Mes cheries, I am sure you have always wondered at how I have perfected the intricate art of wooing. Ah, at last, I shall reveal my secrets! Perhaps you too would like to woo your love of choice, and wish to do it in the JC-way. Well, I shall teach you. I will teach you the secrets of the French language and my naughty French slang words that may come in handy. After all, there are many situations where a few choice words could make all the difference. I must warn you though, my French is sadly rusty from many years of disuse. Perhaps there are a few grammatical errors. Do not fear, I would not mind being corrected. I would have Asher spell-check for me, but he's occupied at the moment. You know how long it takes to get your hair done around here. You understand, of course, oui?

New corrections and additional phrases courtesy of Claire! Merci beaucoup!
Further corrections and additions by S. Merci beaucoup aussi!
New Richard insults added by Nadia. Mercimercimerci!

To Woo:

Tu es bien monte(e)!
You are well endowed!

Ta queue est énorme!! 
Your popsicle is very big!

Tu as un super petit cul!
Your butt is very nice! 

Je veux jouer avec ta sucette!
I want to pet your popsicle!

Laisse moi te prendre ma chérie! 
Let me take you darling! 

 Ma bitte est tres heureuse!
My popsicle is very happy!

Je suis un tombeur!
I am a playboy!

Je suis un chaud-lapin!
I am a sex maniac!

Tu es si sexy! 
You are so sexy!

C'est le coup de foudre bébé!
It's love at first sight, baby! 

J'ai envie de toi mon ange.
I want you my angel.

 Venez voir mes estampes japonaises!
Come up and see my etchings!

Je veux faire du pied a toi!
I want to play footsie with you!

Je vais me déshabiller pour toi!
I will strip for you!

Est-ce que tu as envie de faire des galipettes?
Do you want to do the wicked thing? 

Viens ici que je te saute!
A very dirty invitation to the wicked dance. 
Lit: Come here so I can fuck you. 

Tu es si chaude et sexy petite coquine! 
You're so hot and sexy little naugnty girl!

 
Things to Say to Richard:

Tu es un homme refoulé et dépravé !
You are a repressed and depraved man!

Tu es emmerdant!
You're such a major pain! 

Je vais te faire quelque chose d'horrible!
I'm going to do something horrible to you!

Allez en enfer!
Go to hell! 

Tu es un chien froussard!
You are a cowardly dog!

Je vais te casser la gueule!
I'm going to smash your face in!
Je te deteste!
I detest you!

Tu vas mourir, pwahahahha!
You're going to die, pwhahahaha!

Va te faire foutre!
Fuck you!

Tu est une sorte de pâte molle, mon ami .
You are a sort of feeble, spinless creature, my friend.

Je t’attends à la prochaine…
Just you wait…

Si tu continues à importuner ma petite, tu ME trouveras
et tu finiras par prendre un beignet sur le nez . 
If you continue to importune ma petite, you will find ME and 
finish with your nose smashed.
 

P.S. I apologize, for anyone that noticed the lack of accents, because I've no idea how to do them on this computer. Also,
I notice that I've made a few mistakes with reflexive verbs and other things... ahem... do feel free to correct me if you see what I did wrong, since my French is really rusty... really...

PPS.  If you have any other useful French slang that JC or Richard might need to know, please feel free to send them in on
the JC Form or directly to me! Merci!