**Let's just say that Mark and Carol aren't the greatest friends, but he'll become better friends with her through Doug. Just not in this story.
**Don’t ask me why I titled this ‘Excuses’ because I really don’t know. Perhaps it’s because I used it several times…Yeah. That’s why…

Excuses

"Do you really want to do this, Doug?" Mark asks him, as they both peek around the corner into the caf.
Doug says, "I think the real question is whether I have enough guts to ask her…again." He takes another look.
Mark shrugs. "So you're sure you want to? You can bail out, you know. I won't laugh. Honestly."
"I want to try again, Mark. I won't give up. She has to give in one day," Doug says, determined.
"Alright, buddy, if you want. Good luck." Then Mark gives an unsuspecting Doug a little push, and watches as he heads forward and ends up in front of Carol sitting alone at a table.
Carol looks up from her soup when Doug's foot hits the empty chair across from her. She gives him a passive look, expecting him to say something. Doug fiddles with his hands, and nervously asks her, "Uh, Carol, I know that in the past, I, I've been a jerk and I've treated you really badly, but I swear I've changed. I'd like another chance, Carol. Would--would you go out with me to--tomorrow night?" He immediately lowers his head and studies the chair, afraid to look at Carol. Afraid that she'll reject him again.
"Now, why would I do that, Doug?" Carol says tauntingly, emphasizing his name.
Doug is embarrassed, and squirms. "I……don't know…" Discouraged, he looks back down again.
She says, "Well I'm glad you admitted that." Carol returns to her soup, as if to tell Doug that he should leave her alone.
He takes the message, and so he turns around and starts to slowly, sadly, walk back to where Mark is. About five steps away from the table, he hears Carol say matter-of-factly, "Pick me up at 8." In disbelief, Doug turns around and stares at her. Carol looks up from her bowl, and says again, with a small smile, "8 will be fine, tomorrow night."
Doug is ecstatic, and smiling, he says, "I, uh, I'll see you then." He hurried to tell Mark the good news, still in awe that Carol didn't reject him this time.
Seeing Doug grinning, Mark says, "She said yes?"
"I pick her up at 8 tomorrow. She said yes!"
Mark grins and pats Doug's back. "Well, it's about time she gave in, after rejecting you like a hundred times! So, where are you taking her?"
~~~
The next day, Carol gets off work at 5:30, and makes it home by 6. She hasn't seen Doug at work, because he had the shift before hers. Changing into a t-shirt and shorts and making her way to the kitchen, Carol thinks about Doug, and her date with him that night. She has some yogourt, and relaxes on the couch. Doug…Doug…Doug. I've rejected him so many times, but he still kept trying. He says he's changed. I don't know. Should I trust him? I mean, he cheated on me last time…I don't know. I want to give us another try, I miss Doug…but, but what if he really hasn't changed? What if he misses our date? I don't want to be hurt again, I can't let myself get caught again… Carol sighs. "If you stand me up tonight, Doug, I…I'll never forgive you as long as I live," she says, making up her mind. "Don’t give me an excuse to hate you."
She heads up the stairs to pick an outfit, and thinks, Please show up, Doug…please…
~~~
The next morning, at about 7:30, Carol wakes up, finding herself on the couch and still in her outfit from last night--a casual skirt and a blouse. The television is on, and the news is just coming on.
"You never came, Doug."
~~~
When Carol steps into work later that day, Doug approaches her and hesitates before trying to speak. Both mad and sad at Doug for standing her up last night, Carol turns her back to him and walks away. Dejected, Doug lowers his head, puts his hands in his pockets, and walks back to the admit desk where Mark is.
"Tell her, Doug," Mark says.
Doug shakes his head and says, "She probably won't believe me. And besides, I have a feeling she just said yes to me to get me off her back. I might as well just let it go. Maybe this was all meant to be."
Mark says, "Whatever you say, Doug. Whatever you say." He gives him a light pat on the back, and goes outside to the ambulance bay.
Doug sighs and says quietly, "I'm sorry, Carol."
~~~
"…The jerk doesn't even call to tell me that he can't make it. I mean, I shouldn't be surprised, after all. This is the same guy who showed up at my house drunk in the middle of the night back when we were together. He was stupid then, and he's just as stupid now. The b!st!rd," Carol says loudly to Conni, Lydia and Haleh at the admit desk. Doug and Carter walk by and hear Carol. Doug looks at Carol briefly—during which she glares at him momentarily. Carter asks Doug, "Wow, who pissed Carol off?"
Doug, depressed, says to him, "Let’s just say that I was supposed to go on a date with her last night, and I’ll leave it at that."
Carter understands what the situation is, now, and says, "Oh, gee, Dr. Ross, I’m sorry I asked…I…"
"It’s alright, Carter. I guess we were never meant to be. I’ll see you later."
"Yeah," Carter says. Doug heads towards the elevator. As he passes by Carol and the nurses, they stop talking entirely, and look at him weirdly. When they see him out of earshot, the nurses start gossiping again. Carol is silent, and turns her head slightly to watch Doug through her peripheral vision. She thinks, Why didn’t you come, Doug? I…I waited for you…
Conni says, "So, tell us about how he was back then?"
Carol turns her attention back to the nurses, and starts talking about Doug’s sloppy behaviour when they dated years ago, gradually feeling mad at Doug, again.
~~~
An hour later, Mark walks in on a conversation between Carol and Chuny, as Carol is saying, "And he's so useless, strutting around, thinking he's all that. He's got nothing to be proud of." Carol sees Mark staring at her, and turns her back to him. Then she continues talking to Chuny, lowering the volume of her voice a bit. "And he claims that he's changed, but I don't believe that. I mean, I gave him that mercy date to see if he'd show up, but I knew he wouldn't. He was probably drunk, in some strange woman's bed. Like always. He doesn't care who gives it to him, just as long as he gets some."
She's been insulting Doug in front of everyone ever since she came on her shift. What the hell is wrong with her? If only Doug would tell her the truth and set her straight…
"Wow…So Carol did Doug really--" Chuny is interrupted by her pager. "Shoot. My boyfriend's calling. I'll talk to you later, Carol. Later, Mark."
After Chuny leaves the room, Mark starts to leave, too. When he passes by Carol, his arm collides with hers on purpose, making Carol turn around. Mark says to her bluntly, "You don't seem to have any trouble saying false things about Doug, do you?" He walks past her and leaves.
Carol makes sure Mark is gone, before she lowers her head and says, "I said that….that I would never forgive you if you stood me up, Doug. And…and you stood me up. So now I'm forced to insult you like this…" She wipes away several tears and says, "Why, Doug? Do you want me to have to hate you forever?"
~~~
"Seriously, Doug. You've got to tell her. You've seen her insult you ruthlessly. Do you have no pride? I mean, the whole hospital probably believes that you're just a really sleazy guy by now. You have to tell her off, Doug. Don't worry, she'll get over it. You don’t deserve this from her. There are lots of fish in the sea. Let it go, Doug," Mark says to him as they walk past the trauma rooms.
Doug shakes his head. "You don't get it, Mark. It's Carol, and she's worth it. Sure, she may be saying stuff about me, but it'll pass. At least she's thinking about me. Mark, I'm in love with her, and I can't just 'let it go' just like that. It's not that easy. I mean, I hurt her a lot back then, so this is nothing. You can't blame her for being suspicious."
"Ok, so you say you're in love with her. Fine. So why haven't you told her what really happened last night?"
Doug avoids the question. "I..uh…I'll wait a month or two, and I'll ask her out again. She'll be better by then. Yeah, that's what I'll do." He and Mark are approaching the nurses' station.
"The jerk, he doesn't deserve anything good in life. He doesn't deserve respect, he doesn't deserve to be treated well, he doesn't deserve anyone caring for him, he doesn't deserve to be loved," Carol says. She looks up and sees Doug and Mark looking back at her. Carol and Doug gaze at each other for only a second, but it is enough time for her to see the sadness in his eyes.
Mark gives Doug a gentle push to get him walking again, so Carol turns her attention back to the female doctor with whom she was talking. When Doug looks back over his shoulder, he sighs and thinks, I love you, Carol…
Mark says to him, "Seriously, Doug, if you want things to get better, you've got to explain everything to her."
"I don't know, Mark. I…I'll think about it."
~~~
It is almost the end of his shift, and Doug still hasn't talked to Carol. Mark knows that he's going to have to take matters into his own hands. He wants Doug to have at least a small chance with Carol, but if she doesn't know the truth, then Doug won't even have any chance at all. Mark sees Carol go into the lounge, and thinks, Doug, I'm doing this for your own good. Don't kill me for it… Then he follows Carol into the lounge.
"Carol, I'd like to speak with you."
Startled, Carol spins around. When she sees Mark standing by the door, she says, "Could this possibly be about Doug?" Carol's heart skips a beat when an image of Doug came to her mind.
She put up her guard. "Cause if it is, I've got…nothing to say to you."
"And lots to say to practically everyone else, right? Anyone who's willing to hear the dirt about Doug. Well, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to listen carefully to me here, cause I'm speaking for Doug, who would've given you this speech in a much more polite and loving manner. Unfortunately, he still hasn't brought himself to confront you, so I guess you'll have to accept this blunt and rude version from me," Mark says.
Carol's heart starts beating faster when Mark mentions Doug. She starts to speak, but Mark interrupts her.
"About all this insulting and everything, you're just looking for an excuse to blame him, is that it? Cause you knew that he wouldn't show up, right, Carol? Well if that was the case, you were wrong. You know what? Doug was with me at 7:15, cause he was really nervous about what he should wear and what kind of flowers he should buy for you, and where he should take you for your date. I betcha didn't know that, did you? And you know what else might come as a surprise to you? He got a call at 7:30, just before he was about to leave to pick you up. You know who called him? Mercy. Yeah, Carol, Mercy General Hospital. You know why? Cause his mom was in a car accident, that's why. Oh, and don't go thinking that Doug didn't try calling you. He did. He tried for 15 minutes. Now I don't know why you didn't answer the phone, but I don't care. I don't care if you were in the shower getting ready, or if you were making out with someone. I don't care. All I know is that you've drawn some pretty harsh conclusions about Doug, and that you're living in the past. I know it, and everyone knows it--Doug's changed a lot. You're probably the only person who hasn't noticed. And you should be pretty damn ashamed of yourself for not seeing his change, because you're the one Doug changed for. The poor guy's in love with you, and what do you do? You blame him. You've hurt him a lot, Carol. But of course, knowing Doug, he wouldn't see anything wrong with what you did to him. He's so in love with you that he thinks that you can't possibly do any wrong. He's scared to tell you what really happened because deep down, he doesn't think you'd believe him. He's already grateful that you said yes when he asked you out. And not once has he complained about your humiliation of him, nor has he blamed you. Sure, you could go on looking for excuses to blame and insult him, or you could smarten up and try to care for him even a bit as much as he cares about you. " Mark is done his speech, and turns and leaves the lounge, hoping that Carol will know what to do with Doug. He loves you, Carol.
Carol is embarrassed to be scolded at first, but when everything is silent, she sinks back in the chair, and softly weeps. "Oh God, Doug, I'm so sorry…"
~~~
Half an hour later, Doug has taken care of the kids he had stayed overtime to treat. Deciding to leave since the ER is slow, he makes his way to the lounge, his head lowered in sadness. Carol was right. I am useless. I don't deserve to be respected, or treated well, or cared about. I don't deserve to be loved. I'm not worthy of raising my head high and proud. I have nothing to be proud about. And I definitely don't deserve Carol. Doug pushes the door open silently. His head still lowered, Doug heads straight to the phone, and calls Mercy.
"Sarah Ross, please." Doug waits. "Hi mom…….How are you feeling?……Good…I'm glad you're ok…….Yeah…….Ok…….I'll come visit you right now……..No, really. I can postpone that. Visiting you is more important……..Ok, mom…….I'll see you later then…….Get some rest…..I love you."
Relieved that his mom is feeling better, Doug closes his eyes and exhales wearily. He stands there, not moving, for a minute. He is extremely tired. Last night he spent the night by his mother's bedside, and by the time she was stabilized, it was already way past midnight, so he didn't want to call Carol and disturb her.
Carol is awake now, and the first thing she heard was someone saying, "I'll come visit you right now." She rubbed her eyes and looked at the person standing by the window, talking on the phone. It was Doug. He had continued talking, and Carol had felt increasingly guilty. He was talking to his mom, and from the sound of it, she really was in the hospital. Carol heard Doug say "I love you" and then she heard the phone click. Carol really feels bad about how she has treated Doug. So he didn't stand her up on purpose. Carol's heart sinks when she thinks about Doug. He has changed. He really has. She sees him turn around, and, not knowing what else to do, Carol closes her eyes and pretends to sleep.
Doug opens his eyes, and then opens his locker. He turns slightly and finds himself looking at Carol, who is sleeping peacefully on the couch. His heart aches as he remembers everything Carol had said when he failed to show up for their date. Everything she had said is true, Doug knows, but it still hurts to hear it coming from Carol, the woman he is in love with. He sees her hugging herself to keep warm, and without thinking twice, he takes his jacket out from the locker and carefully drapes it over Carol's body. Doug grabs his keys, closes the locker and starts to leave. But he pauses, turns to Carol, and says quietly, "I'm so sorry, Carol…"
But before Carol can call out his name, Doug is already gone.
~~~
"You really didn’t have to come visit me, Doug. Your work is more important. Besides, I’m feeling fine already," Sarah Ross says to her son, who is sitting in a chair beside the bed, peeling an apple for his mother.
Doug says, "Mom, don’t be silly. I’d visit you even if they’d fire me for it. And I’m not missing anything important. Just something about my fellowship with the hospital. One of those boring, time-wasting meetings."
Sarah smiles. He never did like to sit still… She says, "Thank you. It means a lot. And I am feeling much better now, so don’t worry." She accepts the apple from Doug and takes a small bite.
Doug sighed in relief inwardly, but to his mom, he just smiled. "Uh, mom, I've just got to go call Mark for a while. And I'll talk to the doctor who treated you, see if he's competent enough to take care of you."
"Go ahead, Doug. I think I'll get some rest then."
"Yeah, I'll be back, mom." Doug walks to the door, turns around to make sure Sarah's ok, and heads to the nearest payphone.
"Hey Mark…………Yeah, she's fine, thanks………I just wanted to check on the fellowship stuff……"
~~~
What do I say? I must've hurt him so much. How am I supposed to apologize for all I've done? Will he listen to me? And…how will I explain everything to him? Carol has mixed feelings as she takes the El from County to Mercy. She doesn't know whether Doug will forgive her for everything she's done.
When the El train stops by Mercy General Hospital, Carol gets off and enters the ER, carrying a small bouquet of flowers, and Doug’s coat. She approaches the nurse at the admit desk and asks, "Hi, could you tell me where Sarah Ross' room is?"
"Are you a relative?"
"Uh…I'm..no, I'm not, but I'm a friend," Carol says. She takes a quick look around for Doug's mother, but doesn't see her.
"Well, then, I can't let you see her."
"But…she's my friend's mother and--"
"I'm sorry, but you're not going to----Oh, Mr. Ross? This woman says she's here to visit your mother…" the nurse says, looking behind Carol.
Doug had seen Carol trying to persuade the nurse to let her visit his mom, and he had tried to turn around and leave unnoticed, but the nurse had seen him. So, Doug turns around again, and is met by Carol's gaze. He diverts his eyes and says, "Uh…she's with me, sorry." When the nurse gives a small nod and turns her attention back to her paperwork, Doug says to Carol, "Um…you still want to visit her?"
Carol nods slightly. "If it's ok with you, Doug," she says softly.
Doug's shoulders tense when he hears Carol say his name. She doesn’t sound like she hates me. She…She’s speaking like Carol again…He lightly puts a hand on her arm and leads her to the exam room where his mom is, without saying another word.
In the exam room, Sarah sees Carol enter, with Doug behind her. She sits up in her bed, and says, "Hello, Carol. How are you?"
Carol says, "I’m fine, thanks. How are you feeling, Mrs. Ross? I heard about your accident and I wanted to come visit you to see how you’re doing. I…Here’s a small bunch of flowers for you. I hope you like them, I didn’t know what kind…." Carol puts them on the table beside Sarah.
"Oh, they’re beautiful, Carol, thank you. But you shouldn’tve have. I’m feeling much better, just a bit tired, that’s all. It’s so nice of you to come and see me, Carol. I appreciate it a lot."
Carol gives her a small, shy smile. "I’m glad you’re alright, Mrs. Ross." She pauses, then says, "I guess I should be leaving now. I’ll let you get some rest. Bye.."
"Carol, did you take the El here?" Sarah asks, before Carol turns around to leave.
"Uh, yes, I did," Carol answers, puzzled.
"Doug, be a gentleman and drive Carol home, will you?" Sarah looks at Doug, and then at Carol, who has a slightly worried look on her face suddenly. "Thank you for visiting me. It means a lot. Goodbye, Carol."
Carol says, "Hope you get better soon, Mrs. Ross. Bye." Then she turns around and finds that Doug is already walking out of the room. She runs a few steps to catch up with him, and starts walking beside him, though keeping her distance.
They make their way out of the ER, and on to the pavement and Doug still hasn’t said a word to Carol. Suddenly, he says, "Uh…Thanks for coming to visit my mother." Doug’s palms are sweaty as he waits for Carol’s response.
Surprised, Carol just says, "I…um…I’m glad she’s fine." They both happen to look at the other, at the same time, and Carol sees the sorrow in Doug’s eyes when he looks at her. She wants to apologize for and explain everything to Doug, but when she tries to speak, she sees that Doug has sped up and is now several strides ahead of her as he heads to the parking lot nearby. He hates me…
Discouraged, Carol slowly ceases to walk, and when she comes to a complete halt, she just lowers her head and cries softly. She tightens her grip on Doug’s coat, which she has been holding on to since her earlier ride on the El. I’ve gone too far. I’ve insulted him too much…he won’t even care if I tell him how much he means to me. I’ve ruined any chance with him now…
Doug is several metres away from his Jeep, when he realizes that Carol isn’t walking anymore. He turns around, and sees her standing in the middle of the parking lot, with his coat in her hand and her head lowered, crying. His heart wrenches, and he thinks, Why is she crying? Who did this to her? Did I hurt her? I didn’t do anything, though……Did I? Doug rushes back to Carol and says quietly, yet concerned, "Carol? Are you ok?"
Carol remains crying, but thrusts his coat at him. Then she turns away and says weakly, "I can’t do this anymore…I can’t…."
"Can’t do what?" Doug asks.
Hesitant to tell him everything, for fear that he won’t believe her, Carol slowly says, "I can’t keep letting you believe that I hate you. I can’t bottle up my love for you any longer, Doug. I….I love you, and I have to explain everything to you now. I’m so sorry…Please don’t hate me…" She desperately wraps her arms around Doug and hugs him tightly.
Confused at first, but now starting to grasp hold of the situation, Doug cautiously hugs Carol, his heart beating rapidly, and says, "Sssh….calm down, Carol. Tell me what you want to explain?"
"I love you Doug, I’ve loved you ever since, even despite what happened with us last time. And I didn’t want to trust you because I didn’t want to get hurt again. But when you changed, and started asking me out, I said no because I was scared. But when I finally agreed, it was because I really needed you in my life and I wanted to give us another chance. But the next day, I said to myself, if you didn’t show up for our date, then I’d never forgive you for it. I don’t know why, but I decided to insult you in front of everyone at work. I guess it was to assure myself that you were the one who was to blame, because I was really hurt by you not showing up. I…I said all that horrible stuff about you so I could distract myself from thinking about how much I loved you and how much I was hoping that our date would’ve been perfect……And I kept thinking that you hadn’t changed, and that just made me keep insulting you and I didn’t realize that insulting you would really hurt you, because I thought that you didn’t care. I was just finding excuses to push the blame to you, and…….I thought that you didn’t show up because you were a jerk, but before I came here, Mark told me everything, about your mom, and I’m so sorry, Doug, I’ve hurt you so much. Oh God, Doug, I love you so much…I’m so sorry….." As she is saying this, Carol is hiccoughing and crying, and the tears are streaming down her cheeks.
Doug strokes her hair soothingly and says, "It’s alright, Carol. I’m fine, and I’m here with you. I never blamed you for anything…I love you, Carol." He wipes her tears and kisses her gently. "I love you," he whispers again.