Splatter Moon R: Part One
The Negamoon Family
An awfully long prologue...
Cherryne: Hmm... Where to begin, where to begin... Well, I guess I might
need a little help on this...
(Lar appears out of nowhere.)
Lar: Hey! Where the heck am I?
Cherryne: Hi Lar! Just needed a little help for a story, so I decided to
write you into it.
Lar: Couldn't you have just phoned?
Cherryne: Saves on long distance charges.
Geary: Sheesh. Beginning of the story, and already she has to write
somebody in...
Cherryne: Hey! Geary, what are you doing here?
Geary: I'm in this story too, remember? Besides, I'm your twin. I'm always
with you.
Cherryne: Stupid psychic link...
Lar: Why do you need my help anyways?
Cherryne: You're the only other person I know who's actually seen the new
Sailor Moon episodes.
Entropy: Rub it in, why don't you?
Cherryne: Yank, yank...
Enthalpy: You still owe us those Sailor Moon videos, you know!
Cherryne: I've got a busy schedule! I am in university, after all.
Lar: And here you are, writing fanfic. (Cherryne looks embarassed. Lar
glances at what she's writing.) "Splatter Moon Regurgitated". Say, isn't
the R supposed to stand for "Romance"?
Cherryne: Well yeah, but Splatter would kill me if there was any romance
in this story involving Geary.
Splatter: Just write in Race Bannon in then.
Geary: I heard that!
Cherryne: Gee, this prologue is getting awfully crowded... Maybe I should
start the story now.
Splatter: Gee, you think?
***
Splatter Phoenix as Sailor Moon
Camille Chameleon as Sailor Mars
Bianca Beakley as Sailor Jupiter
Flygirl as Sailor Mercury
Lucretia DeCoy as Sailor Venus
***
Lar: Say, isn't Princess Diamond supposed to be Sailor Venus?
Cherryne: Yeah, but I need her for a pun later in the story.
Splatter: Figures.
Lar: So why Lucretia?
Cherryne: My twin's twisted duck fascination, that's why.
Lar: But she's not even from Darkwing!
Cherryne: Like that stops him?
Splatter: Now that that's settled.. Can we finish rolling the opening
credits, already?!
_________________________________________________________________
And Geary Graham as Tuxedo Mask
Plus a whole lot of other useless gratuitous cameos...
Starring in:
SPLATTER MOON REGURGITATED by Cherryne Edejer
Lar: Say... Doesn't the title imply this is the second in a series? What
happened to the first part?
Cherryne: Hey! Do you want this story to be written or not?
Lar: Well...
Cherryne: That's it, you're outta here! (Cherryne erases Lar out of the
story.)
Lar: Heh heh heh...
Cherryne: I heard that.
Splatter: Ahem. Can we get on with it?
(Splatter and co. are attacked by a vicious monster.)
Splatter: Hey!
Cherryne: Well, you told me to get on with it...
(Splatter and co. turn into the Sailor Scouts, which involve long
transformations [during which the monster doesn't attack; isn't that
stupid?] But monster attacking our heroines is no ordinary monster. It
is... The Lartist!)
Lar: Hey! Why am I back in here?
Cherryne: Payback! Hee hee!
Lar: (rolls his eyes) Fan femmes...
(Splatter makes a complicated gesture with her arms [which she
manages not to get tangled up in].)
Splatter: In the name of all artists everywhere... (Points at Lar) I
shall punish you!
(Paint flies everywhere. All the Scouts gratuitously use their own
powers...)
Geary: Well, that's one way of getting out of a fight scene.
Cherryne: Shut up!
(...And Lar is blasted back to Canada.)
Geary: See! This proves you're the evil twin, Cherryne!
Cherryne: Huh?
Geary: Lar's a Negamonster, and comes from the Negaverse. You said he went
back to Canada. You are also Canadian. Ergo, you are from the Negaverse
and an evil twin!
Splatter: I hate to interrupt your ramblings dear, but... Can we get on to
the story?!
(A zamboni drops on Geary's head.)
Splatter: Thank you. Where were we?
Flygirl: We just defeated Lar.
Splatter: Ah yes. You know, that was easy.
(There is the sound of evil laughter.)
Camille: You should know better than to say something like that.
Splatter: It's not my fault. It's in the script.
Cherryne: Ungrateful actors... (grumble)
(The Scouts turn around to see a man with wild red [obviously dyed] hair.
He grins at the Scouts.)
Man: I see you passed my little test. Now you must face your true
challenge...
Splatter: Who are you?
Man: I am... Chrysoberyl! (The Scouts look blankly at him. He looks
embarassed.)
Chris: Chrysoberyl? You know, like the gem? Because most of the villains
in Sailor Moon are named after gemstones and my real name is Chris Mero
and it sort of rhymes and... You're not getting this, are you...? I guess
you wouldn't believe it's an Irish name, huh? Chris-O-Beryl. Get it? Heh.
Camille: You wouldn't be related to Queen Beryl, would you? You're almost
as annoying.
Chris: Well, technically we're not related, since she's from the last
series...
Girl 1: Give it up, Chris.
Girl 2: Introduce us already!
Chris: Uh, right. Sailor Scouts meet... The Four Sisters!
Girl 3: Well, we're not really sisters. Only Entropy and Enthalpy are...
(The 4th girl glares at her.) Oops. Sorry.
(The four scantilly-clad girls step forward to introduce themselves.)
Splatter: Ugh, someone call the fashion police...
Girl 4: (with green hair) I'm Zebeckras.
Bianca: I see you still haven't gotten the hair dye out from that Toronto
Trek two years ago. (Zebeckras glares at her.)
Girl 3: (carrying a whip) I'm Avi.
Lucretia: And you're playing Avi-ry, right? Bad pun...
Avi: Hey, I'm not the one writing the script. Uh, wait a minute... I guess
I am. (Lucretia rolls her eyes.)
Girl 2: (the most scantily clad) I'm Entropy.
Flygirl: Do your parents have any idea what you're wearing?
Entropy: Of course! Heck, my Otakon costume was way skimpier than this!
Flygirl: I guess you like having anime fan boys drool at you, then. (Entropy
makes a face... Out of paper-mache.)
Entropy: Look, I'm Tuxedo Mask!
Girl 1: Not now, Entropy. I'm Enthalpy, the youngest sister, NOT the oldest
like in the dubs. And if you make any jailbait jokes, you're dead!
Camille: Like that would stop us?
Chris: Enough chatter, girls. Four Sisters, attack!
Zebeckras: Me first! (Dark lightning pours out of her fingertips, scattering
the Scouts.)
Enthalpy: Ahhhh!! How come she gets the evil Jupiter powers? I want the
evil Jupiter powers!
Zebeckras: At least you don't have to wear this breastplate with the stupid
gemstone nipples!
Splatter: Thanks for sharing.
Entropy: But it shows off your P-chan tattoo so nicely!
Zebeckras: You think so?
Enthalpy: At least you don't have to wear a stupid tutu and a cat-ear
hairstyle!
Cherryne: Hey, I could've given your part to Lavender Feline. She would've
been perfect. And I bet she wouldn't've complained...
Lavender: Say, why don't I have a part in this?
Mystie: Yeah! Why?
Cherryne: Because there are too many characters in this thing as it is!
Now shoo! (She stuffs them down a P-chan plot hole.)
Zebeckras: P-chan? Where?!
Cherryne: Not now, Zebeckras! Sorry Enthalpy, but Zebeckras has to be
Prisma so she can get Vern in the end.
Zebeckras: What? I get Vern at the end of this story? (big anime eyes)
Cherryne: Yeah, since Vern is Sapphire and Sapphire and Prisma are a
couple...
Entropy: Ack! Sailor Moon R spoilers! No! (covers her ears)
Enthalpy: Oh, like she didn't spill that little tidbit already...
Zebeckras: (sings) I get Vern... I get Vern...
Entropy: But what about Ryoga?
Zebeckras: I know, but he's always playing hard to get.
Splatter: Playing, she says...
Camille: Nice to get a line in this thing... Aren't we supposed to be the
stars?
Bianca, Flygirl & Lucretia: At least you get lines...
Chris: Excuse me? Ladies? Can we get back to the battle?
Enthalpy: Then why don't you fight?
Chris: I'm in charge. I supervise.
Zebeckras: Wimp.
Avi: Typical male.
Entropy: My turn! (She twirls around on one foot. Cheese Whiz sprays
everywhere.)
Chris: (wiping Cheese Whiz off his glasses) Geez! Watch your aim!
Enthalpy: No fair! I want Cheese Whiz powers! This sucks! (Turns to Avi,
who is using her whip on the Scouts.) Can I trade places with you?
Avi: No way! Besides, I get the whip! *crack* Look, I'm Evil Kiyone!
(giggles)
Enthalpy: What's with you, anyways? First with that rhythmic gymnastic
ribbon, then you bring all those scarves and stuff with you to Otakon...
Avi: Those were costume accessories! Besides, I wasn't the one tying up
Geary with the scarves, was I?
Camille: Let's not go there...
Enthalpy: At least I wasn't trying to get him into the pink dress!
Splatter: Please, let's not go there?
(In annoyance, Enthalpy ties up Avi with the whip. Entropy is still spraying
everything with Cheese Whiz, while everybody dives for cover. Enthalpy
gets an evil look in her eyes... Er, even more than usual.)
Enthalpy: Hmmm... This gives me an idea... (She uses her dark fire attack.
Everything with Cheese Whiz on it catches fire.)
Enthalpy: Heh. Everybody knows Cheese Whiz is flammable, as well as toxic.
(Behind her, Chris is frantically trying to beat out the flames on his
clothes.)
Splatter: That does it. (She steps out from where she took cover, the
Scouts right behind her [presumably, to use her as a shield]. She takes
off her tranformation locket and holds it up. It opens, revealing the
Imperium Silver Crystal.)
Scouts: No, Splatter Moon! You'll die if you use the Silver Crystal!
Splatter: Since when do you care?
Flygirl: We don't.
Lucretia: Yeah. We're just required to say that in any Sailor Moon movie.
Splatter: Well, I don't care if I die, as long as it stops those annoying
Four Sisters! Oh, and Chris, too.
(The crystal in Splatter's locket begins to glow, and the light washes
over the Four Sisters.)
Zebeckras: My powers are gone! And this is supposed to be a good thing?
Bianca: For us, yeah.
Avi: Fat lot of good that did me. I'm still tied up!
Entropy: Who cares if my Cheese Whiz powers are gone? I still have...
These! (Pulls out two cans of aerosol cheese and shakes them furiously.)
Enthalpy: Nothing like the conventional methods, I always say. (Pulls
out a flamethrower.)
Zebeckras: Since when did you become Negaduck?
(Suddenly, Enthalpy and Entropy are sprayed with white foam.)
Entropy: Ack! Someone beat us to the Cheese Whiz!
Camille: (carrying a fire extinguisher) No, actually, that's extinguishing
foam. I decided to put out the fire before it started. (Entropy dips a
finger into the foam and tastes it.)
Entropy: It sure tastes like Cheese Whiz... Ooo, look at the pretty
colours...
Enthalpy: Curses! Foiled again!
(Splatter faints from the exertion of using the crystal. She falls heavily
to the ground. That instantly revives her.)
Splatter: Hey! Why didn't you guys catch me?
Bianca: Like you said, since when do we care?
Splatter: Hmph. (Picks herself up.) Now that everything is settled...
(Chris is frantically trying to crawl past the Scouts, but Splatter picks
him up by the scuff of the neck.)
Chris: Hi there, Splatter. Heh.
Splatter: Okay Chris, who's in charge of this little operation?
Chris: What makes you think somebody else is in charge?
Splatter: Duh. You could barely control the Four Dumbells over there. You
actually think I would believe you're the one running things?
Camille: Come on, spill it.
Chris: All right!
Flygirl: That was easy.
Lucretia: He caves in faster than Geary.
Bianca: Some villain.
Chris: Give me a break here! (turns to Splatter) Me and the Sisters are
from the Negamoon. That's where the one in charge is. You'll have to go
there to find to find them, though... Now can I go? (Splatter shrugs, and
lets him loose. He runs off.)
Camille: So we have to go to the Negamoon.
Lucretia: How? We don't have that pink-haired kid with the Time Key with
us!
Splatter: She's got a point. Hey, Cherryne! How the heck are you going to
continue this?
Cherryne: With a trusty plot hole, of course!
Bianca: Figures.
(A hole opens up before the Scouts. They look at it doubtfully.)
Cherryne: Come on, get in. Don't want to keep the Negamoon waiting!
(Suddenly, a red rose cuts through the air, nearly slicing everybody. The
Scouts turn around to see Tuxedo Geary.)
Geary: Never fear! Now that Tuxedo Geary is here---
*smack*
Geary: Oh, hi Splatter.
Splatter: Geary, where the hell have you been? Aren't you supposed to come
my rescue whenever I'm in trouble?
Geary: You mean I missed it? Oh, darn.
Camille: And you sound so sincere about it, too.
Geary: Sorry about that! But I'm here now and that's what counts... So,
what's up?
Flygirl: We're going to the Negamoon.
Geary: Gosh, would you look at the time? It's almost time for Buffy. Time
to go! (Splatter grabs him by the cape.)
Splatter: Not so fast, you coward! You're coming with us. (The Scouts walk
up to the psychedelic-ly swirling plot hole, Splatter shoving Geary in
front of her.)
Flygirl: This doesn't look like an ordinary plot hole...
Bianca: Since when is a plot hole ordinary?
Camille: When Cherryne does the writing, it certainly is.
Cherryne: Actually, it's a Time Warp.
Zebeckras: All right! RHPS reference!
Cherryne: Not that one! That's what it's called in the show!
Zebeckras: Everybody, let's do the Time Warp! (She begins to dance. Entropy
and Enthalpy join in. Since they are the Chaos twins, that's when it gets
really ugly...)
Splatter: Time to go! (She shoves Geary into the Time Warp.)
Lucretia: What did you do that for?
Splatter: To make sure it's safe. Besides, it gives us something soft to
land on.
Camille: Yeah. Geary's head.
Geary: (as if falling ['cause he is]) I heard that...
(Splatter and the Scouts leap into the Time Warp.)
Avi: Guys? Anybody? I don't suppose anyone would care to untie me first,
huh?
***
(Meanwhile, in the royal palace of the Negamoon, two figures stand before
the throne, heads bowed. One is a redheaded female furry of indeterminate
species, elegantly dressed in dark green; the other, a tall male swan
dressed in deep blue and white. On the throne sits a figure in white, who
is obscured by the gloominess of the room. The redhead addresses the
figure upon the throne.)
Joules: Your Highness, I'm afraid Chris and his minions have failed.
(Hides her face behind her feather fan) Like that's a big surprise...
Vern: It also seems zat zey are coming here after us.
(From the throne): No matter. Zis is going according to plan... (Joules
and Vern look startled.)
Joules & Vern: What?!
(From the throne): I knew zey would fail. I told Chris to lead them here.
Joules: You can't be serious!
Vern: Your Highness, forgive my insolence, but ze Sailor Scouts are not to
be underestimated!
(From the throne): I know zat. But zey shall bring ze Imperium Silver
Crystal to me. (Folds hands in front) It shall be mine...
TO BE CONTINUED...
_________________________________________________________________
(Somewhere in the Negaverse [no, not that one], there is a gloomy throne
room [yes, another one...].)
Narrator: Before those annoying Four Sisters (and Chris, too)...
(A young man appears in a blaze of blue-black fire, tinged with red. He
approaches the throne and bows before it.)
Narrator: Before Splatter Moon R...
(Upon the throne sits a female figure wearing a long gown. She has pointy
ears [but that because she's a cat!]. She is staring intently into a
crystal ball.)
Narrator: There was...
(In the crystal ball, can be seen 5 girls of varying species [though
primarily avian] in skimpy sailor outfits. One of them has the prominent
"meatball" hairstyle in her black hair.)
Narrator: ...Splatter Moon.
Cherryne Edejer presents:
SPLATTER MOON... A prequel that may never be completed.
_________________________________________________________________
Splatter Moon R: Part Two
The Negamoon
(Somewhere on the Negamoon, a portal opens. Tuxedo Geary falls out. The
Sailor Scouts land on top of him.)
Camille: Ugh... Are we there yet?
Splatter: I think so...
Geary: (muffled) I'm in heaven...
(The Sailors quickly stand up. Splatter slaps Geary for good measure.)
Geary: What did I do?
Splatter: Well for starters, you're still breathing.
Geary: I see that trip in the Time Warp made my widdle Splatter-wumpus
cranky, huh?
Splatter: No, but your sweet talk isn't helping.
Camille: Besides, she's always cranky.
Splatter: Actually, it was those crazy Sisters dancing that put me on
edge. Now, let's get this over with and look for whoever's in charge of
this place...
Joules: (peeking coyly from behind her fan) Looking for us?
(The Scouts look around, to discover they are standing in the middle of
the throne room of the Negamoon palace. Joules, Vern and the seated figure
upon the throne are staring at them.)
(From the throne): Greetings. We have been expecting you.
Camille: Out of the frying pan and into the fire...
Splatter: I should've known better than to let Cherryne talk us into going
into that Time Warp... What's the big idea, writing us straight into the
lion's den?
Cherryne: I decided to save the drama and cut straight to the action.
Lucretia: How thoughtful of you.
Cherryne: Isn't it though?
Splatter: Well, at least now we know who's in charge. (She and the Scouts
stare at the person seated upon the throne.)
Scouts: Princess Diamond?!
Princess: Yes, it seems that I am to be ze villain of zis piece...
Flygirl: But why?
Splatter: Well, duh. The obvious pun, right? The ruler of the Negamoon is
named Diamond, so our brilliant writer uses a character also named
Diamond. Typical.
Geary: But isn't the Diamond from Sailor Moon supposed to be male?
Princess: Cherryne decided to overlook zat little detail... (sighs)
Geary: (big anime eyes) Does this mean you still get a bedroom scene with
Splatter?
Princess: (coldly) No.
Geary: Nuts.
Camille: Now I suppose you're going to go into a long, involved speech of
why you brought us here.
Princess: Not really. It's going to be a pretty short speech, since
Cherryne can't think of what to write... All I want the Silver Crystal.
Lucretia: That's it?
Princess: Zat's it.
Flygirl : That's why we got dragged all the way out here for?
Vern: Uh huh.
Camille: That's why you sent Chris and the Sisters after us?
Joules: Yes... But I personally think that was pointless.
Splatter: So... You want my Silver Crystal, eh... (Looks thoughtful for a
moment.) Okay!
Princess: What?
Splatter: You can have it.
Princess: Really?
Splatter: Sure, why not? (She holds out her transformation locket to
Princess. Princess reaches out for it... And Splatter quickly snatches it
back.)
Splatter: Psych! Like I'd really give it to you.
Princess: Hmph. Well, if you won't give it to me, I shall have to take it
from you by force. (She waves a hand. Joules steps forward.)
Joules: I've been looking forward to this... (closes her fan)
Splatter: What are going to do? Hit us with your fan?
Joules: Cute. Very cute. (She laughs. But this is no ordinary laughter: it
sounds like a combination of the standard anime evil villainess cackle
[think Kodachi] and Megavolt's maniacal laugh. The Scouts fall to their
knees, clutching their ears.)
Camille: What a horrible noise!
Splatter: Understatement, Camille. I think I want to die... (Looks up to
see Geary still standing.) Why are you still standing? Are you dense
enough not to feel pain?
Geary: Oh, no. It's just that I can stand Bianca's laughter, so I can
certainly tolerate this.
Bianca: Very funny.
Splatter: Wait... That gives me an idea. Bianca! Laugh!
Bianca: I was being sarcastic, Splatter.
Splatter: Just do it!
(Bianca shrugs, then begins to laugh. [If you haven't heard her or the
Bugmaster laugh, it's undescribable; but it's ANNOYING.] Both Joules's and
Bianca's laughter echo off the walls of the throne room, causing parts of
it to cave in.)
Camille: Good idea, Splatter.
Splatter: Shut up. Now I *know* I want to die...
(Just as the noise reaches its peak, it becomes completely silent.)
Splatter: Oh, good. I've gone deaf, just like I wanted.
Flygirl: No, I think their laughter cancelled each other out.
Geary: Splatter, what a brilliant plan! I could kiss you!
Splatter: You do, and I'll shove your top hat down your throat.
Geary: Eh, it was worth a shot.
(Meanwhile, Joules and Bianca are still standing in the middle of the
room, glaring at each other. Joules flicks open her fan imperiously.)
Joules: Why you... You...! Ooooo!! (She makes an anime leap out of the
room.)
Bianca: Well, that takes care of that. (The Scouts tentatively get to
their feet, then make their way to the throne. Vern blocks their path.)
Vern: Not so fast. You shall have to get past me first, non?
Lucretia: Move over, Tassel-boy.
Camille: Yeah. Like the character you're playing has any real powers.
Cherryne: Hey! No Sapphire dissing!
Splatter: Don't worry, I'll handle him. Say, you wouldn't happen to be
Vern, now would you?
Vern: What of it?
Splatter: Oh, nothing. Oh, Zebeckras... Look who's here!
(Out of nowhere, Zebeckras blindsides Vern, glomping onto him.)
Zebeckras: Vernsie! It's been so long!
Vern: Ze... Zebbie-chan?
Zebeckras: (big anime eyes) He called me Zebbie-chan!! That's so sweet!
Vern: But aren't you engaged to Ryoga?
Zebeckras: Yes, but he's lost somewhere again...
(Suddenly, the wall beside Zebeckras and Vern smashes into pieces. A boy
wearing a bandanna and carrying a large backpack steps out. He is staring
intently at a map.)
Ryoga: Can you tell me the way to Tokyo... (looks up) ...Z-Z-Zebeckras?!
Zebeckras: Oh goodie, Ryoga's here too! Now we can have some fun all
together! (She latches onto Ryoga before he can react, then speeds off,
anime-style, dragging along both him and Vern.)
Splatter: Now that's over with... One more to go!
Lucretia: Uh, Splatter?
Splatter: What?
Lucretia: Where's your locket?
Splatter: Where else but on this stupid sailor outfit... (clutches her
bodice) My locket! It's gone!
Camille: No kidding. I can't believe you didn't even notice. Look, you've
reverted back to your usual clothes.
Geary: Not that I'm complaining. Mmm... Black spandex...
*smack*
Splatter: You're no help. Help me look for it, you moron!
Geary: Don't worry, you probably just dropped or something. (Princess
leans casually against a wall.)
Princess: Looking for zis? (Holds up the locket.)
Geary: Or not.
Splatter: What the... How did you get it?
Princess: You forget, I am a jewel thief. I stole it from you while my
minions distracted you. Now, ze Silver Crystal is mine! (She opens the
locket, revealing the crystal. She peers at it.)
Princess: Eh? Zis is not a diamond!
Bianca: Well, duh.
Geary: Yeah! It's a cosmic stone that can control time and space. I read
that on the back of the toy packaging.
Princess: Well zis bites! Zis thing is worthless to me!
Camille: What? You could rule the universe with it!
Princess: So? I've seen what happens to Splatter after she uses it.
Geary: Well, it's not like she's ever actually died from that.
Bianca: Unfortunately...
Princess: Forget it. You can keep ze lousy thing. It's more trouble zan
it's worth. (She tosses it to Splatter, then leaves the room.)
Lucretia: Wait a minute. So this is it? No epic battle to the finish?
Camille: You don't hear me complaining.
Splatter: Yeah. And I don't have to nearly kill myself using the stupid
Silver Crystal again. Hmmm... I'm beginning to see Princess's point...
Flygirl: I don't suppose we could we go home now, could we?
Splatter: Good idea. Cherryne, write in another plot hole, Time Warp or
whatever so we can get out of here.
Cherryne: (sulkily) No. You guys made fun of Sapphire. You can find your
own way home!
Splatter: Oh, perfect.
Camille: Now what, fearless leader?
(A figure steps out from behind the throne. The Scouts turn around to see
a young duck with a silly, pink bunny-ear hairstyle.)
Senots: Stupid wig... (Pulls it off and throws it away.)
Camille: Who are you?
Senots: I am Senots Dat. I am your son, Splatter.
Splatter: What? You don't mean Geary and I... (horrified look)
Senots: Dear God, no! My father is... (dramatic pause) Negaduck.
Geary: Aaaaaaaaaaack!!
Splatter: Whew!
Flygirl: You mean you'd rather have a sadistic, chainsaw-wielding maniac
as the father of your child rather than Geary?
Splatter: Wouldn't you?
Bianca: Good point.
Geary: Splatter, how could you do this to me? Aren't we destined to be
together for all eternity?
Splatter: I certainly hope not! Besides, I didn't! Not yet, anyways...
This brat must be lying to us.
Senots: I am not! Didn't you realize when you entered the Time Warp, you
travelled to the future?
Splatter: Of course we did!
Senots: Liar.
Splatter: Okay, we didn't, but that's because *somebody* forgot to mention
that little detail...
Cherryne: I'm still not talking to you...
Camille: Okay, so now we know we're in the future. That still doesn't
explain why your son is wearing a black evening gown, Splatter.
Senots: Well, it was either that or the little sailor outfit, and I didn't
want any Japanese fan boys after me.
Bianca: I wouldn't flatter yourself, Senots...
Splatter: Great. My future son is a crossdresser. I really wanted to know
that little detail...
Senots: I am not! It just that the writer thought she should fit in this
story the canon of crossdressing in Sailor Moon. It's not out of personal
preference or anything.
Lucretia: Sure it isn't...
Senots: I wouldn't talk like that when I have this... (Waves the Time Key
in front of him.)
Splatter: What's that?
Senots: Your ticket home.
Splatter: What? Give it here!
Senots: Not until you apologize.
Splatter: Yeah, right. I didn't take that attitude from Cherryne, and I'm
certainly not going to take it from my own son. (Manages to snatch the Key
from Senots.) Finally, we can get out of here and finish this stupid
story!
Senots: There's gratitude for you. (Walks out of the room with as much
dignity as a young male duck in an evening gown can manage. Meanwhile,
Splatter holds up the Time Key.)
Bianca: Do you have any idea how to work that thing?
Splatter: Er...
Bianca: I knew it.
Splatter: I don't suppose Senots is still around to tell us how to use
this thing, is he?
Camille: Well, considering the way you talked to him, I doubt he'd tell us
how to use it the right way, anyways.
Lucretia: Yeah. We might end up in the 60's. Brrr... Psychedelic...
Splatter: Great. So we're still stuck here.
Geary: Here, let me see that thing. (Takes the Time Key from Splatter,
looks at it for a moment, then holds it up. A portal opens above him and
the Scouts, and pink light pours over them.)
Geary: Hey, it actually worked!
Flygirl: How... How did you do that?
Geary: I guess it pays to read the back of toy packaging, after all...
Splatter: Geary, I could kiss you!
Geary: (big anime eyes) Really?
Splatter: Just kidding. (She and the Scouts are sucked into the portal,
Tuxedo Geary close behind them.)
Geary: Well, this just bites... (Cherryne materializes beside him.)
Cherryne: What does?
Geary: This is a parody of Sailor Moon Romance, isn't it? So, where's the
romance?
Cherryne: Well, Splatter had a son, so that implies some romance was
involved...
Geary: With Negaduck?! You call that romance?!
Cherryne: Oh, now I see! -You're- the one who wants the romance, eh? You
want romance? I'll give you romance! (A computer appears before Cherryne
and she begins to type away.)
***
(Meanwhile, Zebeckras is happily glomping Vern and Ryoga, while the two boys
attempt to breathe. The other Sisters are staring at her rather sulkily.)
Entropy: No fair! How come she gets guys and we don't?
(Suddenly, Mozenrath appears, wearing a grey uniform with a white cape.
For some reason, his hair is dyed white.)
Mozenrath: Huh? Where am I?
Entropy: (squeals) Mozie!! (glomps onto him)
Enthalpy: Nice bleach job, Moze. Still having trouble getting into bars, I
see.
Mozenrath: You should talk. (Entropy squeezes a little too hard, and he
winces.) Urgh... But I don't think I'll be needing to bleach my hair
anymore, believe me...
Avi: I wonder if I get a guy, too...
Enthalpy: Well, you are writing the story.
Avi: Oh, right! (Enthalpy rolls her eyes.)
(Karnage appears, wearing a uniform similar to Mozenrath's, only without
the cape.)
Avi: Karnie darling! (She tries to glomp him too, but she's still tied up
with the whip from Part 1.) Hold on a second, I'll be with you in a
moment! Just have to loosen these bonds... Ergh...
Enthalpy: Well, if you won't go out him, Avi, I will. (Puts an arm through
his.) Come on, Donnie.
Karnage: Certainly, my strange little lady with the feline-type ears in
her hair.
Avi: Ack! No! Wait!
Geary: Hold everything! Cherryne, I thought -I- was going to get the
romance! You know, with Splatter?
Cherryne: I know. But I was just teasing you.
Geary: I knew it. You are the evil twin.
Cherryne: Flattery will get you nowhere. (She watches the Sisters and
sighs.) Don't you just love happy endings?
Geary: (sulks) But I didn't get Splatter...
Splatter: Which makes _me_ happy, thank you very much.
THE EN...
Avi: WAIT A MINUTE! You didn't untie me yet! Don't you dare finish this
story before untying me! Don't you d...
_________________________________________________________________
Cast of characters
(in no semblance of order of appearance ;-):
Sailor Moon: Splatter Phoenix
Sailor Mars: Camille Chameleon
Sailor Jupiter: Bianca Beakley
Sailor Mercury: Flygirl
Sailor Venus: Lucretia DeCoy
Tuxedo Mask: Geary Graham
Rubius: Chrysoberyl... Er, I mean Chris Mero :-)
Prisma: Zebeckras, aka Rebecca Littlehales
Avery: Avi, aka Aviatrix, aka me :-)
Bertie: Entropy, aka Erin Creuz
Catsy: Enthalpy, aka Colleen Creuz
Emerald: Joules
Sapphire: Vern
Diamond: Princess Diamond
Reenie: Senots Dat
Malachite: Mozenrath
Jadite: Don Karnage
Featuring cameos by:
Lar DeSousa
Lavender Feline
Masked Mystifier
Ryoga Hibiki (the scary part is, he's the only fictional character cameo ;-)
me :-)
as their wonderfully weird selves. ;-)
***
Sailor Moon characters property of Naoko Takeuchi
Darkwing Duck, Mighty Ducks, Aladdin and TaleSpin characters property of
the Walt Disney Company
Princess Diamond, Joules & Vern are property of your truly, Cherryne
Edejer (So there! ;-)
Ryoga Hibiki/P-chan is from Ranma 1/2 and property of Rumiko Takahashi
(though many fan femmes would like to claim him for their own... Except
for Zebeckras 'cause he's already hers--- She's his fiance! ;-)
Kodachi is also from Ranma 1/2 and property of Rumiko Takahashi
Evil Kiyone is from Tenchi and that's pretty much all I know about her... :-)
Jinnai is from El Hazard and that's pretty much all I know about him... ;-)
(Yes, I know he's not in this story, but with all these cackling anime
villains, I felt like mentioning him. ;-)
Senots Dat property of Erin and Colleen Cruez, aka the Chaos twins, and it
is not wise to mess with Chaos ('cause it's already a mess :-)
All other characters are real, live people (honest!) and own themselves,
which is a good thing. :-)
All of the above were used without permission.
Copyright, Cherryne Edejer 1998.