**yes, yes, I know this might not make much sense in several ways: Doug working OT? Please…; Doug ever acting like that? Please…..; so just bear in mind that I'm willing to write ANYTHING out of the blue, just for a story. I hope this is entertaining, though. **I've omitted lots of dialogue between Susan and Carol, even a potentially important one. Got lazy. Didn't wanna type it out. But you can still get the gist of the story. Right? Right? **I uh…I tend to exaggerate things. Um…yeah. 'Nuf said… **Don't be intimidated by the extra long paragraph [aka the whole story]…there is some dialogue near the ending… **If you see any "C" "D" "M" "S", I just got lazy and typed letters for their names. C is Carol, D is Doug, M is Mark, S is Susan **um…I got lazy……and……


Forgot About Carol

Carol and Doug are married. She is totally in love with Doug, and at first it appears Doug is too. But slowly and gradually, Doug is changing, and he doesn’t pay much attention to Carol anymore, acting like she’s just someone who lives with him. Carol is sad, and wants to know if there's anything she’s doing wrong that causes him to ignore her. She's extremely sorrowful and pours her heart to Susan. Carol cooks dinner for Doug, but when he comes home, he just takes a shower then goes to bed or watches tv and he doesn’t show any affection for her. Carol sees that he seems tired, so she lets it go, although she still is downhearted. She asks Doug to join her to sleep, but he quietly brushes her off and says to just to go to sleep--she's got an early shift the next day. Then he continues with his paperwork in silence. Doug stays out real late and doesn’t even tell or call Carol if he’s going to be late. She finds out that she is pregnant, and she really wants to tell him the good news, but has subtle second thoughts about it. She tells her mom first. And then she tells Susan, asking for advice on how to tell Doug, as well as telling her how he's behaving lately. Days later, Susan confronts Doug and tells him the stuff that Carol said to her, about him coming home late, not spending time with her, and not talking much, excluding Carol being pregnant. Doug thinks that Carol is accusing him of cheating on her and he gets angry, ignoring her. She is distressed by this, and tries desperately to apologize and get him to forgive her. Then the next day Carol's mom visits Doug, although Carol doesn’t know about her mom doing this. Her mom talks to him, and tells him to treat Carol well, since she’s carrying his child. Doug is speechless; Carol was pregnant and didn’t even tell him? He’s mad and takes his anger out on her, in the ER, where some people hear. Carol just accepts Doug's scolding her, and quietly apologizes, wiping her eyes gently. She kisses Doug on his cheek as he is silent, and then she returns to work. He doesn't physically react to her actions, but for a moment, his heart sinks. Susan witnesses all this, and scolds him afterwards. Doug is hushed as he thinks about all that has happened up to now. Meanwhile, Carol keeps on vomiting and is feeling very sick; her pregnancy isn't showing on her tummy yet. She puts a hand on her stomach and says softly, eyes closed, "Daddy will love you more than he loves me. I'll make sure he does. Don't worry." Tears slip down her cheeks. Finally one day Doug sees something Carol does, which totally changes him—he sees her and Susan talking, but they don’t know he’s there. Carol defends Doug's behaviour, and Susan says things that make Doug realize partially how awful and neglectful he’s been. But Carol still defends him and doesn't blame him, but then she breaks down in tears sobbing. He feels horrible now, he's been so mean and hasn't even realised it. After this, he makes an effort to treat Carol nicely. The day he changes his behaviour, she is at home with a knife cutting food for supper that she’s assuming he won’t eat, but she’s making it anyway cause she hopes he’ll eat it. So she’s cutting, and Doug slips quietly behind her, and puts his arms around her waist. Carol is startled and cuts herself by accident, crying out in pain. Doug bandages her up, telling Carol he's sorry. She quietly gets up and goes back to the kitchen. Carol hasn’t said a word the whole time; she is sad, and is trying desperately to fight back her tears. Doug pulls her towards him and kisses her slowly, and he says they’re gonna be parents soon, they have to enjoy themselves first for a while. She is still quiet but she smiles a sad smile, then returns to the kitchen. That night Doug actually has supper with her. Carol wants to ask him to go to bed with her, but decides not to, so she goes to bed. She says a soft  Goodnight to him, then heads to the bedroom. But he doesn’t go to bed yet; he watches her go upstairs. How come she's not asking tonight? he wonders, and watches basketball instead. Carol falls asleep, then wakes up a little while later and finds Doug sleeping beside her, holding her close. She starts crying because it's been such a long time since he’s slept with her in the same bed. It's also been a long time since he held her and she missed it a lot; it's been so long that she almost forgot how it felt. She realizes she misses the Doug Ross she fell in love with, realizes that she loves him a lot. But then she wonders why he's treating her so well suddenly? Something must be wrong, she thinks, not being able to resist moving closer to Doug. Then she falls asleep again. In the morning, Carol wakes up before Doug does, and she goes to the couch and sits, thinking. When Doug wakes up, he finds Carol and asks her why she's so quiet? She says she's just thinking and he asks if she's ok? She says yes. Doug pulls her close then says he loves her. Carol hasn't heard him say that to her in a long time and she bites her lip to keep from crying. She is still quiet, thinking about what could have gone over him, and why he's suddenly changed back to how he was back then. She thinks something is definitely wrong. Meanwhile Doug watches Carol as she is quiet and wonders why she has been so quiet lately. Then she has to vomit, and she pushes him away and runs to the washroom. He goes in a few seconds later, and is concerned, asking her if she ok. She doesn't answer, and pushes him away abruptly and closes the door then locks it and vomits again. Doug sees the door lock, then gets mad. He tries to control his temper, then sighs. He wonders why Carol is acting so strange around him. She can't lock the door on him… Inside, Carol is sitting on the ground, sobbing quietly. He knocks and says, "Carol, are you ok?" She answers softly that she's ok. She wipes her tears and comes out, looking normal. Doug asks her why she locked the door. His temper is slowly rising… She doesn't answer, and he gets mad. She still doesn't answer, and he starts to say, "What the hell has been wrong with you lately?" But he suddenly calms and controls his temper. It's too late, though. Carol yells back, "I'm in love with you, that's what's wrong with me! What the hell has been wrong with you?!" She gets her coat and runs out the door, crying, while Doug is crushed and calls after her. He chases her, but can't find her. Getting worried, Doug calls around. For the next 3 days, he doesn't see Carol. She's not at work either. It turns out she's changed shifts. But Doug doesn't know that. He's actually worried, ashamed and heartbroken. He takes a syringe, and a scalpel from the supply room when no one is around, and toys with it, thinking of places on the body to stab with a scalpel. If something happens to Carol…….
During a lull in the ER, Mark finds Doug sitting on the ground against the wall. They talk, and soon Susan comes and joins them. She scolds him, and then Doug pours his heart out to them. It turns out that the reason he seemed to be ignoring Carol was because he had to work overtime to pay financially. Plus he was getting another job at a clinic nearby the hospital. Susan says it was no excuse. Even if he was tired or never at home, he could have called, told Carol he'd be home late, and when he got home, perhaps give her a hug and kiss, tell her he loved her, and reminded her that everyday. That wouldn't have taken much energy. He could have told Carol about him working overtime, maybe she could help. Susan says, "if you really loved her, she wouldn't be where she is right now, Doug. She'd be here, with you."
"… I just didn't want Carol to worry and when I got home, I was so focused on keeping the truth from her…" he says.
"Well you think she wasn't worried when you didn't call home from the hospital?" she says.
Mark says, "Doug, do you want to be Carol's husband?"
Doug says, "Of course, I love her!"
Mark says, "Well loving her is letting her know about what's concerning you, trusting her, letting her know you care, thinking about how she'd feel before you do or say anything, being a part of her life…Doug, even we knew she was pregnant before you did."
He looks down, and says, "I've really been treating her badly."
Susan says, "Well let's see….aside from never being home, never sleeping in the same bed with her but instead on the couch in front of the tv, claiming you're not hungry when she's made dinner for you, totally ignoring her at work, making her take the EL home just because you didn't even know what shift she had, accusing her of cheating on you, yelling at and scolding her so loudly, blaming her for every single little detail, not showing you may even CARE about her or your baby, not telling her what she needs to hear--that you love her………yeah, I'd call you the most wonderful and devoted husband……all the way, D."
Doug says, "She doesn't tell me this, she's so quiet towards me."
Susan says, "That’s because she loves you so much……she couldn't stand to talk back to you…..she always finds an excuse to herself for your behaviour…..she doesn't bother talking much because deep inside, she knows you'll either complain, yell at her, or ignore her, and believe me, that’s the last thing she needs right now." Susan sighs. "Doug, she even thought that you had fallen in love with someone else. You know how many tears she's cried? How many times I've lent my shoulder for her to cry on? No, you probably wouldn't would you?"
Doug is crushed. "I'd never fall in love with anyone else! I---I'm--I'm horrible…How could I hurt her so much? I love Carol…….i need to start fresh……I must apologize, and ask for a second chance……..where is she? Susan, do you know where she is?"
She says in a normal tone, "Now why exactly should I tell you?"
He says sadly, "Because I really need to tell her how sorry I am….I'm scared that I'll be too late and she won't forgive me, and she'll think I don't love her……..but I do……….how could I have been so mean? How could I have treated C, my beautiful wonderful C, my wife, my love….how could I have treated her so horribly? I'm an idiot, a jerk, I don't deserve her……..but I need her……….she's the reason I live, I don't know how I couldn't have found the time to tell her I love her, at least once a day…………I'm so selfish, a coward for taking my problems out on her." He hangs his head, his expression is so sad, it seems like no one could ever feel as pained and as low as he feels right now.
Susan says softly, putting a hand on Doug's shoulder, "She'll forgive you, just tell her how you really feel, tell her you're sorry, you guys will be ok. She's at her mom's house, who's away for the week. Now go….quickly before its too late."
"Thanks," he says as he runs out of the hospital, into his car and is soon on his way……to C…to a new life with her…
Doug rings the doorbell, and hopes that Carol answers the door. He rings several more times, until she reluctantly opens it. She doesn't know what he's going to say to her; she doesn't want him to tell her he wants a divorce……what if its true? What if he doesn't love her anymore? She couldn't bear to live after that….
Doug says, "Carol I'm so sorry, please forgive me, I didn't mean for it to be like this. Please….."
Carol says with tears in her eyes, "Why?"
It could've meant a million things, but he knew what she was asking. "I……I just---I needed to work overtime to pay up some of the bills and all, and I--got another job, and I was so caught up in trying to earn it all in the shortest amount of time that I totally forgot about you……and I don't know how I could have ever let myself forget about you, my wonderful beautiful Carol. I'm so sorry I practically ignored you for so long, I'm so sorry…I just wanted something to support you with……"
Carol says quietly and sadly, "You didn't even know I was pregnant. Everyone else knew before you did…"
He says, "And I'm so ashamed of myself, I let everything fade from my mind, I'm so sorry I treated you like that--"
He's said everything but those 3 words,Carolthinks. Maybe he forgot to say 'I love you'…Maybe it's not even on his mind.
"Please C, come home. I need you with me. You're the reason I live…" Doug says. Carol says, "I love you, Doug…"
"I know, and that’s why I should never have treated you so poorly, I'm so sorry I hurt you.."
He still doesn't say it even after I say it to him. This is hopeless, he doesn't love me anymore…what kind of response was that? 'I know'? He knows I love him…. then how come I don't know if he loves me? She starts crying in distress.
"No Carol, don't cry, please, I know I've hurt you and made you sad but I'll make up for it, really. I'll make sure you're never sad again."
"Don't bother," Carol says. "I know you don't feel that way anymore about me. And all I can do is accept the fact…."
Doug says, "What? I don't feel that way? No of course not, I need you Carol, I need you by my side, you're a part of me and--"
Carol says, "Damn it Doug, you don't get it, do you? You're saying all this crap that someone can easily pick up from watching a few movies. I don't know how you really feel now. I don't know anymore," she sobs, "I told you I love you and you tell me you know. Who says that to someone who just told them they love them? No one….unless they themselves don't love the person. And since you didn't tell me that back, or even say that to me on your own, I know that---I know that you don't love me……Doug, no one says 'I know'…"
Doug is ashamed of himself. He says, "I…I'm a b*st*rd…I--I don't deserve you one bit." He lowers his head in shame. "I do love you, so much…but I don't deserve you at all…you're too beautiful for me, too wonderful, too smart, too kind, too tolerant, too patient, you're miles too good for me. I'm way too far from being close to good enough for you. I'm so sorry Carol….I love you with all the heart I can put into it. I can't survive without you, and I've been going crazy these past days without being able to see you or talk to you or know that you were alive and well. You're a part of me, a part that I can't live without, even more important than my own health. I'd sacrifice anything for you, I'd die for you, I'd kill myself for you…I love you Carol, but please, please don't leave me, ………………please?" His final word is a mere whisper in the night.
Carol looks at him, and silently closes the door.
Doug is shocked and overwhelmed with sadness. She's gone. She closed the door on me, leaving me here without her.
He kneels on the porch, head lowered in shame, and his heart feels dead. "I've let her leave me…I've lost her…………" He fingers the scalpel, still in his pocket. Taking it out, he looks at the extreme sharpness of the blade. Doug thinks for a moment then says quietly, defeated, "The heart. I'll go for my heart." He summons all his courage and prepares to die. When he's just about to stab himself, he hears a desperate, "No, Doug!!!"
Carol had opened the door and saw him with the scalpel. She's now on her knees in front of him, grabbing on to his wrist. "Please, don't! I love you!" Her other hand cups his cheek gently.
He looks up at her, and dejectedly says, "I'll go somewhere else, then. I've been so horrible, I don't deserve to live. I've treated you so terribly, Carol……I hope I burn in hell…" His eyes look like pools of sorrow, and he longs to hold Carol and make everything better, but he couldn't let go of how awful he'd been treating her. He lowers his head. I do deserve to die, he thinks, lifting his hand again, slowly.
"Oh God, Doug, don't say this." She frees the scalpel from Doug's reluctant hand and hugs him tightly.
Doug says, "Carol…I'm so sorry. I don't deserve to be treated so well by you…I don't deserve you…" He turned away from her, pained, guilty.
. Carol strokes his hair and says, "You do deserve me, cause I'm your wife. Mrs. Dr. Doug Ross. I'm the mother of your expected child. I'm the one whose heart you hold. Cause I'm in love with you, Doug."
"I've hurt you, though…I know I did. I saw you cry. I know how you felt now. I heard your sadness when you talked to me.…I'm so sorry………but--but I love you so much, Carol…I can only beg for your forgiveness…I've been so insensitive," he whispers gently, surrendering himself to her.
"Oh Doug, I forgive you. I know I cried, I know I was sad, I know that I didn't like the way you were acting, but I don't care anymore, cause I'm hoping you won't do it ever again…And I love you Doug…. I love you so much."
"I--I'll never hurt you again, Carol. I promise. You'll never have to cry……I promise I'll change, and I'll never burden you," Doug says, looking at Carol in the eyes.
She remained silent, taking in his words, taking in him. She sniffed, then smiled.
Doug just looked at her, and said truthfully, "You're so beautiful, Carol," as he wiped away a tear from her face.
She took his hand, and kissed him softly. He hugged her warmly and then said, "I'm sorry…"
"Don't be."
"…I love you." Then he put a hand gently on her stomach. "I love our child, too…"
Carol put her hand over Doug's and said, "I love you, Doug…"
And then they sat there together on the porch, in each other's arms.
They sat there until dawn broke, and a new day started.
The first day of their new life together, married.