Sunnydale High School Drama Presents...
By Ben: The Vampire Hunter
b_church@yahoo.com
Feedback! Please!
I don't own em.
Chapter 7: Joke Rehearsal
"Okay," Mr. Dean cautioned. "I know you guys must have
planned some wacky jokes tonight, but please. No bad ones. This
is supposed to be funny."
Joe stood in the background and sighed quietly. There was
no way to know what people would find funny till you did it. And
with this group, you never knew what to expect. That was all
right, he had some wackiness in store as well.
Dustin stood in the wings, the mike held ready. He and Ben had
competed for this part, but Dustin had won it. Rightly Ben insisted.
He smiled. He loved Joke rehearsals. The music reached his cue.
"A Long Time ago, in a galaxy far far away," he said. "The
Human Race encountered a deadly threat to it's very existence. This
Purple Dinosaur, just before he was stopped, launched a final desperate
attack. And this terrifying new enemy surfaced as such enemies often
do, in the seemingly most Innocent and unlikely of places..."
Mr. Dean smiled slightly at Dustin's joke. But he couldn't
help but laugh when Chris Smith, Kamau, and Armand emerged on stage, in
drag and performed Little Shop of Horrors. The fun didn't stop there
though. Instead of the Soul Girls hanging around Mushnik's shop, Steve
Mossberg and Vince Maffeo were there. Dressed as Jay and Silent Bob.
Mushnik: Hey! You punks stop dealing around my store!
Jay: Hey chill pop, it's the most business this dump's ever gonna see!
Silent Bob: (holds his hands up in a gesture of "Chill, we'll leave")
Jay: C'mon Silent Bob, this Cocksmoker's gonna scare away our
customers.
As Jay and Silent Bob exit, the Soul Girls enter, buy some pot from
them, and continue with their scene with Mushnik, leading into Skid
Row.
"Alarm goes off at seven, and you start up town!" Nicole sang.
She was proud of Willow. When they'd first arranged the joke, they
weren't sure how Willow would react. But she'd even managed not to
burst out laughing when they did it. Now they were about to go along
with her joke.
"And you put in your eight hours, for the powers, that have
always been," Miriam sang.
"Till it's five p.m." Willow sang. "Then you forget all your
troubles,"
"Forget all your cares," the others joined in. "And go
Downtown..."
Everyone cracked up, but managed to join in on their cues to
sing the song with them. Those who knew the song. The others just
did their stage business. The crew joining in, doing a "Jet's" walk,
(you know, in West Side Story) across the stage.
"I love joke rehearsals." Mr. Dean sighed.
When Joe came out with his broom, to sweep the stoop, he
received a surprise. Other crewmembers, including Cordelia, leapt out
of the alley, really backstage, and mugged him, stealing his broom and
running off. He managed to not break character, and jumped in on his
cue to sing.
Cordelia smiled to herself when she heard the laughter that the
mugging had engendered. It had been her idea. What had surprised her
more than her coming up with such a silly joke, was that the crew had
gone along with it. It seemed they'd accepted her finally. She'd
never realized how cliquish geeks could be.
Oz sat waiting for his cue, he smiled inwardly when he got it.
Instead of the scene change music, he played the Seinfeld theme on his
guitar. He only wished he'd thought of a joke for today.
When the lights came up, Seymour stood arranging some plants,
while Micky leaned against the counter in white t-shirt, and blue
baseball cap turned backwards. He was reading a paper.
"Hey," Micky said. "Listen to this Seymour, Garfield kicks
Odie-"
Sam entered quickly, slamming the door shut and peered
anxiously out the window.
"What's wrong Mr. Mushnik?" Joe asked. He wondered what Sam
was up to.
"Never mind that Seymour!" Sam cried.
"Just get back to work ya tosser!"
Joe swallowed his laughter at the bad Irish accent.
"Yes Mr. Mushnik." He headed for the exit to backstage.
"And you!" Sam cried, pointing to Micky. "Stop hanging around
here and get back to that Mushugena Video Store of yours! Bollicks!"
"Yeah whatever." Micky said, folding up his paper. "See you
around Seymour."
"Bye Randall."
In the middle of his monologue, Sam, as one of his gripes
said; "And to top it all off, I've got some nut chasing me all over
town yelling beware the Ides of March, you're gonna get eaten by a
giant plant! Oy!"
Buffy snickered as she handed the prop to Joe. Joe looked at
what Xander replaced the plant with and shrugged. He couldn't say
he was surprised that Xander had gotten his hands on a Kermit puppet.
"Where did you get it Seymour?" Sam asked.
"Well," Joe said, as the music started. "I was walking in the
wholesale flower district one day,"
"Da doo,"
"And I passed by this guy who looked insane,"
"Freaky, da doo,"
"And he said in this scary voice,"
"Yikes da doo,"
"What is your pleasure sir?"
"Da da da da da doo,"
"He handed me this strange puzzle box,"
"Hell da doo,"
"And I just sort of started fiddling with it."
"Wrong thing to do."
"When suddenly, and without warning, the box just opened by
itself. It got very dark, and when the light came back this strange
plant was just sitting there!"
"Oopsie do."
"Just stuck in among the zinias."
The rest of the song continued as normal.
Xander lounged in the counter. (that's right, IN the counter)
He waited as the scene progressed, patiently (not) waiting for his
cue. He barely contained his laughter when Joe began to sing. He was
doing an Elvis imitation.
Ben strutted on stage in the leather jacket that someone had
procured for him. It had taken him a bit to work through to the
character he knew the main reason he'd gotten it was because he was a
senior, but he knew he'd proven himself since then the best man for
the job. As long as he didn't watch the tape at the cast party, he'd
be fine.
He recited his lines with only a bit of an Elvis imitation, it
had been suggested by Mr. Dean to create the right sneer. Then he
pulled out the mini-gas thingie that fit in his jacket pocket. He
inhaled.
"Wha hoy!" he shouted, his voice going up a few notches. "Oh
nice gasses with the breathing nice ladies!"
Nicole tapped Xander on the shoulder. He looked at her
quizzically. He was back in the wings until they brought the counter back in.
"I got an idea." she whispered.
"Twoie, I'm gettin' a little hungry, I'm gonna go down to
Shmendrick's and get a bite to eat. I'll see you later."
"Feed me." a female voice said. Joe turned, the surprise of
hearing Nicole instead of Xander helping greatly his astoundment at
hearing the plant talk.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Feed me."
Joe pulled a prescription bottle from his pocket. "I knew
there were gonna be side effects." he said, looking at said bottle.
"Feed me."
"I'll run down to the corner and get you some nice chopped
sirloin." he offered.
"Must be blood."
"Twoie that's disgusting!"
"Must be fresh."
"I don't want to hear this."
"Feed me."
"Does it have to be human?"
"Feed me."
"Does it have to be mine?"
"Feed me."
"Where am I supposed to get it?" It was weird singing this
song with Nicole doing the voice. But Joe prided himself on being
adaptable.
"Feed me Seymour," Nicole sung on. "Feed me all night long!"
"I've never been able to go more than 45 minutes!" Joe
protested, earning much laughter.
"'Cause if you feed me Seymour," Nicole's voice betrayed
suppressed laughter. "I can grow up big and strong."
"You eat blood Audrey Two, let's face it, how am I supposed to
go on feeding you? Kill people?"
"I'll make it worth your while." Nicole said in a sexy voice.
"Look, you're a plant, an inanimate object-"
"Does this look inanimate to you bitch! Besides, so's your
blow up doll!"
"How'd you know about that!"
"Never mind that now! If I can talk, and I can move, who's to
say I can't do anything I want?"
"Like what?"
"Like deliver pal. Like see you get everything your secret
breezy heart desires. Would you like to make more money? Sure, we
all do! I'm the plant who can make it come true! You'll get it."
"I don't know anybody who deserves to get chopped up and fed to
a hungry plant!"
"Awwww, sure you do."
"Hey Lady!"
Joe looked off in the direction of Ben's voice. "Yeah," he
said. "I guess maybe I do."
Ben wasn't surprised at the fact that Joe was wearing a Hockey
Mask for this scene, he'd heard Buffy suggest it to him. He smiled and
played off it, pretending that the hockey mask was just another
precaution that Seymour was taking against whatever Orin was planning
to do.
Buffy held the fishing line in her hand, giving Joe plenty of
slack. She didn't know who's idea this had been, but she thought it
was pretty funny. As Suddenly Seymour progressed, she began to pull
the line taut. Finally, Andrea belted. Perfectly timed, Buffy yanked
the string.
From the audience, it appeared that when Andrea had belted,
it'd blown Seymour's cap off.
Sam had donned the Trenchcoat Steve had lent him, and a fedora
from the Costume "Vault".
"Sho Sheymour," he began, doing a fairly passable Sam Spayd
imitation.
Sam joined Ben backstage. "It's a bit cramped in that plant."
he told him. "Be glad all you had to do was asphyxiate."
"And that boys and girls," Ben smiled. "Is the word for the
day."
"Psst," Buffy whispered. "Ben, you still want me to do that
makeup?"
"Yeah, you ready?"
"Yeah, come on."
"Where are those horns?" Nicole fretted.
Micky burst in with a bag from the Party Store. "Got 'em!"
he whispered. "Sorry I took so long." He didn't offer an excuse. He
merely passed out the plastic Devil Horns to Miriam, Nicole and Willow.
They strutted on stage, it had taken much doing getting Willow to strut,
singing The Meek shall inherit.
Mr. Dean started at the sight of the Soul Girls wearing horns
during The Meek, he smiled. "I like it." he muttered. "In fact, I
like it a lot."
Buffy was just putting the finishing touches on Ben's makeup
when Christi rushed backstage to find him.
"Ben! Hurry!"
"Oh shit!" Ben cried, did I miss my cue?"
"No we just need your help, you know the music from Friday the
13th right?"
"Yeah why?"
"Here. I hear you do it the best." she handed him a microphone.
"Where'd you guys find a cord this long?" he asked.
Christi didn't answer, she was listening on her headset.
"Okay, now."
Oz snickered when Ben's voice integrated itself into the scene.
He did it so quietly that it really seemed to blend in with the music.
The plant luring Audrey into the store really fit with the Friday the
13th suspense music.
Joe cradled Andrea, as she sang the last of Somewhere That's
Green. They'd already worked it out before hand, so he wasn't
surprised.
"Oh don't you see, finally I'll be, part of your world!"
The audience erupted in laughter. There had been many
references to how much Somewhere That's Green and the song from The
Little Mermaid resembled each other during the run of the show.
Joe grabbed a baseball bat and began beating the huge puppet.
"That's right you bastard! You like that? Huh? You want some
more?"
"Ooh!" Xander mocked. "Rodney King! Foolish human! I am
Mighty!"
"Good Tick." Ben complimented him.
Finally, it was time for the last number. Ben came out when
he was supposed to, as did Sam. Sam had the usual makeup, pale with
dark circles around his eyes, as Mushnik was dead. Ben had been made
up like the Crow.
"The terror continues in Little Shop of Horrors Two!" Dustin
announced over the speaker. "Kurt Russel and Arnold Shwartzenager
head an all star cast! Starts Friday!"
"That was fun!" Willow said.
"Yeah it was." Ben agreed. "We've had better though. You
should have seen the joke rehearsal for How To Succeed."
To be continued...