RICHARD AND JEAN-CLAUDE AT THE SUPERMARKET
"You know, Jean-Claude, you really didn't have to do this," Richard ventured warily.
"It's no trouble, mon ami," the vampire said smoothly, gliding down the aisle far more gracefully than Richard would have thought possible given the thigh-high leather boots he was wearing.
"No, I mean, you REALLY didn't have to do this," Richard grumbled, trudging after his unwanted companion. "I really don't need someone to come with me to the supermarket."
Jean-Claude looked over his shoulder and smiled. "Can you fault me for wanting to spend some quality time with you?"
Richard scowled, stopping to readjust his sunglasses as they threatened to slide off his nose. "You're bothering me," he stated bluntly. "I need to shop, and you're attracting WAY too much attention."
Jean-Claude feigned innocence. "How so?"
Staring at the vampire over the rim of his glasses, Richard looked his companion up and down, taking in the spit-shined boots, the seamless vinyl pants, and the gauzy red shirt that exposed Jean-Claude's entire torso through a red haze of fabric. The whole get-up was completed by the porcelain skin, limitless blue eyes, and softly curling black hair. He screamed VAMPIRE. And a flashy one, at that.
"You're walking around with your nipples showing," Richard said. "And you dare ask me why you're attracting attention?"
Jean-Claude gave his companion a deep look. "You're not exactly dressed to blend in, mon ami."
Richard squared his shoulders, offended. "And what's wrong with the way I'm dressed?"
Staring at the werewolf with an amused expression on his face, Jean-Claude looked his companion up and down, taking in the sandaled feet, the black trench coat, and the shiny red plastic basket slung over one muscular forearm. The entire charming outfit was embellished by a pair of dark sunglasses, a tattered baseball cap, and a sour expression. He screamed WEIRDO. And a badly dressed one, at that.
"I think you're taking this 'hide my identity' thing a bit too seriously," Jean-Claude said as unobtrusively as possible.
Richard gestured wildly with his arm, nearly knocking over a display of Wheaties. "Give me a break! I'm parading around the supermarket with the Master of the City! And with the way people are staring at us, someone's bound to take a picture and wonder just WHO is that nameless man frolicking around with St. Louis' most powerful vampire!"
A dazzling smile split said vampire's pale face. "So you and I are 'frolicking'? A second ago we were 'parading.' Maybe later tonight, we can be--"
Richard flushed bright red. "Shut up. Go stand somewhere FAR away. You're embarrassing me." He glared pointedly at his companion's revealing outfit.
Jean-Claude gave a dramatic sigh. "Very well, mon ami, if my nipples are exciting you THIS much, then I'll just cover them." He placed both graceful hands on his chest, the pale skin offset by the bright fabric. He smiled charmingly.
Richard felt the beginnings of a migraine forming at his temples, and he had no trouble determining its source. "Jean-Claude," he growled.
"Yes, mon ami?" the vampire quipped.
"Make yourself useful and go get me some oranges." He pointed to the fruits section on his right.
"Why, certainly," Jean-Claude said agreeably, giving the werewolf one last grin before sauntering off to the area Richard had indicated, his hands still plastered on his chest.
//God, he IS an obnoxious one// Richard thought grumpily, turning his attention to the shelf of canned vegetables in front of him, wondering if he was fast enough to make a run for it before Jean-Claude came frolicking back. He decided against the idea, though, realizing that Jean-Claude's "obnoxious factor" would probably go off the scale if Richard wounded his pride by ditching him. Sighing, he was trying to make a decision between spinach and green beans when he suddenly heard a loud cracking sound behind him, following by hundreds upon hundreds of dull, hollow thuds that seemed to keep echoing with no end.
Richard felt sick. //God, I know he just didn't…//
"Oops," he heard Jean-Claude say.
Though it went against his better judgment, Richard turned around slowly…and there was a very stunned Jean-Claude, holding a small orange in one pale hand. The rest of the fruits were lying in one huge pile at his booted feet, some of them still rolling outwards in one massive fruity-rific tide that was threatening to swallow the polished floor. The Master of the City had caused the cliché Orange Avalanche.
And so the Ulfric of the Thronnos Rokke Clan did the only thing he could do in such a dire situation.
He grabbed both the spinach and the green beans and hightailed it out of there.
Jean-Claude's gaze was torn away from the brightly colored fruits surrounding him when he suddenly heard the unmistakable sound of sandals retreating at an alarming rate. He looked up just in time to see the back of a dark trench coat rounding the corner and disappearing from view, leaving Jean-Claude alone with his oranges.
//He abandoned me! Unforgivable! Sneaky, low-life…//
Richard was one DEAD werewolf…as soon as Jean-Claude managed to extricate himself from Mt. Citrus.
An annoyed voice came over the loudspeaker, announcing to the whole store:
"Clean-up on Aisle Ten. Clean-up on Aisle Ten."