"Deck the Hall"

(Negaduck is standing near the main doors of the hall, looking more annoyed than usual.)

Negaduck: All right! Who's the wise guy? (The rest of the Fearsome Five enter.)

Megavolt: What's wrong? (Negaduck points up to the ceiling.)

Negaduck: That! (The four look up. There, right over the middle of the hall, is a piece of mistletoe.)

Negaduck: I mean, what kind of sick joke is this? (Everybody instantly turns around to look at Quackerjack.)

Quackerjack: Hey, even I'm not *that* crazy. Besides, *I'm* not the one good with plants. (Using Mr. Bananabrain, he points to Bushroot. Everybody turns to look at him.)

Bushroot: Don't look at *me*! I hate Christmas! Remember my Christmas Special? (Negaduck growls.)

Negaduck: All right, I know *one* of you morons was in charge of decorating the hall. You'd better tell me who---or I'm gonna have to start spreading some Christmas cheer. (Pulls out a missile launcher out of his jacket and points it at the rest of the Fearsome Five, who gulp.)

Bushroot: Gee, what happened to your chainsaw?

Negaduck: I'm in a *festive* mood today. (Aims the launcher.) Now---who was it?

Liquidator: Not *me*. I was in charge of refreshments, remember? (Pulls out a bottled water sample.) Sparkling Clearfresh Pure Floodwater, curtesy of the Liq---

Negaduck: Shove it. That only leaves---(Spots Megavolt edging his way to the door. He points the launcher at Megavolt.) *You*. Hold it right there ---Sparky.

(Megavolt is about to rebuke Negaduck for calling him the s-word, but he eyes the missile launcher aimed at his throat and thinks better of it. He swallows nervously.)

Megavolt: Hey, it was caught in the Christmas---er, Bah Humbug lights. I don't know anything about plants. How was *I* supposed to know what it was?

Negaduck: They say ignorance is bliss, Megsy. For you, ignorance is gonna go *boom*. (Clicks the launcher.) Merry Christmas, Sparky. (Suddenly, Quackerjack points behind Negaduck.)

Quackerjack: (As Mr. Bananabrain:) Hey, look! Steelbeak is walking underneath the mistletoe!

Negaduck: Really? That ought to be good for a laugh. (Turns around, pulling the launcher away from Megavolt. Megavolt crumples to the ground with a sigh of relief. Meanwhile, Negaduck leans against the launcher and sneers.) Maybe this won't be so bad after all.

(Steelbeak unwittingly walks under the mistletoe.)

Liquidator: Oh, Steelbeak has just been tackled by Ammonia Pine! Oh, wait---he's trying to make a break for it---but Ammonia just won't let go! He's struggling...oh, but we have it---Touchdown!!!

Fearsome Five: *Ew*...

(Steelbeak gets up and runs towards the Fearsome Five, a hand over his mouth.)

Bushroot: What's the matter? Bad breath?

Steelbeak: No. Worse. Lysol. (He runs out the door, heading for the men's room.

Liquidator: Here comes Lady Bane. She's heading for the mistletoe, too.

Megavolt: Isn't that Duke Igthorn behind her? (Igthorn is walking behind Lady Bane, trying to look casual.)

Quackerjack: Uh-huh.

Bushroot: Do you think he's stupid enough to try and kiss her? (The Fearsome Five look at each other.)

Fearsome Five: Yep.

(Igthorn taps Lady Bane politely on the shoulder. He bows gracefully to her as she turns around and glares.)

Igthorn: My dear Lady Bane, it seems you're standing under the mistletoe.

Lady Bane: And your point is?

Igthorn: Isn't it a tradition to kiss anyone standing under the mistletoe. (Lady Bane's eyes narrow.)

Lady Bane: Oh, you want a kiss, do you? Kiss *this*! (She hurls a magical fireball at his face. Igthorn is instantly charred.)

Igthorn: What a woman! (He falls over. Negaduck looks disgusted.)

Negaduck: Someone go sweep up Igthorn. Pathetic. (Looks around and then notices someone walking by. He grins.)

Negaduck: Hey, Moze. You're standing under the mistletoe. (Mozenrath stops in his tracks and strikes an arrogant pose.)

Mozenrath: Oh, *please*. Do you really expect me to fall for _that_?

Bushroot: Um, actually, he's telling the truth.

(Mozenrath still looks reluctant to believe it. Suddenly, the main doors of the hall burst open to reveal a group of DA fan-femmes. Mozenrath spots this, then slowly looks up. He sees said piece of mistletoe. Then the fan-femmes spot Moze. He runs for it. He heads for the back door, being chased by a mob of drooling fan-femmes. Negaduck laughs.)

Negaduck: It's a good thing Moze is young. He's gonna need all the energy he can get out-running those fan-femmes.

Megavolt: Hey, isn't that *Demona* under the mistletoe now? (The Fearsome Five turn to look.)

Quackerjack: So it is. (Around Demona, the male villains are edging away nervously.)

Liquidator: Say, where's Bushroot? (They look around, and finally spot him sneaking up behind Demona. He stops. He looks thoughtful for a moment, then turns around.)

Bushroot: Nah. Even *I'm* not _that_ desperate. (Depressed, he walks back to the rest of the Fearsome Five.)

(Meanwhile, Mozenrath re-enters the main doors of the hall on his hands and knees, panting. He is missing a good deal of his outfit. For the censors' sake, his pants are still fully intact. The Fearsome Five look on.)

Quackerjack: Hmm... Torn clothing, pants with no shirt. (As Mr. Bananabrain) Going for the Aladdin look, Moze?

Mozenrath: Shut up. Man, those fan-femmes are lethal!

Bushroot: Like _we'd_ know anything about it?

Negaduck: Hey, Mr. Wizard. Here's a thought. Why didn't you use your magic gauntlet?

Mozenrath: Because, it doesn't work on them. Here, look. (Reaches into his gauntlet and pulls out a label. The Fearsome Five bend down to look at it.)

Megavolt: "All-powerful magic gauntlet. Dry clean only."

Mozenrath: No! Below that, you idiot! (Bushroot squints at the label.)

Bushroot: "Warning: Does not work on drooling fan-femmes."

Megavolt: Well, whaddaya know.

Liquidator: I'd get a refund, if I were you. (Negaduck looks fed up. He glares at the mistletoe up on the ceiling.)

Negaduck: That's *it*! I'm getting rid of that thing! (Aims his missile launcher at the mistletoe.)

The rest of the Fearsome Five: *NO*!!!

(Negaduck fires, causing the ceiling of the hall to cave in. Assorted DA villains run for the doors. Unfortunately, the Fearsome Five is standing _in front_ of the doors, so they get run over. Most of the building falls in.

Finally, the dust settles. The rubbles shifts and Negaduck pulls himself out of the wreckage. He looks up. On the remains of the ceiling is the piece of mistletoe. Negaduck's face turns purple. He is about to scream in rage when the mistletoe wobbles. It breaks free and falls. To add insult to injury, it lands on Negaduck's head. A murderous look enters his eyes.

Meanwhile, Megavolt pulls him out of the debris. Negaduck turns to glare at him. Megavolt looks up at him and spots the mistletoe on Negaduck's head. He grins.)

Negaduck: Don't even *think* about it. (Megavolt deflates.)

Copyright Cherryne Edejer, 1996.