********

Jessica had chosen a spot to park just off the gravel lane heavily shadowed by two giant oak trees. After an initial fifteen minutes of hot and heavy foreplay in which she and Nathaniel partially undressed each other, the two moved to the backseat of her car and spent the next hour going at it with all the enthusiasm and finesse of two teenagers.

Nathaniel persuaded Jessica to handcuff him to the car door, and get on top of him. He encouraged her to use him, spurring her on by directing her to go faster and harder until she had the right rhythm. He begged her to punish him by pulling his hair, biting his lips, or pinching his skin. She did so reluctantly at first, but started getting into it more when she saw how much it turned him on.

And he was turned on. The pleasurable sensation of her tight warmth sliding up and down on him interspersed with the small shocks of pain she inflicted on him, was quickly pushing him over the edge. Jessica grasped him tightly with her thighs and moved on him relentlessly, driving him deeply into her with a blind and consuming need of her own. Nathaniel urged her on audibly, rocking his hips beneath her as best he could in the stuffy, steamy confines of the car, wanting to satisfy her above everything else.

When she did come, Nathaniel could not stave off his release any longer and came right after her, his body shuddering and spasming against Jessica's, his mind plunging into the sweetest void.
 

For a few blissful moments, he reveled in that void--that sexual high in which the rest of the world was simply blinked away and ceased to exist. Then Jessica collapsed heavily against Nathaniel's chest, quivering, and all but gasping for air, making him aware of his surroundings once more.

"God, that was intense," she breathed.

Nathaniel nodded in agreement. "Yeah. That was pretty hot."

Laughing lightly, Jessica scooped up her jeans from the floor mat and fished out the key to the handcuffs. She unlocked them and leaned down to kiss him quickly before sliding off of him.

Nathaniel sat up and rubbed his bruised wrists. He examined the marks Jessica had made on him with a deepening satisfaction. Damn, she had got him good. No wonder he had come so fast. He shifted his position, then struggled to pull up his pants. He leaned back into the seat, fixing his eyes on Jessica and smiled again.

"I haven't been laid like that in...years," he confessed, moistening his lips with the tip of his tongue. "You felt so good. I was so hard."

Contentedly, Jessica curled herself around Nathaniel and placed her head on his shoulder. "Oh yeah, you felt great. You're so sexy, Nathaniel. It's been a while for me too. I mean, I haven't done anything like this since I was seventeen, but you made me so hot for you." Jessica squirmed slightly against him, absently stroking the exposed skin of his lower abdomen. "I just hope you don't think I do this all the time."

Nathaniel frowned, embarrassingly aware of the fact he had been seventeen just three scant years ago.

"You make it sound like it's a bad thing even though we had a good time and enjoyed each other. What's wrong with that?"

Jessica sighed. "I just don't want you to think badly of me. I just don't pick up men, drive them out into the middle of nowhere and then fuck them in my car."

"So what if you do?" Nathaniel went on, indignantly. "I'm not anyone to pass judgment on something like that. I don't care who you've been with before or what you've done in the past. I only know, you came here with me tonight."

Jessica sat up and looked Nathaniel in the eye. "That should make you feel special then," she told him with a slightly wary look. "Why are you getting so defensive?"

Nathaniel realized then he was getting defensive. He tried to shake it off, but couldn't. He suddenly had the feeling if Jessica truly knew who and what he was, all the people he had slept with before, and the things he'd done in his past, she'd never want to have sex with him again. God, if she only knew. She probably wouldn't have even let him touch her.

"Well, what if I told you I do pick up girls all the time and get it whenever and however I can. Would you think badly of me?"

Jessica sat up and stared at Nathaniel as if trying to determine if he were telling her the truth or not. "Do you?" she finally asked him, unable to reach any telltale conclusion from his expression.

"Christ," Nathaniel muttered and reached for the car door handle. "Well, that just answered my question." He shook his head and climbed out of the backseat, zipping his pants as he did, then pulling on his jacket, and readjusting the rest of his clothes.

Clearly shocked, Jessica scrambled out of the car and hurried after him. "Wait! Where are you going?"

"I think it's time for me to go," he told her in a soft, battle-weary voice. He stalked around the car, heading down the dark, gravel lane. "Don't worry. I can walk the rest of the way home. It's not far, really."

Jessica stopped where she was and clenched her fists at her sides. "Nathaniel! I didn't mean to upset you. Don't go. I don't care if you pick up girls. I really don't. It just surprised me 'cause you were being so blasé about it. I'm sorry, all right?"

Nathaniel turned towards her. "Look. It's not that. I'm just really, really tired. If I'm lucky, I'll get a couple of hours sleep before I have to get up." He felt bad leaving Jessica this way, but now, more than anything, he just wanted to get home. Home to Anita--the one woman who knew him better than anyone and loved him anyway. Kind of. It made him even more determined to approach her tonight and let her know exactly how he felt about her. He would be a man for her and she would finally be forced to see him in that different light.

Nathaniel suddenly became aware of the fact Jessica was still staring after him, looking stricken and hurt. He sighed heavily, feeling guilty.

"Look, I'll call you later, okay?" he continued, hoping to placate her. He produced the tiny slip of paper on which he'd written her number from his pocket and held it up for her inspection. "I've still got your phone number, see?"

It worked. Jessica's confused, concerned expression softened and her hands opened up at her sides.

"You promise?" she called after him. "'Cause I'd really like to see you again."

"I promise," Nathaniel called back, then turned and resolutely walked away, tossing the tiny slip of paper into the leaves at the side of the road as soon as the shadows had swallowed him up and he knew she could no longer see him.

********

Using his key on the front door lock, Nathaniel slipped inside the darkened house and quietly closed the door behind him. He pulled off his jacket and tossed it aside, not really caring where it landed. He continued undressing on his way to the big back bedroom which he shared with Micah and Anita, glancing at the clock on the wall as he did. It was already after four. No wonder he was so tired.

But he didn't want to sleep. All he wanted to do now was take off his clothes, crawl into bed and snuggle up to Anita, losing himself in the feel of her beautiful body so close to his. He longed to touch her and kiss her and hold her. He wanted to make love to her tonight and take pleasure in her while she took pleasure in him.

But the door to the bedroom was closed, and the soft sounds coming from beyond its heavy wooden frame told Nathaniel he would not be welcomed in Anita's bed now. She was with Micah, and the fact they had closed the bedroom door on him, was a sign they wanted to be left alone.

His heart sinking, Nathaniel leaned his head against the door and listened to the two of them together for a moment. He could hear their quiet moans, their deep, drawn out breaths, and the rhythmic creaking of the bed. Their combined power filled the room and touched Nathaniel's own meager power with a spine-tingling clarity.

Any other night, he would have reveled in that power, but tonight he drew away from the room with a curse and stalked back into the living room. Grabbing a throw pillow off one of the chairs, he tossed it onto the couch and flopped down on top of it, snatching the afghan off the back and pulling it over his shoulders.

His throat tightened and his eyes watered as he succumbed to his abject misery. Of all the nights to be banished to the couch, why did it have to be tonight? The night he truly needed to be beside Anita--smell her familiar scent on the sheets, feel the comforting warmth of her body next to him, and know, despite everything else, she needed him and he belonged to her--was the one night she chose to get it on with her Nimir-Raj.

The lock on the front door rattled and Nathaniel looked up expectantly. Damian, Anita's vampire servant, suddenly glided in, going through the same motions of closing and re-locking the door that Nathaniel had just fifteen minutes ago. He stopped short upon seeing the young wereleopard on the couch and put his hands on his hips, cocking his head in a somewhat childish gesture of wonderment.

"What are you doing out here?" Damian asked in a low voice. He looked up towards the master bedroom, listening for a few moments, then he nodded, having answered his own question. "Oh. She's with Micah."

"Yeah," Nathaniel replied curtly. "Micah. And then tomorrow night it'll probably be Jean-Claude and Asher. Then maybe Jason. Then back to Micah. Or somebody else. She seems to prefer everyone and anyone to me." He paused and took a deep, breath. "I need her. She's the only woman I can really make love to, Damian. I don't want to just fuck them anymore. I want to make love, but she won't let me."

Damian narrowed his eyes at the wereleopard and the corners of his mouth turned down in a slight frown. "It's hard, I know, having her so close all the time and yet so unaccessible." He glanced towards the bedroom again and shrugged. "Count your blessings, Nathaniel. At least she comes to you to satisfy her ardeur. I don't even merit that."

Nathaniel felt his face flush with shame. Damian was the last person he should be complaining about this to. Damian longed to be with Anita as well, but she kept him at a careful distance as if she didn't even want to consider him as a lover. But despite that, Nathaniel still felt Damian had more of a chance with her than he did. He was more her type. He was everything Nathaniel longed to be. He was dashingly handsome and mysterious, sultry, and sophisticated. And there was no doubt in Nathaniel's mind that Anita perceived him any other way.

"I don't know what to do anymore," Nathaniel continued softly. "I know as soon as she overcomes this ardeur, she'll send me packing. I have to become more to her than a pomme de sang otherwise I'll lose her."
 

"That's nonsense," Damian chided. "You are important already in Anita's eyes. You may not be romantically involved with her the way you want to be, but your relationship with her is hardly platonic, and the feelings she has for you run deep. You meant a great deal to her, even before she was afflicted with the ardeur. You are not just her pomme de sang, my friend. You never were. She doesn't want to lose you either, you know that."

It was true. Nathaniel had to admit it. He peered up at the vampire and nodded slowly.

Damian continued. "Anita may never whisper 'I love you' in my ear, but I know she would do anything, risk anything, to keep me safe and well. That is as potent a demonstration of her love for me as surrendering her body to me would be. Maybe even more so. I tell myself this whenever I start feeling melancholy about her, the way you are feeling now, and it helps."

Nathaniel raised his brow. "I didn't know you felt sad sometimes," the wereleopard said softly, his heart going out to his friend. "She does love you. I know she does."

Damian shrugged. "For which I am grateful. I just have to keep telling myself she gives me what she can. There's only so much of her to go around."

At that, Nathaniel cringed. "All right. Maybe I am being a little selfish and demanding, but I want more from her than that. I want to be loved. Sometimes I think, she's the only chance I'll ever have for love. She knows me. She knows about the prostitution, the porn-films, the BDSM. Christ, no other woman will ever want me with my past."

Damian put his hands on his hips and shook his head admonishingly. "To say, at your tender age, that no woman will ever love you is foolish," the vampire went on. Clearly he was on a roll. "Your past is just that. Past. And you shouldn't dwell on the mistakes you've made, but put them behind you and start fresh. Make a new life for yourself. You'll find the world is full of women willing to forgive a man his past if you have moved forward, and women more than willing to hand you their heart in exchange for your love. Everyone wants to be loved, Nathaniel, and not everyone worthy of being loved, qualifies as a candidate for sainthood."

The vampire paused and turned to the window knowingly. He faced Nathaniel again with an apologetic frown.

"I'd like nothing more than to continue waxing the philosophics of love with you, my friend, but dawn is drawing near and I must get below."

Nathaniel nodded, understanding. "Go on. And thanks, Damian. I mean that."

Damian offered the wereleopard a little departing bow and glided through the room down the hall which led to the basement where he slept.

Nathaniel huddled into the couch cushions and sighed heavily, closing his eyes. He lay there unmoving for the longest time, then shifted his position, then shifted his position again. As tired as he was, sleep evaded him. He couldn't stop thinking about what Damian had said.

Considering Damian's own past, the fact he wasn't totally cynical about love gave his philosophy on the matter that much more credibility.

Nathaniel couldn't help thinking about Jessica too, and considered the possibility she wasn't being as judgmental as he had believed she was. She had said she wanted to see him again. Maybe he would call her after all. He could always look up her number in the phone book and ask her out. No more parking, however. If they did decide to have sex again, he'd insist on going back to her place and spend the night and have breakfast with her in the morning like a real man would. He had to admit, doing it in the back seat of a car was somewhat juvenile and degrading. Even if it was pretty hot.

Nathaniel sighed. Yeah, he still thought it was hot. Maybe he wasn't as sophisticated and mature as he liked to think he was. He knew without a doubt Anita never screwed Jean-Claude in the back of a car. Maybe, Nathaniel decided, he wasn't exactly ready for candelabras and silk sheets yet. Maybe he should just listen to Damian and accept the demonstrations of love Anita reserved for him and him alone. So what if they weren't actually lovers? She still came to him and touched him and used him. The vampire was right. He should count his blessings.

With that thought wafting through his weary mind, Nathaniel settled back onto the couch and pulled the afghan tightly over his shoulders with a contented sigh. In moments, the young wereleopard was fast asleep.

********

Nathaniel stirred. Someone was tugging on his arm.

"Wake up!"

Prying one grit-filled eye open, Nathaniel tried to focus on whomever was assaulting him and shoo them away. It felt as though he had only gotten twenty minutes of sleep.

"What?" he murmured. "Leave me alone...."

"Nathaniel, wake up." It was Anita. She dropped his hand and it hit the floor heavily. Now she was pulling the afghan off of him.

The wereleopard moaned. "Please let me sleep, Anita," he grumbled, grasping the afghan. He jerked it out of her hands and covered up with it again.

"Where were you last night?" she went on, throwing the afghan aside once more.

Oh Christ, Nathaniel thought. Not this again.

"Look, Anita," he began, sitting up slightly, forcing both eyes open. "I know I came in late and I apologize for not calling, but please, give me a break this time, all right? I didn't get out of Guilty Pleasures until after two and I just didn't have the chance to call. I'm sorry."

Rubbing his eyes with his hand, Nathaniel realized it had to be mid-morning. The sun was blazing in through the living room curtains, and the house was too quiet. Everyone had already gone about their business for the day and apparently he had slept through all that early morning bustle.

"God, what time is it?" Nathaniel asked, sitting up completely. He felt a little more rested now, knowing how late it was.

"Nathaniel, please," Anita practically begged. Her voice had grown soft and slightly husky. "Don't be angry. Come to bed." She picked up his hand again and practically pulled him off the couch.

Nathaniel clutched the afghan to his body to keep it from slipping off and exposing his nudity. He knew Anita didn't like him to sleep completely nude because she claimed it stirred her ardeur.

Ardeur. Had she said something about coming to bed? Wide awake now, Nathaniel peered over at her, studying her closely.

"Are you okay?" he questioned.

Anita tugged at his arm again. "No. I need you," she whispered, looking as though she was about to cry.

"Oh, Anita, I'm sorry," the young wereleopard apologized, rising to his feet. He didn't care if she saw him naked now. She'd probably want him naked for this anyway. "Here, come here." He squeezed her hand and drew her closer.

She all but jumped into his arms, hopping up, and wrapping her legs around his waist, encircling his neck with her arms. She pressed her lips to the side of his face with a heartfelt sigh and molded her body around him.

"Don't apologize," Anita murmured. "Just take care of me."

Nathaniel smiled at that. Strange words coming from the lady who took care of them all so proficiently. But here she was, clinging to him, like a small child in his arms, vulnerable and in need. He gathered her up to him and walked with her across the living room.

"I will," Nathaniel assured her, carrying her into the bedroom. He carefully sat down on the edge of the bed and lay back, so she was on top of him. Letting his arms slid off her, he stretched out to give her total access to whatever part of his body she wanted.

Basically, that was all he did to help her. He normally did not touch her and only moved or changed positions if she directed him to. He simply let her feed off him, literally, sometimes. It wasn't unusual for her to bite him and draw blood. After all, she bore the mark of a master werewolf and was afflicted with a vampire's ardeur.

But Nathaniel didn't mind. He submitted himself to whatever she wanted and needed, not only because he oddly enjoyed such use, but he knew it helped her; and after all she had done for him, it seemed a small thing to do in return. Then, her attention was intimate, even though they never actually had sex.

As it was, she hadn't undressed. She was still wearing her oversized nightshirt and panties. But she was running her hands down his sides in long, languid strokes, and gnawing voraciously on his nipple. He felt her teeth graze his skin and squeezed his eyes shut, emitting a breathy moan. Her power moved over him, drawing from his own and flaring around him in a surge of force. That in itself was incredibly stimulating in a metaphysically erotic way. He was already getting hard and the urge to touch her was overwhelming, but not being allowed to was a kind of sweet torture all its own.

Nathaniel grasped the sheets beneath him in his outstretched hands, and tried to focus his mind on the sensation of the soft material in his fists, and not the feel of her bare thigh pressing against his groin. He fought hard not to move his hips. God, this was torture.

Anita arched her back, dragging her mouth over his ribs to the softer flesh of his abdomen and nipped him, pinching him with her teeth.

Nathaniel jerked slightly at the sharp pain, digging his fingers into the wad of sheets. Sometimes he came when Anita fed off him, and the way he was feeling now, led him to believe this would probably be one of those times.

Anita bit him again just above his navel and drew blood this time. Her tongue slithered over the small droplet of blood pooling on the surface of his skin and she lapped it up until it stopped. Her saliva was hot and stung the wound slightly, but Nathaniel groaned with pleasure. Before he could stop himself, or think what he was doing, he reached up and caressed her breast, squeezing it gently.

Belatedly, he realized just what he had done when he felt Anita's body tense on top of him. She drew away from his hand, sitting up completely, straddling his hips, forcing his erection directly under her. The slightly damp, heated softness of her satin underwear rubbing against him made his body clench with the first tremor of his impending satisfaction.

Nathaniel opened his eyes and swallowed hard, forcing himself to look into her eyes. She peered back at him with a slightly wild-eyed, but curious expression.

Slowly, Nathaniel lowered his hand and opened his mouth to apologize, but Anita dropped down on top of him again and seized his hand in hers.

"Touch me," she whispered. "I want you to touch me." She stretched up and kissed his chin, then gnawed down the line of his jaw.

Nathaniel was so startled by her request, for a moment he did not comply with her wishes. Her small hand still held his, but she hadn't told him where she wanted him to touch her, or how exactly. And from the way her mouth was currently occupied, he didn't anticipate any further direction from her anytime soon.

Hesitantly, he placed his hand on the back of her head and stroked her hair.

But Anita shook him off and made a soft whimper of protest.

"No," she said simply and resumed chewing on his jaw.

"How then?" Nathaniel whispered, his voice pleading.

Instead of telling him, Anita squeezed his hand and all but slapped it on her side impatiently. Using his hand, she dragged it down to her hip and pulled up her nightshirt, then pressed his palm to her bare skin. She eased her grip and stroked the back of his hand soothingly, then slid it down to the lacey waistband of her panties. She shifted her body slightly off him, raising her hips to give his hand more room to maneuver between her legs.

"Yes," she breathed against his skin, encouragingly, releasing his hand once she'd wedged his fingers inside the waistband. She placed her own hand on his side and ran it slowly up and down the shallow curve of his hip.

Nathaniel fought the tension gripping his body and tried to let his desire take control. He wanted to touch her this way, yet he still couldn't bring himself to believe she wanted him to touch her like this. Slowly, he slid his hand between the soft satin material and the even softer warmth of her skin and delved his fingers through the luxuriously downy curls between her legs. He closed his eyes again at the sheer bliss of such a sensation and breathed a long, drawn out sigh.

Anita sighed too and pushed her hips against his hand, urging him on. She nibbled and kissed her way down his neck and sank her teeth into his shoulder, sucking and caressing it with her mouth.

Oh God, Nathaniel thought, his body spasming again. He ran his fingers gently along the folds of her labia, reveling in the warm slickness of her skin.

Her body quivered and she moaned, scraping her teeth back up his throat.

"Yes," she urged, tilting her head to nip his earlobe. "Please." She bit down on him harder, then kissed his ear, exhaling softly.

Tiny, exhilarating tingles coursed through Nathaniel as she breathed into his ear. He squirmed slightly and tentatively wrapped his other arm around her back, holding her to his chest. She didn't protest or pull away. Instead she dragged her mouth to the hard muscle at the base of his neck and plunged her teeth into it.

Nathaniel winced slightly as he felt his skin tear, but the pain was exquisite and served to unleash his carefully controlled passion. He tightened his arm around her back and boldly caressed her now, stroking her sensuously before penetrating her with his middle finger. He used the heel of his palm to rub against her and was delighted to hear her groan passionately in response while feasting at his throat.

Anita was grinding her hips against his hand now, moving her body over him with a determined urgency. Her hand slid up to his chest and she pinched his nipple, softly at first, then with more force. She seemed to want to please him this time as much as he wanted to please her.

Nathaniel hissed through his teeth in ecstasy, encouraging her, his mind clouding with desire. He felt his power being drawn from him along with his blood, but her power was filling him in exchange with a rush of intensity. His breaths were coming in deep, short gasps now and his whole body was ablaze with passion. He could feel Anita tremble on top of him, quivering around his hand as he pleasured her. He thought he had never experienced anything so euphoric before and surrendered himself completely to her need when she climaxed, throwing her head back as she screamed her satisfaction.
 

The heady mixture of sensation suddenly seized Nathaniel. He felt as though his mind was exploding in rapture--his body all but paralyzed with pleasure as he came. It seemed like minutes passed before he could breathe again, before his heart started beating again, and his consciousness settled back into his brain. His body continued to spasm slightly as the afterglow flowed over him and the tension of his orgasm slowly ebbed away.

Anita slumped on top of him, drawing in deep breaths, the heat of her ardeur cooling with her gratification. She lay her head down on his shoulder and sighed heavily.

Nathaniel tried to ease his fingers out of her, but she seemed to clench her legs around his hand.

"No, not yet," she whispered, snuggling against him. "Stay inside me for a little while. I like it."

Nathaniel relaxed and bent forward to softly kiss the top of her head.

Raising herself slightly, Anita peered down at Nathaniel and reached up to stroke the side of his face with a strangely apologetic look in her eyes.

"God, you really are gorgeous," she whispered and smiled at him, but it was a sad sort of smile. "Have I ever told you that before?"

Nathaniel shook his head.

Anita's smile brightened a little. "Well, you are. And I'm damn lucky to have someone like you."

"Oh?" Nathaniel whispered. "I think I'm the lucky one, having a friend like you."

Anita shook her head. "I meant as a lover."

Nathaniel blinked back at her in surprise. "But...we're not lovers."

Narrowing her eyes, Anita cocked her head and folded her arms over his chest. "I think we are. And we have been for some time now. I was just too stubborn to admit it. But I'm beginning to come to terms with it. We've had sex lots of times. We just had sex now."

Nathaniel moistened his suddenly dry lips with the tip of his tongue. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Anita, please. You don't have to say I'm your lover 'cause I'm not really. I never will be."

Anita ran her hand over his hair, pushing back a few stray locks from his face. "Well, you're my lover whether you like the idea of not," she went on.

The wereleopard frowned. "I'm not your lover like...Jean-Claude is your lover. You don't come to me because you really want to. You come to me because...I'm handy. But that's all right, really. I know I'll never be able to compete with your real lovers. With Jean-Claude. I'll never be like him." Nathaniel paused and drew his hand away from her slowly and plopped it down on the bed at his side.

"That's bullshit," Anita snapped. "Yeah, you're handy, but I come to you mostly because I can trust you to take care of me. Because you know what I need and you give it to me so unselfishly and without any demands. It's always unconditional with you and sometimes, I need that more than anything. I can feed my ardeur off anybody, including Jean-Claude, but every once in awhile, I want the kind of lovemaking I can only get with you."

Nathaniel felt a wave of guilt wash over him and looked away from Anita. He knew he had almost changed all that last night. He could have ruined everything between them had he put the moves on her the way he had wanted to when he had finally gotten home.

Anita reached up and grasped Nathaniel's chin in her hand, turning his head back around to face her.

"I don't want you to be like Jean-Claude," she said in a firm, but quiet voice. "Good God, one Jean-Claude is more than enough. I love him to pieces, but you have to know, I love you too. Just the way you are. Don't try to be anyone else for me. When I'm with you, I just want you to be...you. I count on that, Nathaniel." She stretched up then and dropped a quick kiss on his lips, then shifted off of him and curled herself around his side. "Now let's get some sleep."

Nathaniel smiled to himself, his heart warming with the love he felt from her. He gathered her close to him and leaned his cheek against the top of her head.

"I love you too," he whispered softly and smiled broadly, very aware of the fact today was definitely going to be a better day than yesterday was. It was already off to a very good start.

END
 

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