For the Camera Only

"I'm so happy right now," Julianna says, climbing on top of George, who is lying back on the couch. She kisses him and speaks, alternating between the two. "Why can't we just be two people who are going to get married?"
George shifts on the couch, and pulls her in, still kissing her. He chuckles a bit as they kiss, making Julianna start to giggle.
"And………cut! Perfect, you two. Gee, if only you two weren't such good friends, we've might've thought you were going out!" the director jokes, as he gathers the crew together.
George and Julianna, now parted, are sitting on the couch side by side. They look at each other and laugh along, forcedly. When the crew start to leave the set of 'Carol's house', the two of them remain for a while longer, sitting in silence. Then George forces a little chuckle and says to Julianna, "Imagine that, Jules." He looks at her. "Imagine us being together."
Julianna turns her head toward him, and says, "That'd be crazy, wouldn't it?" She hesitatingly laughs. "I mean, we're like really good friends…"
They look at each other awkwardly, before George says, "Yeah….Uh….let's get going."
~~~
Later, after work, Julianna and George are talking outside their trailers. She is leaning against the side, and George is standing in front of her, kicking a pebble back and forth between his feet.
"So, uh, Jules, what are you planning on doing today? Anything special?" George asks. The pebble arrives at his left foot.
"Not much, actually. I'm going home. Maybe I'll rollerblade. What about you?" Julianna plays with her car keys.
He looks up briefly at her. "Ah…maybe I'll play some basketball." Thinking for a moment, he says, "Is Ron going to blade with you?"
"I dunno." She sighs lightly, but then brightens a bit. "How about Celine? You giving some time to be alone with her, tonight?"
George shrugs. "Maybe. I wanna shoot hoops with the guys, though. And it's usually hard for me to stop once I get going. But I'll see."
Julianna nods. Silence ensues, and they both study the ground. George kicks the pebble again, and Julianna moves her foot to avoid an ant. He kicks, and loses the pebble.
"I'd come with you…" they both blurt out suddenly, impulsively.
Realizing what had happened, Julianna and George laugh together. They are relieved that the awkward tension between them has been eased. She looks at him, smiling, and says, "Maybe next time, George?"
He says, "Yeah. Next time we'll hang out, for sure, Julianna."
They gaze at each other for a moment, before going on their respective ways, sighing as they walk further away from each other..
~~~
About a week later, Julianna is at home, reading over an ER script. This episode would be titled "Sharp Relief" and she is just reading the part where Carol let the paramedic kiss her while they were waiting for the cat to show up. Carol kisses someone other than Doug? Julianna can't believe that Carol would ever do such a thing. Besides, she doesn't want George to have to see her kissing some other guy. I wonder what he'll say when he sees that scene? Maybe he'll get jealous and
"Jules?" Ron interrupts.
She looks up at him standing in front of her chair. "Hey. What's wrong?"
"Well, nothing's wrong, but I just wanted to show you something." He takes her by the hands and pulls her up from the chair.
"What is it?" Julianna asks.
He grins a bit. "I got something for you, and I hope you like it." Ron leads her to the door, and watches eagerly as she pushes the door open.
Her face brightens. She spins around and throws her arms around Ron. "Ron, you're so great! Thank you! It's so cute…"
Ron hugs her back. He's glad the rainbow of yarn has made Julianna happy. "I hope you like them. I saw you were running out of it when you were knitting a few days ago, and I…uh, I wanted to get a whole rainbow of colours to cheer you up. You seemed sort of….sort of sad lately. I wanted to see you smile…" Embarrassed by having to say such 'mushy' things, he stops speaking, and just waits for Julianna's response.
Julianna smiles and says, "You're so sweet. Thank you." She leans in and kisses him lightly.
Feeling warm and fuzzy inside like he always felt after Julianna smiled at him, Ron pulls her closer to him, and says quietly, "I love you."
Unable to bring herself to say it back to Ron, Julianna just moves in, and breathes deeply, closing her eyes.
She knows that Ron treats her well, that Ron loves her. It isn't that she doesn’t care about him either.
So why has Julianna recently started to feel guilty when Ron treats her so well?
~~~
George closes the door behind him, and, exhausted, turns around to see Celine standing by the counter watching him. He remains silent, as he is too tired to do anything.
Celine goes over to George and sits him down gently on a chair. "Tiring day?" she asks him, concerned. She pulls out a chair for herself, and sits down beside him. Patiently awaiting an answer, Celine opens a can of beer for George.
He doesn't answer, but takes a sip of beer. Then he closes his eyes and sinks back into the chair. Celine watches him, motionless, for the next few minutes. She sighs softly, not wanting George to hear, as she lowers her head to review her bankbook.
George hears her sigh, and opens his eyes. He musters a smile and puts his hand over one of Celine's.
"I'm sorry, baby," he says, moving his chair closer to Celine's.
"For what? George, you haven't done anything wrong."
He looks at her. "Well, I haven't spent much time with you lately…I'm not much of a boyfriend, am I?"
"It's alright. I know you've been busy lately. Anyway, if you'll let me cook dinner for us tonight, maybe you--"
But George interrupts her by saying, "Damn, sorry Celine, I can't. Not tonight. I..uh I sort of promised the guys I'd hang with them. I'm so sorry, Celine..." His voice trails off.
She is clearly crushed by this, but recovers to shake her head and say, "Oh, don't worry about it, then. We'll do this later this week. It's alright, George. Don't look at me so guiltily like that, ok?" Celine tries to be upbeat, but she is very disappointed. She can't even look him in the eyes, for fear she'll burst into tears. Why does he always have to spend time with his friends, and not her? Does he know how lonely she feels when he's not home?
George squeezes her hand warmly. "Thanks, Celine. You're the best." He glances at the clock. "I'd better go take a shower, or I'll be late."
Celine lets go of his hand, reluctantly, and says quietly, "Ok." Not expecting a response, as she hears George head out of the room, she closes her eyes and puts her pen down. Suddenly, as she is starting to think about George, she feels a kiss.
George kisses Celine gently, and when he pulls away, he says, "I'm really sorry."
She smiles and says, "Oh George, I love you. I'm not mad at you, really. So don't apologize!"
Don't say stuff like that, Celine. Just let me apologize. It makes me feel even more guilty when you're so innocent and unknowing… George brushes away some stray hair of hers, and pauses there for a second, before he leaves. He couldn't gather the courage to tell her he loved her without feeling uneasy. He did care for her, after all……
~~~
About two weeks later, since they don't have to appear for "Family Practice", George and Julianna decide to spend the afternoon together hanging out. When George arrives at the little restaurant where he has agreed to have lunch with her, he finds her sitting in a corner booth, reading a novel peacefully. She doesn't notice him coming.
He silently sits down across from Julianna, leans back, and watches her read, with a grin on his face. She continues reading, oblivious to her surroundings. A waiter comes up to George, and says, "Sir, what would you like to order?" George watches Julianna with an amused expression as she lifts her head up suddenly and sees George there.
"God, George, why didn't you say anything!?" Julianna exclaims. She sees him looking at her with that boyish grin of his, and she laughs. Playfully acting annoyed, she says to the waiter, who was amused as well, "The gentleman will have black coffee made with microwaved tap water." She looks at George, with an innocent smile. "And I'll have a cold--"
"The lady will have what I'm having too. I wouldn't dream of having bad coffee without letting her enjoy it along with me, now would I?" Then he looks mischievously back at Julianna.
The waiter, clearly trying not to laugh, says, "Is that all?"
Julianna laughs and says to him, "No, we're just joking. Um….I'll have the lobster salad and coffee, double sugar. George?" She teasingly kicks his foot lightly.
He kicks back, and says, "I'll have…the cordon bleu, and black coffee. Thanks."
As the waiter leaves their booth, they start talking the way good friends do.
After they have finished their food, as well as a whole array of topics of conversation, Julianna hesitatingly asks George, "So, how're you and Celine doing?"
He knew that the topic would eventually come up. Playing with his napkin, George says, "Things are fine. She's great to me. Understanding, you know? Sometimes too much though." He thinks about how he wishes sometimes that Celine would get mad at him and leave him so that he wouldn't feel as bad about being in love with Julianna. But Celine would never get mad at him. She was too kindhearted.
Julianna is puzzled. Too understanding? She questions George gently. "How?" She studies his passive expression. Were things going awry between him and Celine? Julianna's heart skips a beat. On one hand, she would feel sad if they broke up, because Celine was such a great person, and Julianna knew that she really did like George a lot. On the other hand, if they did break up, perhaps George might consider going out with her, well, if she could one day bring herself to break up with Ron, that is.
George sighs. "It's just frustrating, because I haven't been spending much time with her lately, and I feel bad about it. I try to apologize, and she tells me not to, because I haven't done anything wrong. And she forgives me, and tells me she loves me. I mean, why does she have to treat me so well? It just makes me feel even more guilty, especially because…" He stops talking, realizing that if he is going to continue his sentence, he'll be admitting to Julianna that he is in love with her. And that is something he can't do, because it'd make three people--Julianna, Celine, and Ron--unhappy. Not to mention himself, too.
"I know how you feel, George," Julianna says, "cause I get that guilty feeling when Ron treats me so well, too."
"You do?" George is surprised.
She nods sadly. "We've been together for just about 7 years, and he still treats me like we just got together. You know, always getting me stuff, taking the blame even when I'm the one who's wrong, when I lose my temper, you know. Stuff like that. It's great that he's so wonderful, but it's…bland. I mean, I don’t really do anything extraordinary for him, but in turn, he does all this for me, he treats me too good, that I feel guilty, because I actually…" Julianna falls silent suddenly, realizing that she can't tell George how she really feels for him. She knows that of all the things she couldn't tell anyone, this was the most important secret she can not tell anyone, especially George.
"…Makes us realize how ill-suited we actually are, as significant others, doesn't it, Jules?" He looks at her with a contemplative expression on his face, a half-smile on his lips.
She agrees. "That is so sad, George." A moment of reflection. "So did you hear about our next episode, I think it's about some contamination where Noah gets to make Carter take charge."
Julianna succeeds in lightening the mood. "Yeah, I heard. Maybe our beloved couple will have a scene or two…you know, a little something something? That is, if you're up for it, Hathaway," George says, teasingly.
Laughing, Julianna and George continue talking, relaxed and definitely having fun together.
~~~
Hours later, on a sidewalk, as they are getting ready to call it a day, George and Julianna suddenly hear their names being called, almost simultaneously, from different ends of the sidewalk.
"George!" He turns around.
"Julianna!?" She turns around, too.
Celine is coming up to him, smiling at the sight of her boyfriend, while Ron is approaching, grinning when he sees his girlfriend. George quickly glances at Julianna, who seems to be paying full attention to Ron now. So George, slightly disappointed, says, "Hey Celine."
When she hears George give his undivided attention to Celine, she knows she can only do the same to Ron now. "Hey Ron," she says, "why're you walking round here?"
"I was bored, so I decided to waste some time, before you came back," Ron replies. He takes Julianna's hand in his.
Both couples turn and face each other, George says hi to Ron, and Celine says, "Hi Julianna, hi Ron, I haven't seen you since that last premiere, remember?"
"Hey Celine. George, the haircut looks good," Ron says. George smiles politely and cordially. Julianna says, "You look great, Celine. George is a lucky guy, and don't worry, I'm trying to remind him that he's lucky to have you." She really wishes she wasn't saying all this.
Celine beams. "Oh no, Julianna, I'm the lucky one, really."
As Celine puts her arm through George's, he says to Ron, "No worry, ladies. I'm aware of what I have. I'd have to say that Ron is a lucky guy, though. Aren't you, Ron?" In his heart, George wishes he didn't have to say all this.
He laughs lightly and says, "No doubt about that." Then he gives Julianna's hand a gentle squeeze, which both Julianna and George catch.
A few minutes of idle chat later, Celine and Ron both decide to start leaving, and as they say bye, George and Julianna look at each other for a second, before being led away by their significant others. All they can do, as they walk further and further away from each other, is mouth 'bye' to the other.
Then reluctantly, they turn around and continue walking.
~~~
Anthony blabbed on, standing on the stage. They are all in a large room with round tables, chairs, and a dancing floor. Everyone is dressed up, except Alex, Eriq, Gloria, and a few others, who aren't there. This is the banquet scene in "Gut Reaction" and George is waiting for his cue to start singing 'That's Amore' loudly. But first, he--Doug-- is supposed to acting accordingly while sitting next to Carol. So George, glancing down at Julianna's bare shoulder for a second, moves his head down and rests his chin on her shoulder, as Doug would do to Carol. Boy, am I glad I shaved today. George takes a deep breath and inhales Julianna's smell. He can’t stand being so close to her. His impulses are starting to get lively. I'm acting right now. This isn’t real. It's all for the cameras. I'm Doug Ross right now…
Julianna listens to Anthony recite his lines as Mark, and thinks, This is actually a nice dress, if I made a few minor adjustments, it would be perfect. Suddenly she feels some weight on her right shoulder. Someone's chin. A clean shaven chin. George's. His cheek grazes her neck. She relishes this feeling of being so close to him. Julianna goes slightly limp, sinking back into her chair. Carol would have done that. She would react to coming in contact with Doug, wouldn't she? Her impulses are rushing quickly through her body. No, no, no…I've got to concentrate. I'm Carol Hathaway. I'm only acting. I can't react to him for real…The cameras are rolling…
It is George's turn for the camera now. He lifts his head up a bit, and starts singing. Everyone joins in.
"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore…..."
~~~
They finished the third take of the banquet scene about twenty minutes later. After changing back into their normal clothes, and back into George Clooney and Julianna Margulies as well, Julianna peeks into George's trailer to see if he's done for the day.
"Hey," she says softly, when she sees him sitting peacefully on the couch, looking down at the ground. She wonders why he's so quiet.
George recognizes her voice. He'd recognize it anywhere. "Hey, come in."
She takes several steps inside and closes the door behind her. Julianna buttons her jacket and takes a seat beside George on his couch. Not too far from him, but not too close, either. "So, great scene, wasn't it? Loved your rendition of That's Amore, George."
He smiles, and says, "Thanks. Didn't quite hear your voice ring out, but I'm sure I was just overpowering you, right?"
Julianna laughs a bit, and says, "Of course." A pause. "I wonder when Doug and Carol will get a development?" She looks at George.
He turns to look at her, and their eyes meet. Transfixed, he says softly, "I know…We really need…some screen time…to let…audience know…they're….in…….love………" George is talking slowly and pauses continually as he moves his face closer to Julianna's.
Julianna knows he is drawing nearer, and can't seem to stop herself from studying his eyes, or from being pulled in, either. So she doesn't fight it.
They kiss delicately, as if any sudden bursts of emotion would scare them away. George's hand gently touches her face, and Julianna places her hand on his neck. She moans softly, then abruptly pulls away. Hesitantly, she says "George, I…..what…what are we doing?…What---we shouldn't……" The reluctance was densely woven into her voice.
George studies his hands intently, allowing their kiss to sink in deeply. He knows that Julianna is right. They are involved with other people, and can't be unfair to them. He starts to speak several times, but doesn't know what to say. Finally, he says quietly, dispiritedly, "Well, I, uh…I guess you're right. We shouldn't be doing this. Cause you've got Ron and--"
"You've got Celine. I guess….I know we're right to be saying this, George." Julianna tries to act fine with their agreement, but to no avail. She takes one look into George's sad eyes, and can't hold her true feelings in any longer. Her tears escape and start streaming down her cheeks uncontrollably. Julianna turns away from George, embarrassed that she can't control herself, while he seems fine.
George's heart aches as much as Julianna's seems to. He takes her in his arms, and lends her his shoulder to cry on. He wonders if she longs for him as much as he does for her.
She answers his question within seconds. "Oh God, George…..I can't do this anymore. I can't be around you without you knowing that I love you….I just wish that…….Oh if only……." she sobs. "I'm in love with you, George."
"I love you, Julianna…with all my heart. I've been aching for you so much it hurts. I'm…If we could've just met earlier, everything'd be fine…" He buries his face in her soft curls as she continues to cry.
They relish their rare opportunity to be so close, and both Julianna and George unwillingly pull away slightly. "So what do we do now?" George asks, clearly disheartened.
Julianna, now rendered oversensitive, immediately looked at him, thinking that he might suddenly think she is a nuisance. "I--I could, well, I---I'll go n-now…..I'm b-b-being a bother…" Her bottom lip quivers as she speaks, trying not to start crying again after a long struggle to stop. Julianna, now shy, starts to leave George's embrace.
George figures out what is happening, and stops her from getting off the couch. "No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I just---I just don't know what we can do about Ron and Celine." He pulls her closer, and sighs.
"They seem really in love with us, George. I don't want to hurt either of them--he treats me so well, and he's just great. I couldn't bring myself to hurt his feelings. And I know breaking up with him now would hurt him a lot…"
"I know. Celine's too nice. She tells me she loves me, and I believe her. I would never hurt her, cause if I did, I'd never forgive myself. I can't break up with her now, either…"
They look at each other lovingly. The solution is obvious.
Julianna is the first one to gather the strength to say it. "I guess we've agreed that even though we love each other so much, " she says softly, assured by his accord on this, "we can't--shouldn't--break up with them. It'd be unfair to them, and--"
"And we can't be so cruel and hurt them so much, when they love and care about us so much. It's not that we don't care about them, right?" he says. She nods. "It's just that we're not in love with them. But we can't disappoint them. We have to continue our relationships."
She pulls him a bit closer. "I love you so much, though…"
"I love you too."
Julianna takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. "But this is for the best. We show our love for the camera only. As Doug and Carol, not George and Julianna."
George rocks her lightly in his arms, and they share a sweet parting kiss.
~~~
A month later, during the summer, George and Celine are walking down the sidewalk, when they bump into Julianna and Ron. They say hi, and George catches Julianna's eye. They silently exchange their professions of love, and join in Celine and Ron's conversation. After a few minutes, Ron says, "We've got to go now. I'm taking Jules to this new restaurant around the corner. See you!"
Celine says, "That's so sweet, isn't it, George? Have fun, guys. Bye!"
Simultaneously, Julianna and George say a heartfelt bye as the couples walk in opposite directions.
I'm in love with you, and as long as you and I know it, we'll never be apart…