she'll ever forgive me? Why do I care? I guess she does seem a lot more, human, since she got her ‘gift.’ Shit, what she told me was like…Hell, there’s Tara."}}

Willow shielded her eyes from the sun as she looked at her friend. {{Girlfriend}} she reminded herself.

"Hey." Tara said shyly, standing close by.

"Hey Tara. Sorry I didn’t come right up, kinda had to clear my head for a minute. Join me?" Willow patted the grass next to herself.

Tara hesitated but finally sat down, giving Willow a quick kiss on the cheek before leaning her back against the tree.

"So, how was it?" Tara asked.

"Honestly, I don’t know. My mind was kind of, elsewhere." Willow answered, not meeting Tara's eyes.

"You weren’t wasting your time thinking about Oz, or...us, were you? I mean, if you think you made the wrong choice…"

"No, I want to be with you." Willow interrupted, taking Tara's hands in hers. "Angel called me the other day. Well, not Angel, really it was Cordelia."

Tara just nodded, giving Willow's hands a squeeze.

"She had some news, about Faith." Willow looked off into the distance "Faith is in LA."

Tara nodded again. She had known this.

"Faith sent me a letter."

"Willow, is this what you've been upset about?" Tara asked gently.

Willow turned to face her girlfriend and nodded.

"I know about Faith. I don’t know what I can do to help you, but I know about her. I know because of that spell we did. I could feel it then." She felt she should explain "I know, but until you are ready to talk about it I won't bring it up."

"But you don’t know it all, and I can’t tell it all, not yet."

"I want to be with you. I know about Faith and I still want to be with you; I know about you helping the Slayer and I still want to be with you; I know about your family and I still want to be with you...do you know why? Because you are you because of them, without them you wouldn’t be my Willow."

"I love you you know." Willow replied simply.

 

 

# # # # # # #

(SUNNYDALE HOSPITAL: JUST AFTER GRADUATION)

"Hey Faith. I managed to get away from them long enough to come and visit you. I don’t know what to say. We stopped the Mayor, I know you where kinda close with him, but I don’t think you’ll mind. He turned into a big snake-like thing, I don’t think you would've liked it. And that stuffy school? We blew it up! You should have been there, only...you would've been on the wrong side. You would have loved watching that place burn. I know I did, but I can’t tell the others that. There seems to be so much that I can’t tell them. I wish you were still here so I could tell you those things. But even that changed after you went to the Mayor's side. Why did you have to run, you knew you didn’t have to run from me? So you killed a guy, we’re your friends...well, I am. I forgave you for that, it was an accident. If only you’d talked to me, things may have been different."

Willow paused, realising she hadn’t stopped talking since she'd entered the hospital room. She took in the sight that she'd managed not to look at. Faith.

"Goddess, you look so weak. If only I could help you, I mean, what good are witchy powers if I can’t help a friend? Shit, I think I hear someone coming. I have to go." Willow gave Faith's unmoving hand a quick squeeze before running out of the room. Unfortunately, she ran out the wrong door and ended up in a small bathroom.

{{Guess I'll have to wait until they're gone}} She thought, hearing someone entering the room beyond.

"Oh my, Faith. Look at you. I am sorry, I-I should have been a better Watcher. No. I should have been a better friend. That is what you needed, friends, not a Watcher. I’m not even one of them, really." Rupert took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. "I guess there is nothing I can do now but wait for you to recover. I think I have managed to get the Council off your back for a while. Rather good of me don’t you think, getting those stuffy old bastards to give you a break?" Rupert smiled, chuckling quietly to himself. "I didn’t tell Buffy about my coming here. I think she likes the idea that you’re in a coma. Though there was a space where I thought she was going to feel badly about doing it, but that seems to have passed."

Willow sat with her mouth hanging open, if she hadn’t been so shocked she may have tried making some stupid excuse about getting lost and joining him. {{Giles, Giles visiting Faith, Giles happily talking to Faith. What am I missing?}}

"I heard that Willow had come to visit you. Lucky thing. I don’t know what happened between you two girls, nor do I expect you to tell me. Of course, you wouldn’t even if you were in a state to do so. You can be more stubborn than even Buffy sometimes. Willow misses you, I can tell. She doesn’t say anything, but I know she used to be friends with you. Behind our backs may I add. I’m quite sure that the others think you two would have killed one another if left in a room, alone." Rupert chuckled again "Though the Ripper in me suggests it would have been other things. I should have liked to see you with her calming influence. Anyway, I had better be off. Slayer to lecture, Scooby gang to feed. God knows why they picked my house to have this little get together at, it’s beyond me. I will come back Faith. Get better, if only for her."

Willow crept out of the bathroom when she was sure Rupert had gone.

"I was kind of still here for that." she told Faith "I've gotta go, but, it made me wonder about you even more. As Giles said, we're having a get together and they'll miss me if I’m late."

Willow leaned over and kissed Faith on the cheek quickly before leaving.

# # # # # # #

 

 

"So you used to go and see her all the time. What is so bad about that? I think it's nice of you. I mean, I don’t think I could've done that had I been in your situation." Tara was sitting on her bed, Willow lay with her head in Tara’s lap.

"I felt guilty" Willow continued "I mean, I went all the time, but I didn’t tell anyone. I felt bad for going and not saying, and I felt bad the other way, keeping it a secret. Like you."

"But you did what you thought was right, no one can ever do anything other than that. And I’m not a secret any more, they know me. They know you are with me. Willow, you need to trust in yourself more."

"You know Tara, I feel better telling you this. I mean, I still feel bad about not telling you before but..."

"I know. And who doesn’t have secrets; part of a relationship is trust, enough to be able to tell certain things. Do you think you'll tell Buffy?"

"She wouldn’t understand. Plus, I like it being just an 'us' secret… makes it kinda fun."

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End of part two

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