We were still hanging around the Hangar at the end of July, after countless delays. Everybody was sick of the hold ups. We were supposed to have hit the road after the Los Angeles show on July 15th, but that show was postponed. The latest delay resulted from a problem with the equipment trucks. Management for The Voz D'Oro Band had ordered brand new ones direct from Japan, and they had gotten hung up in Customs. The dealership had promised, on a blood oath, that we'd have the trucks by August 1st, and so we waited. I couldn't understand why we didn't just rent something, but what would I, a lowly assistant guitar tech, know?
My birthday arrived on July 28th, and everybody was anxious to use it as an excuse to alleviate the boredom. I still had not met Voz D'Oro, after all this time. It's not that I was avoiding him; it's just that we had different schedules and worked in different parts of the building, and, well, okay, maybe I was avoiding him!
Jossie was a hair stylist, so she cut and styled all the bandmembers' hair, as well as the crew's. That's a lot of heads, and she kept busy. She had set up a makeshift salon in one of the Hangar's many back offices. It became the hangout for the wives, girlfriends, and female crew members, and the guys nicknamed it "The Estrogen Salon".
That's where I was on my birthday: hanging out in the Salon with Jossie, and Elmer's wife, Lucy. Jossie was streaking Lucy's hair and I watched with fascination as she expertly mixed the chemicals and applied them. I looked at my own long, brown hair and wondered if I'd ever have the nerve to have the pigment stripped from it and go blonde or red. Well, maybe auburn. Someday.
"Hey Wren," asked Jossie, her hands full with Lucy's hair and a squeeze bottle of chemicals, "what time is it?"
I checked my watch, "9:45 in the ayem."
"Okay, do me a big, big favor?"
"Sure!"
"See that long, white envelope over there with 'bank' written on it?"
I glanced over at the table she indicated. "Sure."
"Can you take it to Shawn for me? He needs to deposit it in the bank."
"Okay, glad to!" I said. I grabbed the envelope and set off to find Shawn.
Once I had left the room, Lucy giggled. "Do you think she'll be surprised?"
"I hope so." Jossie smiled and turned back to streaking Lucy's hair.
I heard guitars from the stage area, so I headed there first. There was Shawn, Venn, Elmer, Sugar, and Gordan up on the stage rehearsing. I waited for them to finish, then I approached Shawn.
He smiled, "Hi Wren!"
Venn leaped sideways, tilted his head, and said enthusiastically, "Hiya, Wrenny baby!"
We all laughed. "Hiya, Venny doll!" I answered. "Hey, Shawn, Jossie gave me this to give to you to take to the bank." I offered him the envelope.
He took it. "Thanks." Then he handed it back to me. "Ya know, if you'd deposit this for me, it would be great, cuz I'm up to my butt in stuff, here..."
"Oh, no problem! Where's the bank?"
"Just go across the street, and it's about 2 blocks south of the motel. It's the Los Angeles City Bank. Maybe a 15 minute walk from here."
"Sure thing! I'll be back soon!" I stuffed the envelope in my pocket and headed off to the bank.
I left the building and strolled through the parking lot, and waited for traffic to clear so that I could cross the street. I wasn't too sure where the bank was, unless it was the one in the same shopping plaza as "The Unicorn's Glade", my favorite occult bookshop, and workplace of my new friend Luke. I remembered seeing a bank in the plaza. There was a pizza place in there too. Good day to check out that plaza a little more thoroughly. Hey, I smiled to myself, guess you could call me Shawn Thompson's gopher! But actually, I had come to call myself Shawn Thompson's friend.
I hadn't mentioned my birthday recently; I think I told Joe and Jossie last week. We were talking about brothers and sisters, and my brother's birthday is a week after mine. I was asking Joe what he thought my brother might like. I'm terrible at shopping for men! Anyway, I doubted anybody remembered it was my birthday, so I decided that after I made the bank deposit I'd buy myself a cupcake or something, sing "Happy Birthday To Me", and visit with Luke. That would make it a nice day. That was all I wanted.
I got to the bank, and it was the one in that plaza. I waited for 15 minutes in line. Didn't matter. I was hot, and the AC felt good, and I was just bumming around today, anyway. I got to the teller window eventually. The teller was a tall young guy, maybe 19, with dark hair and glasses. He seemed nervous. I smiled and handed him Jossie's envelope. He opened it up and said "Are you Jocelyn Thompson?"
I said I wasn't. He asked me for identification, so I handed him my Arizona driver's license. He compared my signature with Jossie's, then looked the account up on the computer. "Ms Hazard, are you a signer on the account?"
I said I wasn't. "Then, I'm afraid I can't accept this deposit."
I laughed aloud. "You're joking! It's just a deposit. I don't want cash back. The endorsement is correct: it's made payable to Jocelyn Thompson, and it's endorsed by her, and she wrote 'For deposit only'." I pointed to all these things on the check. "Hmmm...how long have you been a teller?"
"Um, I-I--" He stammered, "I started on Monday."
Bingo! Jeez, these poor kids never get any training! "Ohhhhh! I see!" I smiled. "You know, I was in banking for ten years, so I know whereof I speak. Is there a card in your window that's laminated? A big white one?"
He looked around his window and produced a green laminated card. "Well, there's this..." I took it. It was labelled "Check Cashing Procedures". "Is this what you've been taught?"
"Um, well, it says to ask for proper ID, and to verify the signature, and make sure the customer has an account with us before I...oops!"
"Before you CASH the check, right?"
He looked at the card. "Uh, yeah. Cash it. Not deposit it. Sorry!"
I laughed. "Oh, that's okay. Live and learn, right? Anybody can make deposits; you need to be careful whenever you are HANDING money to the customer; not when you're TAKING money from them."
"Um, yeah, that makes perfect sense. I'm so sorry!!" He ran the deposit ticket through his teller machine and handed me back the yellow flimsy. "Here's your receipt, and thanks a lot for your help. I really appreciate it!"
"You're welcome, and good luck with your new job!" I smiled and walked away. That's so typical! Hmmm, started Monday, two days ago. Bet he was probably just supposed to be observing for a couple of days while he waited to go to teller training. There was probably another teller watching him, who had walked away for a minute, and he shouldn't have called me to his window; but, being new and untrained, and nobody to ask, he didn't know any better.
I left the bank and walked around the plaza to the pizza place. I ordered a small pizza "for here" and sat to wait for it.
Mean while, there was lots of activity back at the Hangar. Jossie dialed Shawn's cell phone while Lucy's hair dried. Shawn picked up. "Did she go to the bank?" his wife asked.
"Yep. Been gone around a half hour. She should be walking back by now."
"Did they get the decorations up? Where's the cake?"
"Cake's in the freezer, and the room's ready to go. You think there's gonna be enough room in there for all of us to hide?"
"Sure", said Jossie, "Cuz it's only for a little while. You'd better start rounding people up. Lucy and I will be there in a few."
"Okay. Bye." Shawn hung up and turned back to the guys onstage. "Okay guys, let's go hide in the workshop. Joe's gonna bring Wren in."
Everybody headed for the area behind stage right where the guitar shop had been set up. They turned out the lights and closed the door. Joe stood by the front door of the Hangar.
Fifteen minutes passed. Nothing. Another fifteen minutes passed. Joe poked his head out the door. Nothing. He sighed. I'll bet she's hanging around at that bookstore, not even planning on coming back here. I've gotta get her to come back...He dialed Shawn's cell phone from his phone. It was easier to call than to walk all the way back. Shawn picked up. "Hey, Shawn, I'll bet she's still shopping, giving herself a birthday party!"
"Aw, man! What are we gonna do? It's been almost an hour!" said Shawn. "Oh, Venn says he's coming out to you."
"Okay, let him come" said Joe.
Venn emerged from the backstage area and came to stand by Joe by the front door. "I have an idea! Hang up with Shawn."
"Venn's got an idea...talk to you in a minute." He hung up with Shawn. "What's your idea?"
Venn pointed to a teal Takamine acoustic. "That's Wren's guitar. She loaned it to me yesterday. If anything ever happened to it, she come screaming!"
"Ahhhhhh!" Joe laughed, "That is so true, Venn! That is Wren's baby; the reason for her very being! Hmmm...perhaps we had a little 'accident' with it?"
"Ah yes, my man! We are two minds with but a single thought! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!" Venn cackled in his most sinister voice.
Joe laughed. "Now, she's either wandering around, or she's at the motel reading some goopy book she just bought. Let's try her cell phone first." He punched in the number, held the handset to his ear, and waited. He clicked off. "No answer. Probably has it turned off. Let's try the motel." He dialed another number. "Room 4-K, please...Wren!" He grinned as he pretended to sound upset, "Wren, there's been an accident, and I need you to come to the workshop. Venn...uh, put his foot through a guitar!"
At that, Venn covered his mouth, trying to contain his laughter.
Joe continued"...Which guitar? Um, it was an acoustic...but, Venn's okay, so don't worry" Joe faked a cough in an attempt to stifle his laugh, "Which acoustic? Um, well, there was a blue-green dreadnought style just leaning against an amp. Guess it fell over, and he didn't see, and he---What? Oh, I dunno...just a big blue acoustic with planets on the strap..." Joe pulled the phone away from his ear, but he could still hear the screaming:"THAT'S MY TAKAMINE!!! OH MY GAWD!! VENN IS A DEAD MAN!!!" and then the phone went dead.
"Oh, jeez, I betcha she's running top speed across the street to come and KILL you, Venn!"
Venn grabbed the big blue acoustic guitar and ran back to the workshop, squealing with glee and laughing hysterically. Joe put his phone away just as I slammed through the door.
"Where is he?? WHERE'S VENN? TODAY HE DIES!!!" I shoved Joe out of my way and started running around like a crazy woman.
"Wren, we'll find Venn later. Let's go check out your guitar. I think he went through the back of it, so the neck is okay, the strings are okay; we can probably just replace the back. I took it back to the workshop. Let's go see." Joe put his hand on my shoulder. "Just try and calm down."
We started walking to the workshop. "You know, it's my birthday today. 'Happy Birthday, Wren. Here's your murdered guitar!'" I sulked.
"Aw, it'll be okay...happy birthday" Joe said, patting my back.
We reached the end of the corridor, and Joe pushed the door of the workshop open. I flicked on the light..."SURPRISE!!" Everybody crowded around me, hugging me, wishing me happy birthday. I choked up, as I always did when I got overwhelmed.
Eventually I calmed down and sat at a table. Venn approached me, grinning from ear to ear, holding up my guitar like a shield. It was completely unharmed! He handed it to me and whispered, "We got you GOOOOOD, Wrenny baby!!" Then he kissed me on the cheek and wished me happy birthday. I giggled and rested my chin in my hand.
"Wren?" I looked up. Voz D'Oro was standing over me! I smiled at him. "Hi! I'm Voz! So glad we finally met!! May I join you?"
"Oh, sure!! Nice meeting you!" Guess I was still thinking about my guitar, because the shies did not come!
He sat across from me, and handed me a small box wrapped in pretty purple paper. "Happy Birthday!"
"Ohhhh! Thank you!!" I took the present and unwrapped it. It was a lovely little Cloisonne pin of a wren!
"Jossie said you collect things with wrens on them," he explained.
"Oh, I do! This is gorgeous! Thank you so much!! I just love this!"
Voz smiled. "Good!"
"You know, uh, I feel foolish saying this, but, I must confess that I--well, I--"
"Yes?" he said.
"Well, you'll think I'm an idiot to ask, but, I'm afraid I don't know how to pronounce your name! Would you mind telling me?" It really felt like I was blushing, and I could feel the shies rapidly approaching.
Voz laughed. "Ohhh! Don't be embarrassed! It's a funny old name, isn't it? It's a really strange mixture of old, old Portugese and Italian. My full name is Vosotro Enrique Vasquez D'Oro-Martin...the seventh!!" He chuckled as he saw my astounded look. "Yes, lots of names and mostly murder to pronounce without a lot of practice! So, I shortened it for my stage name, just to keep my manager from having a stroke!" He laughed. "D'Oro" is "golden". And "Voz" is short for "Vosotro", and I don't know its translation. "You may pronounce it 'Voz' as in---" at this he pointed to his nose, "Rhyming with this--" He widened his eyes, expecting me to speak.
"Proboscus?" I said stupidly. Those shies were arriving in droves and causing my composure and concentration to slip.
He laughed. "Noooooo! Guess again! Rhymes with..." he pointed again to his nose.
Gawd, Wren the Dork was out in full force! "Um, schnoz?"
He really laughed at that! "Oh, Wren, you are precious! 'Voz' and 'Schnoz'! Actually, that's true! With this honker, I really am 'Voz The Schnoz'! But, if it weren't for this schnoz, I wouldn't be able to sing, so God knows His stuff, doesn't He?"
I laughed, still very embarrassed. "You mean, your name is pronounced 'Vose', which rhymes with 'nose'!"
He patted my arm. "There you go! Exactly! But you may call me 'Voz The Schnoz', if you'd rather!" He laughed. "Aw, you're very cute!"
Aw, I'm a dork!
"Can I sit with the birthday lady, too?" asked a small blond man with a thick Brooklyn accent. "My name's Cornelius."
I looked at him, recognizing him from the glam band he was in back in the 80s. I hadn't followed the band much, but...his eyes were sapphire blue. They were the most blue, most gorgeous eyes in the world.
I sat transfixed by his BLUUUUUEE eyes. PHEW! I totally lost track of what went on around me. Cornelius and I sat and gazed into each others' eyes for I don't know how long. But, more about Cornelius later!
I heard that I missed a good conversation while I was floating in my bubble of love. Here's what Lucy reported to me the next day: Voz tried to carry on a conversation with Cornelius and me, but after several inarticulate grunts from each of us, and no blinking when he waved his hand across our faces, he smiled, shrugged, and moved to another table...
He stood by Jossie's table. "Hi! Mind if I join you?"
"Sure, Voz" she said, "Sit down. Doesn't Wren want to talk?"
"Well," he sat, "I think, Jossie" he laughed, "That the crush is over!" He indicated Cornelius and me.
Jossie turned to look at us. "Wow! Can you see those little hearts floating above their heads? Awwwww! That's adorable!" she smiled.
"Hey, look at that great big lavender one hovering right over Cornelius!"
Jossie giggled, "Oooh, he's got it ba-a-ad! Are you heart-broken, Voz?"
"Well," he sighed, pretending to be dramatic, "It's traumatic, of course, but, I, I think I'll recover. Just give me a few years in rehab."
"Oh nooo! Not so bad as that, please!" Jossie laughed. "You'll get to know Wren and I'm sure you'll become great friends!"
At that point, Lucy tells me, Venn plonked himself down at their table, armed with his copy of "Folks" magazine. "Hi there!"
"Hi Venn! Did you get some cake?" asked Jossie.
"Yes indeed. Truly an epicurean delight!" He grinned. "Now, Voz---"
"Ye-e-esss?" Voz asked slowly, knowing Venn was up to something, because Venn was always up to something, which is why they had been friends for so many years: Venn was very entertaining!
"Now, Vosotro, my man" continued Venn, "Here we have a copy of 'Folks' magazine---"
"Have we now, Venn?" Voz faked an innocent air.
Venn flipped the pages of 'Folks' to the Bicford family article. "Within the pages of this publication, I quoth unto you 'Voz D'Oro, alleged husband to heiress and only child of Cadwallader "Guy" Bicford III, Tawni Bicford...' What up, dude? You? Married to the pen queen, Tawni Bicford? Since when??? Spill!"
Voz glanced at the cup of punch sitting directly in the line of fire of the magazine and smiled. He casually slid his arm across the table, impacting the cup, and spilling its contents across the magazine, rendering the article drowned and illegible.
Venn jumped up as some punch spilled into his lap. "Hey!" He grabbed a napkin along with Jossie. Both frantically tried to dab the magazine (and Venn) dry.
"Oh no! Such a klutz!" Voz apologized. "So sorry! Well, Venn, when you said 'spill', I thought you meant it!" He noticed the juice on his shirt cuff. "Ack! I've got some on me, too! Be right back!" He jumped up and headed in the direction of the men's room. Venn and Jossie continued to frantically dry off the magazine without much luck. They then exchanged looks of exasperation as they watched Voz escape. He didn't come back to the table.
When Lucy related this back to me, she said she thought Voz did it accidentally on purpose. She thought he was angry at Venn for backing him into a corner about the Tawni Bicford rumor. "And that's all it ever was, Wren: a rumor." Lucy was adamant about that, and really cheesed that Jossie and Venn had tried to butt into Voz's personal life. Didn't matter that Venn had known him for over twenty years; Voz is an extremely private person, and shame on Venn for not respecting that. This was Lucy's unbiased report on the end of my birthday party.