I Never Cry

songfic by: Jaded Girl
song sung by: Alice Cooper


WARNING: if you don't like the idea of Graushaila-Shaila (or you are a Graushaila-Xelas freak), get lost!
If there's a tear on my face
It makes me shiver to the bone
It shakes me, babe...

No one even considered how he's acting around lately. It's been months since he battled with Lina Inverse...months ever since she died.
"Nobody cared for me except for her..." he thought bitterly as he was lying on his bed, still casting a healing spell on him while wishing that he could regenerate faster. However, he can't...because he's using his powers to heal 2 bodies... and the pain he's feeling developed a tear in his eye, then it fell down his cheek.
He frowned as he felt the warm tear traveling down his cheek.

It's just a heartache that got caught in my eye
And you know I never cry,
I never cry...

He sat up immediately and wiped it off his cheek, then he rubbed his eyes vigorously. "I can't take this anymore!!!" he screamed impatiently, not caring if anyone would hear him now.

Sometimes, I drink more than I need
Until the TV's dead and gone...

And he headed quickly for the tea table near the window and poured himself a drink in his goblet. It was red wine and he gulped in the contents so quickly. After that, he drank some more, hoping that it would somehow help him forget her for a moment.

I may be lonely, but I'm never alone
And the night may pass me by
But I'll never cry...

"I shouldn't be crying. That's lame! If someone sees me crying, they'll think that I'm a wimp!...especially that Xelas! Man, that pain in the ass..." he muttered to himself, turning to his right and seeing the picture of someone he didn't even expect to see... His eyes grew wide in surprise upon seeing her again. It was a blue-haired girl with green eyes. Again, he felt tears stinging his eyes and he ran to the picture and turned it down so he wouldn't see it.

Take away, take away my eyes
Sometimes, I'd rather be blind...

"Sometimes, I'd rather be blind...why was I blessed with this kind of fate anyway? A demon! Why was I born to a mother who is the Lord of all evil?! Why didn't I become a god or a human... who will not be able to look into her eyes because it belongs to her, a demon!?" he thought angrily.

Break a heart, break a heart of stone
Open it up, but don't you leave it alone...

Then, he looked back at the turned-down picture, and he slowly touched it again. Then, he turned it up again, looking at the lovely girl on the picture as if she's the loveliest girl there is...well, for him.
He felt so sad. "You did it, Shaila...you melted the ice..." he whispered gently. Then, he found himself hugging the picture. "But you're not here anymore to see it..." he said in a trembling voice.

Coz that's all I got to give to you
Believe me, babe, it ain't been used
My heart's a virgin, it ain't never been tried...

Later on, he was in another room with icy walls and cold, marble floor. He walked groggily, feeling tired and weak. If she was alive, he knew what she would tell him, "Graushaila-sama! You should be resting! You're badly injured!".
He just smiled upon knowing what she would tell him.
In the end of the room, there's a coffin made of ice... and she's there inside. When he finally got there, he touched its cold surface. "It's taking too long..." he muttered impatiently.

...And you know, I'll never cry
And you know, I'll never cry
And you know, you know, you know
You know, I'll never cry
I'll never cry...

He stared at her pale face and began to feel sorry for her...and surprisingly, for himself.
Memories began to return quickly to him, haunting him, teasing him, making him lose his sanity. He used to remember other demon ladies flirting with him but he didn't like all of them, because they made Shaila's good mood change into extreme crankiness... and he hated to see her mad at something whom he couldn't even relate with.
He loved her smile...
He loved everything about her...
"How I wished the ice melted when you were still here with me..." he thought with a bitter smile, also hoping that his tears won't fall down and land on her coffin.

Break a heart, break a heart of stone
Open it up, but don't you leave it alone...

He touched the ice by her face and closed his eyes. "Give me patience, mother..." he prayed to the LON. Then, he opened his eyes once again and looked at his hand. The wounds and scratches are still there.
Why, you ask? Because he is healing himself and reviving Shaila at the same time!

Coz that's all I've got to give to you
Believe me, babe, it ain't been used
My heart's a virgin, it ain't never been tried...

"No one could ever take your place, Shaila..." he whispered as he slowly and carefully opened the cover of the ice coffin...

And you know, I'll never cry...

...and he bent down, kissing her lips gently and lovingly, even though he knew she would never respond...

I'll never cry...

...as he finally let his tears fall...


wanna say something? Just e-mail me: jaded@putanginamo.com