Lina: Hello and welcome to the sold out anime dome in downtown japoness for the first ever anime wrestling federation pay-per-view. with me is my color commentator partner Ryoji Kaji.
Kaji: Hi.
Lina: Our first match is a special drunk-fu match between Misato Katsuragi and Urd. Kaji explain how this match works.
Kaji: Well to put it bluntly every two minutes the competitors must drink an entire four ounce glass full of wonderful Grade A sake. The competitors duke it out until their corner-man decides whether or not they are able to continue. when the corner-man tosses in the towel it's all over.
Lina: Any predictions tonight?
Kaji: Katusragi there is certainly one who can hold her liquor, but the fact that she has Ritsuko in her corner may be a disadvantage.
Lina: How come?
Kaji: Well Ritsu may still be a little mad about that little incident a couple of days ago.
Lina: Incident?
Kaji: Hey look it's starting.
Lina: Hey don't change the subject!
*Bell*
Lina: The Referee gives them each a glass. There we go they've drained the first round and we're underway. They lock up, nice leg sweep by Urd. Misato back to her feet. Running clothesline. Blocked by Urd. Flips Misato to the canvas. Misato pulls Urd's legs out from under her.
Kaji: wow you can see up her skirt.
Lina: Keep you mind on the match. Misato going for the figure four. Urd reaches for the ropes.
*Bell*
Lina: Time for the second glass. Referee Carrot Glace hands them the sake. They drink it, back to the match. Urd climbing the turnbuckle. Going for the axe handle smash. Misato lands a nice blow to the stomach of Urd. Uh-oh doesn't look like that agreed with Urd.
Kaji: She's gonna blow.
Lina: It's a bluff, Urd hits the DDT. Goes for a pin, but that's not how this match works. Ritsuko's sitting there reading a magazine. She's not going to toss in the towel.
*Bell*
Lina: Time for another glass, Misato looks sick. but takes the shot anyway. They lock up Misato goes for a roll up which means nothing whatsoever. Now she hits the fisherman supplex. Skuld showing no signs of tossing in the towel. Both opponents down Carrot can't do anything in this situation. Looks to Ritsuko, now she's playing that damn Game Boy. For Gods sake someone stop this match.
Kaji: Oh I don't know this is kinda fun.
*Ritsuko looks at her watch and throws in the towel*
Lina: And there it is Misato Katsuragi has lost the match. But she's too hammered to notice as Urd catches up on her sleep with the bottom turnbuckle as her pillow.
Kaji: What a interesting turn of events.
Lina: Stay Tuned folks our second match is up next.
Lina: Well they've finally managed to get Misato out of the ring and we're all set for our second match. Where the loser must grovel at the feet of the victor and for these two that'll be the hardest part.
Kaji: These two were selected because it's well known that both have egos large enough to fill downtown Tokyo. Now we're going to see who really is the best.
*Bell*
Lina: And there's the bell and we're underway. Gateau charging, landing those lefts and rights to the midsection of Saotome. Saotome is down, uppercut, Mocha on the ropes now. Gateau nails the flying lariat. Gateau sets Saotome up. He's applying the mexican surfboard. My god that's gotta hurt those ligaments in the back,
Kaji: what you mean to say is that that move is a pain in the ass.
Lina: No it's a pain in the back. Motoko Kusanagi breaks up the hold. Saotome back in the corner. He's waiting for something. Mocha swings, a miss, swings again. and again.
Kaji: I thought this was a wrestling match not a dance recital.
Lina: Gateau goes for a spinning heel kick, blocked by Saotome. This has got to be frustrating to Gateau. He looks pretty pissed off too.
Kaji: At this point he may blow the advantage he had from early on he needs to focus.
Lina: It looks like Saotome and Mocha are still going in a circle. OH MY GOD! It's a twister in the middle of the ring.
Kaji: What a lovely view of Referee Kusanagi.
Lina: Hey where's Gateau.
*Gateau crashes through the Spanish Announcer's table*
Kaji: Holy Shit
Lina: Oh my God! He killed him! He killed him!
*Bell*
Lina: Let's go to ring announcer Tenchi Masaki.
Tenchi: The winner by referee's decision is Ranma Saotome.
Lina: And there you have it, Ranma hit the Hiryu Shoten Ha on Gateau and that's all she wrote.
Kaji: What did poor Jose and Hector do to deserve that?
Lina: Let's cut to the next promo while we clean up out here.
Lina: It's third match time ladies and gentlemen and it's one of two title matches on the card tonight as the humanoid typhoon Vash the Stampede faces the Underground champion. The metal munching maniac Bolt Crank.
Kaji: This match has been made a 2 of 3 falls match, disqualifications and count outs count as falls. Our referee for this match is getting into the ring, it's Bean Bandit a legendary criminal in his own right.
*Bell*
Lina: The two opponents sizing each other up. Keep in mind the use of firearms is illegal in the building, for obvious reasons.
Kaji: Yeah like we don't want to get effin' shot.
Lina: Wait a second from behind it's Rally Vincent with the steel chair to Bolt's head. Oh my lord you can hear that one all the way in America. But he's not phased, Bean's called for a DQ. The fall count is 1-0. Bolt's got that chair and he's eating it. Vash trying to slip out the back of the ring. *off mic* Is this guy for real? *on mic* Bolt's got a handful of hair. He's pulling Vash back into the ring. Irish Whip into the corner. Bolt follows it up nicely with that running clothesline and vash is down. Bolt set him up for the Camel Clutch. But Vash isn't showing any signs of quitting.
Kaji: He's unconscious how could he?
Lina: Bean breaks up the hold. What the hell? Inside cradle ...one-two-three. Fall count is tied 1-1. Bolt isn't taking that lightly, whoa there's that steel chair Rally brought to the ring. Bolt lifts up the chair, he missed, he hit Bean. Uh-oh Bean's not taking too kindly to the actions of Bolt. Punch to the stomach of Bolt crank. Now we've got a real fight going on. Left's and rights being exchanged in the center of the ring and Vash is trying to get out of here. Oh great the moron caught his foot on the bottom rope. Vash is caught on the bottom rope. He'd better get out of there soon, the fight's coming his way.
Kaji: $29.95 for this?
Lina*:Smacks Kaji in the back of the head* Bean whips Bolt Crank into the ropes and Vash. Vash free. Reverse DDT, Bolt's down. 1-2-3. Vash wins!
Kaji: I don't believe it.
Lina: Vash the Stampede hit the reverse DDT for the win two falls to one.
Kaji: I still don't believe it.
Lina: Well what a change of events, in just a moment we'll start the next match, Zelgadis vs.. Gendo Ikari.
Lina: It's the fourth match as Gendo "Loves'em and Leaves'em" Ikari faces off against "Stone Cold" Zelgadis Graywords. The goal of this match is to see just who is the coldest individual.
Kaji: It's Gendo hands down, he's abandoned his own son, cheated on his wife to get a computer built, pulled the strings to end the world. How can Zelgadis beat that?
Lina: That's a tough list to beat, the referee is in the ring. Let's begin.
*Bell; Gendo and Zelgadis are staring each other down*
Lina: That's right this is a staring contest ladies and gentlemen, first one to blink loses.
Kaji: Is it too late to change my prediction?
Lina: Yes it is.
Kaji: Awwww.
Lina: No action out of either individual. They're still just staring. Asuka's got nothing to do so she's just reading a magazine. uh-oh Gendo's breaking out his infamous funny faces.
Kaji: It's come to this?
Lina: Zelgadis not even flinching. The staring continues.
Kaji: I'm going to get a beer, you want anything? My treat.
Lina: Sure I'll have the entire left side of the snack bar's menu, please.
Kaji: Me and my big mouth. *Kaji leaves*
Lina: Well they're still staring at each other. Joining me know is Gendo's son Shinji.
Shinji: Hi.
Lina: So do you think your fathers going to win?
Shinji: Without a doubt that cold hearted bastard spends most of the day staring at people.
Lina; Creepy.
*Shinji throws down the headset and goes into the ring with a Kendo stick*
Lina; Shinji Ikari has left the broadcast booth and is in the ring. Asuka's too involved reading that magazine to care. *loud crack of Kendo stick smacking Gendo* Oh my gosh he knocked out his own father with that stick. Now he's giving him the one finger salute as he leaves the ring.
*Kaji shows up*
Kaji: Little help.
Lina: Asuka, looks up. It's over ring the bell Zelgadis wins.
Kaji: Hey why's Gendo taking a nap?
Lina: (mouth full) I'll explain it to you during the promo.
Kaji: (takes a sip of his beer) Uh sure. Stay tuned our tag team match is next.
Lina: Well they've finally got Gendo out of the ring and we're ready for the tag team match. Kaji take it away.
Kaji: Two of fandom's hottest couples will do battle as Kyoko Otonashi teams with Yusaku Godai against the goddess Belldandy and Keiichi Morisato.
Lina; Any predictions Kaji?
Kaji: If Godai can keep his hands to himself then he and kyoko have a good chance, Belldandy is a key factor, she doesn't get involved in violence unless Keiichi's been hurt. So Godai has to stay away from submission moves at all costs.
Lina: Good advice, our referee Shun Mitaka seems to be getting quite the reaction from the audience.
Kaji: I don't see why.
*Bell*
Lina: Godai and Keiichi lockup. Nice fireman's carry by Keiichi. He slaps on the armbar. Godai rolls out. He's free. They lockup again, body slam by Godai. Drops the leg across the face of Keiichi.
Kaji: He'd better watch those impact moves.
Lina: Both men to there feet Godai with the whip, reversed. Godai off the ropes, ducks the clothesline, and again. Keiichi in the three point stance, SPEAR! Godai is down, referee counts 1,2 and a kickout. Fast count by Mitaka.
Kaji: You were expecting less?
Lina: Keiichi picking Godai up by the hair. Godai's got the legs, Catapult. Keiichi hit the top turnbuckle and is down. Godai to the corner tries to make the tag. Oops, hey don't tag her there.
Kaji: Boys will be boys.
Lina: She's got a broom and is chasing him around the ring. She swings and oh my gorsh she hit Mitaka. Referee's out. Keiichi to his feet. Kyoko Winds up with the broom, swings and misses. She sets up again.
*Sound of broom cracking*
Lina: She hit Keiichi. Belldandy's chasing after Kyoko. Godai collapses onto Keiichi. Mitaka's up 1...2...3.
*Bell*
Tenchi: your winners are Kyoko Otonashi and Yusaku Godai.
Lina: Well that was just nuts. Stay tuned all you perverts it's the panties on the pole match next.
Lina: It's time for the next match *shudders* It's a Panties on a pole match, where the only way to win is to recover the bag of women's underwear on the pole. Referee Soun Tendo has been assigned this match. Is that such a good idea given Happosai and Soun's history?
Kaji: Well fact is that Spike and Happy went out drinking last night, next thing you know Soun's the official.
Lina: I wonder what they did?
Kaji: Who knows? Oh yeah the local police are looking for two suspects accused of stealing women's underwear. One is a man in his twenties rather lanky and, the other is a short man with a horrendous laugh. By the way Lina why is Happosai facing Nobiyuki, I mean he's not nearly the lecher of Happosai.
Lina; Well we were going to book the guy who Lum's always chasing after but nobody could remember his name. She always called him darling, and Chocolate always calls Carrot darling so we were confused.
Kaji: How hard is it to remember Ataru Moroboshi?
Lina: How'd you remember it?
Kaji: It's on my notes sheet.
*Bell*
Lina: We're underway. Happosai charging with the pipe, misses. Nobiyuki going straight for the panties. Leg sweep by Happosai. Now he's gnawing on Nobiyuki's ankle. Nobiyuki kicks the little twerp out of the ring, And right towards the broadcast booth.
*Happosai lands in Lina's chest*
Happosai: Hmm, kinda small.
Lina: HEY! *slams Happosai through the table*
Kaji: Calm down Lina.
Lina: I'll show you calm down, Darkness Beyond Twilight Crimson Beyond Blood that flows...
Kaji: Whoa stop *covers Lina's mouth*
Lina: mmmppphhhhh
Happosai: Whoa gotta go.
*bell*
Tenchi*:embarrassed* The winner is Nobiyuki Masaki. *mumbles*
Lina: Well that's over with. Excuse me.
Kaji: Hey wait!
*Lina Chases Happosai through the crowd*
Kaji: Um we'll be right back.
Kaji: Well Lina's not back yet so I brought out someone to fill in for me while I do the play by play. Thanks for doing this Akito.
Akito: Um sure, but I'm just a cook how'm I supposed to do play by play?
Kaji: Just burst in periodically with a useless comment and you'll be fine.
Akito: Sure.
Kaji: Thata boy. Well this match actually affects you quite greatly as two lovely girls fight for your love.
Akito: I didn't ask them to!
Kaji: Don't be so modest. It's a no dq-no countout match. Any predictions?
Akito: ummm
Kaji: What? Let's cut to our roving reporter backstage Miyuki.
*backstage*
Miyuki: Thanks Kaji, it looks like Megumi has no showed for the match, nobody has seen or heard from her all week. Let's ask the president of the AWF Spike Spiegel. Spike What are we going to do?
Spike: Like I know. I guess we've got to give the fans a match. Even if I have to pick the next poor sap who walks past.
*Misato walks past*
Spike: Get to the ring Misato you're up.
Misato*:still drunk* wha? Whazzit?
Spike: Just get going.
Miyuki: There you have it, Misato will sub for the absent Megumi.
Kaji: Well what a shocking development, Misato Katsuragi will do battle in Megumi's place for this match.
*Bell*
Kaji: Misato's collapsed, no she's just drunk and sleeping. Cover by Yurika.
1-2-3.
Kaji: Carrot counts to three this one is over. Yurika Misumaru has one this match in a record three seconds. She looks so happy and here she comes.
Akito: And here I go.
*Akito runs through the crowd being chased by Yurika*
Kaji: Well that was an interesting little situation.
*Lina comes back*
Lina: Old freak...when I find him.
Kaji: Hey welcome back. Our next match is just about to start as Yuki Saiko and Chocolate Misu go at it to decide who is the cutest girl in anime.
Lina: How come I'm not in this match?
Lina: I still don't see why I'm not in this match.
Kaji: we're Back.
Lina: Anyways it's time for the cutest girl match, to win the referee will judge just who is the cutest girl. Our referee Carrot Glace is in the ring now.
Kaji: I envy his job.
Lina; Here come our competitors.
*Bell*
Carrot: Okay so all I have to do is pick the cuter of you two right?
Lina: He's so bright isn't he?
Kaji: Hey now this is a hard decission for the lad.
*Chocolate takes off her overcoat to reveal her dominatrix set of clothes*
Kaji: And it looks like Chocolate's trying to make the decission easier for carrot.
*Carrot Backs away frightened*
Lina: Uh-oh, Chocolate's deffinately costing herself poitns by whipping Carrot.
Kaji: Well it depends, maybe he's into S&M and stuff.
*Bell*
Tenchi: The winner is Yuki Saiko because quote "she doesn't hit me".
Lina: There you have it. Chocolate blew the match now she's mad.
Kaji: Somebody stop her she's going after Yuki.
*Referees run in from the back restraining chocolate*
Kaji: I envy them.
Lina*:smacks Kaji in the Back of the head* Stay tuned it's Ruri vs.. Rei Ayanami next.
Lina: They've finally restrained Chocolate with the assistance of a straightjacket, and now we're ready for what may be one of the longest and most boring matches in our short history.
Kaji: Now that's no way to look at it, look for the positive I always say.
Lina: Since when?
Kaji: Oh look referee Bean Bandit in the ring to officiate. We're underway.
*Bell*
Lina: They lockup, Rei's got a handfull of hair. Hairgrab toss. Ruri to her feet, Rei knocks her down with the running clothesline. Ruri grabs a leg, takes down Rei. Mounts and punches.
Kaji: Can I say it?
Lina: NO! Ruri, sinches in the figure-four leg lock. Rei inching towards the ropes. Bean breaks up the hold. Ruri, kick to the midsection. Bulldog down to the canvas. Rei's out. Ruri to the outside. She's got the ring bell.
Kaji: What's she going to do with that?
Lina: Sets it up on Rei's face. To the second turnbuckle. She drops the elbow on the ring bell. Rei's convulsing around the ring. Ruri's got a chair now.
*sound of chair hitting rei*
Lina: oh my frog!
Kaji: What about your frog?
Lina*:smacks Kaji* Rei to the outside Ruri following with the chair, she swings, but she misses. Rei kicks Ruri, DDT on the concrete. Rei's going under the ring, she's got a table. Ruri set up on the table. Rei climbing the turnbuckle, somersault leg drop from the Top Rope!
Kaji: OH MY LORD!
Lina: Ruri driven through that table. Cover count. 1, 2. She kicked out. Rei sets her up for the double arm supplex. Blocked. Ruri hits the backdrop. Ruri's got a piece of that table. Swings and misses. Rei goes for a kick. Ruri catches the leg. Enzeguri! Ruri down. Rei back under the ring, she's got that kendo stick Shinji had. Swings and misses. Ruri turns around, she hits the superkick. Cover, count. Two count only. Ruri picks Rei up. Powerbomb on the concrete.
Kaji: Get the stretcher.
Lina: Rei's down. Ruri grabs a beer from a man in the first row.
Kaji: Hey she can't do that she's underage!
Lina: Rei to her feet, Ruri throws the beer into Rei's eyes.
Kaji: She's underage too, where are their parents?
Lina: Rei blinded. Ruri goes for the running clothesline. Backdrop, Ruri into the crowd. Rei climbs onto the railing. Flying clothesline off that baracade. Some spectators have been knocked down, Bean stradles over the railing. This fight's going outside. They're brawling up to the snack bar. Rei sets her up, Hanging verticle supplex, and down onto the snack bar, Rei covers, but Bean's still in the crowd. Ruri picked up by her hair. Rei's taking this fight to the streets. Hey wow there's the production van.
Kaji: Hey guys!
Lina: Ruri whipped into the side of the van. Rei slaps on the headlock. Ruri
using it to her advantage rams Rei into the van. Ruri's free. Foot to the stomach,
Stunner!
Cover, Bean running to the scene 1,2....kickout. Ruri's dragging Rei back to
the arena.
Kaji: Better than advertised eh?
Lina: They say the most calm are truely the most violent. Ruri's making her way back to the ring. Rolls Rei into the ring. Ruri, mounts and punches. Grabs the hair, shaking rei violently.
Kaji: Lemme say it.
Lina; no
Kaji: Please.
Lina: No it's wrong.
Kaji: Awwwwwww.
Lina: Ruri setting Rei up for the Double arm DDT. Blocked. She goes for it again. Blocked again. Rei backs Ruri into the corner. She's laying the smack down. Ruri in a heap on bottom turnbuckle. Rei in the opposite corner, charging BRONCO BUSTER!
Kaji: Hey you can see right up her dress.
Lina*:smacks Kaji hard* Ruri's out. Rei wailing away, Bean's calling for the Bell.
*Bell*
Tenchi: The winner due to referees decision is Rei Ayanami.
Lina: Rei wins because Ruri is out. Rei's not taking the victory with pride, she's beating on Bean. Bean's down on the canvas. She sets him up she's locked in the Katahajimai! The Tazzmission! Referees coming from the back to break up the hold. They've got cattle prods. This could take a while, go to promo.
Kaji*:coming to* what'd I miss?
Lina: Rei's still being handled by the local authorities so we're going to talk about the main event for a little bit first. It's a Three way dance of death for our world title. Kaji bring the people up to speed.
Kaji: A little over a month ago there were a series of tournments around the world for the four AWF titles. In San Francisco Chocolate Misu and Gateau Mocha beat Kyoko Otonashi and Yusaku Godai in the finals of the tag team title tourny. In Belfast Bolt Crank beat Vash the Stampede in the finals for the underground title. In Tokyo Keiichi Morisato beat Ranma Saotome to capture the mainstream title. The same day in Okinawa Ryo-Ohki edged pikachu to capture the world title. Pen-Pen had lost his match with pikachu by disqualification. As a result president Spike Siegel decided that the three would face off in a three way dance.
Lina: Thanks Kaji. Now due to the fact most of the referee's were maimed in the attempt to calm Rei down. So we had to draft a special referee. Please welcome Kintaro Oe.
*Bell*
Lina: Pikachu trying to end things early goes for the thundershock. Pen-Pen's out. Ryo-Ohki doesn't seem too happy.
*Ryo-Ohki become giant mecha cabbit and squishes Pikachu and pen-pen*
Lina: Well I guess that's it. Cover count, 1...2....3. It's over. Ryo-Ohki hits Carrot Crush for the win and to retain the title.
Kaji: I feel like I was robbed.
Lina: Well that's all folks good night, see you again soon! Say good night Kaji.
Kaji: *No energy* Good night Kaji.