The League of Evil Sorceresses

"The League of Evil Sorceresses" by Cherryne Edejer

[The minutes from last week's meeting of the League of Evil Sorceresses, Beings, etc. etc. (Agrabanian Branch) held in Morbia.]

(Mirage is setting up food and drinks. Saleen enters---on a tidal wave. Mirage glares.)

Mirage: Do you *mind*? I just put down new kitty litter!

Saleen: Sorry. So, what are we doing today?

Mirage: We're inducting a new member.

Saleen: About time. Who is she?

Mirage: I don't know. But she isn't from the company.

Saleen: Great. A freelance. <sighs> Oh, well. Better than just the two of us, I guess. (Looks around.) Where is she?

(Cinnabar materializes in the room.)

Cinnabar: Sorry I'm late, ladies. I had to burn down a city. You know how it is.

Saleen: Hmm. Sounds promising though...

(Mirage walks up to Cinnabar.)

Mirage: Welcome to the League, Cinnabar. I'm Mirage, the Chairman---woman---cat---er, whatever. Before you get inducted as a new member though, you have to prove your worth. (Cinnabar's eyes narrow.)

Cinnabar: I don't have to enter a wet t-shirt contest, do I?

Mirage: Uh, no.

Cinnabar: <in relief> Oh, good. (Turns to Saleen.) I had a bad experience at the UDAV.

Mirage: Just tell us a little about yourself.

Cinnabar: Well, I used to be a powerful sorceress, the Mistress of Fire, but I turned myself into a genie so I could have more power. But I was foiled by that do-gooder, Aladdin, who trapped me in my magic ring.

(Mirage raises an eyebrow.)

Mirage: And?

Cinnabar: (Rolls her eyes.) And yes, I've kicked a puppy. (Mirage nods.)

Mirage: All in favour of inducting Cinnabar into the league, say "Aye".

Saleen: Aye.

Mirage: Nays? (No reply.) Congratulation toots, you're in. All right, let's get down to work. Any new business? (Saleen raises her hand.)

Saleen: I move that we change the name of the League.

Cinnabar: I second the motion.

Mirage: Hey! What's wrong with the name? "The League of Evil Sorceresses, Beings and Irritating, Annoying Nuisances". I thought it up myself, you know.

Cinnabar: Yeah, we can tell. It's got your trademark all over it. Long-winded and overly contrived, just like your schemes.

Mirage: <smiles> I try. (Turns to Saleen.) So, is that why you don't like it?

Saleen: Well, there's that. But that's not what I meant. It's the initials, see: L-E-S-B-I---

Cinnabar: She's got you there, Mirage.

Mirage: <snarls> All right, we'll change it. (Glares at them.) I'd liketo see you two do better. We'll take up suggestions next week. Now, let's go on to old business: how to get rid of Aladdin. Anyone have any suggestions? (Cinnabar raises her hand.) Yes, our new inductee?

Cinnabar: I say we burn him. (Saleen rolls her eyes.)

Saleen: Oh, brother. That's your answer to everything, Cinn.

Cinnabar: It works, doesn't it? Besides, I can't help it. I used to be a fire elemental.

Saleen: Pyromaniac is more like it.

Cinnabar: Hey, I don't see you coming up with any better ideas, Ms. High and Mighty Water Elemental.

Mirage: What do you suggest, Saleen?

Saleen: A gigantic flood, right over the palace.

Mirage: In the middle of the desert?

Cinnabar: Why don't you just go out with Aladdin again, Saleen? That ought to chase him away for good. (Saleen and Cinnabar exchange angry glares. Mirage quickly shoves a bowl between them.)

Mirage: Oh, by the way. Does anyone want any snacks? (Saleen eyes the food suspiciously.)

Saleen: That isn't Purina Cat Chow again, is it?

Mirage: Hey, that was an honest mistake.

Cinnabar: With you Mirage, it's never an *honest* mistake.

Mirage: All right, forget the snacks. (Tosses the bowl over her shoulder.) Let's get back to the subject---destroying Aladdin and his friends.

Saleen: Why don't we get Cinnabar here to take off all her clothes? Thatought to scare them off.

Cinnabar: Why don't *you* just sing to them? That ought to kill them on the spot.

Saleen: Hey! What's wrong with my singing?

Cinnabar: You ain't no Ariel, sister.

Saleen: <snarls> At least the bottom half of my body isn't *smoke*.

Mirage: <mutters> This coming from a woman whose lower half looks like a sushi bar... (Thankfully, Saleen doesn't hear this. Cinnabar glares at Saleen.)

Cinnabar: Water hazard.

Saleen: Fire trap.

Cinnabar: Shark bait.

Saleen: Noxious fume. (Mirage buries her head.)

Mirage: Oh, perfect. Like I don't get enough of this at Geary's...

Cinnabar: Little Mermaid rip-off.

Saleen: Jafar's ex.

(Enraged, Cinnabar lunges at Saleen's throat. Magic begins to fly.)

Mirage: Hey! I just got this place reupholstered for claw marks!

(She dives into the fray. A... er, catfight ensues.)

[End of minutes.]

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Cinnabar is my own character and anyone who uses her without my permission will get... well, burned. ;-)

All other characters are property of the Walt Disney Co.