*Fireworks go off and the band plays*
Lina: Welcome to August for the latest AWF PPR, pay per read ladies and gentlemen. I'm Lina Inverse and with me as always is Ryoji Kaji.
Kaji: Yo.
Lina: After a long hiatus we're back on the air with more hardcore anime wrestling action and with our first match I think we're breaking some of the rules as Tetsu Hayami does battle against Ringo Starr.
Kaji: Nothing wrong with that.
Lina: But Ringo's not an anime character.
Kaji: (reading from a dictionary) anime: French for animation (switches books) animation: The act, process, or result of imparting life, interest, spirit, motion, or activity. The quality or condition of being alive, active, spirited, or vigorous. The art or process of preparing animated cartoons. An animated cartoon.
Lina: Well then I guess there's no problem, well before our competitors come to the ring I'd like to introduce our band. Ladies and gents the Midvalley Seven.
*Applause*
*Band stars Yellow Submarine*
Tenchi: Ladies and gentlemen this opening contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first from Liverpool, England Ringo Starr.
*Loud cheers*
Lina: Ringo in the ring, hey wait Hayami from the crowd.
Kaji: Didn't even see him come in.
Lina: Hayami takes out the legs of Ringo with a chop block. Setting Ringo up for the Boston Crab this may be over sooner than we thought. No Ringo has the ropes. Carrot Glace there to break the hold. Ringo with a low blow, Hayami dazed. Vertical supplex and Hayami's starring at the ceiling.
Kaji: I thought this was an outdoor arena.
Lina: Okay so he's starring at the sky. Ringo off the ropes, drops the knee to the face. Hayami stunned. Ringo quick cover. Hayami kicks out after only two.
Kaji: He's going to need more than that to win the match.
Lina: Ringo clutching his injured knee, hobbling to the ring ropes. Hayami up, behind Ringo. Kick to the knees. He's stomping that knee. Ringo in some real pain here.
Kaji: He's got the ropes.
Lina: Carrot Glace in there to pull Hayami off. Ringo climbs up, using those turnbuckles for balance. Hayami moves in, elbow from Ringo. Another one. Hayami is dazed folks. Ringo on that second turnbuckle. Bionic elbow, and Hayami goes down. Ringo with the cover. One two oh he kicks out at two and two thirds. Ringo hooks onto the chin and jerks back. Hayami in some serious pain here. Tap out! He tapped out. Hayami has given up to the chin breaker.
Kaji: I don't believe it.
Tenchi: Here is your winner, Ringo Starr.
*Yellow Submarine begins to play*
Lina: Shocking end here, Ringo got the tap out win over Hayami.
Kaji: I wonder why that move was so effective? I mean it didn't even look that powerf...*Kaji is cut off in midsentance*
Lina: *Holding Kaji in a sleeper hold* You mean this doesn't look that painful?
Kaji: I give I give.
Lina: What?
Kaji: Let me go and I'll buy you lunch.
Lina: Whatever I want?
Kaji: (losing coconsciousness) sure.
Lina: *Let's Kaji go* Alright. After the next match you go run and get the food boy.
Kaji: Maybe it would have been cheaper if I had let her kill me.
Lina: What was that?
Kaji: Nothing.
Lina: I'm sure most of you are wondering exactly why this particular card is being held in an outdoor arena. Well there are two reasons, first is the big Shinji and Gendo rematch for the right to be the number one contender. This upcoming match with Rally Vincent facing Wolfwood is the other.
Kaji: We've decided to let the two of them duel it out old west style. Each are allowed one weapon. All the bullets have been replaced with rubber bullets for safety. We're not here to kill people.
Lina: Just incase a stray bullet should get away we have set up monitors in the main area, Wolfwood and Rally will do battle in the ruined part of the city. And it looks like they are ready over at the ruins let's cut there live.
*The ruins*
Kusanagi: Okay you guys know the rules. Take ten paces, turn and come out shooting. Ready go.
Lina: They're off, but Wolfwood hasn't drawn his gun yet he's still carrying that cross around.
Kaji: Well he is a priest you know.
Lina: Rally turns shot fired. She missed. Wolfwood's got that cross by the strap. Oh my god.
*Tarp flies off reaveling Punisher, Wolfwood's cross. The base opens up and begins firing*
Lina: Wolfwood with a machine gun he's firing all over the place but he hasn't hit a thing yet. Rally behind the building. She's looking to get range over the machine gun. Uh-oh it looks like the element of surprise may have backfired Wolfwood's out of bullets.
*Wolfwood plants Punisher into the sand and the sides open revealing a cache of 45's*
Lina: No fair that's more than one weapon.
Kaji: Technically the cross is the weapon.
Lina: I dunno it still seems fishy.
Kaji: Looks like Rally's not letting it get her down. Shot. Off the cross.
Lina: Wolfwood opening fire. There goes the front of the old saloon. And the post office.
Kaji: Well there's a change.
Lina: What's that?
Kaji: Someone not in the Postal Service opening fire on the post office.
*Loud mallet thwap is heard as Kaji's head is rammed into the desk*
Lina: Sorry about that folks. Wolfwood again uses up the ammo, changing guns. Rally shoots, again she misses, buzzes the whisker of Wolfwood. Two more shots. Ack! ::ducks:: HEY WATCH IT!
Rally: Sorry!
Lina: Damn I thought we were far enough away.
Kaji: which way did he go? which way did he go?
Lina: Shaddup! ::punches Kaji:: Rally dashing to the other side, opening fire. That's three more shots from her CZ-75. Wolfwood holds his fire. Rally behind some rubble. Shot. Misses. Two more shots.
*Camera goes out*
Lina: she knocked out the camera folks. someone get their ass down there.
*Camera comes back on*
Lina: Oh good we're back up. Sorry for that folks. Rally has five more bullets. Who knows what Wolfwood has left in that cross. Shot again from Rally. She knocked one of the 45's out of his hand. Another shot hits the top of the cross. It's opened, Wolfwood jams down the trigger. Projectile fired by the cross. Smoke bomb. We can't see anything. Wait there's Rally. Three more shots. Someone get an infrared camera damn it. One more shot. Wait multiple shots have just been fired we can't see anything. We've got a body down. The smoke is clearing. Wolfwood is down. There's the bell. it's all over.
Tenchi: Here is your winner Rally Vincent.
Lina: Rally gets the win over Wolfwood, despite his vast arsenal of guns.
*Camera pans out as Kusanagi raises Rally's hand. A red coat is noticeably flapping in the wind*
Lina: When we come back Gendo and Shinji will face a final destination match. Who will be the number one contender? Will Kaji wake up in time to buy me lunch, let's cut to the promo for the next match. Hey you wake up! Fireball!
*Kaji screams*
*Begin Promo*
Lina: It all started a little over ten years ago. After a failed activation test and the loss of his wife Gendo Ikari abandoned his only son and set off to bring about the end of the world. That is until he realized he had a use for the boy.
*Image of Shinji*
Lina: But the reunion was short lived. Shinji wanted revenge for his torment. And sought it in many different ways.
*Video of Shinji caning Gendo in his match against Zelgadis*
Kaji: At our first PPR, Shinji cost his father his match against Zelgadis in a sneak attack still viewed by many as one of the most well prepared in the history of wrestling.
*Video of Shinji giving Gendo the one fingered salute as Gendo laid unconscious*
Lina: Our second PPR brought a match where father and son pulled out all the stops. To prove who was the best.
*Multiple images: Shinji with the fire chair, Gendo with the piledriver on the concrete, Shinji with the cane*
Kaji: But in the end, experience triumphed and Shinji went for a ride.
*Video of Shinji being powerbombed through a table*
Kaji: What's he going to do?
Lina: Powerbomb from the top rope ::sound of table crushing:: Gendo covers. 1..2...3
Asuka: 1...2....3....4....5....6....7....8....9....10 ::Bell::
Lina: After the match Spike Spiegel determined that both were worthy of being the top contender for the AWF gold, but who to choose.
Kaji: So he set the demented minds of the AWF front office to work and they came up with the preeminent match for determining our number one contender.
Lina: A ring, surrounded by a ten foot high mesh cage. No escaping. The cage is wired with three hundred volts of power and several small bombs. The ring is in the center, barbed wire replaces ropes. No turnbuckle covers. Tables line the outside, chairs lie under the ring.
Kaji: Only one will be the number one contender. The other may never walk.
*End Promo*
Lina: As you can see the cage is set up, the ring crew is ready to start the power. Bean Bandit the official is taking extra care to wear his coat for this one. Let's get started.
*Band starts to play Fly Me to the Moon*
Tenchi: Introducing first, from Tokyo-3 Shinji Ikari!
*Cheers*
*Band starts to play Cruel Angel's Thesis*
Tenchi: his opponent, also from Tokyo-3, Gendo Ikari.
*Boos*
Lina: Gendo not to popular with this crowd.
Kaji: The man couldn't buy respect from these people.
Lina: We're all set. This match ends, when someone gets the three count. That's it.
*Bell*
Lina: Gendo and Shinji lock up in the center of the ring. Gendo to the collar and elbow tie up. Shinji pulls himself free. Irish whip, Gendo right into the barbed wire and he is down already and bleeding. Shinji to the outside, he's got a table. set's it on the barbed wire. He goes to pick up his dad by the hair. Gendo with the low blow. Gendo pulling Shinji by his hair. Hip toss and the table is in pieces. Shinji's leg is on the bottom strand of barbed wire.
Kaji: This won't be pretty.
Lina: Gendo is wrapping Shinji's ankle in the wire and goes to the outside.
Kaji: He's moving furnature.
Lina: Gendo with the chair ::metal thud, Shinji screams:: He hit the base of Shinji's foot with the chair, the wire cut open his ankle. Blood is dripping out of the open wound. Gendo picking up and table and tosses it into the ring.
Kaji: Shinji has pried his leg out of that wire. But the damage has been done. Shinji is seriously hurt. He can barely stand.
Lina: Gendo from behind with the chair. Swings and misses, Shinji with the short arm clothesline. Gendo is down. Shinji drags Gendo to the table. Shinji sets the table across the turnbuckle. Shinji sets him up. Block. Knee to the midsection of Gendo. Shinji picks Gendo up, vertical supplex through the table.
Kaji: Little measure of revenge for Shinji. But Gendo's still moving.
Lina: Gendo to his feet, swings and misses. Shinji whips Gendo to the wire. Gendo rolls over the top. His shirt is in shreds and there's blood everywhere. Gendo moving towards the cage.
Kaji: He can't escape, the holes are too small, plus the electricity and bombs.
Lina: Shinji coming from behind, spins Gendo around. Slap to the face. Returned by Gendo. Gendo with a kick to the midsection. Gendo with Shinji's head, tries to spike it into a bomb. Blocked. Shinji is holding onto the mesh that's got to hurt. Shinji losing strength, he lets go. Gendo with the Irish whip in to the ring apron.
Kaji: He could have broken ribs.
Lina: Gendo with another whip into the cage. Explosion. Shinji is dazed. Superkick by Gendo. Shinji is down. One two kick out.
Kaji: How'd he do that.
Lina: Both competitors hurt now. Gendo turns around, Shinji gives him the one fingered salute. Stunner! Gendo is down. One, two no he kicks out. Shinji is in Bean's face.
Kaji: This will be known as bad idea number one.
Lina: Gendo to his feet. Shinji has his back to him.
Kaji: Mistake number two.
Lina: Tap to the shoulder. Kick to the midsection of Shinji. Sets him up. Oh my god he bit him in the balls. Shinji bit Gendo in the balls.
Kaji: Now we see why he's an only child.
Lina: Gendo stumbles into the fence. Explosion, Gendo dazed. Shinji goes for a headshot with that chair. Gendo ducks. Boot to the midsection, he's got the chair. Head shot with the chair. Shinji dazed, Gendo sets the chair on the ground. He's setting Shinji up for something.
Kaji: If it's the Cradle Piledriver this is over.
Lina: It is, Shinji is scooped up, and spiked down onto the chair. Cover count, one two three it's finally over.
*Cruel Angel's Thesis begins*
Tenchi: Here is your winner Gendo Ikari.
*Boos*
Lina: It's finally over. The paramedics are coming to the cage to treat wounded. And while they clean up that mess let's pause for a snack.
Kaji: (sounds sick) how can you eat after that horrifying match.
Lina: As long as I'm not paying nothing affects my appetite. Now get going.
Kaji: Yes ma'am.
*Lina is stuffing her face over a mound of stereotypical sporting event foods, you know hot dogs, nachos and the like*
Kaji: Hey.
Lina: (mouth full) what?
Kaji: We're back.
Lina: (swallows) Handle it yourself, I'm eating. *She resumes her scarfing*
Kaji: Well in that case ladies and gents we've a fine match for you. The long time rivalry between Ryoko and Ayeka for Tenchi's love has finally spilled over into the AWF ring. Now due to a special stipulation this match will have no bearing on the contest for Tenchi's love because quote, "Either way they will just fight and things will get broken." But that hasn't stopped us from suspending our ring announcer high above the ring in a special shark cage.
Tenchi: HEY LEMME OUT!
Kaji: Well it looks like things are all set. The competitors are in the ring and here we go.
*Bell*
Kaji: Ryoko and Ayeka lock up, now they're growling at each other. um they're still just growling at each other. Hey is this a match or are you two just going to keep screwing around like that!
Ryoko and Ayeka: SHUT UP!
Kaji: Well that was rude.
Tenchi: You had it coming.
Kaji: Why you little. Where's that switch Lina?
Lina: (mouth full) under the desk.
Kaji: Well take this *Pushes button and laughs diabolically*
*The cage lands on Ryoko's head*
Ayeka: Oh my.
*Bell*
Tenchi: (dazed) Here's your winner Miss Ayeka *Passes out*
Kaji: And there you have it Ryoko was knocked out by a horrible accident, as well as Tenchi. Soun Tendo had no choice but to call the match. Well after we clear the mess and get the smelling salts we'll have Kuroneko doing battle with Relena Peacecraft. Someone remind me why.
Lina: (puts feet on the desk surrounded by empty wrappers) because it's in the contract as the standard really odd match.
Kaji: (looking at contract) where's that?
Lina: Look under miscellaneous odd clauses.
Kaji: Well I'll be damned. Well we'll be right back.
Lina: Welcome back. We're all set for the next match as Kuroneko, the notorious cat faces off with another pussy Relena Peacecraft.
Kaji: Can you say that?
Lina: Why isn't she a cat?
Kaji: No she's a teenage girl.
Lina: oops, sorry about that folks forget you just heard that.
Kaji: Please don't sue.
Lina: Anyways for some reason or another Spike ordered this match between Kuroneko and Relena. And it looks like everyone is set. Hit the music.
*The band starts to play Rhythm Emotion*
Tenchi: (in bandages) introducing first from the Sanc Kingdom, Relena Peacecraft.
*HT starts*
Tenchi: Her opponent from god knows where Kuroneko.
*Wild cheers*
Lina: Kuroneko making a home planet show here and the crowd loves it. It looks like we're all set, as Asuka explains the rules to the competitors. Here we go.
*Bell*
Kaji: Kuroneko's in prime pouncing position, but Relena's trying an odd tactic...reasoning.
Lina: What in the world could she be planning.
Relena: There's no need to fight.
Lina: (mockingly) unless you want to get paid.
Relena: Can't we just coexist peacefully.
*Kuroneko looks sideways, smirks and pounces Relena*
Lina: Oh my god that's not right! He...she...whatever is mauling poor Relena.
Kaji: That's not right.
Lina: I can't believe what it's doing with that tail.
Kaji: I'm gonna hurl.
Lina: Asuka calling for the bell as Relena as fainted. This is all over and Kuroneko has mauled it's way to victory here tonight.
Kaji: Looked like a page from the Gendo Ikari school of Hardcore there for a second.
Lina: Which school of hardcore are we talking about?
Kaji: The wrestling one. Why?
Lina: No reason.
Kaji: As the EMT's come to the ring to help Relena out of the ring Miyuki has an exclusive with the victor, Kuroneko.
*Ringside*
Miyuki: Thanks guys. So Kuroneko how does it feel to win your first professional match.
Kuroneko: Meeeeoooooooooooooww.
Miyuki: Hey there's no need to be profane.
Kuroneko: Meow.
Miyuki: That's okay. Now any words to say to the champion Ryo-ohki as she prepares for her match against Duo Maxwell.
Kuroneko: Meeeooow, meow.
Miyuki: Hey you'll have to get in line, Gendo has next shot for that belt. Back to you Lina.
*In Booth*
Lina: Thanks Miyuki. A big shocker here, Kuroneko after only one match has challanged Ryo-ohki. For the world title, but Gendo Ikari is the number one contender. What will Spike Spiegel do?
Kaji: Smoke.
Lina: I mean about the situation!
Kaji: So did I.
Lina: We'll be back with the Bishounen Showdown, as Vincent Valentine will do battle with Marron Glace in a barbed wire match. Loser is the first one to get their pretty face cut open. Stay tunned.
Lina: The ring is all set up, now we're just waiting for the competitors. For a complete explanation of the rules of this match here's Kaji.
Kaji: What? Oh the rules. Well since we're using a barbed wire no ropes format this is a first blood match. First one to get cut is down and out. And we're not talking a little scratch here folks, we want blood oozing from the wound.
Lina: Thank you so much for that pleasant image.
Kaji: No problem.
Lina: Okay we're set.
*Band begins to play Mask*
Tenchi: Introducing first, from the Spooner Continent. Marron Glace.
*Wild shrieky cheers*
*No music plays as Vincent walks to the ring*
Tenchi: His opponent, from parts unknown but most recently out of a casket Vincent Valentine.
*Again with the wild shrieky cheers*
Lina: (speaking loudly) OKAY WE'RE ALL SET TO GO HERE NOW IF THEY'D JUST RING THE BELL.
Kaji: (also speaking loudly) HEY CAN YOU SPEAK UP I CAN'T HEAR.
Lina: WHAT?
Kaji: I CAN'T HEAR!
Lina: DID YOU JUST CALL ME DEAR?
Kaji: WHAT DO I HAVE TO FEAR?
Lina: WHAT?
*Bell*
Kaji: HEY THEY'RE STARTING BEFORE THE BELL.
Lina: WHAT ABOUT BEER?
Kaji: Huh?
Lina: (suddenly gains hearing back) I said what about beer?
*Meanwhile in the ring Vincent starts off by clotheslining Marron to the mat*
Kaji: (also can hear) I didn't say anything about beer.
Lina: Hey the match started.
Kaji: I said that.
Lina: Well anyways the match has begun and Marron is already on the ground. Vincent with his foot on Marron's throat this doesn't boad well for him. Referee Shun Mitaka is restricted in what he can do since most rules have been removed for this match.
*Marron kicks Vincent in the groin*
Kaji: Of course that helps to get free.
Lina: Ouch. Marron with a headlock. Vincent tries to push Marron into the wire. Marron using his feet bounces off the barbed wire. Vincent turns it into a belly to back supplex. Marron is back on the mat. Vincent taking a page from the Steve Austin book and stomping a mudhole in him.
Kaji: Well he's stomping him into something and I don't think it's mud.
Lina: Marron has taken a beating early on. Vincent picks him up by the hair, Irish whip towards the wire. Marron pulls Vincent's hair and they're both on the ground. Marron back to his feet. Multiple stomps to the back of Vincent's head. Vincent grabs his left ankle and takes him down. Vincent's nose is broken and he's bleeding is this enough. Shun Mitaka will let this match continue.
Kaji: Good call, he's not bleeding nearly enough to name a winner.
Lina: Vincent with the claw to the face of Marron. Marron blinded. Boot to the midsection. Double arm DDT. Marron on the ground hurting. Vincent slaps on the Camel Clutch. There are no tap outs. This is to wear down Marron so he can bust him open. Marron in a world of pain. Vincent lets go of the hold. Marron on the mat. He is a broken man. Vincent with the thumb across his throat giving the signal he's going to bust Marron up. Pick up, vertical supplex.
Kaji: Look at that form.
Lina: He's walking with him. Oh my god! He just dropped Marron across the top strand of barbed wire. His stomach is on that wire, no blood. Vincent rakes the face of Marron Glace across that wire. The wire is blood red.
*Bell*
Lina: It's all over, Vincent Valentine dominates this match to beat Marron Glace into a bloody pulp.
Kaji: He ain't s pretty now is he?
Lina: Ah a good plastic surgeon can fix that right up.
Kaji: That's true enough.
Lina: Well while we mop this up we'll be getting set for the big three way dance for a Mainstream title shot.
Lina: This should be an interesting match as we have three of the most dangerous people in one ring at the same time. It's the battle for a shot at the AWF Mainstream Title tonight. Let's go to the ring as Carrot Glace steps into the ring ready to call it.
*Band Plays Fly Me to the Moon*
Tenchi: Ladies and gentlemen this contest is for first fall. First one to score a pin wins, introducing first from Tokyo-3 Rei Ayanami.
*Band continues to play*
Tenchi: Her opponent from parts unknown Kawrou Nagisa.
*Band starts to play You Get to Burning*
Tenchi: Their opponent, from Japan Ruri Hoshino.
*Bell*
Lina: And we're all set to go at it.
*Dead silence, all three are just standing around. Rei and Kawrou are talking*
Kaji: And again another match falls victim to well whatever the hell it is that plagues us.
Lina: Hey camera one get into the ring and see what they're talking about.
Kaji: If it's philosophy I'm going to drink myself stupid.
Lina: You need a drink to do that?
Kaji: Well...hey.
*In the ring*
Kawrou: What is the point of this?
Rei: What is the point of anything?
Kawrou: Why are we fighting.
Ruri: Because the President's an idiot.
Rei: Are we fighting?
*Back in the booth Lina is stunned*
Lina: In all my days of broadcasting I've never seen anything like this.
Kaji: (slurred speech) This...is whaat haapens wen you let Rei on the camera.
Lina: President Spike Spiegel in the ring right now.
*Carrot goes over and talks to Spike who goes over to Tenchi, talks to him and raises Ruri's hand. Then promptly boots her through the crowd.*
Tenchi: Your winner is Ruri Hoshino, by disqualification. Both Rei Ayanami and Kawrou Nagisa have failed to use proper philosophical form when debating.
*Crowd gasps*
Lina: There you have it, Ruri gets one over Rei without a drop of blood being spilled.
Kaji: (still drunk) hey you're kinda cute let's say youse and me get a little room somewhere.
*Lina breaks a beer bottle over Kaji's head*
Lina: After I sober him up we'll be right back.
Kaji: (somewhat sober) My head hurts.
Lina: We're back. Well for some reason or another we decided to see who was more sadistic, Dr. Kyoji Ogami noted brain surgeon or Millions Knives brother of the outlaw Vash the Stampede.
Kaji: Even money on Knives.
Lina: Why?
Kaji: Ogami has to worry about Nanako coming to the ring.
Lina: Oh yeah forgot about that. Well it's all set up here, let's go to the ring.
*Band starts to play HT*
Tenchi: Introducing first from parts unknown Millions Knives.
*Band starts to play Nanako no Sentaku (can be translated as either Nanako's Choice or Nanako's Washing your choice)*
Tenchi: His opponent from Japan, Dr. Kyoji Ogami.
*Bell*
Lina: Here we go, they lock up in the center of the ring, Dr. Ogami applies the arm bar to knives and he is writhing in pain on the mat. Ogami stomps on the ball and shoulder joint of Knives. It looks like he's going out. Knives is down. Uh-oh. Look who's coming to the ring.
Kaji: Hey wow you can see up her skirt.
Lina: (takes out a mallet) take a good long look why don't you ::whack's Kaji across the head::
Kaji: I just had two days until retirement ::passes out::
Lina: Let's see what's going on.
*At the ring*
Nanako: Dr. Kyoji.
Ogami: Nanako what do you want, I very busy right now. *Stomps Knives*
Nanako: (fiddling with her fingers) you know how you told me not to touch that toy you had on your desk.
*Ogami releases his chokehold from Knives*
Ogami: You mean my model?
Nanako: Yeah that's it.
Ogami: What about it? *Catapaults Knives into the turnbuckle*
Nanako: Well you know it kinda...(softly) got broke.
Ogami: WHAT?! *Punches Knives in the face*
Nanako: Wahhh I'm sorry I was dusting and I picked it up and the arm fell off so I tried to glue it back together with that glue gun you had under your desk. And it kinda melted.
Ogami: (steps over the top rope) Nanako! Come here.
Nanako: Uh look isn't that Bruce Willis getting a hot dog.
Ogami: (looks) Where?
*Nanako runs off*
Ogami: Nanako! *Gives chase*
Asuka: Eight, nine, ten. Ring the bell.
*Bell*
Tenchi: Your winner by count out, Millions Knives.
*Back at the booth*
Lina: Shocking turn of events here, as the unconscious Knives scores a big win over Dr. Ogami who just ran off in the middle of a match. Stay tuned, it's time for the bulk of the card. As the Dirty Pair faces off with the tag team champions Gateau and Chocolate. And we're sure Kaji will be awake by then.
Kaji: I just don't see why I always get hit. I mean you're perfectly capable of taking a shot.
Lina: But I'm the cute one.
Kaji: What? Who made that decission. I wanna speak with management.
Lina: We're on.
Kaji: Okay so where are the ugly sons of donkey's?
Lina: No I mean we're ON air.
Kaji: crap.
Lina: Well it's time for the world tag team title match. As the number one contender's Kei and Yuri take on the reigning champs Gateau Mocha and Chocolate Misu.
Kaji: This may be the end of the road for our tag team champs as they have only faced the weakest teams for the belt. As a matter of fact it should be noted that Gateau Mocha didn't even show up to the arena until thirty minutes before the card started. Chocolate Misu was reported to be chasing Senior official Carrot Glace, throughout most of the undercard so fatigue may be a factor. Also if that wasn't enough their opponents are The Dirty Pair. They'll be lucky to make it out of the ring alive.
Lina: Looks like we're all set here. Here we go.
*Bell*
Tenchi: Ladies and gentlemen this contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the AWF World Tag Team Championship.
*The Band starts to play Limitless Answer (from Dirty Pair Flash)*
Tenchi: Introducing first, the challengers. Kei and Yuri, The Dirty Pair.
*Tenchi gets his foot stomped on by Kei*
Tenchi: I mean The Lovely Angels.
*Mask starts*
Tenchi: Their opponents, the current AWF Tag Team Champions. Gateau Mocha and Chocolate Misu.
*Bell*
Lina: Kei and Gateau will start things off here, Gateau charging with the clothesline. Duck by Kei. Yuri with the kick to the face. Mocha is stunned. Boot to the midsection. She Hooks the arms. Double underhook powerbomb. Mocha is out.
Kaji: This is over.
Lina: Chocolate in the ring to break up the count. Yuri with the flying elbow. Chocolate is down. One two three. New tag team champions, new champions!
Kaji: Unbelievable. Gateau and Chocolate never stood a chance.
Lina: Kei and Yuri celebrating in the middle of the ring. With the belts. Gateau is still out. Let's see a replay.
*Replay of the powerbomb*
Kaji: This wasn't even close. There is no way these amateurs stood a chance against professional ass kickers as we see the back of Gateau's head hit the canvas. It kinda looks like when you drop a watermelon off the top of a three story building.
*In the booth*
Lina: This ends one of three championship runs that have gone on since the foundation of the AWF. The other two are the Mainstream and World titles. But Vash the Stampede who defeated Bolt Crank for the Underground title has to face Tamahome for the belt next. Can Vash hold on? Or are we going to have our second title change of the night? Stay tunned.
Lina: The AWF is proud to feature some of the most impressive talent gathered in one place outside of Linux World.
Kaji: What's Linux World?
Lina: It's the penguins convention.
Kaji: Pen-Pen has a convention?
Lina: No. Moving on...
Kaji: Then what's the penguin.
Lina: I'll explain later.
Kaji: But I want to know know!
Lina: Here's I'll teach you a trick. Close your eyes.
Kaji: Okay.
Lina: Fireball! *Kaji gets burned*
Kaji: Aurrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Lina: This is called a running gag.
Kaji: This...suckssssssssss...
*Kaji passes out*
Lina: It's time for yet another AWF Title match as Vash the Stampede is going to put his Underground title against one of the Suzaku Seven, Tamahome.
*Bell*
Tenchi: Ladies and Gentlemen it's now time for the AWF Underground Title match.
*The Band starts to play Star*
Tenchi: Introducing first the challenger, from Hakko Village. Tamahome.
*Band starts to play HT*
Tenchi: Now coming to the ring, the champion from parts unknown. Vash the Stampede.
*Bell*
Lina: We're underway and Vash comes charging in with a charging elbow and Tamahome is down. Vash with the stomp to the chest and Tamahome is starting this match in the hole already. Vash picks up Tamahome. Body slam. Vash off the ropes, twitching elbow across the chest. Vash with a little wave to the crowd. Big mistake, Tamahome with a punch to the ribs. Vash steps back. Tamahome with a kick to the jaw. Vash down to the ground. Tamahome stomping on that right arm of Vash.
Kaji: (weak voice) ouch.
Lina: Welcome back to the land on the living. Vash writhing in pain. Tamahome to the arm bar. Vash reaching for the ropes.
Kaji: why me god, why is it always me.
Lina: It's in your contract. Vash has the ropes, Shun Mitaka breaks the hold. Both men stand up. Tamahome goes for a clothesline, ducked. Vash, standing drop kick and Tamahome is down. Vash to the top rope, leg drop. Across the throat of Tamahome. Cover count one, two, kickout.
Kaji: Remind me to fire my agent.
Lina: Will do. Vash goes for the pick up at the head. Tamahome blocks. To a standing position, he runs for Vash. Vash side steps. The referee just got speared. Shun Mitaka is out cold. Vash with his gun, he's going to pistol whip him.
*Vash is hit by a giant cross from out of no where*
Kaji: The hell?
Lina: Vash is down. Tamahome picks up Vash. Superkick. Vash is down, but we don't have an official. Here comes Kiddy Phenil the comissioner. one, two, three.
*Bell*
Tenchi: Here is your winner and NEW AWF Underground Champion Tamahome.
*Band starts to play Star*
Lina: Chalk the assist up to Wolfwood who through that giant cross into the ring and well knocked Vash flat.
Kaji: Well I guess it's payback for Vash's interference in his match with Rally Vincent.
Lina: Could be. Well folks stay tuned, we have two more title matches left. Next Keiichi Morisato faces Ruri Hosino for the Mainstream title.
Lina: Earlier tonight Ruri-Ruri defeated both Rei Ayanami and Kawrou Nagisa for a shot at the mainstream title.
Kaji: Of course she actually won by referee's decision. Because Rei and Kawrou have failed to take Philosophy 101.
Lina: Unfortunately Ruri suffered a major injury after calling our beloved...
Kaji: And handsome...
Lina: President Spike Spiegel.
*Boos from the crowd*
Lina: Yeah that wasn't so smart of her. Well anyways this is her shot she'd better not blow it.
Kaji: I'm not even sure she'll show, she was kicked Helluva far.
Lina: You can drop the T talk he's not here.
Kaji: Ah damn.
Lina: Well we'll find out exactly how those injuries affect her in this match with Keiichi Morisato.
*Bell*
Tenchi: It's now time for our AWF Mainstream Title Match.
*Band starts to play You Get to Burning*
Tenchi: Introducing first the challenger, from Japan Ruri Hoshino.
*Ruri limps to the ring*
*Band starts to play My Heart I Can't Say, Your Heart I want to Know (damn that's a long title)*
Tenchi: Her opponent, the reigning AWF Mainstream Champion! From, Japan Keiichi Morisato.
*Bell*
Lina: We start things off here, Ruri goes for a punch. Keiichi sidesteps. Side Russian Legsweep. Ruri is down and hurt. Cover count, one two three. It's over.
Kaji: She never stood a chance.
*Bell*
Tenchi: Here is your winner, Keiichi Morisato.
*Band plays*
Lina: I can't believe it, usually it's our title matches that screw you but this. I mean hehehe.
Kaji: Ruri should never have gotten into that ring, she might have had internal injuries from the kick earlier. But on the plus side...
*:EMT's roll Ruri out of the ring past the booth*
Kaji: Maybe she learned a valuable lesson about calling people idiots.
Ruri: Idiot.
Lina: Yes, save that for people who really are idiots.
Kaji: Exactly...hey!
Lina: Well Ryo-Ohki faces Duo Maxwell. NEXT. This is a good time to check the TV listings kiddies.
Lina: In the grand history of the AWF it's time for another odd main event as the self proclaimed God of Death faces Ryo-Ohki. Arguably one of the cutest things on the earth.
Kaji: Are we excluding all females from that cutest thing listing.
Lina: (checks notes) Pretty much.
Kaji: Well then I guess there's little to argue about then.
Lina: Anyways Duo challenged the Cabbit so let's go to the ring for the introductions.
*Bell rings twice*
Tenchi: Ladies and gentlemen it is my pleasure to announce that this is our main event and it is for the AWF World Title.
*The band starts Rhythm Emotion*
Tenchi: Introducing first, from the colonies. Duo Maxwell.
*Shrieky cheers*
*The band starts Where Have my Dreams Gone*
Tenchi: His opponent from well, somewhere, the current AWF World Champion. Ryo-Ohki!
*Oh how cute's from the crowd*
*Bell*
Lina: And we're under way here, Duo and Ryo-ohki lock horns in the center of the ring. Ryo-Ohki goes for a body slam but drops Duo on herself. Count, one, two kickout. Quick count from Carrot Glace.
Kaji: What do you mean I say it was a slow one. Hey ref count faster.
Lina; Ryo-Ohki knawing on the shoe of Duo. Duo shake's off the cabbit and goes for an elbow drop. No good. Ryo-Ohki with the cover. One, kickout.
Kaji: Fine form on that kick out.
Lina: Wasn't it. Duo chasing Ryo-Ohki around the ring, like a rancher after a calf. Ryo-Ohki between the legs of Carrot Glace. Glace side steps, Duo misses and slides under the ropes. on top of the time keeper's table.
Kaji: What the heck is that rat doing now?
Lina: She's a cabbit and she's ascended the turnbuckle. Shooting star press onto Duo. The table did not break. But I think the blow rattled our time keeper's water.
Kaji: Why doesn't he just toss the thing and become champ.
Lina: Can't win the belt by count out. Besides where's the challenge in that? Duo and Ryo-Ohki have sunk to throwing chairs at each other now. Carrot Glace to the outside to break that up.
Kaji: Here we go again.
Lina: Ryo-Ohki has turned into the Mecha-Cabbit and is going to go for the Carrot crush. Duo side steps. He's run off. Is he chickening out?
Kaji: Did you feel something?
Lina: Like an earthquake?
Kaji: You know after some time dealing with Eva's and Angel's I know what that is. See ya.
*Kaji runs off*
Lina: What the hell? Oh shoot.
*The Deathscythe appears on the horizon scythe in hand*
Lina: Duo has the Deathscythe this is one on one mecha action. Duo with the scythe, misses. Well there was nobody in that building anyways. The two mecha's lock up. Ryo-Ohki with an arm bar, reversed into the hammerlock. Belly to back supplex and Ryo-Ohki's hurt.
Voice: Don't worry Ryo-Ohki! I'll help you.
Lina: Now what? Oh my god would you get a load of that outfit. I think that's, yes it is. It's Magical Girl Pretty Sammy, Ryo-Ohki's tag team partner. Carrot Glace telling her not to interfere. What's with that weird dance. Don't tell me. She's going to try to change the Deathscythe into something cuter. Oh god I think I'm going to be sick. She casts the spell, Deathscythe moves out of the way. Uh-oh. Carrot takes the magical blast and you know what that means.
Carrot: Roooooooaaaaarrrrrr!!!!
Lina: Yes folks it looks like Carrot's Zoanthroapy has kicked in and he's a lean mean killing machine. He's going after Sammy. Ryo-Ohki charges in but is tossed aside. Duo with the scythe trying to chase off Carrot but you know what's going to happen next right?
*Carrot crushes the scythe, and shoves the mech down*
Voice: Oh ho ho ho ho.
*Carrot sweatdrops*
Lina: You know I think the folks at home are going to get their S and M fetish fulfilled right now.
Tira: My my Carrot what a naughty boy, harassing little girls like that. You need to be punished.
*Tira chases off Carrot*
Lina: Spike Spiegel and Kiddy Phenil on the scene. Spike calls for the bell this thing is over.
*Bell*
Tenchi: The President's decision on this match is that it is...a draw. In the event of a draw the title does not change hands. So your champion is still Ryo-Ohki.
*Spike takes the mic*
Spike: You know it's a shame for Duo to have gotten robbed of his chance for the world title so I'm announcing the main event for the March card right now. In a four way dance Ryo-Ohki will face Gendo Ikari, Duo Maxwell and Kuroneko for the AWF World Title.
*Cheers*
*Back in the booth*
Lina: Shocking news from Spike Spiegel today as he has just declared that Duo will get a rematch with Ryo-Ohki, but now he has to deal with both Gendo Ikari and Kuroneko. Well that wraps things up for Ryoji Kaji, I'm Lina Inverse. Good night and we'll see you in March.