Series:
Memories of Old (II)Author: Saskia Mae
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Non in this part.
Spoilers: Set after Restless (season 4) but changes arise form season 3.
Summary: Faith gets some news about her stay in the ‘hospital’
Feedback: Hell yeah, anything… please feed me. aussieslayerette@yahoo.com
Note: Thoughts are in {{ }} Flash backs are in # # # # # # #
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, Joss Whedon has that lovely. I just borrow.
Dedication: biggest hug goes to the lovely Wlfgrrl who did a wonderful job of going through this for me.
Remembered Emotions (4/4)
"So you’re telling me that I’m out of here soon, and that when I get out you're giving me money?" Faith asked again.
"That is correct Faith. We believe that you are progressing well. We will want to keep in contact with you, but you'll be free to leave us a fortnight from now. Of course, if you decide to stay here we'll gladly have you."
"Sure, whatever; you really believe I'm ready?"
"You are aware of what you have done and you show remorse for your past deeds. You have also proven to us that you are stable and in control of yourself now. We will keep contact with you for around a year, I know that sounds like a long time, but it's policy."
"This is a load of shit, I mean I killed people...lots of people. I hurt people and fucked around with their lives. You can’t think I’m ready to go back and actually do the right thing. How much is he paying you?"
"I assure you Faith that Mr Byron is not paying your way out. He is paying for you to be here but that doesn’t mean he tells us when to release you.
"Why the fuck is he doing that? I mean, why should he pay for me to be here, what does he care if I live in jail, why does he want me out? Didn’t I stuff up his life enough?"
"Despite what you think Faith your father still cares for you, he is just trying to do right by you."
"Like hell he cares for me, you think what I've done here is bad? Well try some little kid who's all fucked in the head with jealousy trying to kill her step mother, or trying to kill herself and then running away. He shouldn’t want anything to do with me, no one should want anything to do with me." Faith sat shaking as tears ran down her face.
"I messed up big, I just don’t get why he would care, how can he still believe in me after all I've done?"
"I believe he said he was ‘giving you your inheritance’ or at least some of it, I believe there is much more."
"You mean you actually met him, he came here...when?"
"He came to us when you were in the coma. He spent some time here deciding which options would be best for all parties concerned. He decided to pay your way here and give you enough of your money to get set up where ever you want. Any more than that and you will have to see him. Faith, there are people out there who care for you, don’t push them away. They are what you need to get through this."
# # # # # # #
(JUST BEFORE ‘THE TRADE’ IN CHOICES)
"They’re in the next room. Come here." Faith's face was unreadable.
"Just wanted to say thanks again Red, I won’t forget it, and don’t worry… I won't do it again, or tell anyone."
Willow kissed Faith again. "I wouldn’t mind if you did." she said softly, hoping Faith's slayer hearing would pick it up.
{{What is she talking about? I gotta go and see her after this.}}
Faith hugged Willow gently, then turned her around, pulling her knife out. Willow cringed at the sight of it.
"Okay, let's go Boss."
# # # # # # #
Faith sat down under one of the large trees furthest from the building.
"God, look at me, I haven’t even been here that long and they're going to release me. They think I’ve changed, they think I’m on the good path. What will I do when I’m out, where do I go? I could go to Angel." Faith shook her head, smiling to herself. "You know where you want to go, you're all stuffed up with those fluffy feelings." {{I want to go back to Sunnydale, and they think I’m all cured, how stuffed in the head must I be to want to go back there so soon after I played shit with their lives like that. On the other hand, I have changed a bit. Even Angel said that last time he came. I still don’t know where he finds the time to visit me every other day. Not that I don’t like it. Must say having Wes visit me was strange. Kinda got used to the visits from Cordelia, even started to like ‘em}} Faith laughed at herself. "Guess you are ‘fixed’ Faith" she said out loud, grabbing the writing pad from next to her.
Rupert.
I don’t know if you’ve been getting any reports of me where you are. Don’t know how chummy you are with Angel and that. Or for that matter you may have other connections we don’t know about, always was your way to surprise us with new knowledge.
Anyway, the reason I'm writing this is to tell you that they want to release me from the hospital I’m in. Can you believe it, they're giving me the big tick already, can't have been here that long. Maybe it’s some kind of slayer thing, you know, the healing trick.
What I wanted to ask is if it would be, should I say 'safe?'...makes it sound scary, but it is. This must sound strange coming from me, but please believe it. I am sorry about all that shit I did back there. I want to come back. I want to tell the guys sorry, see if I can make it up to them somehow.
Thing is, I would hate to come and have everyone be all shocked and stuff. Plus there is the housing thing. Some fluke of destiny means I have money, but I would really appreciate it if I could stay with you for a bit, just until I know how they're going to treat me. Just let me know, ‘k.
Thanks, Faith
Oh yeah, Want to say thanks for coming to see me all that time in the hospital. I’m sorry I went all extra-psycho when I came out of it. Also, thanks for being there for me, never got a chance to come for help in the end, maybe if I had things wouldn’t have worked out the way they did. If things go okay back there, maybe you could consider watching me, like as a Watcher, me being a slayer and all.
Faith shook her head. {{What is he gonna think of me? I don’t even sound like me any more. Well, not like the crazy me, hell I should be happy about that. Now the hard
Hey Red,
Yeah it’s me. Guess what, they've decided I’m not a basket case, well, not enough to keep me here. Thought you might want to know. I was thinking of trying it out in Sunnydale again. That is if you guys will have me. I don’t get how you could've forgiven me for what I did, but you said you have and I trust you. Don’t sound like me do I? That’s cool, I keep thinking that, thinking maybe I’m not me, some of that Buffy sense rubbed off maybe. Anyway, if you think it’s a real bad idea me coming back, say so and I wont. Don’t want to mess things up too much, but I would be so happy to talk to you again. So much has changed with me. One thing they've bashed into my head is that 'not running' thing you used to tell me. I realised I’m kinda sick of running. I think if I have someone to help I may be able to try and make up for the shit I've done in the past.
Faith.
"Short and to the point, kinda. That should do. They'll work out what they want. If I have them I can face the others. I hope."
# # # # # # #
(AFTER ‘THE TRADE’ IN CHOICES BEFORE THE PROM)
"Okay Will, when are you going to tell me what really happened?" Buffy asked as the walked out of the school library.
"Nothing happened Buffy, why won't you believe me? You know I don’t need you taking me home, I’ll be fine. Giles could have driven me."
"Look at yourself Willow, you have cuts all over you and flinch every time someone goes to touch you. Come on, I’m your best friend, you can tell me."
"Not out here Buffy." Willow said giving in a little.
"So, spill. You've managed to avoid saying anything all night." Buffy said, sitting down on the end of her bed. Buffy had insisted that they go back to her house, ‘it will be safer’ she'd said.
"You know Buffy. They held me so they could get that box back. Sure Faith got a little happy with her knife, but hey..." Buffy looked shocked.
"You don’t just ‘but hey’ those things Will. How much damage did she do? Come on, I have to treat them, you don’t know what she’s done with that knife." Willow was nervous at first but Buffy wouldn’t take no for an answer and soon had Willow sitting in just her underwear.
Faith watched through the window as Buffy tended to all of Willow's cuts. {{God look at them. Look at what I did to her, how could I hurt her like that?}}
"I could kill Faith for doing this to you." Buffy muttered as she came across another deep cut.
"No Buffy...don’t do that, I mean." Willow stopped and hissed as Buffy cleaned another cut. "Don’t hurt her Buffy, she must have some good still in her some place, I mean she did, um, she didn’t hurt me too bad or anything." Buffy muttered to herself and continued the first aid.
"I have to go Buffy. Thank you for doing this but I want to be at home."
Buffy clearly wasn’t happy but after two hours of talking to Willow she still didn’t know what had happened and she was sure she wouldn’t find out anytime soon.
"Okay Will. Did you want me to walk you home?" Willow shook her head.
"I’ll call when I get there, then you'll know I’m safe. Okay?"
"Okay Will" she agreed sadly.
{{This is my chance}} Faith thought watching Willow walk down the street.
"I know you're there Faith." Willow said quietly. Faith moved out of the shadows and walked up to Willow.
"Are you okay Red, I mean, really okay?" she asked concerned
"Yeah, just a little sore, some of those cuts were kinda deep." Willow turned and continued along the path "I have to go home first, Buffy is waiting for a call."
Faith nodded. They would talk soon. They walked in silence to Willow's house where Faith was invited in.
"Yeah Buffy, I’m home…safe and sound…. Yes I’m all right…no, stay there. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Still trying to find out what happened?" Faith asked before she realised she shouldn’t know that. Willow just nodded, unsurprised that Faith must have been watching her.
Willow sat down on the edge of her bed and put her head in her hands.
{{ Shit, look what you did Faith, she’s crying. You did that.}} Faith moved around and put her hands on Willow's shoulders gently. Willow tensed, jumping at the touch.
"I, I just can’t do this right now. Not after what happened."
"Sure, what could I expect, I mean, I don’t understand how you can bear to look at me after..."
"Faith stop. I just need time, okay. It means a lot that you were looking out for me but I need time. I need to think things over. You can’t just do what we did and keep going like nothing happened."
"What do you mean what 'we' did Red? I did it, I was the one that cut you up so bad." Faith's eyes softened and she reached out to Willow. "I didn’t wanna hurt you babe, I don’t know why I did that. Mayor, he’s got me all psyched up and shit, you know I didn’t wanna hurt you."
"I know Faith, I’m not going to say you didn’t hurt me, or that what you did was okay, that I liked it..."
Faith looked down at her hands and started to turn away.
"Wait, I’m not going to say any of those things, but I can tell you that what I did, I wanted to do, and that I forgive you. You can’t understand what I’m feeling right now Faith."
‘Sure thing, um, I think I better get going, yeah. Hope you get better Red, and, um, yeah." Faith turned and walked out.
"I think I love you Faith." Willow said out the window to the dark form walking down the street.
# # # # # # #
"So, what deep dark secret do you want me to spill this time Doc?" Faith asked plonking herself down in the chair.
"I thought today you might enlighten me about what happened between Willow and yourself."
Faith froze. She hadn’t expected that. {{ I can do this, I can tell him.}}
"I, fu-... I..." Faith looked up {{The truth Faith, that’s what he wants to hear}}
"I raped her."
* * * *
End of part 4
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