Based on characters and situations created by Joss Whedon.

“Get a divorce.” Xander said.

“Excuse me?” his mother asked.

His father merely looked incredulously at him. “You invite us out for our anniversary to tell us to get a divorce?”

“Look at you two!” Xander continued. “You’re both miserable. You have been as long as I can remember. Maybe you don’t recall, because you’ve always been drunk-“

Mr. Harris’ eyes narrowed, he stood up, glaring at his son. “I am not a drunk.” He hissed. “And I will not-“

“Sit down.” Xander said, his voice hard.

Astonished, Mr. Harris did as he was told.

“Look,” the only child of the Harris family sighed. “I love you. For better or worse, you’re my parents. But you can’t stand one another. And it kills me to see you guys unhappy. Get a divorce. You’re both still young and attractive, it’s not too late to have a life.”

Mrs. Harris’ eyes welled, and her husband swallowed hard. “It’s not that simple son.”

“It IS that simple!” Xander retorted. “What was keeping you together? Me? I’m an adult now, self sustaining, and honestly your staying together traumatized me more than a divorce ever could! What is it the money thing? Just split everything right down the middle! The house fell into the great Sunnydale Sinkhole, so what’s the problem?” he looked at them imploringly. “Please. Don’t do it for me. Think about what you could do if you were single again.”

“Son I’ve never been one to talk about my feelings-“

“I’ll say.” Mrs. Harris muttered.

“Not. Now.” Xander admonished her.

“But just this once I’ll make an exception. When you’ve been married as long as we have…I don’t hate your mother. We might not be well matched but…”

“We married because I was pregnant with you.” Mrs. Harris revealed. “Almost right out of high school. We never had to face the outside world alone.”

Xander shook his head. “Yes you have. You might be married, but you’re both alone. Look. I want you guys to be happy. So get a divorce. You’ll be better off for it. But if that doesn’t sway you then look at it this way. My aborted marriage attempt fell through because I was afraid of becoming you. But I want to get married some day. I want to have kids. And grandkids. But if you can’t get your lives together, then you can’t be a part of mine. You are not going to drag me down with you. Get a divorce. Or go to counseling. And don’t talk to me again until you do.”

The End